Man Up Stepbrother (8 page)

Troy's right. Allie's our stepsister. She's part of the family. If I fuck things up with her, I'll hurt Allie, who's already been through enough, and I'll destroy my mother and the new life she's created for herself. I can't be responsible for that.

I can't blow everyone's lives to hell. Not again.

I squeeze my eyes shut, pushing back all conscious thought. It's not working. I can't get the image of Allie sleeping in my bed out of my mind. Her head resting on my pillow, blonde hair fanning out behind her. She's the most beautiful woman in my universe.

Allie.

My Allie. I take one last deep breath, gathering my courage.

"Jagger, wait!"

The urgency in Allie's voice stops me. She's here to tell me to fuck off or to go to hell. Fine. I'll take my medicine like a man, apologize, and move on. Move on somewhere else. With someone who isn't Allie. Someone who isn't my stepsister. I turn and face her, arms folded across my chest.

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

I narrow my eyes. I heard wrong. I had to have heard wrong. "What?" I ask, needing confirmation. Needing to hear it again.

"I said I'm sorry. And," there's a slight pause as she swallows hard. "I don't want you to go."

The intensity of those gray eyes captures me, puts me in a trance. I'm transfixed and unable to look away. Her eyes are vibrant, full of life, and I'm afraid if I allow them to look deep enough they'll see that I'm really an empty vessel inside.

Allie closes her eyes. I've been shut out in the cold in the middle of a snowstorm. I want to lift her chin, urge her to open her lids, and look at me again. As much as I'm aching to touch her, I don't. I keep my hands stuck to me like glue.

"Why?" I ask. "Why don't you want me to go?" I don't recognize the rough texture of my voice. Her eyes open and fuck, I'm lost. I don't know why I'm not pulling her into my arms right now.

"Because I miss you," she whispers. "I made a mistake." She places her hand over my wrist and pulls it down as she takes a step closer. Her fingers travel to my hand where she entwines our fingers. Damn, I feel her touch deep in my core. 

The rest of our bodies aren't touching, but I feel her body heat. Her warmth. Her damn life force feels like it's a part of me, and I'm unhinged. I’ve never felt this for anyone before.

"Please, Jagger. Say something."

"What do you want me to say?" I ask softly, cupping her face with my free hand, stroking her cheek with my thumb.

"That you miss me too," she whispers. "That you forgive me."

"I miss you too, sunshine. I miss you like crazy," I say as I lean in and brush my lips ever so gently over hers.

There it is again. That powerful current of energy and electricity I get when we touch like this. And now Allie is leaning against my chest, fisting my shirt in her hands.

"There's nothing to forgive, Allie."

"It was you," she whispers.

"Me?"

"You were the guy Troy was talking about. Your mother asked him to check on me, and we got to talking. He asked if I'd been on any dates recently and it all just spilled out of my mouth. I told him about this guy I really like and explained that it would never work because minutes after our ‘date,’ he was on to another woman."

My hands slip around her waist as my mouth caresses the crook of her neck. She's my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I can't walk away from this woman. This is the way Allie and I are meant to be. In each other's arms.

"Told you, sunshine, you're my first choice. Always."

"Mmm," Allie moans.

"And if I have you in my bed, I'll never look any further."

Her body tenses. Shit. I hit a nerve. I should've known better. Allie pulls back to look at me with scrutiny in her eyes. The spell between us is broken.

"You sure about that? I heard you on the phone with Lexi."

"I wish you asked me about it then and there," I answer, leaning in and kissing the corner of her mouth. "Because I would've been happy to tell you it was just sarcastic bullshit," I whisper into her ear. "You're the one I want, Aleena. Just you. Under me. Over me. Next to me. I'll take you any way I can have you."

Allie takes the tiniest step back. Fuck, she's retreating.

"Why'd you leave me?" Her eyes narrow on me. "Even if it was a completely innocent call, you had me in your
bed
," she emphasizes the last word. "You had me where you claim you want me and you turned me down flat, then sought out another woman. My best friend. And you never even bothered to come back."

