Mackinnons #02 For All the Right Reasons (31 page)

One does not lose control over a mule, Katherine. Normal people don’t form such attachments to animals.

But no matter how she chastised herself, she couldn’t forget the day she had left and the way Clovis had run along the fence that ran beside the road as far as he could, watching as she and Fanny rode past, heading for town in the wagon. When he reached the end of the pasture and found his way blocked by another intersecting fence, he stood with his ears hanging forlornly and brayed his heart out, the sound of it ringing in her ears in such a way that the sound of it haunted her long after they were too far away to really hear.

Adrian picked that particular moment to knock on her cabin door. “Katherine?”

“Go away,” she said, bringing the back of her hand up to wipe her face.

“Katherine? Are you all right?”

She gave her face another swipe. “Can’t you hear? I said
go away!”

The door opened and Adrian came into the room. Seeing her distress, he crossed the room and took the chair beside her. “Sweet Katherine, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said, taking a halfhearted swipe at her eyes. “I’m just a little homesick, that’s all.”

“Well, that’s to be expected,” he said in jovial tones. “Everyone gets homesick now and then.” He laughed and said, “Even Alex.” He had meant that as a joke of course, but Katherine did not smile. “Try to relax, Katherine,” he said, giving her hand a fond pat. “It only means you’re just like any other ordinary person.”

She sprang to her feet. “That’s just it!” she exclaimed. “I’m not ordinary. I’m not ordinary at all.”

“Katherine, you could look the world over and not find one person who hasn’t at some time in their life suffered bouts of homesickness. We all miss the home and family we left behind.”

She cast a skeptical eye in his direction, her hands coming up to clamp, sugar-bowl fashion, upon her hips. “But I lay you odds I’m the only person in the world who has ever missed a
mule!
”

Sudden understanding flickered in his eyes. “Ahhhh, Clovis,” he said with a fond smile. Leaning his head back in his folded hands against the chair, he closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and chuckled. “Well, I can’t say I would ever feel homesick over a mule, but I know Clovis wasn’t just any old mule.” He smiled at her, the fondness in his eyes warm and glowing. “Yes, I suppose I can see how you would feel that way.”

“If you can see that, you’re as crazy as I am.”

He laughed. “That’s probably the most truthful thing you’ve said today, but like you, I know Clovis isn’t just any ordinary mule.”

“No, he isn’t,” she said. She turned toward him with a smile so radiant, he thought for a moment the rain had stopped and a shaft of sunlight had lost its way and blundered into the room. “Thank you, Adrian,” she said softly, coming to drop a kiss on his forehead. “Thank you so much. You don’t know how much it means…how much it helps, just knowing you understand.”

“That’s me,” he said, rising to his feet. “Always destined to be a man of great understanding, if not great love.”

She lifted her eyes and resisted the urge to touch him again, knowing that if she did, he might not be able to accept it in the vein it was offered—one of friendship. “For now, that’s true perhaps, but it won’t be true always. Love will come your way, Adrian. I know it will. And knowing you, and how obstinate you are, you’ll probably fight it every step of the way. But in the end, you’ll know it for what it is—real—and when you do, you’ll experience something far greater and more powerful than anything you have ever felt before.” Another knock broke the silence.

“Who is it?” Katherine asked, as Adrian moved to open the door.

“Alex,” a voice said as Adrian opened the door.

“My, isn’t this cozy. I come to see my bride and who do I find? My brother.” He looked over Adrian’s shoulder, locating Katherine, then said to Adrian, “What are you doing in here?”

“Cheering her up.”

Alex looked at Katherine, seeing the obvious signs that she had been crying. “It doesn’t look like you’ve been doing a very good job of it. What’s wrong?”

Adrian shook his head. “Only my brother could ask a question like that.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means it should be obvious to you what’s wrong here, Alex.”

“Well, it isn’t, so why don’t you enlighten me?”

“Look at her. What do you see?”

“I see Katherine,” Alex said, then seeing the exasperation on Adrian’s face, he added, “what do you see?”

That did it. Adrian threw his head back in a hopeless gesture. “I don’t think you would understand if I drew you a picture.”

