She had never realized she had been dangerously close to dying, but there was no reason to keep that fact from her now. After listening to Alex and Adrian she understood their relief, but the tears on Alex’s face confused her. She remembered only one time when he had cried.
San Francisco was cold and wet this time of year, the days often gloomy and dim, making it easy for Katherine to sleep. When she was awake Alex was always there, ready to poke her mouth full of food that was cooked to perfection, or to entertain her with stories, or read to her from the latest newspapers taken from arriving ships. In truth, she wanted for nothing, not cheerful company, excellent food, entertainment of various forms.
Only one thing came close to stealing the joy from having Alex with her like this and that was knowing his tenderness and cheerful attitude had been prompted not out of love, but guilt. She never asked him about the letter. It didn’t matter now. He knew. That was enough.
She tried not to think about that fateful day. As Alex read to her she looked out the window. The weather was cold and cloudy. Inhospitable. How she longed to see the sun. Thoughts along those lines always made her think of home. As always, when she reached that point, she directed her thoughts elsewhere.
Pronounced “fit as a fiddle,” but still “too weak to dance,” by Dr. Glover, Katherine left the tiny room in the doctor’s office for a more spacious one at the hotel Alex and Adrian had been staying in. Shortly after moving to the hotel, the weather turned cooperative, and although still cold, the sun was shining and the sky was unusually clear. Katherine knew her body was mending, but her heart seemed as wounded as ever.
For several days she spent long hours lying on her bed or taking short walks, her mind always occupied with thoughts of leaving. But she would always think that plenty of marriages—good marriages—began with a lot less than she and Alex had. But then she remembered those marriages hadn’t been founded on lies and deceit.
Katherine lay on her bed thinking. Once she had made up her mind to go, she decided to go out with a bang. She might have come to California in shame, meekly coming off that ship, not knowing she wasn’t welcome. But she didn’t have to leave that way.
She decided to send Alex a note explaining she couldn’t join him for dinner. Tonight she was going to make an entrance into the hotel dining room that would far surpass Cleopatra’s entrance into Rome. Or her own entrance into San Francisco a few months ago. She went to the desk and composed a short note of regret to Alex, saying she was still feeling too exhausted to take dinner in the dining room, and asking him to please go on down without her. She informed him that she had already ordered a light dinner to be delivered to her room.
She didn’t order dinner, but she did order a bath. After a leisurely soak that left her room smelling like roses and her skin pink as a newborn, she spent an hour arranging her hair. With trembling fingers she buttoned the row of tiny buttons on her shimmering green velvet dress, the color as green as the finest Brazilian emeralds. Never had she spent so much time getting dressed. She smiled to herself thinking she had never known anyone that spent this much time. Not even Karin.
When she finished dressing, she looked at herself in the mirror.
Oh, mama, if only you could see me
. Somehow, she had a feeling her mother could. She looked at herself one last time before starting off. The dress was spectacular. She would wager there wasn’t another one like it anywhere near San Francisco. At a time when women wore dresses with full skirts and a magnitude of petticoats and necklines that plunged dangerously low, Katherine knew one thing. In this dress, she would definitely stand out.
She checked the time. Half past nine. She had purposefully waited long enough for Alex and Adrian to have finished eating. Knowing Alex, she was certain her rejection this afternoon had stung and he would probably nurse his wounds over a few glasses of brandy. At least she was hoping he would be.
She didn’t want him drunk. She didn’t want him at all.
From the moment she entered the dining room and paused at the top of the stairs long enough to locate Alex and Adrian, finding Adrian sitting alone at the table, she knew something was wrong. The moment Adrian looked up and saw her, a sickening expression of hopelessness and dread so plain upon his face, she was positive.
Adrian, along with every other man in the room watched the gorgeous mahogany-haired goddess in green velvet descend the stairs. While most men were envying the man she was coming to meet, Adrian was feeling immensely sorry for him. For Adrian knew exactly who Katherine had dressed for and what it meant. A knot of sickening dread gripped his stomach. He didn’t know what to do. He was afraid to look in Alex’s direction, afraid Katherine’s eyes might follow his. The only thing he could think of was to go to her, to somehow get her out of here before she saw him, or to support her once she did. Adrian downed the last of his brandy thinking,
You’re going to need it.
