Loving a Lawman (16 page)

As naturally as breathing, he pulled her into his arms, realizing he had been waiting years for this very moment. Her dress appeared to be made of nothing but lace, and her hair curled around her face like a woodland sprite's. If he'd
thought his world had been set on its ear when she told him she was pregnant, it was nothing compared to realizing that he couldn't live his life without her. He had loved her for so long, but his love was different now. It had been consummated. It was real and tangible and it had produced a child, another life to carry on, another Langston.

“You look wonderful. Did Mama help you pick out your dress?”

She frowned at him. “She was there.” Her voice held a sharp tone. Everyone was on edge thanks to Chase. “I'm perfectly capable of picking out my own dress.” She shook back her hair, the curls brushing his fingers as she did.

“That's not what I meant. It just looks expensive, is all.” And that was something he shouldn't have brought up either. “I mean, I don't want you to spend your money on things like that. You should have—” He stopped. There was no way she would have let him pay for her trousseau. “You look beautiful,” he murmured.

She didn't respond, and the tension didn't leave her shoulders.

“It's going to be okay, Jess.”

She turned those incredible gray eyes onto him. “Will it, Seth?”

From somewhere in the house another door slammed.

Seth bit back a sigh. He could only pray that it would.

*   *   *

J
essie sucked in a calming breath. It was over. There should be some solace in the fact. She twisted the unfamiliar gold band with her thumb and told herself to take it one day at a time. Wasn't that the best way to get through whatever a person faced?

One day at a time. Tomorrow, who knew?

Soon she and Seth would head over to the old ranch house and start their life together. Until then, she had gone out onto the patio to escape from it all.

The pool twinkled like a turquoise jewel. The sun reflected off the water, sending diamondlike sparks dancing around. She longed to strip down and dive into the water, forgetting her troubles. But as with anything, she would eventually have to get out, dry off, and face life.

She drew in another breath and straightened her shoulders. She'd never had things easy. Why should this be any different? That was her lot in life. Jessie McAllen, wild child. It didn't matter that she hadn't done anything to deserve it. Well, aside from Homecoming '08. It had always been that way and Cattle Creek was too small for any of that to change now. And the baby she carried was just fodder for the gossip mill. Never mind that the father was the brother of the man she had always thought she'd marry. That only made it worse.

“Jessie?”

She whirled around as Chase came out of the house. Had he been looking for her or had he simply come out here by chance? “Hi, Chase. I—” But she had no words to finish that sentence.
I'm sorry. I can explain. I'm sorry that I can't explain. Maybe we were never meant to be together all along.

But she had seen the betrayal that had flashed in his eyes when he saw her and Seth together. Whether or not she and Chase were destined to be a couple was not the issue. She had broken their understanding. And with his brother, no less. Words couldn't make up for that kind of pain.

“Don't say it,” he demanded, his voice husky from an emotion she couldn't discern. “Just . . . don't.” He took another step toward her and held out a small white card. “This is my phone number.”

She stared at the card, unwilling to touch it as if it were somehow poison. “I already have your number in my phone.”

“That's the old number. This is the new one.”

She shook her head, unsure of what to say. Chase's emotions seemed to be on a runaway roller-coaster ride.
One minute he was snide and hateful. The next concerned and caring. And she wasn't sure where she fit into his highs and lows.

“Just take it.” He pressed the card into her palm. “That way you'll always have it.”

His hand was warm in hers, the card a little bent at the edges as if he had been walking around with it awhile before actually giving it to her.

“If he ever . . . if he
ever
treats you bad, you call me. Anytime, Jessie. I mean it. Day or night and I'll come. I'll always be there for you.”

She searched his face for some hint of his true feelings. Did he really think Seth would treat her poorly? He couldn't. Yet maybe this was Chase's way of apologizing for never being there for her all these years.

Swallowing hard, she gave a little nod.

“Ahem.”

Jessie started and turned toward the patio door.

