Mahashweta (6 page)

Her discomfort persisted over the next two days, but she did not tell anyone about it. She preferred to suffer in silence as she knew that no one there was concerned about her. She applied some medication and though the wound started healing, it itched occasionally.

A couple of days later, she noticed something very odd. There was a small white patch on her foot where she had got burnt.

I
nitially, Anupama did not bother much about the patch. But as the days passed, she realized that it was growing bigger. She could no longer afford to ignore it.
What
was
it
? she wondered. She began to suspect that it could be leukoderma, and became numb with fear. She was too shocked even to cry.

Radhakka noticed that her daughter-in-law was becoming listless, day by day, and assumed that it was because she was missing Anand. Anupama did not share her problem with anybody.

In the meantime, Anupama’s father wrote to tell her that Nanda was getting married. The groom was a clerk in Lakshmi Co-operative Bank, and as his grandmother had passed away recently, they wanted the wedding to be held only after six months.

Shamanna’s letter asked if she would stay back for six more months and then join her husband. Anupama was very happy for Nanda, but she was in no mood to postpone her journey by another six months. She wanted to escape from her in-laws’ place as soon as possible. Meanwhile, she decided to go for a check-up and if her suspicions about the patch proved to be true, she would also find out how it could be treated.

Anupama had seen many people with leukoderma, but had hardly given them a fleeting thought. However, things were different now. She asked God what sin she had committed to be punished so. As far as she could remember she had never hurt anybody. Then why had this curse befallen her? She prayed to God to prove her fears false. Anupama knew she had to be extremely discreet, and keep her problem a secret. But how could she visit the doctor without anyone else finding out about it? Whenever she wished to go out, the driver had been instructed to take her out in the car. And if she went to the doctor, the driver would definitely report it to her mother-in-law. Nor could she consult their family physician—that would invite an even greater disaster.

Anupama could not share her agony even with Anand. She brooded constantly and prayed to God to save her from this ordeal. But the patch continued to grow, making her terrified of what the future held in store for her.

One evening, when Girija was not at home and Radhakka was getting ready to attend a religious discourse, Anupama decided that it was the opportune time for her to visit the doctor. She said, ‘I would like to visit my friend in the hostel. I haven’t met her in a long time. I will see her and return soon.’

Radhakka asked, ‘How will you go? I will be taking the car and the driver.’

‘Don’t worry. I can take a bus or an auto.’

‘Don’t go by bus. Take an auto and come back before it gets dark.’

Anupama felt as if she had freed herself from a giant web. She immediately took an auto and soon reached the clinic of a famous dermatologist, Dr Rao, in the heart of the city. Fortunately, the doctor was in, and Anupama sat waiting for her turn with the other patients who had come before her.

The clock ticked away mercilessly, and Anupama started to worry that she would not be able to reach home on time. She was beginning to wonder why the doctor was taking so long, when she was called in. The doctor was confident and sympathetic, and his reassuring voice stilled her fears. ‘Sit down. Don’t worry. Tell me, what is the problem?’

Anupama hesitated for a moment, then raised her sari so that her foot was exposed, and showed him the white patch. Dr Rao tested it with a needle and ascertained that there was no loss of sensation there.

His face was expressionless as he said, ‘You have vitiligo.’

‘What does that mean, doctor?’ asked Anupama, thinking it could be some minor problem.

‘It is also known as leukoderma.’

Anupama could not stem the flow of her tears any longer.

The doctor was aware that tiny white patches like that had ruined many marriages, shattered many hearts, broken many engagements. Most patients who learnt that they had leukoderma were overwhelmed by the social implications of their affliction. He did not try to stop her from crying—he felt it was the best way for her to cope with her tensions and fears.

When she regained her composure, he said, ‘This is not an incurable condition. There are new medicines available in the market today. Before I write out the prescription, can I know a little bit of your family history? Does anybody in your family have vitiligo?’

‘My mother passed away when I was a child, so there is none whom I can ask. But I can’t think of anyone in the family who has had this. Doctor, is it hereditary?’

‘Not necessarily. Nothing had been proved as yet. ‘

‘Doctor, did this happen because my foot got burnt?’

‘No. That was just a coincidence. These patches may come anywhere, at any age. There is no explanation for them at all. Some women even get them during pregnancy.’

Anupama wiped her tears. ‘Doctor, why did I get this?’ she asked.

‘I don’t have an answer to your question—in fact, no one can answer it. I will write out a prescription for you. Try it and see if it helps you.’

‘Do you think I’ll be cured within a month?’

‘Let me be frank with you,’ Dr Rao said. ‘Skin conditions do not get cured within a matter of days—the time frame varies from person to person. We will try to arrest it and see if we can stop it from spreading further. But I cannot assure you that you will be cured within a certain time.’

Anupama’s heart sank as she rose to leave.

Understanding her agony, the doctor continued, ‘Don’t lose courage. This is not a disease. It is caused by defective pigmentation of the skin. Face it boldly—anxiety and tensions may only aggravate it.’

‘Doctor, will you please keep my visit confidential?’ Anupama requested the doctor in a low tone.

‘Of course, it is my duty.’ He wrote the prescription and gave it to her saying, ‘This medicine is a solution. Apply it only on the affected area. Infrared rays are strongest in the morning. Expose this medicated patch to the sun’s rays for ten minutes. Repeat this procedure every alternate day, and then come back to me.’

