Authors: Sandra Leesmith
“I
was attached to M.A.W. Helicopter Squadron in Da Nang but stationed in Phu
Bai.”
He
had obviously seen plenty of action and was more than likely in the middle of
the Tet Offensive. Margo made a mental note of it. “The men who flew on
helicopters suffered extreme stress.”
“Tell
me something I don’t know.”
“I’m
not telling you anything you don’t know, but the records show helicopter
personnel suffered more than most. You were flying under fire. Every time you
went out, you knew it could be your last trip.”
He
stiffened again. She was hitting a sensitive area. She went on. “You saw
mangled bodies. Some of them died in the chopper. You probably got to the point
where you didn’t even want to know their names. You were shot at. And you knew
your odds of coming back worsened each trip you made.”
He
didn’t respond, but she knew she had his full attention. Taking a deep breath,
she continued. “I’ve told you before that it’s my hunch you saw a lot. I bet
you have other symptoms of stress. Nightmares. Restless and irregular sleep
patterns. I bet you react to the sound of a chopper flying overhead. Even
twenty years later.”
He
rubbed the back of his neck and then leaned his head against the wall.
“I
bet one of the reasons you’re here is because suddenly it’s gotten too much for
you. You don’t want to deal with reminders.”
“And
I suppose you have some grand solution?”
His
caustic tone didn’t upset her. It was an improvement over the listless one.
“I
think you ought to go talk to a psychologist at the V.A. I could give you the
name and number of…”
“No
way.” He shifted away from her. “I don’t need that crapola.”
“The
V.A. has established a track record of success. Group therapy with other vets
who shared similar experiences has proven very helpful.”
“That’s
not what I heard. I don’t get off on rehashing the past.”
He
was closing up on her. Margo decided to take a chance. “Most men suffering from
P.T.S.D. harbor a secret; something they did or saw that they can’t face. I
don’t know if that’s the case with you. But if it is, you are going to suffer
unless you get it out, work through it.”
Before
he could react to that, Margo stood. She wanted him to consider before making
up his mind. “We’ve talked long enough.” She dusted off her slacks. “I’m going
back to the house. Vinnie and I should take off now. I’ll leave a name and
number for you to call. Fred will be glad to talk with you.”
He
stood with her but didn’t follow her outside. She rounded the corner and paused
in the meadow, flexing her stiff muscles as she glanced around. Birds chirped
in the distance and a faint hum of insects sounded. Margo glanced across the
grassy field to the redwood groves beyond. It was peaceful here away from the
roar of traffic and smells of the city. The stress and worry of an overburdened
caseload were miles away. Maybe Zane had a point staying isolated from the
hassles of modern civilization, she thought as she headed toward the house.
She
entered from the back and went on through the living room after she saw that
Vinnie was on the front deck. She started to speak, but Zane came up behind her
and spoke first.
“Vinnie.”
Zane’s voice sounded rough. “You all right?”
Margo
stiffened and noticed that Vinnie did also. Carefully she shifted so she could
see him. His expression was calm, as if the earlier scene had never occurred,
but he held his body stiff and controlled. The stress was still there. He
pointed toward the ice pack.
Vinnie
lowered his hand to let Zane see. “I’ll live.” His voice sounded wary, unsure.
A
movement twitched at the corners of Zane’s mouth. Margo wondered if he wanted
to smile or maybe cry.
Zane
pointed to the black and blue mark on his cheek. “You pack a mean wallop. Used
to be I could beat you up.”
“You’re
not so tough.”
The
banter eased the tension a little, but the silence afterward tightened it up
again.
“What
did you decide?” Margo finally asked.
Zane’s
shoulders lifted as he took a deep breath. Slowly he turned to meet her stare.
His expression grew blank as he started to speak. “Sorry about what happened
earlier.”
Long
moments of silence fell between them as he looked away, hesitating to continue.
Margo held her breath, schooling herself to remain silent and patient. With her
hand she motioned Vinnie to also. Finally Zane slumped to a sitting position on
the step next to Vinnie. His head lowered as he studied his hands.
“You
can see now why I can’t go back to the city.”
“No,”
Margo said, careful not to make any sudden moves. “What I see is a man who
needs help.”
“It
won’t do any good.” Resignation sounded in his voice as he shook his head.
“Only
if you believe that.” Margo paused to let her words sink in before she
continued. “I happen to believe therapy will be good for you.”
A
shudder coursed through his large frame. It angered her to see such a powerful
man looking so forlorn and beaten. She wanted to demand he get up and fight,
but experience had taught her well. She sat quietly instead – waiting. He had
to decide on his own.
Finally
he spoke. “It’s too soon. I’m not ready.”
Vinnie
started to protest, but Margo signaled him to keep quiet. She needed to
establish a rapport now, without interference.
“Don’t
rush with a decision. You have plenty of time.” Her voice smoothed across the
small distance between them. “I’ll leave now, return to the city. You go over
the pros and cons this week.”
Protest
welled up automatically. “I don’t think…”
Lifting
her hand, she interrupted. “
Do
think. Think about your life – past,
present, and future. Are you happy with the situation? Think about what you
have and then think about what more you want. We can discuss it next week when
I return.”
Before
he could respond, she stood and motioned to Vinnie to follow her down the
steps. At the bottom she paused, turned, and glanced back at Zane. The look in
his eyes stole her breath away. Hungry longing and despair darkened the blue,
but in the cobalt depths there glimmered a small ray of hope. Margo swung
around and proceeded to the Bronco before he could change his mind.
