Making Trouble (12 page)

That confron
tation with Catherine filled my mind. That he had trusted
her
with something so secret, something he refused to share with me until I found out on my own—that was what hurt the most. That was the one thing I just couldn’t accept. Even the murder itself, whatever the circumstances, paled in comparison to that pain.

“
Ah.” Jimmy gave a knowing nod. “So he violated your trust.”

“That’s what I can’t get past,” I admitted out loud
to someone for the first time.

“Well, you can take my advice with a grain of salt, because I’ve been married three times and I’m currently single but… you know, nobody’s perfect.”

“Oh, I know that.” A faint smile flickered across my face. “I don’t expect perfection. But honesty? About something so…”

I thought I knew him. I thought we’d shared everything. I’d told him everything about me, had shared my hopes, my dreams, my worst fears. We’d spent long hours, talking late into the night, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how little detail Rob gave about himself or his life before me. He didn’t like to talk about Catherine. He closed up when I asked about his childhood. All of the details had been so sketchy.

“Maybe he had his reasons.”

“I’m sure he did.” I sighed, leaning back in the booth. “B
ut whatever they were… his pride, his fear, whatever… were they more important than his relationship with me? Was it worth risking my trust in him?”

“
Trust is a big one.” Jimmy nodded. “And there are some things that can’t be forgiven, I understand that. But is this one of those things?”

That stopped me.
I just didn’t know. I had once thought that there was nothing in the world that would make me not want to be with Rob. Then I’d found out, and everything had changed. I’d asked myself that question a hundred times, a thousand. Was this really a deal-breaker? Could I get past it?

“I’m not judging.” He held up his hands in defense. “
I can’t make that decision for you. Only you can. You have to ask yourself if this is a real deal breaker for you, or if you’re willing to forgive him and move on. Rebuild trust, bit by bit. It can be done.”

“Can it?”
I stirred the straw in my empty milkshake.

“Do you know how many times I’ve had my heart broken?”

“No.” I looked up at him. “How many?”

“I can’t count.”
Jimmy laughed. “But the fact is, every time it happened, I got up and dusted myself off and headed right back in. I’m a fighter. I don’t give up easy. I think when we get hurt, we either want to hurt someone back, or we run away and lick our wounds. I’ve been there and done that—and I’ve learned my lesson. You know what I realized?”

“What?”

“If someone I love hurts me, that’s
my
wake-up call. And if
I’m
hurt,
they’re
hurting more. That’s what made them lash out in the first place, yeah? So instead of striking back or running away—I put my arms around them and ask why.”

I dissolved at his words. How selfish had I
been, in my anger, my jealousy? How horribly had I acted, leaving Rob alone with his pain? I could have done exactly that—I could have put my arms around him and asked, why? I could have listened to him. Instead of letting his deception serve as a wake-up call, I had let it get the best of me.

“Here.” Voss handed me a napkin to wipe my tears. “I know men can be assholes. Trust me, I’m a man, I know. And the younger the man, the less likely he is to have learned what I know. Rob’s got a good head on his shoulders, but he’s young. You’re young. God, your both so very young.”

“Young and stupid.” I sniffed. “I’ve been so stupid.”

“You want to know what I tell my daughter?”

“Your daughter?” I cocked my head at him. “I didn’t know—”

“With my first wife. My daughter’s about your age.”

“What do you tell her?” I asked, wiping my eyes with the napkin.

“
You need to learn the difference between a man who’s not worth it, and a man who isn’t perfect,” Jimmy told me, leaning forward, elbows on the table. He looked right at me, into me, and I felt every word. “Because no man is perfect.”

Rob wasn’t perfect, but he was worth it. More than worth it. Suddenly I wanted to go home. I wanted to jump on the next flight and fly straight into his arms.

“Well at least being out here on the road with me is good,” Jimmy observed. “It gives you time to think. To decide.”

“Th
at was the idea,” I murmured, but I wondered now if had been such a good one.

“Is that why you agreed?”

I nodded.

“Well, I guess his loss is my gain.”
He grinned. “Come on, let’s go back and get you settled on my tour bus. I’ll have Graham move your stuff.”

When we got back to the venue, I packed up my things and
cleared out my bunk, but Graham never had the chance to take it to the other bus, because Katie called me while I was packing my make-up into a bag.

“Hello?” I saw her name come up on the front screen of my phone
as it rested on my bunk—it was still silenced because it wouldn’t stop ringing with calls from strange numbers—and answered.

