Authors: Rachael Brownell
I laugh to myself. No one talks to my father that way. He’s in charge. I wait for him to stand and punch the doctor, but instead I watch as he folds into himself and cries, calling my name over and over again, begging me to wake up. I cry alongside him as I watch, knowing that there’s nothing I can do to take his pain away. Nothing except wake up.
Wake up, Madison. Wake up!
“Miss, I need for you to wake up.” I open my eyes to find an older brunette hovering above me, smiling. “We’ve landed in Denver. Do you need any help gathering your things?”
“No thank you,” I reply, looking around to see that I am the last person left on the plane.
After grabbing my bag from the carousel, I wave down a taxi and give the driver the address to the dorms. He attempts to engage me in conversation, but I ignore him, staring out the window as the city passes me by. I’m finally here. I should be excited. I’m anything but.
Ducking and dodging as people move boxes and furniture, I make my way up the stairs to my room. The door is wide open when I arrive so I knock on the frame as I enter. A perky blonde bounces over to me, wrapping me in a hug.
“You must be Madison,” she hollers, reminding me of Libby.
“Amy, right?” I try to sound excited to meet her. I know I fall short the second the words come out of my mouth.
“Yeah. You okay?” she asks as she takes a step back, tilting her head at me.
“Tired.” It’s the only answer I can muster.
“Well, it’s a good thing all you had to bring was your bag then. Two hotties moved all your stuff in about an hour ago. You should have seen them,” she says in a dreamy voice, looking far off into the distance.
Amy is a talker. She tells me all about herself, her boyfriend that she left back home in Vermont, and her family. She’s a really nice girl and I think we’re going to get along great. When she finally takes a break to run and grab food, I relax on my bed and stare at my boxes in the corner, willing them to unpack themselves. When they don’t, I get up and dig until I find my sheets.
By the time Amy returns, I’ve unpacked one box, made my bed, and changed into comfortable clothes. It’s more than I thought I would get accomplished tonight.
“Want to put in a movie and relax?” she asks, taking in my appearance.
“Sounds perfect.”
It takes all of five minutes for me to fall asleep. I try to stay awake, feeling like I owe it to Amy to at least spend a little bit of time with her our first night together, but I don’t have the willpower. I’ll make it up to her tomorrow, I promise myself as I drift off to sleep.
“Dad,” I mumble.
“Madison!” I hear him scream. “Madison, say something.”
“Dad.”
“Oh my God! I need to get the doctor. Don’t fall back asleep, Bug. I need you to stay awake. Can you open your eyes for me?” I feel my father’s shaking hands cupping my face as he speaks.
My eyelids feel heavy as I struggle to open them. The light slowly starts to peek through and it’s really bright, so I close them again, wincing in pain. “The light,” I gasp.
My father’s hands leave my face and I hear footsteps all around. The door creaks and then I hear my father yell into the hall for the doctor. “I need a doctor. She’s awake!”
Moments later he’s back at my side, talking to me, asking me to stay awake until the doctor comes in and if I can try and open my eyes again. Focusing on one eye, I get my lid to cooperate and a white ceiling begins to come into focus. The other follows moments later, just as a man in a white coat walks in. I turn my head, my father’s tear streaked face the only thing I can focus on.
“Madison, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Doctor Harris.” Turning toward the sound of the voice, I’m surprised to find a young doctor standing on the left side of my bed. “I’m going to put my fingers in your hand and I’d like you to squeeze as hard as you can. Can you do that for me?”
Sure. The word comes to mind, but I can’t seem to get my voice to work so I nod. I feel him slide his fingers in my hand and I squeeze.
“Good. That was very good,” he says, looking at my father. “I’m going to ask you to do a few other things for me, okay?”
The doctor spends the next hour torturing me, making me play stupid games and flashing a light in my eyes. By the time he’s gone, I’m ready to go back to sleep, but my father begs me not to.
“Dad,” I whine. “I’m so tired.”
