Authors: Doris Lessing
âAnd what could I have said that would have stopped you going to the gambling room that night?'
His face seemed to crumple, and it was hard for him to look at her; and then he rallied and said, âMara, all you have to do is to remind me that I gambled you away, and you are the most precious thing, the mostâ¦' And they embraced again.
This scene might have gone on, but there was another loud exchange of voices outside, the door opened, and Dalide came in, her hands full of travelling bundles and bags. These she set down, and then looked around the room, not the inn's best, with the supper trays still on the floor in a corner, the faded floor cushions, and in a comer a pile of shabby sleeping pallets.
âWell, Councillor Daulis, this is not exactly the kind of place one expects to find you.' To Leta she said, âPile up some of those,' and Leta made a high seat with the bed pallets. On this Dalide carefully disposed herself, and then looked at each of them in turn. And they waited, apprehensively, for each had reason to fear her.
This powerful woman looked like some doll or puppet, with a voluminous red cotton garment, for the dust, over her tight leather travelling outfit, and her sharp, black button eyes, her dyed orange-coloured hair.
âCouncillor, you owe me for Mara â and I hear that I could have got twice as much for her.'
âNot legally,' said Daulis, and took out a bag of coins and laid it beside him.
She made a gesture â wait until later. And turned to Leta there on her cushion, âWell, Leta? Have I really treated you badly?'
âNo, Mother. But you know that I've always wanted to leave. And I have my quittance money.'
Now Dalide turned to Mara. âI suppose you think that what you are going to find up in that Centre they talk about is going to be some kind of happy-ever-after? Well, I shouldn't count on it.'
And now a long, very cold inspection of Dann, designed to shame him. He did manage to return her gaze, but they could all see he was not far off tears.
âLeta,' Dalide said, âthe woman who runs my house here wants to retire. Would you like to take her place?'
Leta did not seem able to take this in. She shifted about on her cushion, took her hand to her face in the beginnings of that gesture: It is all too much for me, dropped her hand, then she was sitting with both hands over her mouth, staring at Dalide. âYou mean, stay here in Kanaz and run your Kanaz house?'
âThat's what I said. You can do it. You are a clever woman. You know how I operate.'
Daulis and Mara watched the struggle going on in Leta, and understood it. She had said she was ambitious, and the truth was that they could easily imagine her as the Mother Dalide of Kanaz.
âWhat makes you think I could deal with these praying people? I have no experience of them.'
âThey are just men. Like the Councillors. I have today paid them off for the coming year. And if there's trouble, I'm only a week away in Bilma. Or two days by coach.'
âThat means that yet again I'll not be able to walk about the streets without looking into the face of every man I meet to wonder if some time I've been his mattress.'
âThere's no need to sleep with them if you are running the place.'
Leta was very still. Her eyes were fixed â staring inwards. And then she said, âMother, I can't, I'm sorry. I think I'll go North with Mara and Daulis.'
âAnd Dann,' said Dalide. âPerhaps he'll gamble you away next.'
Mara said, âDalide, I gather you don't exactly discourage men from gambling away their women. And if you don't like Dann, then what about that little snake Bergos?'
âI don't have to like them for it,' said Dalide. âNor like Bergos. I'm a business woman. I see opportunities and I take them. And I'm not the only one who has agents in the Transit Eating House, to see what
women are there to be bought or what men have got the gambling fever badly enough. Some of the Councillors, for instance â yes, Councillor Daulis?'
âI don't,' he said.
âSome of your friends do.' And now she said to Leta, âGive me your quittance price.'
âMother,' said Leta, âit is all I have.'
This time it was in Dalide that a struggle took place. Her eyes were on the bag that held the quittance price, and then her face softened and she said, âVery well, keep it.'
And now Leta flung herself forward, embraced Dalide's knees, pressed her face into the scarlet folds, and sobbed.