“Sabrina? Oh thank God!” Katie exclaimed. She sounded out of breath. “You have to co
me home.
You have to come home!
Please! Now!”

“What’s t
he matter?” I stopped shoving makeup into my bag, my heart suddenly galloping in my chest. “What’s happened?”

“Everything.” Katie’s voice shook. “You saw the article in the
Enquirer”

“Yeah.
Just now.”

“Tyler overdosed,
” she sobbed. I sank to my knees on the bus floor at the news. My legs just wouldn’t hold me. “He saw the article, I guess. I don’t know. I’m at the hospital now and they won’t let me back there. Sarah found him.”

“Oh my God.
Is he… is he…?” I couldn’t say the word. Didn’t even want to think it.

“He’s alive,” she sniffed. “But they don’t know…
Sarah is here. Rob came and they got into a huge fight. I guess their mother is out of jail and she moved in with Sarah—”

“What?”
I blinked at the phone, trying to make sense of her words. She was babbling.

“And Sarah told Rob that Tyler’s overdose was all his fault. You wouldn’t believe the things they said to each other.”

“Oh God. Oh my God. Katie…”

“He’s going to die, Bree!” Katie wailed. “I can’t lose him. I can’t do this.”

“It’s okay, it will be okay.” I said the words, even if I didn’t quite believe them myself.

“I can’t d
o this alone. Please come home,” she begged. “I need you.”

The tour. Voss. I would be abandoning him. Arnie would
kill me. I couldn’t possibly…!

“Please, Bree. I’m sorry… I just… can’t…” Katie dissolved into sobs
again, her words turning unintelligible, and my arms ached to hold her.

“I’m coming.” I decided in an instant. “
I’ll get the next flight out. It will be a few hours. But I’m coming.”

“Thank you,” she gasped.
“Oh God, he can’t die. Please don’t let him die.”

“He’s not going to die,” I said firmly. “Is Sarah still there?”

“She’s right here.”

Thank God.
Someone sane and relatively sensible was present and able to be some sort of support for Katie. I knew Sarah would be invaluable in a crisis situation like this.

“Good. I want you to stay with her. Don’t let her leave. If yon need something, ask Sarah, okay?”

“Okay,” Katie agreed, her voice shaky.

“Hand the phone to Sarah.”

“Hello?” Sarah sounded just like Sarah. I was relieved just to hear her voice.

“It’s Sabrina,” I told her. “
How are you doing?”

“I’m holding up.” Her voice was confident, sure. That was Sarah. In a crisis, she was a rock. I remembered how she’d been whe
n Katie had nearly overdosed, calm, knowledgeable. She was going to be a great therapist. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Katie’s not doing so good though. She’s… I think she’s having a breakdown.”

That didn’t surprise me. If it was Rob who was in the hospital, and I didn’t know if he was going to live or die… I shook the image from my mind, trying to focus.

“What’s Tyler’s condition?”

“He wasn’t breathing when I found him.” She was whispering again, but this time I couldn’t tell if it was because she d
idn’t want Katie to hear or the reality of things was finally getting to her. “I got his heart started again before EMS got there. They brought him here. I haven’t seen him since and they won’t tell us anything.”

“Oh my God.”
I rested my forehead on my knees. “Is Rob there?”

“Not anymore.”
Her voice changed, turned colder.

“You two argued?”

“I let our mother move in with me,” she informed me matter-of-factly. “He’s not very happy about that.”

No, he wouldn’t be. But he had to be there
with Tyler. He
had
to.

“Have Katie call him,” I told her.

“She’s hysterical.”

“I know,” I replied. “But h
ave her call him and tell him to come to the hospital.”

“We don’t need him,” Sarah snapped.

“Tyler is his brother, too, Sarah!” I cried. “He needs to be there. If Tyler dies…”

I took a deep breath, trying not to cry at the thought.

“If Tyler dies,” I went on, calming myself as much as I could. “Rob is going to regret not being there for the rest of his life.
Call him
.”

“Okay.” Sarah sighed.

“I’m getting on a flight right now. I’ll be there in a few hours. Can you hold everything together until then?”

“Yes.”
She sounded like she could, and I believed her.

“I know you can.” I reassured her anyway. “
Love you, Sarah.”

“Love you too, Bree. Come home.”

“I’m on my way.”