“I know, Bug. I need you to stay awake and talk to me for a bit, though. You’ve been sleeping for so long. I need to hear your voice and know that you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. I promise.” I attempt to smile at him, but I know it doesn’t pass inspection the moment he frowns in response. “Fine, I’ll stay awake for a little while longer. My voice hurts, though, so you have to do the talking.”
“Deal.”
“Will you tell me what happened?”
He hesitates for a moment before deflecting the question back to me. “What do you remember?”
“The last thing I remember is mom’s funeral.” He tries to hide his shock, but I catch it before he recovers. “What am I missing?”
“About three weeks, Madison. We buried your mother three weeks ago.”
My alarm is blaring in my ear. I open my eyes, confused by my surroundings for a moment, before I sit up and get my bearings. Remembering where I am and what day it is, my smile begins to grow. Today is the day I’ve been waiting nine months for.
“What are you smiling about so early in the morning?” I hear Amy ask.
“I get to see an old friend today, that’s all.”
“What’s his name?” she asks teasingly.
Good question.
Living in a dorm is interesting. I find out quickly that the best time to shower on a Saturday morning is early. The bathroom is full of girls beautifying themselves by the time I get there. It smells like chemicals, fruit candles, and burnt hair. That’s better than the alternative, but the air is so heavy it’s almost nauseating.
I step into the stall and pull the curtain closed behind me. Listening to the conversations going on around me is distracting me from my own thoughts. I try to block out the noise and focus on what I have going on today, but it’s almost impossible. Quickly finishing my shower, I redress, gather my things, and make my way back to my room.
I’m about to open my door when I hear voices coming from inside. One belongs to Amy the other to a male. I’ve been gone less than twenty minutes. When did she have time to invite a friend over? The better question … what am I about to walk in on?
Knocking before turning the handle, I open the door to find Amy on a video chat with her boyfriend. That makes more sense. I apologize for interrupting and slide over to my side of the room to finish getting ready. I can’t help but listen as they tell each other how much they love each other every five seconds, making me think about my own situation.
Would Grant and I be like that given the opportunity? I’m sure we would. I can see it now … video chats and sappy text messages. Phone calls just to hear each other’s voice. Making plans to see each other as often as possible.
I think about all the time we’ve lost the last year. One phone call would have made my heart ache less. One letter in the mail. To know he was safe and he was thinking about me would have made the pain of losing him bearable for a small amount of time.
I run my thumb across the scar on my forehead as I perfect my makeup. It seems to have faded slightly over the last year, blending in with my hairline enough that it’s barely noticeable. A constant reminder of the accident, it’s something I’ll always see when I look in the mirror, no matter how much it fades over time.
“Are you going to tell me about this guy you’re going to see today?” Amy takes a seat behind me on my bed as I brush my bangs back into place, covering the scar.
“Not much to tell. He’s an old friend. I’m not even sure if he still lives around here or not,” I say, attempting to brush her question off.
“So, you’re going to drive to his house and hope he still lives there?”
“Something like that.”
“What if he doesn’t live there anymore?”
“Then I’ll come back here and we’ll find something fun to do tonight.” Amy’s eyes light up for a moment. “I don’t know how long I’ll be, though. He lives in Winter Park so it’s almost a two-hour drive, I think.”
“What are you waiting for? Get going so that you can get back here. If you find him, bring him back with you. I’d like to meet this mystery guy. He has to be special judging by the smile that was on your face this morning when you woke up.”
If she only knew …
As soon as I’m on the road, my stomach starts to turn. The last thing I expected was to be nervous about seeing Grant again. I have a few hours to calm myself down before I even arrive in Winter Park. The city is one of the smallest in Colorado, home to less than 1,000 people total. He shouldn’t be hard to locate as long as people are willing to help me.
In the winter, it’s a huge tourist attraction for those that enjoy outdoor activities like skiing. August is considered the off-season for them. I’m coming into town at a good time, I hope. Most of the people around should be locals, and if Grant is here, someone will know him.