As he rose and hurried up the steps toward her, he couldn’t help thinking it was poor Katherine that was going to need it worse than he.
He caught up to her at the first landing. She smiled and held out one gloved hand. “I’m glad you stood up. I would have never found you if you hadn’t.” She glanced behind him. “Where is Alex?”
Adrian took her arm, turning her away, intending to walk her hack up the stairs. “Come with me, Katherine. I’ll explain everything.”
She pulled back. “Adrian, whatever is the matter with you. Explain what? Why are you acting so secretive? Where is Alex?” She tried looking around him, but Adrian blocked her view.
“My brother hasn’t been himself lately, Katherine. I want you to remember that. And I want you to remember something else. Alex is in love with you.”
“All right. I’ll remember. Now will you get out of the way?”
“Katherine, please. Come upstairs with me.”
“Adrian, people are staring. Why should I go upstairs? And for the last time, where is Alex?”
“He was a little upset all through dinner and he drank more than he should have. He was hurting. He wasn’t thinking straight. That’s the only reason he was lured to her table. The only reason. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“You aren’t making any sense, Adrian,” she said, some of his words beginning to soak in and take effect. “Lured to what table?” she asked, feeling her heart pound, with a sense of dread.
“A woman we shared a coach with the other day. Her name is Victoria something or other. She invited Alex to her table for a drink. Her husband is looking for lumber for European markets.”
An icy chill swept through her. This was going to be even better than she had hoped. “And he accepted, of course. I wonder why she didn’t invite you as well, seeing as how the company is half yours.”
Katherine didn’t hear Adrian’s response. Her head was spinning to keep up with all the blood her heart was pumping into it. Her knees went weak. She had no doubt the woman was beautiful and had more in mind than a drink at her table. Only a few hours ago he had wanted her. It didn’t take him long to find a substitute. One more reinforcement that she had made the right decision.
Adrian jerked her arm. “Come on Katherine. Please.”
Katherine tugged at her arm, and Adrian eased his hold, while still maintaining it, if only lightly. She stepped around him and started down the stairs.
Alex looked up from contemplating the lush expanse of white bosom so enticingly displayed across the table from him, his attention drawn away from Victoria’s numerous endowments to see what had caused the subtle change in the room. A woman like none he had ever seen was standing at the first landing of the stairs, and Adrian was standing beside her.
Adrian
?
About that time the woman stepped away from Adrian and into Alex’s full view.
My God! Katherine!
But Katherine as he had never seen her. Alex swallowed, his hand clenching the brandy glass, knowing his expression must look as stunned as he felt.
Katherine?
He could see it was her. But he couldn’t believe it.
As she began to descend the stairs, he was immediately reminded that he wasn’t the only man in the room stunned by her beauty. And that dress! He had never in all his born days seen anything like it. It looked like it had been sewn to her body. It was all the things it shouldn’t be to turn a man’s head. It was straight, and tight, and long sleeved and high necked and not one inch of skin showed anywhere, save her face and hands, yet it was seductive as hell. And the woman that was in the dress that was as seductive as hell was his wife.
His wife!
And every man in the room had the same thoughts he did.
Son-of-a-bitch!
The glass in his hand shattered. He never noticed.
He watched Adrian come down the stairs after her and escort her to their table. He saw her beautiful eyes, saw the pride, the hurt. If she had slapped his face, he wouldn’t have felt so guilty. But in her dignity, her grace, her bearing that said she was every inch a lady, she exerted much more power than any screaming, slapping shrew would have.
Why did he always think of Karin at a time like this? And why did he think of Karin at all when he knew damn well it wasn’t Karin he desired at this moment, but Katherine. He had a sudden understanding of the kind of feeling that prompted men to marry one woman and take another for a mistress. Yet, strange as it was, when he thought of it in those terms, he found himself unable to decide if he wanted Katherine for his wife or for his mistress. Somehow, he kept thinking she fit the role of both, while he had trouble casting Karin in either role. Why was that?
