“Why did he push you?” he asks in an eerily calm voice.
“Because I told him to not be mean to my friend He called her ugly” She wipes away her little tears while her bottom lip trembles.
“Did you hit the boy back?” he asks her angrily.
I almost laugh because it’s such a dad response.
“No, my boyfriend punched him.” She smiles a little when she says boyfriend. Kyle’s eyes almost pop out of his head. Putting my hand over my mouth, I try to quiet my laughter.
“You do not have a boyfriend,” he tells her sternly and gives her they eye.
“But I do... His name is Nathan. His daddy drives a motorcycle with leather.” Her little dimples pop out.
He falls back into his chair and rubs his face roughly while mumbling, “God help me, I’m screwed.”
Unable to hold back any longer, I let out a big laugh. Chrystal laughs with me. She grabs my hands and leads me out the door. “Come on, lady, let’s go meet the girls and kiddos.”
Chrystal turns around the corner and into this big room with bunk beds and full-size beds beside them. Women are sitting throughout the room, playing with their kids. Huge men are sitting by the entrances, like guards. I’m guessing they are there because all of these women are escaping some from of abuse. What breaks my heart the most are the kids’ eyes. They see their mother being beaten down and have maybe even been beaten themselves.
I was that kid. I watched my mother getting struck on a daily basis over stupid things like the food not being warm enough when something so simple as warming it in the microwave could have solved it all.
I spot a boy around seven years old. His posture calls to me and has me moving toward him, without even knowing what I’m doing. He’s sitting on the bed, hunched over, staring idly at something on the bed. Looking around, I try to spot his mother, but she is nowhere around him.
“Hi,” I tell him softly and sit down on the bed beside him. I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, then with a shaky hand I touch his shoulder to get his attention. He jerks away and looks at me wildly.
I pull my hand back as if it was burned. His light eyes search me to see if I’m a threat before he relaxes. “Where’s your mom, sweetie?”
I make sure not to take my eyes away from his. “She’s in the kitchen,” he answers curtly and looks toward a door behind us. A woman comes out and looks between the little boy and me. Her defenses come up, and she hurries over to us.
“Is something wrong here?”
Shaking my head no, I stand up. “No, I was just saying hello.” My voice stutters as I answer, not wanting a confrontation.
“Oh well. Thanks.” She gives me a look of disgust and pulls her son roughly off the bed then moves him toward the kitchen. The little boy looks at me with pleading eyes. A woman who cared about her kid wouldn’t touch him so roughly.
Sighing, I turn around and look for Chrystal, who is wearing a matching expression. That woman isn’t good business, especially for that little boy.
She walks over to me and lays a gentle hand on my forearm. “We haven’t seen her actually physically abusing him, but sometimes her actions and his reactions prove it’s more than what we are seeing,” she whispers into my ear.
“I don’t like it,” I tell her, concerned. I look back to the door the little boy went through. “Will you watch over him? If you feel like something is amiss, then there is probably a reason.”
“Come, let’s meet the rest of the women.” She tugs at my hand and introduces me to everyone. I see a small part of myself or more in these women.
“Momma’s home!” A woman yells as she pops around the side of the door, holding her baby bump. She has a blinding smile on her face, and the whole entire room perks up at the sight of her.
“Jessica, come over and let me introduce you to Brae!” Chrystal waves her over. Shifting on my feet, I watch as Jessica smiles and greets everyone. She comes and stands in front of me, and for some reason, I instantly like her. Her presence alone makes everyone happier.
“Nice to meet you, Brae. I’m Jessica. And this is Hunter!” She points down to her belly bump.
“Nice to meet you.” I give her a kind smile.
“Let’s go make lunch.” Jessica grins and walks ahead of me to the kitchen, blowing through the room like a whirlwind.
Following closely behind her, I enter into a huge kitchen with stainless steel appliances. Some women are standing in the corner, waiting for Jessica’s instructions. I’m guessing she’s the cook around here.