Alex stiffened in resentment. “I’m not that thick-witted.”

Adrian merely raised his brows and said, “Oh? Can you prove it?”

Alex scowled. He wasn’t having such a good day either. He felt his anger rising as he lashed out at his brother. “Just what in the hell is going on here? I find you in my wife’s room…on our wedding night…and you light into
me
. It should be the other way around, don’t you think?”

“You know, I found myself thinking the same thing.
You
should be the one in here with your bride on your wedding night.” Adrian looked at Katherine, who was standing beside the chair clutching the petunias against her breast. He didn’t want to air this in front of her, so he shook his head and turned away, but Alex caught him by the shoulder and shoved him around. “I asked you a question,” Alex said.

“Why don’t you listen to what you just said.
Your wife’s room…your wedding night.
Don’t you find it just a little odd that I didn’t find you in here with Katherine when I knocked?”

Alex looked quickly at Katherine, then grabbing Adrian by the arm, he said gruffly, “Come with me. This isn’t the place to talk.”

“Thank the Lord for small favors,” Adrian said dryly. “At least some part of your brain’s functioning.”

They went into Alex’s cabin and closed the door. Adrian went into the room, but Alex leaned against the door and crossed his arms. “Okay, talk,” he said.

Adrian had been about to point out a few things to Alex, but decided this wasn’t the time. It was too early for Alex to understand Katherine’s feelings or to understand his own feelings for that matter. But he had to say something. He decided to keep it short. “I saw you take Katherine to her room and leave her. That was a bad move, Alex.”

“So you made another bad move and moved in?”

“I went there knowing how she would be feeling, hoping to cheer her up, to give her some comfort.”

“I’ll just bet you did. What
sort
of comfort did you have in mind?”

“The same kind I’ve always given her. The understanding of a friend.”

“You’ve always wanted more from Katherine than friendship and don’t try to deny it.”

“I won’t. Problem was, Katherine never wanted more from me.”

“I’ve known her as long as you have. How come you know so much more about her than I do?”

“I wasn’t blinded and dazzled by Karin like you were, although I never understood your fascination with her. Katherine is ten tunes the woman Karin is, or ever will be, but it will be a long time before you realize that, if you realize it at all.”

“Leave Karin out of this.”

“She was never right for you, Alex. Never. Can you picture Karin here right now? Can you see her in a place as rough as a logging camp? She’d be miserable more than five miles from a dress shop.”

“I could buy her all the dresses she’d ever want, or anything else, for that matter.”

“Yes, you could, and she’d be thrilled. But is that what you want? A woman you have to buy to keep?”

“Karin isn’t like that.”

“Isn’t she? Do you think she would have set foot on this ship without buying half of San Francisco? Do you think she would have worn an old, refurbished dress to her wedding, or carried a pathetic bouquet borrowed from a hat that should have been thrown away years ago? I’ll tell you something. I envy the hell out of you; no, not just for Katherine, but for the obvious favor God must hold for you. You say that writing Katherine’s name in that letter was a mistake, but I tell you now…
That
was no mistake. God, fortunately, has more sense than you.” He shook his head. “I envy you, and yet I pity you.”

“Pity? Why?”

“Because you’ve been so busy all your life, running after a rabbit that you didn’t notice the buck standing in the trees.”

Adrian walked to the door and Alex stepped away. “What do you think I should do?” Alex said to his brother’s back.

Adrian sighed and rubbed his forehead before turning to look Alex straight in the eye. “Think,” he said. “Just think, and be guided by what’s in your heart, not what’s in your pants.” He opened the door and stepped out into the corridor, closing it with a click behind him. Alex stared blindly at the closed door, wondering at Adrian’s words.
Be guided by what’s in your heart
, he had said. But that was the problem. He knew that when he searched his heart, he would find only Karin.

With a softly uttered oath, Alex went to his bunk and sat down, intending to remove his boots, when the picture of Katherine’s white face rose before him. He wasn’t being very fair to leave her in her room alone. But what could he do?
She’s your wife
. So, what does that mean?
Make love to her
. The idea had a certain amount of appeal, true, but he couldn’t. Not now. Not yet. Not for all the wrong reasons.