I
kissed Jimmy Voss on the lips—I put his face in my hands and kissed him square on the mouth when his first reaction when I told him what had happened was, “What can I do?” The man booked my flight home, he had people ship the luggage I couldn’t carry on the plane, and he personally drove me to the airport. That’s where I kissed him again, this time on the cheek, thanked him, and told him he was the most amazing man in the world.

He put me on the plane, and I think if security would have let him, he would have tucked me into first class with a blanket and a pillow. He
even give me his personal cell phone number and told me to call him as soon as I landed. I cried the whole flight home. I held it in until the stewardess came by and asked me if I wanted anything, and my first impulse was to say, “I want Tyler to live.”

The poor stewardess thought she’d done something awful. She brought me a little packet of Kleenex and I told her that someone close to me was very sick and I was flying home to see them. After that, all of the stewardesses went out of their way to be kind, which just made me cry harder. I told myself to get it all out of my
system, that I was going to step off the plane and be a rock for Katie, no matter what happened.

I cleaned myself up in the bathroom, washed my face and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I put on a pair of sunglasses, smiling to myself, remembering Rob wearing his all the time
when I first met him. Now I understood why. He was always worried about being recognized, and now that I’d been in the papers, linked to him, I sometimes got recognized too. Especially now that I’d been touring with Jimmy Voss.

And of course, the minute I saw
Jesse parked at the curb in the airport, Celeste by his side, I burst into tears again. I fell into Celeste’s arms, and she hugged me, and Jesse hugged us both in those big, tanned, muscular surfer arms of his.

“Tyler?” I asked, wiping my eyes as we parted, seeing how pale Celeste was, even with makeup on.

“He’s alive.”

That was all anyone knew.

I saw them all in a huddle—Katie, Sarah, Rob and Daisy—when we entered the waiting room lobby and I thought the worst. I don’t think my knees would have held me up if it hadn’t been for
Jesse on my other side. He grabbed my elbow to keep me from going down. Then Katie glanced up and saw me, her eyes red and swollen from crying, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it across the room to comfort her. I couldn’t move. I was fixed in place, still and cold as stone.

“He’s going to be okay!” Sarah looked up and saw me too, smiling and waving us over toward them. The relief that flooded me was so warm I felt faint.

“Thank God,” I whispered, feeling Jesse propelling me forward, Celeste on his other side.

I hugged Katie first, both of us crying—tears of relief this time—then Sarah. She’d been crying too. Sarah, the rock
, in tears. Then Daisy, who of course asked me if I’d eaten. That made me laugh and hug her harder.

Then I was face to face with Rob, while behind us Celeste and
Jesse said their hellos and inquired about Tyler’s condition. I heard encouraging words—
out of the woods, lucid, no brain damage
—and they thrilled me, but seeing the look in Rob’s eyes thrilled me more. There was so much love there my heart broke into a million pieces and I reached for him, tears still streaming down my face.

“I’m sorry,” I choked, and it was all I managed to get out before he grabbed me to him, burying his face in my hair, holding me so tightly I could barely breathe.

We rocked together, the rest of the world gone, gone, gone. I was home, in Rob’s arms, and he loved me. It didn’t matter if we’d been angry, if we hadn’t talked in over a month. Whatever we felt, whatever had happened, we would deal with it. He whispered my name over and over in my ear like some magic spell, as if saying it would keep me here, forever, in his arms.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered hoarsely, kissing my cheek, my jaw, my chin, my mouth. I clung to him, not caring that my ribs ached in his grip, my mouth bruised under his desperate kiss. I breathed in the familiar scent of him, tasted salt on his lips, and knew he’d been crying too.

“Is he really going to be okay?” I breathed when we finally parted, searching his pained eyes.

“Doctor came out
about twenty minutes ago,” Sarah told me when Rob didn’t speak, but instead held me close again, burying his face in my hair again. I looked over at her sitting on a bench seat next to Katie, a pale, shaky looking Daisy on her other side. “He said it was close, but they’ve managed to stabilize him.”

“And he has brain waves,” Katie piped up. “The damned idiot.”

That broke us all up.

“Can we go in and see him?” I asked, my cheek still flush against Rob’s t-shirt, feeling his heart thudding under my ear.

“They let me see him,” Katie said, wiping tears from her cheeks that wouldn’t stop falling. I knew how she felt. “But no one else. Not until tomorrow. He’s still out anyway.”

“Rob nearly broke down the door,” Sarah told me, raising an eyebrow in her brother’s direction. “And nearly got us all kicked out.”