"I don't sleep well, and I didn't want to wake you. Clearly I failed at that. And I didn't turn you down," I snap, pissed that she's twisting what happened. "What I did was
not
take advantage of you. And I called your friend because
you
were being so pig-headed you wouldn't even consider the fact that Bailey might be dangerous."

"So what? I'm stupid? Too stupid know what he's capable of? I know who he is!"

I pinch the bridge of my nose and bite my tongue to stop me from snapping back and reminding her that she knew him so well he cheated on her and knocked the chick up. None of that will make this any better. Allie's already on the defensive and this conversation just went in the wrong direction.

"I should go."

"That's right. Run away. That's what you do when shit gets hard, isn't it? That's your MO. You turn and haul ass."

"I'm out of here." I turn and reach for the door handle again.

I'm surprised when she pulls my hand off and moves to block me.

"What's the matter? Truth too much to handle?"

I don't answer. I cross my arms over my chest again.

"See? You're doing it right now."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm standing right here in front of you."

"Emotionally, jackass. You think I don't feel the difference in you?"

"Get out of the way, Allie," I say in a stern voice.

"Make me," she digs her heels in and crosses her arms over her chest, and the somber look on her face mirrors my own.

"You really want to do this?"

"There you are!" Lexi interrupts us. "Everything okay?" she asks, looking from me to Allie and back

"Fine. Wonderful," Allie answers with sarcasm dripping from her words. "Just calling out my stepbrother for being the coward he is."

Lexi's eyes open wide as they fall on me, and I let out a slow, measured breath. No fucking way I'm going to let either of them see how deep Allie cut me.

Explosions fire in my head. Memories I struggle to keep at bay surface. Gunfire. Bombs. Limbs flying in the air. Blood splattering on my clothes, my hands, my face.

My heart races.

I ball my hands into fists, itching to beat the ever-loving shit out of someone or something.
Not here. Breathe.
I
take in long, deep breaths and squeeze my eyes closed, fighting to stay here in the present.

"We need you both outside," Lexi explains.

"I really should..."

"Go?" Allie taunts me with a sarcastic smile.

"Yeah. Go." I echo, seeing the challenge in Allie's eyes. I won't let her win. "But I guess I can stay for a little bit longer."

"Great!" Lexi squeals with excitement as she pulls Allie by the hand.

Allie lets Lexi lead her but turns around and offers me a smug grin. Once we're outside, I head straight for the cooler and pull out another beer before heading to the guys. I look at the bottle in my hand, knowing I need something a hell of a lot stronger to settle me down. I'll start with this then when I get home I'll turn to tequila or vodka.

Allie's on the other side of the deck, with Lexi, Marlena, and Selene. The whole scene reminds me of middle school, where the girls gather on one side and the boys convene on the other. That's fine, because right about now, with the rage and adrenaline I have shooting through my veins, that side of the deck is the last place I want to be.

Chapter 8

Allie
 

"I'm so happy for you," I say, squeezing Lexi tight. And I am. Honestly. Truly. Completely thrilled for her and Noah.

And just the tiniest bit jealous.

I'm also the slightest bit sad. For me. Not that I'm ready for kids yet, but I'm ready to start thinking about them as a realistic option in the not too distant future, like within the next five years.

The way things are going, I'm starting to think I'll never be in a position to have kids. Not with a man I love by my side. I guess I can do it on my own. Go to a sperm bank or pick up some random hot guy and lie about birth control. But that wouldn't be fair to the baby or the guy if he's decent and wants to be part of his kid’s life.

I hate Bailey.

He ruined everything. So why the fuck do I keep defending him to Jagger? It's not that I think Jagger's wrong for suspecting Bailey given the circumstances, but I feel it in my gut, it's not him. I know he acted like a jealous shit at the pizzeria, but that's only because he saw me with Jagger. If Bailey cared, really cared and wanted to try and work things out, he would've shown up at my father's house with his heart in his hand months ago. He never did.

"Earth to Allie." Lexi's voice breaks through my thoughts.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"When are you going to stop pretending nothing's going on and tell me the truth?"

I screw my eyes up at her. I have no idea what she's talking about.