Seth looked from her to Chase and back again. “Am I interrupting something?”

How much had he overheard? His thundercloud expression was the same one he'd been wearing all week, so it was anybody's guess. He couldn't have heard much or else he'd have Chase against the wall again. Or maybe—even worse—maybe Seth didn't care that his brother had just questioned his integrity in front of his wife of two hours. His pregnant wife.

She had made such a mess of things.

Jessie shook her head and slipped the card into the bodice of her dress when Seth wasn't looking. She hadn't brought a purse to the ceremony. It wasn't as though she needed one at the house, but she didn't want Seth to see what Chase had given her if he hadn't already.

“Not at all, big brother.” Chase's tone dripped pure acid. He gave Jessie one last fleeting look, then pushed past Seth and back into the house.

Seth turned to her, but she had no words. “He . . . uh, he just wanted to wish us the best of luck.”

His nostrils flared and a muscle in his jaw jumped as he clamped his teeth together, but to his credit he didn't call her a liar outright.

But what did it say about her that she was willing to lie to him mere hours after the ceremony?

Nothing good, that was for sure.

Seth gave a stern nod, then reached his hand out to her. “Come on,” he said. “The pastor is leaving. I think it's time for us to go as well.”

S
eth pulled his truck into the dirt space to the right of the front porch and got out. He couldn't say it was an actual driveway, just a rutted dirt road with a strip of grass down the middle. He should have gotten Fred out here to grate it smooth before the wedding, but there just hadn't been time. Now he was bringing his bride home to a house he loved, on a road as rough as a cob.

His bride. He went around to the passenger's side and opened the door.

He had been so shocked and hurt that Jessie kept that damned card with Chase's new phone number. Just the fact that she hadn't crumpled it up and thrown it back in his face spoke volumes. She was still in love with Chase.

What did you expect? You get her pregnant and she just forgets about the brother that she really loves?
Fool didn't begin to cover it.

“Here.” She handed him the plastic container holding the top layer of their cake.

Grandma Esther had insisted that they bring it home
and put it in the freezer to keep as part of their one-year wedding celebration. It might be nothing more than a silly wedding tradition, but he vowed to do everything in his power to make sure they got to eat that cake. He owed Jessie that much.

He stepped back as Jessie slid from the truck. She had barely said two words to him since Chase stormed out of the big house. And he knew that she was blaming herself. Then to find them together on the patio was almost more than he could stand.

They hadn't been close, but he could tell that a secret lingered between them. Was Jessie feeling guilty about marrying him? Had Chase convinced her that she was somehow less of a person for falling victim to Seth's advances?

“It's not your fault,” he wanted to yell, but he knew it would do no good. Jessie needed to see Chase's shortcomings for herself, not have Seth point them out to her. Until that moment, he'd keep his opinion concerning his brother to himself.

Without a word he followed her to the porch.

She stopped at the door, her hands full with food and the bottle of nonalcoholic grape juice his mother had bought for them to toast with.

Unfortunately, after Chase's little exhibition, no one had felt much like celebrating. They'd cut the cake so that Wesley could have a piece. His mother had insisted that they have a first dance. After that, they had stood around for about half an hour chatting with the pastor and trying to pretend that everything was as it should be. Jessie had stepped out onto the patio and Seth had started loading everything into his truck for the short ride over to the old ranch house.

He skidded to a halt behind Jessie, suddenly so very aware of the intimacy of their situation. They were married, about to enter the house they would share for . . . well, forever if he had anything to say about it.

He cleared his throat and moved to set the cake container on the old church pew that sat to the right of the front door. On the far left side, the chains suspending the porch swing from the roof creaked as the wind pushed against it.

“I guess this is where I carry you over the threshold?” He hadn't meant for the words to come out like a question.

What was it about Jessie McAllen that had him stumbling over himself like a greenhorn?

“I don't think that's necessary.” She shifted from one foot to the other as she waited for him to let her into the house.

“Jessie . . .”