“He’s my brother goddamnit,” Rob growled. I felt his hold on me, which had begun to slack a little, tighten again.

“How was he?” I asked.

“He’s still kind of out of it.” Katie shook her head. “But he swore at the nurses twice when they were trying to give him a shot—so he’s Tyler again.”

That made me smile.

“Well, I guess we should all go home and get a good night’s sleep.” Daisy stood, looking at Jesse. “Can we all fit in the Rolls?”

“
You’re all coming to my place,” Rob insisted. “I want everyone under my roof.”

“Uh…” Daisy looked between
Jesse and Celeste, eyes wide.

“You heard me,” Rob said firmly. “Everyone is staying with us. We have plenty of beds.”

Well, that was true enough.

Sarah sat
up front with Jesse and Celeste and the rest of us piled into the back. Rob wouldn’t let me go, and we were so cramped, I had to sit in his lap. Not that I minded. We hadn’t talked, aside from our mutual apologies, but words just made things harder. For now, his hand was warm and big and swallowing mine, and his heart was beating against my ear, and I was so very glad to be home.

Jesse
got my bags out of the trunk when we pulled up to the house—I’d almost forgotten them—and carried them up to our room. Daisy insisted on making everyone food, because of course no one had been able to eat, not knowing what Tyler’s fate might be. Now we were all suddenly starving and we devoured the eggs, bacon and muffins she “whipped up” and put onto the table, all the while telling Tyler stories, making us all laugh.

“I need to sleep,” Sarah finally said, rubbing her fists over her eyes like a toddler. “I can barely keep my eyes open.”

Katie was already asleep in her chair on the other side of Rob, her cheek resting against his arm. I smiled when he picked her up like she weighed nothing, carrying her upstairs. I made sure everyone knew where they were sleeping—Celeste and Jesse in one guest room, Daisy in another, Sarah in her old room—before following Rob upstairs.

“I’ll take care of it from here,” I whispered, coming up behind Rob and looking down at Katie curled up on the bed. I pressed my cheek against his arm, tears coming to my eyes as I looked down at her, remembering her desperate phone call.
I need you.
Poor thing. She’d been through enough already. Tyler’s relapse and near overdose was just too much.

I took off her jeans and shoes
and she mumbled a protest, but then snuggled under the covers, her swollen eyes opening briefly, acknowledging me with a fleeting smile, before falling back asleep again. I smoothed her honey blonde hair away from her face, touching the back of my hand to her flushed cheek. She really loved Tyler—maybe as much as I loved Rob, if that was possible. And in spite of all Tyler’s flaws, she loved him and was willing to stick by him. They would get through this relapse together. We’d all help, of course, any way we could. I knew Rob and Sarah would lead the charge to get him back into rehab. But it was Katie who had gotten Tyler sober for so long in the first place, and it would be Katie who brought him back.

I left her door open a crack so I could hear her, in case she woke in the middle of the night and didn’t
remember where she was, and went down the hall to my bedroom.
Our
bedroom. Rob sat cross-legged on the bed, head cradled in his hands, and I went to him, my heart breaking when I felt his shoulders shaking as I put my arm around them. The last time he’d cried like this, we had just lost Esther, and we both took refuge in each other’s arms. Now, he’d nearly lost his brother, too.

“It’s okay,” I whispered,
climbing up onto the bed and holding onto him, rocking him like a baby. He sobbed, really let go in my lap, arms wrapping around my waist as he buried his face against my belly. I stroked his hair, whispering comforting words, telling him over and over that I loved him, my heart breaking as my own tears fell into the soft raven’s wings of his hair.

“I can’t lose anyone else
,” Rob finally choked out, turning his head in my lap to look up at me. His cheeks were wet with tears, just like mine. He reached up to touch my cheek, wipe away my tears with his thumb. “I can’t lose you, Sabrina.”

“You won’t,” I assured him, clasping my hand against his, turning and kissing his palm again and again. “I’m yours. I was a fool to walk away. I don’t need space, I don’t need time to think—I need you.”

“I missed you so much.” He swallowed and his lower lip quivered slightly as he spoke. “I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I spent all day and all night writing. And all the songs were about you.”

He sat up, taking my face in his hands, and kissed me, the salt of our tears
melting on my lips. His mouth was soft, open, a sweet assurance that he was mine, and I was his. We weren’t just meant to be together, we had chosen it, and that choice was more powerful than anything. Rob had chosen me, and I had chosen him. Maybe no one else knew about our marriage, but we knew. In my heart, I knew what I wanted, who I wanted. No matter what.

