Loving Lydia (Atlantic Divide) (17 page)

Chapter 10

He could smell the storm coming, taste the ozone in the atmosphere, and feel the electrical buzz in the air making his skin sensitive and the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. It had been a long time coming, and as he glanced up at the sky, Sam hoped the rain would fall on his land. The long, hot, dry summer had left the fields arid and parched, and anything less than a deluge would be ineffective.

He’d sent the boys back to the bunk house early. The horses were bedded down, and there was nothing much he could do. Except stay where he was in the stables with the horses until he could guarantee that he had himself under control. It had to be the weather, although Lord knew he wanted Lydia every moment of every day. Most the time he could control himself. He kept himself on a tight leash with the knowledge that one wrong move and he’d terrify her, and then she’d run like a scared rabbit. If she had any idea of the amount he craved her, she would have run already.

Every waking moment he thought of her, imagined what he could do with her lush little body if only he could, if only she would let him. He woke from sleep with a raw rush of desire and the object of that desire in the bedroom down the hall. The need to escape her before he gave in to his most primitive desires made him rush from the house every morning to work his body and mind until he once again had himself under control.

One afternoon with her, one glorious night, and then nothing. She’d set the boundaries, and he’d willingly complied, thinking that just being near her would be enough. It wasn’t. It never would be. He needed her so much it hurt. He felt her eyes on him and knew she still wanted him. That made it hurt twice as bad. But he’d believed she would make the first move. The fact that she hadn’t was driving him crazy, and if she didn’t do something soon, he was going to have to reassess his plans.

Giving the stallion a last pat on the neck, Sam stepped out of the stall and froze as the very object of his thoughts stood in the doorway of the stables, eyes wide and lips gently parted in surprise, almost as if she had hoped he wouldn’t be there. He watched as she tucked her hair behind her ear and gave him a hesitant smile.

“Hi.”

She’d done something with her hair and make-up; her eyes appeared dark and mysterious, and her hair had been fluffed. He noticed she’d applied some kind of scent. She normally smelled of Lydia, clean and aloof, but she’d put something warm and erotic on her skin. Her darkened eyes were still wary, and once again she reminded him of a skittish filly.

“Are you on your own?” she asked as she nibbled at her bottom lip, her tentative smile wobbling with uncertainty.

His look was so steady and intense that it seemed to burn her to the spot. She closed her eyes and breathed in deep as though trying to calm herself. He’d managed to avoid her now for eight days. He deliberately arrived back late at night and left early in the morning, just so that he did not have to be alone with her. Sneaking barefoot, he hadn’t even risked putting his boots on until he was outside the door to avoid waking her and the kids.

She’d watched him though, waited for him to make a move, but other than the hot glances she occasionally sent his way when their paths crossed, she had seemed quite content for him to come and go as he pleased. There was no indication that she might want or need his company. Certainly no sexual messages passed between them. Now here she was. She bewildered him.

His gaze never wavered as she opened her eyes and stared back at him.

“Yeah, there’s no one else here. Just you and me.” He waited a minute for her to say something, but she remained silent, her huge green eyes and her dark wide pupils settled on him. Irritation and frustration made his voice low and harsh.

“What do you want, Lydia?” She sucked in her breath and shock widened her eyes.

“You,” she replied on a soft expulsion of air. He wasn’t quite sure he heard her right, and as she took a step forward, he took one back. The hesitant smile widened across her face until he managed to wipe it off completely with his next words.

“Not now. Go back to the house.” Harsher than he’d meant, he saw the shock register, swiftly followed by hurt and embarrassment.

“I’m sorry…” she stuttered out as she stumbled back, making his heart jitter unpleasantly. Embarrassed, she rubbed the palms of her hands on her jeans. “I didn’t think … I mean. I thought you wanted me.” Raw and bald, the words gushed out of her mouth as though she no longer had any control over them.

Even in the dim light of the barn, he could see her pale skin flash through from white to puce all the way up to her hairline. His heart squeezed as he realized what she thought. Despite himself, he knew he couldn’t allow her to believe that he had stopped wanting her altogether. He stepped forward and caught her forearm as she tried to swing away from him. She refused to look at him but stood motionless, her panicked breath panted in and out of her chest.