"You and Jagger," she clarifies with a look of expectation.

"Nothing's going on," I lie, hoping Lexi's too focused on her announcement to notice how my face just heated up ten degrees and the fact that I haven't been able to go more than a minute without glancing in his direction. "Jagger and I are..." Why am I lying to Lexi? "Look, I don't know what he told you, but I was drinking. Hell, we were both drinking."

"Shut up!" Lexi whisper yells as her face lights with excitement. "Holy shit, I had no idea the fireworks between you two are those kind of fireworks. When you disappeared and I found you together, neither of you looked happy. I thought you were just pissed at each other. I had no idea you hooked up."

I cover my open mouth as I pull together a denial that sounds somewhat plausible, at least until I speak.

"It's not like that." I close my eyes and rub my forehead. Maybe I should come clean with her. I need some perspective, and since she knows us both, Lexi's a good choice. Plus it doesn't hurt that she's my best friend and will be looking out for my interest.

"God, Lexi, he's such a jerk. He's judgmental and stubborn. Doesn't listen to reason at all. And the man believes he's right no matter what. If that's not enough, he's arrogant and conceited..."

"And hot."

"And hot. So fucking hot," I repeat without thinking.

The grin on her face widens and spreads.

I stop speaking when I realize what she said. The last thing I needed was to hear Lexi say he's hot and to agree so emphatically. Shit, I didn't need to hear that she finds him attractive. What if they really are sneaking around behind Noah's back?

"I'm not seeing the problem here," Lexi teases.

"Fine. There's you and whatever is going on between you."

"Me?" she asks, insulted. "Are you crazy?"

"He had me in his bed, and he left me there alone to call you."

The whites of her green eyes bulge. "You slept with him? And didn't tell me?" she asks, completely ignoring what I just insinuated about her and Jagger.

I shake my head. My words are coming out all wrong. "No. Yes. I mean I slept in his bed, but we didn't have sex. Never mind."

Lexi grins from ear to ear again as she studies me. She has a smug, all-knowing look on her face, and I hate it. She sees through my lies and denials, and it infuriates me.

"I've never seen you this flustered over a guy. You're usually practical and all business."

"I know." I say in all seriousness, without even a trace of humor or irony. "For once, it's all about how he makes me feel. And it terrifies me."

Lexi drapes her arm around my shoulder and tilts her head so it's touching mine. "Sometimes the things we find scariest are the things closest to our hearts."

"This isn't like you and Noah. I'm not secretly in love with Jagger. I don't even know if I can love anyone ever again."

"Of course you can. You just need to find the right guy, and then it will come. Don't go looking for love, let love find you."

"There's a lot more to this, Lexi. How can I ever trust anyone after what Bailey did?"

"Bailey was a selfish prick."

"I know," I answer without missing a beat.

"Jagger's a good guy."

"Should it bother me this much that you're defending him? You're the one that's always saying what a pain in the ass he is, and how you wish he'd drop off the face of the earth."

"I guess I read the situation wrong and before now, I didn't believe he really had feelings for you."

"Feelings?" What could he possibly feel for me besides lust? "Attraction is one thing, but actual feelings?"

Lexi rubs my arm. "Just be straight with him. Don't lead him on. He's been through enough."

"You're warning
me
not hurt
him
?"

"Allie, he lost a lot since high school. A lot of people he cares about."

"Great, so you're telling me on top of everything else, including the fact that he's my stepbrother, he's on the rebound?"

"You're the only one rebounding here. And as his friend, I have to warn you if that's all you're using him for, I'm going to be super pissed at you. If you just need someone to get off with to forget Bailey, Jagger's not your guy."

What the hell just happened? Did I get sucked through a wormhole and land in a parallel universe? She's supposed to be on my side, threatening to cut off Jagger’s dick if he hurts me. I take in a deep breath, stupefied at the direction this conversation went in. I confided in Lexi, sort of, because I thought she'd put Jagger in his place, and I'm the one getting lectured?

"Gee thanks. It's nice to know you're in my corner."

"I want you to be happy, Allie. That's all."