Because you love your wife
. He prayed he hadn’t come to this realization too late.
He came to his feet. The thought made him stagger. He looked at Katherine, knowing their future happiness depended on his handling of things between them from this moment forward. The realization that he was in love with his wife was too new, too fragile to be dealt with now. He needed time to think things through, time to acquaint himself with his newfound feelings, time to adjust to what he had just realized, time to understand just how long he had been in love with Katherine without really knowing it.
Alex excused himself. “Tell your husband if he’s interested to contact me or Adrian.”
Victoria’s face fell. “Surely you don’t have to go now. Your brother looks old enough to entertain himself,” she said with a pout.
“Oh, he can entertain himself, all right. But
not
with my wife. If you’ll excuse me.”
As Alex walked toward Katherine he felt a lightness in his step that he hadn’t felt in years.
My God! Katherine! Imagine that! I’m in love with Katherine!
“He’s coming over here,” Adrian said.
Katherine looked up, feeling her throat burn. “I can’t do this,” she wailed. “I thought I could, but I can’t. I’m not up to this yet.” But even as she spoke, Katherine knew it was already too late to make a graceful exit. Alex was weaving his way through the tables, coming toward them like he was in a hurry. A smile was on his face, but the look in his eye was guilty, guilty, guilty. A moment later he pulled out his chair and sat down. Katherine swallowed back the shame that sucked her throat dry and lifted her head proudly, thinking that if she couldn’t leave, she was at least glad she was seated. Her legs were trembling and her heart pounded furiously in her chest.
“My lovely Katherine, you look beautiful in that dress.”
“I’m glad you like it, but then, why shouldn’t you? You paid for it.” She surprised herself with how relaxed she felt, how calm. She was actually enjoying this.
I’m going to get him for every miserable tear I’ve ever cried over him.
“I’m glad you came down. I didn’t think you would,” Alex said.
“So I noticed,” she said, looking straight at him. He looked away.
“I’ll get a waiter so you can order,” Adrian said, raising his hand and signaling a nearby waiter.
“Don’t bother,” Katherine said, “I didn’t come down to eat. I just wanted to get out around people for a little while.”
“Why don’t you try something? A little soup? Some poached fish?” Adrian suggested.
“I’m not hungry in the least,” she said in carefully controlled tones, using enough firmness to back up the message of indifference.
Knowing how stubborn Katherine was, and recognizing she was locked into a bout of it right now, Alex changed the subject. “Do you feel up to a little stroll? We could walk over to Portsmouth Square.”
“I think the stairs will prove to be about all the exercise I can take for tonight. I don’t seem to have the strength I had before.”
Suddenly she was angrier than she could ever remember being. How dare he flaunt his obvious attraction to another woman right here in the hotel where they were staying! How callous could he be to casually leave the woman’s table and come immediately to hers and expect her to go on being his adoring wife as if she didn’t have an ounce of brains or the ability to see any farther than the end of her nose? What crust! What insolence! What a bastard!
From the corner of her eye she saw Adrian push his chair back, and she knew immediately that he wasn’t just getting comfortable. He was leaving. Leaving her here with Alex. The thought was terrifying. She didn’t trust Alex. Worse, she didn’t trust herself around Alex.
“Excuse me,” she said, springing to her feet. “I think I overestimated my strength tonight. I find I am exhausted. Please don’t get up. I can find my way to my room.”
“Stay a minute longer,” Alex said in a soft voice. “I want to talk to you…just for a minute or two. I promise I won’t keep you overly long.”
The glance Adrian threw Alex was a conspirator’s glance if she’d ever seen one. Then Adrian said, “I’m going to put some figures together to give Mrs. Talbot to show to her husband. The prospect of opening up European markets is something we can’t afford to pass up.”
No, of course not. Not even if my husband has to sleep with Talbot’s wife to cinch the deal.