He realized what it had taken for this woman to come to him like this. He’d been waiting for her to make this move, and now she that she had, he’d slapped her down. She’d given him her pride, and he’d trampled on it just because he couldn’t control his own baser instincts.

“Lydia.” His voice was low, still gravelly from reigning himself in. “I want you more than you could ever know.” His fingers loosened their grip on her arm, but she still faced away from him, stiff and unyielding, Mortification had frozen her to the spot. He needed her to understand. He opened his heart once more, a willing sacrifice in this war of trust.

“I can’t give you want you need right now, I can’t be gentle.” He blew out a breath as he tried to explain to her. “You need tenderness, and I’m struggling to hold back because all I can think about at the moment is how I want to swallow you whole. Ravage you. Pin you against the wall and rip your clothes off you. I want to make love to you so hard and fast, like you’ve never known before.”

He wasn’t sure if she understood until she turned and looked him straight in the eye. Her color was still high, but her eyes were narrowed now, the humiliation gone and a splash of anger sparked through their green depths.

“So you think I’m not woman enough to take you?” One slim eyebrow shot up, and as time stood still, he felt the long slow blink of his eyelids, the wariness creep through his molten hot veins, stilling the rush of blood.

Women and their damned trick questions. What was he supposed to say? Woman enough? There had never been any doubt about that. Take him? He prayed morning, noon, and night. Before his muddled brain could drag his thoughts away from sex, she shrugged his limp hand off her arm and moved in close, her eyes firmly fixed on his. Her neat little fingers reached up and took hold of his shirt, jerked him closer, and wrenched him down toward her.

“I can take you anytime, pal. Question is…” She ripped open his shirt, small blue buttons popped off into the hay. “…can you take me?”

“Don’t do this Lydia, I haven’t got enough self-control left. I can’t be gentle.”

“Who asked for gentle?”

Fusing her mouth to his chest, she sucked and then nipped him none too gently with her sharp little white teeth. His hands grabbed her shoulders, and he hauled her back.

“You have to stop right now! Do you have any idea what you’re doing?”

As though it was a revelation to herself, she grinned wildly back up at him, her green eyes sparkled with fire.

“I do believe I do.”

She reached up, simply fisted her hands in his hair, yanked his face down to hers, fixed her lips against his, and took. As his hands dropped away from her shoulders, she launched herself against him before he could think of another retreat. Her legs wrapped around his waist as she pulled him tight against her. He felt the very moment when the reins broke and his desire surged free.

Her mouth was too busy ravaging his face for her to notice him stagger under her onslaught. He took a few steps forward, his knees too weak with desire, so he threw them both unceremoniously into the soft depths of the freshly laid straw. Taking advantage of that weakness, she flipped him over and straddled him. Her quick fingers ripped the front of his jeans open.

Never being one to let weakness overtake him, he deftly flipped her back again and took pleasure in the shock that flickered behind her eyes. As his mouth took hers savagely, he thrilled at the shudder that rippled through her and chuckled wickedly as he let her flip him over again to complete her task of getting him naked as quickly as she could and as fast as he needed.

He’d thought of his lust for this woman as dangerous and damaging, but realized that when that passion was matched equally, there could be nothing but pleasure, deep, dark, and satisfying pleasure. With a lustful groan, he realized she’d only managed to rip his jeans down to his knees as she furiously tried to get her own off while still straddled across his hips, so he obliged her by flipping her over again. He made short work as he stripped her boots and jeans off in one fluid movement, and then swiftly stripped his own boots wrapped in his jeans off the bottom of his legs.

“Now, Sam, now.” Her voice was desperate, her hands grasped, her nails scraped.

His lips raced across her flesh, nipped here, sucked there, and blazed a trail down to her naval as he tried to slow down his desperate need to take, take, take.

“No!” She screeched as she dragged at his body until he obliged and rose up and over her. “Now!”

