Loving Her (25 page)

She climbed in and tossed her bag in the backseat. I turned on her favorite station, but kept the volume low. “Hey. How was your day?”

She shrugged and looked out the window.

I started to say something, but decided to leave her alone.  We had a really long drive, and I wanted her to be as calm as possible for our talk then. I began to sing a song I recognized from her playing it in her room. I changed the words, saying crazy lyrics instead of the real ones that I didn’t even know.

She used to shove me and tell me how annoying I was while laughing. Instead she stared out the window, as if I wasn’t  even in the truck with her.

Sure, it hurt my feelings, but it wasn’t like it was anything new. She’d been acting like that since the day she found out the truth. I couldn’t expect a big change out of her, even if she was afraid of moving away. I did, however, think it was funny that she could plead and make promises to her mother, but talk about none of it with me, like it never even happened.

I guess in some way Izzy thought I was responsible for everything. I guess in a way I was. I mean, had it not been for the whole domino effect of the damn lie, we wouldn’t be in this situation, but that decision wasn’t just mine. Miranda was more than willing to protect that secret for the rest of her life. We’d both promised to take it to the grave if it was possible.

When we arrived back at home, she hopped out of the truck and ran inside.

I missed my little girl and the talks that we used to have. I missed her confiding in me, and our special talks about boys and her brothers. I missed it all.

Maybe other people could live with getting the silent treatment, but I wasn’t one of them. I needed to be able to communicate with the people that I loved.

Conner came up the field on a Gator and stopped right before he made contact with my legs. “What’s up, dick? You don’t know how to return phone calls today?”

“Suck it. I’ve been busy, man. What did you want?”

“Randa told us what’s goin’ on. I gotta say, I didn’t think I’d ever see the day when you two would want Bells to move to Kentucky.”

I scrunched up my face. “Screw you. It’s temporary. They’re keeping her for a few weeks to see if we can get her to come around.”

“What if she likes it better there? What if she wants them to raise her?” He shook his head after chuckling at his own joke. “I’m kiddin’, bro. Bella ain’t goin’ to like Colt’s rules. He’s too strict for her. Besides, everyone knows that she’s just actin’ out. There ain’t no way she could hate you or my sister.”

“I appreciate that.” Conner and I were close. He knew when he could play around and when he needed to be serious. He loved his sister and his niece, and wanted what was best for them. “I hope this shit works. I know I’m dreading this fucking drive. She wouldn’t even talk to me on the way home from school. Can you imagine how much torture it’s going to be for both of us for four to five hours?”

Conner laughed as he took off his hat and put it back on. “I’d like to be a fly in that vehicle. Damn, it’s goin’ to suck to be you. Although I give her about an hour before she breaks. By the time you get to Kentucky, you’re goin’ to want to turn around and take her home.”

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s going to be that easy. Saying one thing is different than doing it. We need her to appreciate our life, not just want to be home and pretend to be happy.”

“I wish you luck, bro. I’m guessin’ you’re goin’ sometime this week?”

“We’re going to let her finish out this week of school and I’ll take her on Thursday, since Friday is a teacher workshop.”

“Shit, I forgot the kids are off on Friday. Amy asked me to watch the kids in the mornin’ so she could take care of a couple clients. I reckon I’ll be busy babysittin’ while you’re drivin’.”

“It’s not babysitting if they’re your kids, dude. Even I know that shit.”

Conner shook his head. “Whatever. It’s still watchin’ kids, which is called babysittin’.”

When I walked back in the house, Miranda was in the kitchen. She gave me a funny look, and I got close to figure out what her expression meant. “I guess the ride didn’t go well?”

“She didn’t talk if that’s what you’re asking.”

Miranda dried a dish and put it in the cabinet above her head. “Did you mention Kentucky?”

“No. I didn’t want her stabbing me in my sleep.”

She leaned on the countertop and made sure Izzy wasn’t coming in the room. “Don’t say that, Ty. She’d never hurt you or anyone else. That sweet little girl is still in there, you know.”

“I hope so, baby. I really do, because this shit is ripping me to pieces. I just want it to be over with. She’s punished me so much that it almost feels like I’m being stabbed over and over.”

We held hands, but I couldn’t look at my wife. There wasn’t anything she could say that could make the pain less for me. Only one person could heal my heart, and this last Hail Mary was either going to work or kill me more.

Chapter 34

Miranda

Love.

It makes us do so many desperate things and as ridiculous as they may seem to someone else, they make sense to the person whose heart is aching.

I guess I’d always been selfish and never considered myself one of the lucky ones. I didn’t understand how someone who was seemingly normal at one point, could take their lives in a completely different direction.

As the week started to go by, we had the obligation to start packing up Bella’s things to make it look like we were really shipping her off. To lighten up the load, we convinced her that she could only take half of her clothes and only her favorite things. Four rubber totes later, she was all packed up.

I could tell she was not happy about it. In fact, I’d heard her crying and found her in her room sobbing. It broke my heart,  but she still refused to acknowledge that Ty was in the same house. There were even a few times when I felt like taking my mother’s advice and putting her over my knee until she admitted that she was doing all of this on purpose to hurt him. It would have been a lot faster than putting us all through hell just to prove a point.

My mother kept reminding me of all the times she’d threaten to ship me off to my aunts, which was pretty funny considering that I ended up living with her for a while anyway.

Even though I knew it was temporary, it still gave me some reassurance knowing that she’d be with family. I wasn’t sending her off to a boarding school, or leaving her on a stranger’s doorstep. To Bella, we were try
ing to come up with a solution to the animosity in our home. She knew that she could come back, and I think she even knew that this was all because of her actions, yet she still ignored her father.