The consultation had taken almost an hour. She now understood why dermatologists spent such a long time with each patient.

Anupama’s emotional condition worsened as the days passed, and she was utterly despondent. She was afraid to inform Anand about her condition, and worried about the consequences if she did not get cured. She followed the doctor’s instructions very carefully, but it was of no use.

The doctor had tried to reassure her, and told her to be patient. Anupama wondered. . .even if she had endless patience would it solve her problems? What about the people around her? Every time she had to visit the doctor, she had to weave a big lie so that nobody would guess where she was going. . Anupama now felt as though there was a sharp sword hanging over her head. She was haunted by the fear that someone would find out her secret; and the harder she tried to conceal her problem, the larger the web of deceit grew. And so did the patch.

She started wearing her sari much lower than before in order to hide the patch, and as a result at times even walking became difficult. Was she suffering now because of her karma, because of something she had done in her previous birth? Was her affliction the result of someone’s curse? She was no longer keen to call up Anand or write letters to him. Her wretchedness made her oblivious to everything else. She felt as though she was walking through a dark tunnel that had no end in sight.

One evening, a few days later, Anupama conjured up a suitable lie and left to meet the doctor. Girija was away and Radhakka had gone to visit one of her friends, but when she reached her house she discovered that her friend was out of town. Radhakka decided to get some saffron from the bazaar on her way home, to add to the milk she drank before going to bed. While she was waiting in the car for the driver to fetch the saffron, Radhakka’s eyes accidentally fell on the board outside Dr. Rao’s clinic. Radhakka was under the impresion that those who visited dermatologists had venereal diseases. The very thought of those patients was distasteful to her. She was about to look away when she saw Anupama come out of the clinic.

Radhakka was shocked. She could not believe that her daughter-in-law was visiting such a place, and that too, without her knowledge! She had always thought of her daughter-in-law as a simple and submissive girl. Anupama had never crossed her in any way, by word or deed, making this breach of confidence unbelievable.

When the driver returned from his errand, she asked him to take her home immediately. Radhakka’s furiously pondered over what she should do next as she made her way back. She had an uncompromising nature and it did not take her long to arrive at a hard decision.

Anupama reached home sometime later, completely unaware of what awaited her there. She walked up straight to her room and found a letter from Anand. He had written about British theatre—the constant innovations and the new plays that were being staged in different parts of the country, Globe Theatre in London and Shakespeare’s birthplace, Stratford-upon-Avon.

Anupama,
I
am
really
busy
coping
with
the
workload
at
the
hospital,
but
whenever
I
see
anything
beautiful,
hear
a
sweet
song,
or
smell
a
lovely
flower,
my
mind
flies
back
to
you.
I
am
counting
the
days
to
your
arrival.

‘Anupama!’ Radhakka called out from downstairs.

Anupama was so immersed in reading Anand’s letter that she did not hear her.

Anu,
life
is
so
beautiful
and
interesting.
I
am
sure
you
will
enjoy
every
minute
of
it.
By
the
way,
how
is
avva?
She
may
be
harsh
at
times,
but
please
don’t
misunderstand
her.
For
my
sake,
you
should
overlook
all
that
.
 
.
 
.

‘Anupama!’ Radhakka’s voice was sharper this time, and Anupama started as it cut into her thoughts. She suddenly realized that something was wrong.

‘Yes, I’m coming,’ she called out as she reached the stairs.

Radhakka was standing at the foot of the stairs. ‘Is your friend’s house in the market?’

Anupama fumbled for an answer.

‘Come down!’ commanded Radhakka.

Anupama only remembered putting her foot down on the step below. Her foot either got entangled in the folds of her sari, or sheer fear blinded her—she lost her balance and screamed as she rolled down the stairs.

Her scream brought the driver, the cook, Narayana and Girija rushing to her. Anupama was unconscious, and blood trickled from the cut on her forehead. Her sari was in disarray, and what she had been struggling to hide so desperately was now revealed to everyone.

All of them stood staring at the white patch on her foot. Radhakka did not say anything. She looked as if a calamity had befallen them, and Girija felt a kind of vicious satisfaction. She thought to herself,
You
wanted
to
expose
me,
but
now
you
are
exposed.

Narayana said, ‘Oh, this is a bad omen!’

Nobody bothered about Anupama. Only the cook brought some water and sprinkled it on her face. She was not badly hurt and recovered soon. Covering up the patch with the end of her sari, she leant against the wall and tried to sit up as Radhakka started questioning her again.

‘Anupama, I saw you in the bazaar today.’

‘Yes. I had gone to see the doctor,’ she replied in a low voice.

‘Then why did you lie to me? I thought you had gone to visit your friend.’

Anupama did not reply.

‘Since when have you had this white patch?’

‘From just a few days back.’

‘Oh! Are you sure it wasn’t there before the marriage? Don’t lie to me. Anand is far too naïve and you took advantage of him. You deceived him into marrying you for his money. ‘

Anupama protested, ‘No, that is not true. I did not have this before marriage.’

Radhakka now directed her anger towards Narayana. ‘Narayana, tell me. Did the horoscopes really match well?’

‘Certainly, avva. The horoscope that was
given
matched well. . .’

Radhakka murmured, ‘Who knows, it might have been someone else’s!’

Anupama did not even try to defend herself. Radhakka’s verbal onslaught had left her shaken to the core.