Every muscle in his body joined in the party as he plunged inside her bucking, writhing, desperate form. Her hands pummeled his back, and he realized he had unleashed a wild, desperate creature.

Where he thought he would dominate, she equaled; where he thought he would overpower, she demanded more. Their sweat-slick bodies parried and thrust, the healthy slap, slap, slap of their flesh turned them wilder and faster, their bodies thrashed, their desperation equal, until the power exploded in both of them as the pounding of the rain thrashed on the roof of the barn and the sound of thunder shook the building as bright white lightning shot across the night sky.

He wasn’t sure if his heart had exploded during that episode, but his breath heaved in and out of his lungs and soughed up his throat. He emitted soft groaning sounds on each exhale. Her body was completely motionless beneath him, her soft curves flattened by his body, and yet he had absolutely no inclination to move away and allow her to breathe. As his own breathing slowed, he felt himself drift to the sound of the rain as it pounded on the barn roof. He idly wondered if it was bad manners to suffocate the woman you had just made passionate love to.

*

She’d never had the full weight of a man on top of her before. Her husband had been skinny with a boyish body, undeveloped chest, and gangly limbs. At the age of seventeen, she had been attracted to that physique. She hadn’t realized that it had been mainly due to the ravages of drugs and alcohol and poor diet. He had never stayed still long enough for her to appreciate his form. He had never showed affection. Their relationship had only ever been about sex and power.

She’d never realized the difference, the sheer magnificence of being overwhelmed by a man’s size, weight, and pure enthusiasm. Although she realized that his enthusiasm seemed to have evaporated as he lay on top of her now, a deadweight. She could hear his deep breathing in her ear despite the sound of the raging storm. His face was tucked into her neck, but every muscle in his body was relaxed, an indication that he had fallen asleep. Every inch of her body was covered by his, and she realized that if she wished to continue to live, she had to move him.

“Sam, I can’t breathe,” she whispered.

“Sure you can.” His voice rumbled low, a gentle vibration through his chest and hers. “You wouldn’t be able to talk, otherwise.”

She felt the dimple deepen in his cheek as he smiled slowly against her neck.

“I need you to move.” She pushed his shoulder, firmly, without success.

“Sure, honey, just give me a moment.” he replied lazily.

Nipping his ear gently, she whispered, “You do know that we didn’t use any kind of protection, don’t you?”

She’d never known a person be capable of leaping from completely supine to upright as fast as Sam did in that moment, but when he hauled her up to stand face to face with him, she was pretty certain that this man was capable of any physical feat.

Her heartbeat, which had spiraled back to normal, kicked back up to double time as he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in close. He ducked his head so that his nose almost met hers.

“Jesus Christ, Lydia, I swear to God that was never my intention. You know there is nothing I would like better than to put my baby inside of you.”

As she stared into his frantic, caramel eyes, she realized that the fear she thought she should feel simply wasn’t there. Curiosity, possibly interest, but no fear. Perhaps she was still far too relaxed from their love-making, but the idea of his baby held no real fear for her. As though he read her mind, he took advantage.

“Lydia, I love you.”

He kissed her short and hard and dragged his mouth away, she suspected before he started making love to her all over again. “But I would never try to get you pregnant without your agreement. I would never try to trap you. You do believe me, don’t you?” Moved by his conviction, she lifted her hand and cupped his cheek. She rubbed her thumb up and down the deep crease where his dimple normally showed.

“I was the one who took advantage of you, Sam.” At his disbelieving snort, she stood on tiptoe and ran her tongue around the outline of his lips, felt his immediate response, and murmured, “I can take advantage of you any time I like.” She dipped in for a quick kiss. “I enjoyed taking advantage of you.” She moved back and touched his hand.

“But, I think we should be okay, the timing is probably wrong.” She bent and started to pick up their clothes, handing him his shirt first.

“Perhaps we should take a little more care though, in future.” She slipped on her underwear as he pulled on his jeans, well aware that she had just given them a future together. A slow smile formed as she envisaged just where that future was about to lead them.