The child refused to admit that he was nothing more than the man I was married to.

An entire month of having his daughter disown him had caused Ty to break. You could tell when Bella was around, because he’d clam up or go into another room. It was as if just seeing her broke his heart, over and over.

One good thing was having the boys. They kept Ty going and loved him regardless with what was going on with anyone else. Ty seemed to even get closer to them. He’d always been great to all three of the kids, but now he was just doing special things for them, instead of having to include Bella. The funny thing was that even though he’d invite her, she’d still decline and then go cry in her room. The more I paid attention to her actions, the more I saw that she was broken in her own way.

I called my mom, crying to her the day before she was supposed to go. I knew that it was really a visit, but it was killing me to even have to pretend to be moving her out.

“Miranda, this was what you decided. You can’t go back on your word after going this far with it. Besides, you said yourself that you can see that it’s working. Let Ty take her to Kentucky. Let them be alone and have that time to talk. I bet that by the time they arrive, everything will be alright again. It’s not like you’re getting rid of her. For goodness sakes Miranda, she’s only staying with them for a few weeks. She’s done that every summer since she was five.”

“What if she doesn’t want to come home? This could be a terrible idea. I don’t want to lose her.”

“Do you hear yourself? Sweetie, you’ve all been through so much in the past couple of months. First the illness and now this big blow-up. I think you need a break. Bella needs to miss you. She needs time to understand that he’s her father, no matter what the doctors could ever prove. You have a family and she needs to respect him. That’s the rules, or she’s going to be punished for it. Stop feeling bad about this. If anything, it will give you all some time to breathe. If she comes home still acting like a brat then you’re both going to have to deal with it. Some girls are brats. You are still the worst one I’ve ever known.”

I rolled my eyes when she reminded me of how much of a snobby little brat I was. “I thought girls were supposed to be easier.”

“Your brother was way easier, even when he was at his worst. I don’t think you want to admit the things you used to do. Let’s not get into how sneaky you were. Your daughter gets it naturally, if you ask me.”

“How did you get through it?” I wanted her advice. If I was that bad then maybe she had great advice to give.

“I prayed. I prayed every single day and sometimes more than once.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Miranda, all parents go through something like you are, regardless what the issue is. Bella is changing physically and emotionally. As her hormones continue to take over, she’s going to be difficult. It is perfectly natural for her to be over-emotional, hard to deal with, and downright nasty at times. Honey, you need to learn to suck it up and move on. You both do.”

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “That is easier said than done.”

“You’re a drama virgin when it comes to Bella. Honey, this is the beginning of many more disagreements. It’s the beginning of her knowing everything, even when she really doesn’t have a clue. It’s the beginning of her lying out of her teeth, so she can sneak and spend the night with boys. The list goes on and on.”

“Mother! I didn’t call you for this.”

“Sure you did.” She laughed. “You called me because you needed to hear it. I’m telling you the truth.”

As much as I didn’t want to believe what she was saying, I knew she wouldn’t lie about it. I took a deep breath. “So, you’re sayin’ that she’s goin’ to be fine? You really think it will be okay?”

“I think that a parent never stops learning. There is no right or wrong when you find something that works f
or you. Every single child is different, and you need to learn to adapt to that individual.”

“I know you’re right.”

“Miranda, be patient. Everything will work out, for all of you including Ty.”

I thanked my mom for the advice and hung up with her. As much as I wanted to fix things, I had to face the fact that sometimes you can’t rush things. I needed to calm down and let this run its course. We could try this one last thing, and if she still came home the same way we’d have to deal with it accordingly.

The night before Bella had to leave, I still got myself in a tizzy. Ty retreated out to the barn, and I knew it was because he was hiding from me. It wasn’t like I was going to skin him or anything. I think he didn’t like seeing me so broken up.

Another thing he was freaking out about was being in the car with Bella for such a long time. She’d refused to communicate with him, and that was a very long ride to have nothing to say.

I waited until I put the kids to bed to go out looking for him. He was shooting balls around the pool table with music playing from his phone. He looked up when I walked in, but didn’t say anything.

I grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator and took a sip. “Are you hidin’ from me?”

“No!” He shot another ball and didn’t look at me.

“Really?” I walked to the other side of the pool table and leaned over. “I’m not so sure about that.”

He shook his head and turned off his music. “Everything is fine, Miranda. I just wanted some time to think. I’m not mad at anyone and I’m not purposely trying to avoid you. Sometimes it’s okay for people to want alone time, you know.”

That only proved that he wasn’t okay. “The kids are all in bed. I was wonderin’ if you wanted to take a bath with me.”

He sighed and shook his head before sitting down on the couch next to me. “Don’t be offended, but I don’t feel like it tonight. I’ve got a long drive tomorrow, and it isn’t exactly going to be fun for me.”

I hurt for him, but didn’t know what to do without making him angry. I hated going to bed feeling like that, but this was hard for all of us. “Okay, I just thought I’d ask. I thought you might want to unwind before you need to make that drive. I get that you want to be alone.”

I started to walk outside, and I heard him coming up behind me. He smacked my ass and I turned around promptly. “On second thought, I think a bath would be great.”

We held hands as we walked back to the house, but when we got inside and Ty saw Bella standing at the fridge, he literally froze. We’d come into the house laughing, when we were both supposed to be sad. I felt horrible for her seeing us so happy. “Bella, what are you doin’ up?”

She seemed cross as she looked up at us. “I can’t sleep. I wanted some milk.”