A few minutes later he knocked on Katherine’s door, pushing it open when she didn’t answer. His bride was sitting on her bunk, absently plucking at the bridal bouquet of wax petunias in her hand. She looked up when he entered, her expression turning dark and thunderous. “Doesn’t anyone around here respect privacy?”

“I knocked, but you didn’t answer.”

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe I didn’t want to be bothered?”

“No. Why would you feel that way?” His amused glance dropped to the flowers in her hand. “Are you having too much fun twiddling your petunias?”

“What else would I twiddle?” she said in a long-suffering voice.

He grinned at that one. “I’d be happy to make a suggestion.”

She wasn’t in a teasing mood. “I
meant
this cabin isn’t big enough to cuss a cat.” Remembering the way he had dumped her in this cabin earlier and realizing he was probably here solely because Adrian had talked him into it, she felt her mood go sour. “Don’t start on me,” she said. “I’m not in the mood for sermons right now. I’d rather have a shot of whiskey than a sermon.”

He laughed, reminded how Katherine’s anger always had an element of humor in it—at least as far as he was concerned. “Are you in the habit of taking a nip now and then?”

“No, but I may start.”

“Well then, mind if I join you?”

“I don’t have any whiskey.”

“I do.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back.”

And he was, a moment later. He came through the doorway, a bottle of whiskey in his right hand, two glasses in his left. He kicked the door shut behind him and walked toward her, putting the bottle and glasses on the table.

Katherine eyed the bottle. She never dreamed Alex would take her seriously. What should she do now?
Talk him out of it, or your goose is cooked. You’ve never had a drink in your life.
Her eyes left the bottle and centered on Alex. “I didn’t mean I intended to start right now.”

“There’s no time like the present,” he said, taking a seat.

“I was just getting ready for bed.”

“You were?” His eyes went to her clothing.

“I was just fixing to unbutton myself when you knocked.”

He folded his arms behind his head. “Go ahead. Don’t let me stop you. I’m your husband, remember?”

“I remember, but I was wondering if you did?”

“I remembered.”

“If you remember, why were you avoiding me? Why was I left alone on my wedding night?”

He saw the tears trembling like ice crystals on the tips of her lashes. He felt like a heel. He was a heel. He moved to the bunk to sit beside her, taking her in his arms, not as a lover, but as a friend. “Katherine, look at me.” His voice was low and soft as velvet.

Katherine tried not to appear too eager to do so. When her gaze was fixed on his, he said, “You’re upset with me because I left you here alone. I want you to understand why I did. You may not believe this, Katherine, but I did it for you.”

“Well, don’t!” she snapped. “I don’t know who would tell you that I prefer to spend my wedding night alone, but it isn’t true. I would…rather…” Her voice slowed to a mere trickle, fading to horrified silence.

“You would rather what?”

Katherine couldn’t have said the words if he’d choked them from her. Unable to answer him, she simply looked down, which wasn’t such a good place to look. Seeing that mysterious part of a man at such close range was—well, the answer to that swelled like fast-rising dough in the back of her throat. She jerked her head to look at the wall to her left. It was a blank wall, but she feigned interest.

Alex wanted to laugh. If she wanted to remind him of all the reasons why he had always found her so charming, she was doing a bang-up job. Katherine, he knew, didn’t have more than an inkling of what went on between a man and a woman, but she was ready to find out. He wasn’t in the best frame of mind to give a tender, young virgin her first lesson in love, and since this tender, young virgin was also his wife, he didn’t want to bungle the job. He didn’t want to open that can of worms, so he decided a half-truth would be best. A half-truth and a few kisses would be the safest way to ease her apprehensions without forcing him to make love before his mind caught up to his body, which was having no difficulty deciding what it wanted to do.

Taking her face in his hands, Alex said, “We’ve been friends for a long time, Katherine, but friends aren’t the same thing as lovers. It’s natural for a woman to be a bit shy the first time or two, even with a man she is used to being around. Since we haven’t been around each other for a long time, I thought the right thing to do was to give you time to relax, to put your mind at ease.”