Love's Dream Song (32 page)

Her statement was a blow, but not unexpected. He reached for her, but she walked into the house. His hand dropped to his side. With a heavy heart, Jess realized he was going to have to let her go.

.

CHAPTER 21

The vast stretch of desert swallowed the highway as Autumn rode east with Real Tall Man toward the corner of Eagle Heights Ranch. The pickup truck hit another pothole and she braced from the jolt.

“We’re almost there.” Real Tall Man smiled as he swerved the truck to avoid another hole. “You sure you want to go back to Coyote Springs?”

She grasped the turquoise nugget between her fingers and nodded. “I need to finish my project. Even though the tablets and artifacts were contrived, the actual kiva Dr. Davidson found needs to be recorded.”

Real Tall Man shrugged. “If you think so.”

She had to smile at his teasing. From his viewpoint the task was not only unnecessary, but unwise. “The university has allowed me to continue with my grant on the basis of that find.” She tried to explain. “I can finish my thesis for this semester and graduate.”

“What are your plans then?” he asked as he sped along the straight stretch of road.

“There’s bound to be something I can do. With my background I can apply at the Northern Arizona Museum, or perhaps work in the national parks.”

“What about teaching at the university?”

“My idealistic views of the ivory towers of learning have been crushed. I don’t think I’m cut out for all the political maneuvering.”

Real Tall Man chuckled.

“Sam suggested I apply at the BLM office.”

“Will you?” Concern sounded in the
hataali’s
voice.

She thought of Frank and shook her head. “I doubt it. But don’t worry, I’ll figure out something. Maybe I’ll write a book, or maybe apply for another grant and find out what really did happen to the Anasazi. The hoopla over Dr. Davidson has aroused public curiosity.”

“Just so you don’t plan to leave.”

“Never,” she murmured.

Leaving was the last thought from her mind, not after the sing her grandfather had performed for her. She glanced at him and reveled in the love that had grown in her for this man.

His raven hair was tied in a traditional knot, with a blue headband secured in place. A kelly-green shirt fit across his broad shoulders. Silver hung around his waist and flashed from his fingers as he maneuvered the pickup. This man had gone all out for her.

It had been a week since the
Nda
. Autumn had heard about the ceremony—the squaw dance, as it was now called—but nothing had prepared her for the reality. The chants had continued day and night for a week. The dancing, the crowd, and the incredible amount of food all blended into a kaleidoscope of spicy smells, bright colors, and ancient sounds.

Her parents and brothers had handled the occasion with the panache of a family used to foreign customs. When the O’Neills had met Real Tall Man, the
hataali
had dissolved her mother’s fears with his first gracious words.

She glanced from Real Tall Man to the passing desert scenery. Real Tall Man and her father had become friends in the short time of their visit. Autumn smiled as she thought of the caring man who’d raised her as his real daughter. He understood her desire to stay in Arizona.

“At least I’ll know where to find you,” he’d told her. “Not like your brothers here, trooping all over the globe.”

“Hey, it’s for you, Pop,” Donny had protested. “You know you can’t find bargains like Michael and I can.”

Her brothers had enjoyed the ceremony, as she had known they would. Michael had played the moccasin game. Donny had learned more than he wanted about stick dice. Her brothers had even entered the foot and horse races, which endeared them to her new relatives.

Whenever the clans gathered for a sing, it became an event for socializing. She’d met her uncles, Thomas and Lee. Their families had extended warm welcomes to Autumn and the O’Neills. Thomas’s wife, Lillie, had been especially helpful in explaining customs and events.

The sings were an occasion for trading livestock and equipment and for buying and selling jewelry. Donny and Michael had impressed The People with their bartering abilities. Of course, the large gathering brought the young people together. The flirting and dating tickled Autumn, but it had also made her lonely. Although Jess had been invited, he hadn’t come.