Lexi wraps her arms around my shoulders and gives me a squeeze as Marlena and Selene creep over to our space on the deck. The conversation turns to pregnancy and baby must-haves. I tune them out. I need to find an excuse to bow out of here. I don't want to put a damper on Lexi's happiness, but I don't know how much longer I can feign excitement.

Before I can utter an excuse for my sudden need to leave, Jagger has his arms wrapped around Lexi.

"Congratulations, beautiful. Noah better take good care of you." He's speaking to Lexi but his eyes are glued to me. "Speaking of your husband taking care of you, I came clean. About us."

"What?" Her body stiffens.

"That's right. Figured the time was right for the truth to come out. He said you've been very naughty. Bet he's thinking of some fun way to punish you right now." Jagger pulls back and wiggles his eyebrows at Lexi. "You can thank me later." He laughs before turning to say his farewells to Marlena and Selene.

I wonder if he's going to ignore me and leave without even a goodbye. Will he wrap me up in his arms for a long, drawn-out hug because his body is screaming out for mine? I wait to see, holding my breath, biting my lip.

"Allie," butterflies in my belly wake as he speaks my name. "Do you still want me to take a look at the dryer, see if I can fix it?"

The corners of my lips turn up as I nod. "That would be..." I don't recognize my voice. It's deep and sultry. I clear my throat. "I would love that."

He jerks his head toward the sliding glass doors and I make haste in saying goodbye.

*

"No worries, I'm not really planning on coming over. You looked uncomfortable, and I thought I'd give you an excuse to escape," he leans over and whispers, walking me out.

"Thanks."

He nods, hands stuffed in his pockets, and I'm disappointed they're not reaching for me. We're only a few feet away from my car. Away from him turning and leaving. My heart is thrashing about in my chest, furious with me for keeping it caged and holding it prisoner instead of giving it a chance to jump into Jagger's hands. It rallies against me, creating an ache deep within, making it hard to breathe.

We're at my car and time is passing at warp speed. I want it to stop. Need it to stop. I take a deep breath, readying myself, steadying myself. I can do this. I can ask him to come over for a drink or to hang out. It's no big deal.

"Jagger?"

He doesn't answer with words. Instead his dark eyes lock on mine and his gaze pierces me.

"Thanks." I drop my eyes because his stare is deep and all knowing. It's intense, like him.

Jagger steps closer to me. His pointer finger traces down the side of my cheek and along my jaw. When he gets to my chin, he presses down and my mouth opens slightly. It's enough for his eyes to darken and glaze over as they drop to my lips. Enough for me to suck in an audible breath, needing to fill my body with oxygen so I don't pass out from his touch.

Jagger dips his head down and his mouth meets mine. I moan as his tongue sweeps over mine. My arms wrap around his neck and the kiss changes, evolves into something hungry and demanding. His mouth is no match for me, it explores and demands my total submission. I give in and let go. I have no reason to fight.

This is Heaven. It has to be, because I can't imagine anything better. This moment is the definition of perfect happiness.

"Jagger," his name slips from my lips.

"Shh." His mouth moves to my ear as he places his hand on my chest. "Close your eyes, Allie."

I do as I'm told because I'm afraid if I don't, he'll back away and this manic feeling will be lost forever.

"Forget everything and everyone except you and me. Right here. Right now."

I bite my lip and nod.

His free arm snakes around my waist, holding me tight.

I feel his warm breath next to my ear, and it's sending pulses of desire through my body. "This feels right, doesn't it?"

"Yes."

"Come home with me, Aleena. Spend the night with me."

My eyes open. He's looking at me with nervous expectation. My body thrums with the promise of what he'll do to it and the magnified sensations I'm feeling with him right now. It doesn't matter that less than an hour ago, we were arguing about Bailey.

Bailey doesn't matter at all.

Only Jagger and me and whatever this is between us matters. This attraction. This connection that we shouldn't have but can't deny. Why fight the inevitable? If I give in, things will play out sooner rather than later, and we can move on.

One way or the other.

"Yes, Jagger. I'll come home with you."