There’s a small cafe just as I pull off the highway. I take a spot right up front and put my car in park. Pulling out the picture of Grant that I keep in my purse, I stare at it for a moment and say a little prayer to Grandma. Turning my attention back to the diner, I watch through the large windows as a waitress runs from table to table. She delivers drinks and food, stopping to check on other tables, all the while laughing and talking. It’s not until she turns toward a table near where I’m parked that I catch a glimpse of her face.
My heart leaps into my throat and steals my breath. I’m in the right place. I don’t have to show the picture around or ask questions that will cause people to look at me suspiciously. All I need to do is order food.
My hands shake as I reach for the door handle. The shaking is worse by the time I’m stepping inside the cafe. When the waitress hollers for me to grab a seat anywhere, my knees threaten to buckle at the sounds of her voice. I take a seat in the closest booth and sit on my hands, hoping to get the shaking under control before she approaches.
It takes her a few minutes, but when she finally stops at my table, the smile on her face brings me to tears. “Well, look who finally came to visit,” she announces, taking the seat across from me. “How are you, hun?”
Immediately I feel at ease and the shaking stops. To know that she’s happy to see me is a huge relief. “I’m good, Lucy. How are you?”
“I’m good. Grant is going to be excited to see you. How long are you in town for?”
Glancing around to see who might be listening, I’m surprised to see that all eyes are on me. “I got accepted to the University of Colorado, so I’ll be around for a while. I thought I would come visit before classes started.”
“That’s fantastic, Madison. Why don’t we get you fed and then we can talk some more.”
Lucy takes my order before disappearing into the kitchen. When she returns, she flutters between tables, refilling drinks and clearing plates. By the time my food arrives, the cafe is almost empty. She takes her seat across from me again after clearing my plate and refilling my water.
“You know, he’s not here,” she says, keeping her voice low enough that only I can hear her. “He left for school a few weeks ago.”
“You have got to be kidding me.” My heart is breaking and tears are threatening to spill from my eyes.
“I’m sorry, hun,” Lucy replies with a smile.
“It took me forever to find him, and he’s not here? I can’t believe it.” Frustrated and disappointed, I start to cry, unable to hold the tears at bay. Covering my face with my hands, I try my best to hide them from Lucy.
“You should go back to school, Madison. He’s waiting for you,” she whispers, pulling my hands from my face.
I hear the words she’s saying, but it takes me a minute to realize what she’s actually telling me. Once their meaning sinks it, my head whips up and my eyes meet hers. They’re smiling at me. Happiness is all I see. Her clothes are stained, her hair is a mess yet there’s a huge smile on her face.
Over my shoulder, Lucy says goodbye to the older couple that was sitting across the diner. As soon as they pull away from the cafe, Lucy locks the front door and turns the sign to Closed. We now have the place to ourselves.
“Grant,” I whisper.
“Yeah. He refused to be anyone else.”
“I’m glad.”
“He knew you would come. He knew you would find us.” Her words hit deep. To know that he had faith in me warms my heart.
I look around, making sure that we are really alone before asking her the one question that’s been bothering me since they left. “Why didn’t he tell me? He knew when I called that morning that he was going to have to leave. Why didn’t he tell me before he hung up?”
“You’ll have to ask him, hun. I’m guessing that he was holding out hope that we were going to be able to stay.”
A man walks into the cafe from the kitchen, looks around, and asks Lucy if he can go on break. She nods her head in his direction and he disappears back the way he came.
“Always in charge no matter where you work, I guess,” I say, teasing Lucy.
“I own the place so …”
“You do? That’s great,” I reply, excitedly.
“It is. It’s fun, and it was a great way to get settled in town without people asking a lot of questions that I didn’t want to answer. Your grandma was a wonderful woman and very caring. She set this up years ago. The building was already mine when we arrived. This was our original plan, we just carried it out when we had no other choice.”
“I figured that out a few weeks ago.”
“The records?”
“Yep. How’d you know?”
“How else would you have found us? No one can tell you, even though you own the place. It’s part of the rules. That’s why so many people are involved. There isn’t one person who knows all the moving parts.”