Zane
watched her walk toward the Bronco. He should be yelling at her to get lost,
disappear out of his life. In fact the curses were there and ready. Instead, he
issued a half-baked warning. “You’ll just be wasting your time to come back
here.”
“It
won’t be a waste. You know what you need and I’ll be here to assist.”
Irritated,
Zane shifted his weight. He didn’t want to be impressed with what she knew. It
was bad enough that she felt sure of herself, but what really irked him was the
way her voice soothed the jagged edges of his apprehension.
Reluctantly
he followed them to the Bronco and tried one more tactic. “This road’s rough to
be traveling alone.”
She
paused at the car door. “I have to admit the prospects of driving it don’t
appeal.”
“Then
you should go back to…”
“On
the other hand, it’ll do me good to learn to drive in the country.”
For
a fleeting instant, he relaxed. Her conversation sounded so normal and
inviting. Maybe he did want her to come back. His muscles tensed at the
thought. No. It was no use. How could he tell this woman what he’d done? Before
he could say anything, she slid into the passenger seat of the Bronco where
Vinnie held the door. It slammed shut and Vinnie stared across the space still
separating them.
“Sorry
about hitting you.”
Zane
shrugged.
Vinnie
gestured toward the vehicle. “It’ll work out with her.”
“Maybe.”
He wasn’t giving in.
“Want
me to come with her?”
“No.”
He might change his mind by next weekend. If Vinnie wasn’t around he’d have no
problem getting rid of the shrink.
“Take
care then,” Vinnie said as he walked toward Zane. He hesitated and then threw
his arms around his shoulders.
Zane
clamped his own around his brother, and held on tight. For a brief second he
let the warmth fill him. Then he let go.
“Give
her a chance.”
Zane
nodded. He took another look at her profile as Vinnie climbed into the Bronco.
He might not have much choice.
She
had nerve and drive. Recognizing that gave him a feeling of inevitability. If
Dr. Margo Devaull got her way – and it appeared she was used to that – he would
be under her care whether he wanted it or not.
Zane
headed for the porch and took the steps two at a time. At the top he paused and
looked back at the Bronco.
The
engine roared, then idled as Vinnie warmed it up. Slowly Vinnie steered the
heavy-duty machine toward the dirt road. Zane watched them disappear into the
forest. The giant trees swallowed the engine’s noise and silence fell around
him like a shroud.
Even
the hum of insects and the distant birdsong didn’t bring the peace it usually
did. He glanced at the blue sky and back to the edge of the forest where ferns
swayed in the breeze, inviting him into the stillness: a sanctuary he’d found
amid the groves of centuries-old trees. It wouldn’t be there today.
Zane
shifted uneasily. Suddenly he wanted them to come back. When they were here, he
didn’t think of the past. Their voices drowned out the memories tied to the
song that kept spinning over and over in his tired brain. Would he ever forget
the refrain?
“Ride
across the oceans of experience. Friends we’ll be forever.”Al belted out the
chorus, slightly off-key but not lacking in gusto.
“Give
it a break already,” Zane shouted above the wind rushing past their ears.
They’d taken the top off his electric blue ‘Vette to cruise campus. They
wouldn’t attract any good-looking girls if they heard Al singing. “You really
know how to massacre a song, man. You sound like a sick cow.”
“Just
because you sing like Neil Diamond don’t mean you have to give me a bad time.”
“You’re
the one who needs a date tonight,” Zane pointed out as they turned onto the
drive that led to the women’s dorms. “Know any of those chicks?”
Al
leaned over his door and let out a long wolf whistle. The six women standing
under a large pine gave the car an admiring glance but turned their noses up at
Al.
Zane
laughed as he accelerated down the street with a squeal of tires. He loved to
go fast and feel the wind in his hair.
“You’ve
got to be subtle, pal. You can’t fall out of the car.”
“You’re
such an expert?”
“Right.
Keep quiet and watch this.”
Zane
cruised to the curb and idled beside two brunettes walking down the sidewalk.
He tapped his horn lightly and motioned for them to stop. The half grin on his
face could melt butter.
“We’re
looking for the activity center.” His glance traveled slowly from their bare
legs to their eyes.
Color
flooded their cheeks as they stammered through the directions. The appreciation
and male admiration in his gaze was genuine, but even if it wasn’t he’d make
sure they thought it was.
When
they finished he gunned the motor of the car – not too hard but enough to be
impressive. He sent them another half smile and a seductive wink. “Thanks. Need
a ride somewhere?”
“We’re
meeting our boyfriends.” Their obvious disappointment pleased him.
With
another squeal of tires, Zane tore off down the road, his eyes peeled for more
prospects. “See, it’s easy. First you act helpless. Women love to mother you.
Then show them you admire them. Not obvious, but with a look.” He gunned the
motor again. “And it doesn’t hurt to impress ‘em.”
By
now Al was laughing. “They ate that up.”
“Your
turn next.”
“Cut
me some slack, man.” Al reached over to turn up the knob of the stereo. “Just
‘cause you have a date with Rita already.”
“I
got four tickets. The band that plays ‘Forever Friends,’ man. You gotta get a
date.” Zane lifted his hands off the wheel.
Suddenly
a bicycle shot out in front of the ‘Vette. Zane grasped the wheel and slammed
on the brakes. The bicycle reached the other side safe enough but crashed when
it hit the curb.
Al
didn’t wait to open his door. He scrambled over the side. Zane followed.
“You
all right?” Al hollered.
Zane
reached them just as Al turned over the prettiest blonde he’d laid eyes on. Her
big blue eyes glanced up at Al. Zane knew his friend was a goner when she
batted heavy lashes.
“I’m
okay. If you could just help me up.”