“Braelyn, come here and help me make some hamburgers. We don’t make pussy food here; we want to get these ladies fattened up,” Jessica yells in a sing-song voice. My mouth falls agape at her crude comment, but I can't help but giggle and move to stand beside her.
She sets down a bowl of hamburger meat and some spices already pre-measured. She points to the bowl and then to the spices. “Mix those together. Roll them out then put them on the tray so one of those brutes can go out back and throw them on the grill.”
Once the burgers are ready, I look around the room and notice another huge guy standing beside me. When I jump, I scrape my side against a table as I hit its corner. “Ouch!” I cry out and grab ahold of my side.
“Are you okay?” He moves forward and tries to lift my shirt to check if I’m hurt. Shaking my head frantically, I move away, not wanting to be touched. I close my eyes and count to ten to calm down and not pass out from a panic attack.
Opening my eyes, I see he is still standing in front of me, concern etched onto his face. “I’m sorry,” I say immediately, ashamed because I had been doing so well.
“Honey, it’s okay.” His large arms reach and grab the tray of hamburgers. He has dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a nose that looks like it’s been broken one too many times. He’s handsome, but nothing compared to Ethan. He walks out of the side door. The outside light gleams through the room as he walks outside.
“Hey.” A hand touches my arm, and I jump ten feet into the air. Holding my chest, I turn around quickly. Jessica jumps back and holds her hands up in front of her.
“You okay?” she says slowly.
“I’m okay, just jumpy. Want me to do something else?” I ask, changing the subject.
She tilts her head to the side, studying me. I know she wants to ask more questions, but I don’t want anyone else to know my demons. She lets it go and points to the cutting board. “Go cut up the tomatoes and onions.”
I hurry past her and busy myself. I miss Ethan a lot more than I thought I would. I think back to the pranks we played on each other this morning, and it brings a huge smile to my face.
“What’s the big smile about?” Jessica breaks through my Ethan fog. Blushing, I peek at her. She has a shit-eating grin on her face.
“Nothing.” I blush again and cut another slice of tomato.
“Come on, do tell!” she squeals and jumps up and down. I laugh at her antics.
“What do you want to know?”
She rolls her eyes. “Umm, everything, duh?”
Leaning my hip against the counter, I turn to her. “There’s nothing to really tell.”
“If there weren’t, you wouldn’t be smiling the way you are. I won’t tell a soul, scouts honor!” She puts her two fingers up.
“We met three weeks ago, and it’s not like that. He’s just my friend,” I tell her blandly.
“Yeah, right. Is that what they call it nowadays?” she says with a laugh and waves her hand around.
Could I feel more for Ethan? No way could I possibly want a relationship after all that happened to me... Right? Plus, what man would want a broken woman who could possibly never be emotionally ready to have sex? Sadness overwhelms me. What person would want someone like me? I’m unstable and ugly on the inside. Tears well up in my eyes. God, why me? Why do I have to deal with this every single second of my life? Why?
My legs give out from under me, and I sink to the floor in a sobbing mess, feeling so broken. So unwanted. So alone.
“Sweetheart,” Jessica says in a tear-filled voice. I need this cry, need to get it out of my system. My heart hurts so freaking much.
A few minutes later, I compose myself. I wipe away my tears and look at Jessica, who’s still hugging me tightly.
“You’re beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have you. I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not true. I can guarantee that.” She kisses my forehead and helps me off the floor before returning back to her kitchen duties.
For the first time in forever, I feel like a major weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I almost want to weep with joy because I don’t feel so broken anymore. I’m not weak. I have fought all these years and have coped in my own way. I know I will never be the same and it will take a very long time for me to become semi normal again, but in this moment, I know I will get better. I’m strong and a fierce warrior.
I laugh as tears fall down my face, the joy of being free from the grips of my attacker washing over me. He’s not winning anymore, because I’m in control.
Braelyn
“Angel.”