“If it’s such a perfect system, how did he find you then?” I ask, referring to Grant’s father.
“The newspaper. We didn’t know it at the time, but when the football team won that final game, a paper in Raleigh ran a story on the team, specifically on Grant. My best guess is that he read the article. There was even a picture of Grant on the front page of the paper.”
After an hour of catching up, I’m ready to get back on the road. If Grant’s waiting for me in Denver then that’s where I want to be. Lucy scribbles his phone number down on a piece of paper for me before engulfing me in a hug that rivals any hug I’ve ever received. It reminds me of the way my grandma used to hug me, as if she was passing all her strength through her embrace.
I promise to come back and visit soon and to bring Grant with me. He only left a few weeks ago, but I can tell that she misses him already. He’s been her entire life for so long. Not having him around is going to be hard for her. I can relate, only on a different level.
The drive home feels as if it takes twice as long. By the time I’m finally parking my car, I’m shaking with anticipation. I texted Grant when I stopped for gas half an hour ago. I didn’t tell him who I was, only to meet me outside the library at sunset. I have about twenty minutes to run across campus.
After checking my phone to see if he replied, I’m disappointed to see that I don’t have any missed calls or texts. What if he doesn’t show? I got the impression from Lucy that he was expecting me.
I take my chances. As I approach the library, I see a man sitting on the steps, staring at his phone. I’m still too far away to tell if it’s Grant so I pick up the pace. The lights above me flicker to life as I reach the steps, stopping in front of the man. When he finally looks up, my heart shatters in my chest.
It’s not Grant. Looking around, I don’t see anyone else.
“Are you lost?” he asks. I’m still standing at his feet, creeping him out I’m sure.
“No. I thought you were someone else. I’m sorry,” I apologize, taking a step back.
“No big deal.” He goes back to looking at his phone, brushing my awkward presence off as if it happens to him all the time.
I walk around the entire building twice before taking a seat on a bench across from the entrance. The sun has completely set now, the only light coming from the lamps along the sidewalk.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, starling me. I feverishly rush to unlock my screen only to be let down again for the second time tonight.
“Hello?” I say as I answer Libby’s call.
“What are you doing right now?” she asks, excitedly.
“Sitting on a bench outside the library. What are you doing?”
“I’m about ready to head to a party. You never called me last night so I was worried. I wanted to make sure you got there okay before I went out.”
“Sorry. I was exhausted after my flight. Did you get settled okay?” I scan the area again as I answer.
“Yeah. It was pretty uneventful actually. My roommate still hasn’t shown up.”
“I’m sure she’ll be there tomorrow. Who are you going out with if she’s not there then?”
“A few other girls I met in the dorm. Do you like your roommate?”
“I do. She reminds me of you, actually.”
“What!” Libby screams loud enough that I pull the phone away from my ear and shake my head at her. “You better not be replacing me.”
“I could never,” I say, trying my best to sound offended.
“Damn straight. Look, I have to go, but call me tomorrow and don’t forget this time,” she demands.
“Promise. Have fun.”
“You too,” she says, ending our call.
I can’t sit out here all night waiting for Grant to show up. Maybe he didn’t get my text? Maybe I should have told him who I was? As I’m about to put my phone away, I see that I have a text waiting for me from a number I don’t recognize.
You look beautiful.
I inhale sharply as I read the words on my screen. He’s close enough that he can see me. The words on the screen go blurry as my phone shakes in my hands, the tears building in my eyes. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, goosebumps running up my arms. He’s closer than I thought. His scent reaches me moments before his voice. I’ve dreamed about this moment for so long that I can’t believe it’s actually here. The sound of his voice. His intoxicating scent. I’m overwhelmed with emotion.
“Madison,” he says my name again.
When I look up, his hazel eyes are all I see. He’s staring at me as he has a million other times, with nothing but love. Stretching his hand out, I place mine in his and he pulls me to my feet. Only inches separate my body from his, causing a fire to slowly start its burn deep down inside.