She shook her head. “Don't, Seth. It's better if we don't pretend our marriage is normal. Meemaw used to always say ‘only a fool fools himself.'”

He wanted to protest, tell her their marriage could be anything they wanted it to be. They had formed something of a bond during the two weeks that led up to today. True, Chase had come back and ruined that for all of them, but only they could allow Chase to destroy what they had. All they had to do was believe. Seth knew that, as certain as he knew his name. Yet something in the set of her jaw had him biting back his words and opening the door for her to precede him inside.

The place had changed a lot in the fourteen days since they visited. Seth knew that Jessie had been spending almost all her free time getting the house ready for this moment.

He looked around, impressed with the feat she had pulled off. Of course, he had hired painters, movers, and cleaners to move the process along. After all, he didn't want her breathing in paint fumes or overexerting herself. Still, he knew that she needed some sort of vested interest in the place. Nesting, wasn't that what all the books called it? She had done a wonderful job pulling the house together in fourteen short days all the while planning a wedding that his mother would approve of.

The walls were painted a dove gray, which gently contrasted with the dark wood floors and pristine white trim. Sheer white curtains covered the windows, letting in light while adding an airy feel to the place. His whiskey-colored leather sofa sat against one wall with the matching armchair across from the fireplace.

Sadie caught one look at them and barked out her welcome.

Seth scooped her up into his arms as Jessie moved past him and into the kitchen with the juice and cake.

Sadie whined as she watched Jessie pass. He knew the feeling. He almost had her there, had almost convinced Jessie that everything was going to be fine between them, and then Chase had to step in.

The worst part of all was that he couldn't stop wondering, if she weren't pregnant, if he hadn't forced her to marry him, would Jessie have gone off with Chase?

Chances were that if Seth hadn't gotten Jessie pregnant and hadn't forced her to marry him, then Chase would have never even thought about asking Jessie to go off with him. But that was really beside the point now, wasn't it?

Damn it all to hell! He set Sadie on the floor and ran his hands through his hair. How was he supposed to prove to his wife that he loved her and cared for her if every time he turned around everyone was telling them how they shouldn't be together?

Okay, so maybe he was being a little dramatic, but he and Jessie would never make it if something didn't give. He had made mistakes and was doing everything in his power to make them right. All he wanted was to be married to Jess, raise their child, and somehow convince her that he loved her above all else.

Was that so much to ask?

He looked to Sadie, who only wagged her tail in response.

“It's up to me, is that what you're saying?”

She barked, then let her pink tongue loll out of one side of her mouth. Sounded like an agreement to him.

Without another thought, he headed for the kitchen.

It, like the rest of the house, smelled of fresh paint and wood polish.

Jessie was standing at the window looking out over what could liberally be called a backyard.

“Hey,” he greeted her, hoping not to startle her from her thoughts. She seemed a million miles away as she stared into the falling dusk. Soon it would be completely dark and after that, time for bed. And that was something they hadn't talked about since she agreed to marry him. No, sir, because paint colors and whether to buy a stainless steel or white enamel refrigerator were much more pressing matters. Now here they stood, married, acting like strangers, unsure of the next move.

“Hey.” She turned away from the window but leaned her backside against the edge of the sink.

He flashed her what he hoped was his most charming smile. “Why don't you get us a couple of wineglasses full of that grape juice and we go out on the porch and watch the sun set?”

An emotion he couldn't name flashed through her storm gray eyes. “Seth, I . . .” She stopped, but she didn't need to say any more for him to know.

“Forever is going to feel like more than eternity if you don't give this a try.”

She shook her head. “Can we start again tomorrow?”

He should have said yes and walked away, but something in him wouldn't let this lie. He took her by the shoulders and turned her to face him. “Listen, Jess, I love him too. He's my brother and I would give almost anything to go back and—” He stopped. “Just give me a chance,” he asked. “Just give
us
a chance.”