I turn around and see Ethan standing behind me. A huge smile breaks out over my face. Unable to stop myself, I run to him. He smiles and walks toward me. I jump and wrap my arms around his neck, immediately feeling like I’m home.
His warm breath tickles my ear as he whispers, “I missed you.”
I close my eyes and lay my head against his shoulder, “I missed you too, Ethan.” I tighten my arms around his neck. His hands slide down my thighs and lift me so my legs are wrapped around his waist. He wraps both arms around me and squeezes. His nose goes to where my neck meets my shoulder.
“Let’s go home.” He walks toward the building exit. Looking up, I see Jessica standing by the door with her shit-eating grin on her face. I shake my head before I rest back down against Ethan, who’s in his police uniform. His patrol car, a Dodge Charger, sits outside.
He sets me inside the car and buckles me in. I press myself against the seat and just watch him. It’s like I’m seeing him with new eyes. He catches me looking and smirks cockily at me. Rolling my eyes, I rest my head against the headrest.
He gets in the driver’s side and starts the car. “How was your day, Angel?”
“Life changing,” I tell him breathlessly. I feel like I’ve been through the ringer.
He looks at me, concerned, before his eyes return to the windshield. “I realized today I’m not weak. I’m tired of letting what happened to me control my life. It’s time I take it back.” My vision blurs as tears cloud them.
“Angel,” he says proudly. He pulls over on the side of the road, unbuckles my seat belt, and pulls me into his lap, holding me. “I’m so fucking proud of you, Angel.” He kisses my temple before he gently sets me back into my seat.
~*~
Cuddling with Ethan on the couch while watching ‘The Walking Dead’ is relaxing. My feet hurt from being on them all day. My head is on his chest, while his hand trails up and down my arm, leaving goose bumps behind.
“Braelyn?”
“Hmm?” I raise my head and look up him.
“You’re beautiful,” he tells me softly. My heart skips a beat, and a huge pile of butterflies combust in my stomach. Blushing, I bury my face back into his chest, unable to hide my smile.
“Thank you, Ethan,” I murmur.
“Just telling the truth.” He twirls my hair between his fingers and scrapes his nails against my scalp. Sighing, I grab Ethan’s other hand and entwine our fingers.
I’ve never felt this comfortable around anyone. It’s like he gets me. I think another reason is because he’s seen me at my worst. He’s seen me when I was living in my own personal hell. I’m not sure when it happened, or how, but it did.
He twists us around so his belly is to my back with his arms wrapped around my front and around my belly. His hands are so large compared to mine. Lifting one, I put my hand against his, measuring the difference.
“You have the softest hands,” he whispers against my ear, making me shiver. I turn my neck to look at him, licking my lips. His eyes shoot down to look at them. Mine go to his, wanting that kiss even though I’m scared.
“Ethan...” I whisper softly.
“Angel.” His hand cups my jaw as he leans forward. Stiffening, I brace myself. It’s only seconds, but those seconds feel like hours. I close my eyes and wait for his mouth to touch mine. His lips touch the corner of my mouth gently, lips just barely touching.
Shuttering, I open my eyes when Ethan pulls back. His gaze is smothering. I blush and bite my lip. “In time, sweetheart.” He runs his finger over my cheek. I lie back down and turn back to the TV, but my mind is in a million different places, and all those places are Ethan.
“You ready for bed?” He tugs on the ends of my hair a little while later to get my attention.
Nodding, I scoot off the couch. He turns off the TV and sets the remote on the coffee table. I walk ahead of him straight to my room and climb into bed, knowing Ethan will be in in a second.
He chases away the bad dreams when I’m in his arms. I don’t fear the dreams, because he protects me even in his sleep. He closes the door when he walks in and pulls the blankets down. He pulls his shirt off and climbs in wearing only basketball shorts.
Scooting over, I lay my head on his warm, tattooed chest. His nose goes to my hair, inhaling, before he settles back into bed, his hand resting on my hip.