The great knot of pale hair, which glistened in the lamplight, stood out over her neck, and Dalide took out the pins, and the hair flooded down, like sunlight. Dalide sat stroking the hair, fingering it, lifting strands, letting the light play on it. The face of the ugly, little black woman was a marvel of regret, sorrow, and bitter humour. âEver since you came to my house as a little girl, I've longed to have hair like this.' And she patted her own orange spikes in a way that was rueful, comic and self-critical. âLeta, if you don't do well up North, then come back to me. I'm fond of you â though I daresay you've sometimes wondered.' She pushed Leta away, and said to Daulis, âGive me Mara's price now.'
âMay I give it to you in Bilma?'
âNo. I need it to pay for two new girls I'm taking back with me.'
Daulis gave her the bag with the money.
âAt least with you I don't have to count it.' She got to her feet. âAnd have you any messages for little Crethis?'
Daulis shook his head. âAnd you, Leta?'
âTell herâ¦tell herâ¦'
âI know what to say. And are you coming back to Bilma, Councillor?'
âI suppose I am. When I've done what I have to do.'
âWhen you've delivered these two Mahondis.'
âWho are these girls, Mother?' asked Leta.
âLocal girls. One of these precious priests asked me if I wanted them. He bought them from their parents, just as I bought you, Leta. They'll be a nice change for the men, in my Bilma house. What do you say, Councillor?'
Daulis shook his head: Leave me alone.
âHow old are they?' asked Mara.
âThey don't know how old they are. I would say ten or eleven. But they're underfed, so they look younger. I'll have them fed and prettied up in no time. Goodbye, Mara. You can't say you've done badly in my house. You've found a protector. Goodbye, Leta. Perhaps I'll see you again. I'll say goodbye to you, just in case, Councillor.' She ignored Dann. And went out.
Leta ran to the window and they all crowded around her. Down in the street waited a carriage, with two mules. It was protected by a light awning, but they could see huddled together two little girls, who shrank away from Dalide when she got in and sat opposite them. Two frightened little faces: and they could hear the children's miserable sobbing.
Leta left the window, sank to a floor cushion, sat with her face in her hands, and swayed, back and forth, containing grief.
Daulis laid his hand on her shoulder and said, âThat's all over for you, Leta.' Then, âI'm going to sleep.'
He threw a pallet into a corner, lay on it with his back to the room. Soon Leta did the same. Mara and Dann lay face to face on a single pallet and whispered to each other what had happened to them both in the last few days.
In the morning they sat around their breakfast trays, and made plans. How much money did each of them have? â was the main question.
Leta offered her quittance price, and Daulis said, âNo, you keep it. We'd only use that as a last resort.'
Dann said he had some change, but he was keeping it for an emergency.
âThis situation not being emergency enough?' asked Daulis, and Dann laid out what he had, enough of the little coins for perhaps a day's lodging and a day's food.
What Daulis contributed was not much more: he had been counting on paying Dalide in Bilma.
Mara slipped her two hands up through her loose sleeves, untied her cord of coins and laid it down. âEleven,' she said.
âTreasures concealing treasures,' said Daulis, and Leta looked sharply at him, while Dann said jealously, âI hear you are Mara's husband?'
âYou may have noticed that I've not been insisting on my marital rights.'
Dann apologised. Then he said, âI'm going to have to get out my coins.'
âOh no,' said Mara, and untied a coin to give to him.
He went white. Really, she might have hit him. âI can't take your money afterâ¦afterâ¦'
âDon't be silly,' said Mara.
Leta said, quickly, tactfully, so that Mara realised she had been too casual, insensitive, âLet me have a look, Dann. Mara's told usâ¦'
Dann said, âI think one of them is just under the skin.' He lifted his robe up. The scar showed white and glistening, and there were lumps under it. âLook,' he said to Leta. âFeel that.'
âI'm sure we could get that one out easily.'
She took out a little leather bag, and from that a tiny knife, and some bundles of herbs. She wetted one of them and rubbed damp leaves on the place where the edge of the coin showed. âIt will kill the pain,' she said.
Mara watched, suffering. Leta saw this, and said, âI told you, I learned everything I could from the men who came to Mother's house. I've learned some medicine.'