“Make love to me,” I whispered as our eyes fluttered open and met, all the heat we created together
caught there between us. “Love me, Rob. Love me.”

Rob leaned in again to kiss me
again, this time a hard, slanting, claiming thing that brought me down to the mattress and forced me to surrender to his demand. We stripped each other down to nothing in an instant, aching to be skin to skin, to touch each other everywhere, something so familiar and so longed for. We were both hungry, desperate, and I cried out when he entered me like it was the first time.

I couldn’t take my eyes off him, the hard, muscular slope of his shoulders, the ridged washboard of his abdomen, the gentle thrust of his hips, the steel heat of his cock as we joined together. But what drew me most w
as the darkness of his eyes, that black heat, a dark hunger there that matched my own. Our gaze locked and I felt everything moving—our bodies, the room, the earth on its axis, it was all a part of this moment. It was pure bliss, a final sweetness that went on and on. I shuddered and called his name as I climaxed, his eyes boring into mine, pinning me in place, like a butterfly spread wide.

Rob gave a low growl deep in his throat as I came, biting his lip and emptying himself into me with several long, shuddering thrusts. For a moment he stayed there, propped above me, our eyes locked, something deeper than sex or even love passing between us. In that moment, we were one, with each other, with every
thing.

When he rolled off me, collapsing onto the bed, I couldn’t stand the distance, and he couldn’t either. He grabbed me to him, kissing the top of my head as I slipped my thigh over his and pulled the covers up around our sweat dampened skin.
I couldn’t get enough of him. All of the anger and fear and betrayal I’d felt before I left had dissipated completely. Now I only wanted to know the answer to one question.

“Why?” I asked, curling my hand in his as he pressed it to the middle of his chest, against the steady thud of his heart. “What happened?”

“He saw that damned Enquirer article.” Rob closed his eyes, shaking his head slowly. “It had to be Catherine.”

He’d misunderstood my question, assuming I was asking about Tyler, but of co
urse that was where his head would be. Catherine. She’d somehow leaked what she knew, what she’d told me, to the press. She’d kept the secret so long, but clearly I’d set her off. Maybe she realized Rob really did love me, maybe she’d given up on her fantasy of getting him back and decided she didn’t have anything left to lose. Whatever the reason, it was all out there now for the world to see.

“No, I meant…” I took a deep breath, looking up at him. “With your father. What happened?”

His jaw tightened, his eyes hardening at the memory. The look in them made me shiver.

“He was going to kill her.”

“Who?”

“My mother.” A small, fleeting smile crossed his face. “That was back when I was young and innocent and thought she deserved saving.”

“What happened?” I asked again, thinking about my conversation with Jimmy Voss.
I imagine the circumstances were extenuating.

“I told you my mother was a crack whore.”

I nodded. He’d told me she was an addict early on, when we’d been talking about our families. That’s when I found out he had a brother and sister who had been taken into the foster care system.

“My father was her pimp.”
Rob’s voice was cold, hard. There was no emotion in it at all. “And her dealer. When he wanted some extra product for the week, the supplier would get a special treat in my parent’s bedroom.”

“Oh my God.
” I was horrified. “Did you… overhear them?”

“I saw them,” he said flatly. “
Firsthand. Up close and personal.”

“What?”
I couldn’t fathom. “…what?”

“I was being groomed to take over the family business. My father made me watch.”

I couldn’t respond to that. There weren’t words.

“My mother wasn’t the only one.” Rob’s voice hardened. “My father had a whole stable of neighborhood girls at his disposal who would trade sex for crack.
He liked them young.”

“Oh
no.” I pressed my cheek against his chest, closing my eyes against it.

“My father spent a lot of time with those… girls.” There was hatred in his voice. Pure hatred. “My mother, she hated him. But she tolerated him, because she was addicted and he had what she needed. My father’s supplier was this big, scary looking Italian. He was rumored to have mafia connections. We were all afraid of him. But not my mother. I think… I kind of think she was in love with him. If my mother could have been said to love anyone. She certainly didn’t act like she loved her children very much.”

“How awful for you,” I whispered. It was so much information at once, after having known nothing for so long about Rob’s childhood, I felt as if I’d time traveled from the Sahara Desert to Niagara Falls. I was drowning. I couldn’t even imagine how they’d all felt.