She studied him quietly for what seemed like days but
could have been only a few seconds. “Okay,” she said on a sigh.

Relief flooded him.

He pulled her close, intending on wrapping her in a warm embrace. He wanted a new start. He just wanted to hold her close.

But as always when she was near, his good intentions seemed to fly out the window.

“Jessie.” He groaned her name as he tilted her face to hers.

The touch of his lips to hers was explosive. How had this happened? He deepened the kiss, pulling her closer to him, so close there wasn't room for a breath between them. And yet it wasn't enough. He wanted more. He needed more. He had to make sure that she knew how much he loved her and that their life together could be—
would
be—more than she could ever imagine.

She had asked for tonight. And he should give that to her. He released her as quickly as he had taken her into his arms.

She grabbed the edge of the sink as if she needed the support.

He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets as much to hide his reaction to her as to keep from reaching for her again.

“I've got to go,” he said. He had thought he could do this. He thought he could spend tonight simply being with her, being at her side, and that would be enough, but one kiss and he knew that he needed more. He would always need more where she was concerned. But he needed to take this slow. Slower than his libido demanded. She might be pregnant with his child, but they had skipped so many steps. Important steps that drew one person to another. He wanted a relationship with her, not just a bed partner. So for now . . . “I . . . I'll be at the station.”

He didn't wait for her answer. He spun on his heel and beat a path for the door.

*   *   *

J
essie watched, unable to utter a word, as Seth walked out of their house.

Their house. That thought alone was enough to send her heart pounding. How had it come to this?

She jumped as the front door slammed behind Seth. The sound of his truck starting singed her ears. But no headlights cut through the window as he swung his truck around. No gravel spun as he started for town.

He wasn't supposed to have to work tonight. Yet he was on his way to do just that. After asking for a do-over with her that could only mean that he had changed his mind.

Jessie pressed her fingers to her temples and made her way from the kitchen to the bedroom. Sadie trotted along behind her and jumped onto the bed as Jessie started to undress.

The look on Chase's face.

She shook her head. This wasn't about Chase and yet it was. She had never meant to hurt him. And now it seemed that she had hurt Seth as well.

The beautiful lace dress dropped into a pool at her feet. She picked it up and hung it in the closet next to the rest of her clothes, her jeans and secondhand shirts. Without a doubt it was the most beautiful garment that she had ever worn. She trailed her fingers down one short sleeve, then sat on the edge of the bed and pulled off the gorgeous blue boots. Such special clothes for such a special day. Such a special day that had so quickly turned into a disaster.

What did you expect?

You slept with your boyfriend's brother, got pregnant, and then married him. How did you expect Chase to act?

That was the problem. Chase acted just the way she would have expected him to. It was Seth who was confusing her. One minute asking her for a second chance, the next one kissing her, but then walking out the door with her lips still tingling from wanting.

He hadn't gotten a call. He'd merely left. For some reason he needed to be separated from her. And that was the hardest part of all. How could he ask for a second chance then leave her to go to work? And on their wedding night.

Just how long was this going to last? Certainly not forever, regardless of all Seth's sweet words. She could only hope that they made it until the baby was born, but who knew?

One thing she did know: Seth was an honorable man. He'd stand beside her and the baby until . . . forever. He'd already said that. But Jessie knew she wouldn't be able to live with him like this forever. She wanted more from him than his honor. All she could do was her best. She would take each day as it came. Give each day all that she had and hope for the best. When the time came and it was over, she'd move on just as she had always planned.

It seemed as if forever was going to be a long time in coming.

*   *   *

S
eth wasn't sure how long he sat in his truck in the drive. Just sat there. Everyone always told him that he didn't talk enough. Didn't explain, didn't ask enough questions. Not when it really mattered. And what did he do tonight? He had walked out on the woman he loved more than life on their wedding night. That was wrong on so many levels. If they were going to have a chance—the same chance he just asked for from her—then he needed to stop holding in his feelings. He needed to get in there and
talk
to his wife.