After about five minutes, she rubbed the little knife against another bunch of leaves, and made a tiny slit just above the scar and at once the coin was visible. Leta picked it out. Dann said, âIt doesn't hurt,' and she said, âYes, but it will hurt a little soon.'
âWe should stay here until Dann is better,' said Mara and Daulis said, âIt's dangerous to stay.'
Mara untied another coin, and said, âGo down and bribe them. It's not likely anyone is going to offer them more than this.'
âNot in a year,' said Daulis, and took the coin and went out.
When he came back he said he had booked the room for another day and he thought they would be safe.
Leta wrapped a cloth around her hair, to make herself unnoticed, and said she was going out to see the town. Mara wanted to go too but Daulis said she should stay. Dann asked Leta to buy him something to wear. He had only his soiled and torn coachman's garb.
Leta went, and then Mara asked, âNow, tell us about this Centre. Why are you taking us there?'
âAll I can say is that they have plans for you both. Shabis told me, and it's not much more than he knows.'
âBut that “not much more” is the point.'
âYes. But I'm not going to tell you more. Shabis said not. You'll find out. You've got some sort of choice to make.'
âIt's because we are Mahondis?'
âYes.'
âWhere are all these Mahondis we were told are everywhere?'
âThere are very few of us left.'
âDoes that matter?' said Mara, for now she had seen so many different kinds of people, in different regions, it was hard to think one was better than another.
âI think there are people who dream of the time when Mahondis ruled all Ifrik.'
âAll?'
âAll.'
âDid we rule well?'
Daulis laughed. âWe ruled well from the point of view of the Mahondis.'
âSo there are many people who do not remember Mahondi rule kindly?'
âYou know, people forget quickly. This Mahondi empire was â let's see â at its height about three hundred years ago.'
âSo recent. And there are still people who think it should come back?'
âIt is Leta who should come back. I'm getting worried.'
And they were all three anxious, as the hours passed. Then Leta did come back. She had bought all kinds of things useful for travelling: two of the long black and white striped gowns, the Sahar robes, worn by men. Then she inspected Dann's little wound and said it was almost healed. She said she was glad she was leaving Kanaz, it was a horrible town. The praying men were everywhere, and they had sticks, and if someone was behaving improperly, in their view, they might hit buttocks, shoulders, or even heads. âLucky I wrapped myself up well: they beat women if they don't like the look of us.'
Dann wanted to know how much money they would need to bribe the frontier guards, to get into Tundra; but Daulis said, âBelieve me, you don't bribe these guards.'
âThat's unusual.'
âIt is the regime that is unusual, you'll see. It's quite new, and still virtuous.'
âHow new?' asked Mara.
âOh about a hundred years. So the usual rot will set in soon, I suppose. If it hasn't already.'
After supper they each lay on a separate pallet, talking into the dark, until one after another they fell asleep.
Next morning they had to choose between using a coach again, or a conveyance like Dalide's, a light carriage, with mules. They could not face another day of shaking, so chose the carriage, which would take two days to the frontier. It was as uncomfortable in the carriage as in the coach. The driver kept the mules at a steady pace, but the road was rough. They were all sick, the driver having to pull his mules up so they could get out. And they were cold. A thin, chilly cloud blew past above them and, on the higher parts of the road, came down low enough to hide the country they were travelling through. Leta seemed ill. When Mara said she hated the woolly whiteness hiding everything, Leta said she liked it, and confessed that the vastness of the landscape frightened her. âToo much space,' she whispered, hiding her eyes as they came out again from the obscuring mists. The other three consulted with each other, but with their eyes. It was occurring to them that this woman had been sheltered inside Mother Dalide's house, had scarcely ever gone out, had been fed and kept warm, in a horrible and degrading safety, but safety. And here she was out in the world, with no idea at all of what would happen to her.
Mara put her arm around her, and felt her trembling.
Leta let her head fall on Mara's shoulder and whispered, âMara, have I made a terrible mistake?'