Thinking about Jess would always sadden her heart, she supposed. By not attending the sing, he’d made his position clear. He didn’t want to participate in the ways of
Dineh
. After the sing, she knew she would never give up her relationship with the
máii deeshghizhni
i and Real Tall Man.

As if he’d read her change of thought, Real Tall Man asked her about the rancher. “Are you going to see Jess Barron?”

She wanted to. “I don’t think so. He’s busy getting his herds settled on winter range.” Which would put him at the opposite corner of his ranch.

“Does he know you’ll be at Coyote Springs?”

“I called him. The university wanted his permission confirmed.”

The phone conversation had been the most difficult one in her life. Their conversation was strained. They talked about everything but what was really in their hearts.

Autumn tugged on her nugget and continued to tell Real Tall Man about it. “He wasn’t too thrilled about me going there alone, but I convinced him I’d be all right.”

Real Tall Man chuckled. “You can be stubborn.”

“Not stubborn, Grandfather—persuasive.” She smiled. “I just explained that if I wasn’t at Coyote Springs, I’d be digging around somewhere else.”

“You won’t be alone for long.”

The certainty in his voice made her glance at Real Tall Man. “Are you coming to visit me?” she asked hopefully.

He shook his head. “Not for a while.” He saw her expression of disappointment. “But I will.”

She let the subject drop, not wanting to discuss who Real Tall Man thought would visit. She wouldn’t let her hopes develop concerning Jess. Her heart had too many cracks when it came to the rancher.

They arrived at the dirt road that would take them to the trailhead. Real Tall Man turned off the highway and drove silently the rest of the way; the rough road demanded his full attention. When they came to the end of the road, Real Tall Man parked and helped her with the heavy backpack.

“You should’ve taken the pinto I offered,” he scolded.

“Don’t worry about me,” she said, even though she appreciated his concern. “I don’t want to have to deal with a horse. This will be easier in the long run, trust me.”

He nodded and stepped back.

“Thomas will pick your car up from the airport, where your family left it,” he told her. “He’ll bring it from Phoenix next week and we’ll leave it here.”

“You’ve done so much. How can I thank you?”

“Just be. That is enough.” Emotion showed briefly in his face and then he suddenly pointed. “Look. A coyote. He’s heading east. That is a sign of good coming your way.”

Autumn smiled. “I have my turquoise nugget for luck. I’ll be all right.”

“I know you will.” He nodded. “Walk in beauty, my granddaughter.”

Autumn hiked the last few yards to the top of the cliff. It would be sunset soon, and the view was spectacular from this height. She needed something to distract her mind from the loneliness.

These past two days camped at Coyote Springs had been filled with mixed emotions. She’d discovered many things about herself here. The destroyed ruins had brought her to realize the depth of her love for the land and its people. She would find a way to stay here and live near her new family.

Carefully, she pulled out the photograph Thomas’s wife, Lillie, had given her. It was the only picture her aunt had of Dora Ross, and she’d given it to Autumn. It was also the only reference made to her mother.

Autumn stared at the woman. It was like looking in a mirror, except Dora’s hair was lighter and her cheeks slightly broader. Autumn smoothed her fingers over the youthful face and then glanced at the woman who stood next to Dora Ross. Lillie explained that the woman was Jess’s grandmother.

Autumn tucked the photo back in her breast pocket. A light breeze blew across the top of the butte. It wrapped her hair around her body, tossing the ends in the balmy desert air. Autumn stood at the edge of the butte and absorbed the grandeur while she fingered the turquoise nugget in her hand.

It seemed like months, instead of weeks ago, that she’d sat in this same spot with Real Tall Man. He’d warned her about the dangers ahead and had given her the nugget. The smooth stone slid between her fingers. The
hataali’s
dreams had foretold these past events. She wished she had his powers now.

Autumn closed her eyes and pictured her grandfather. Thoughts of him would no longer bring longing or pain. Her heart was filled with love and promise. She still had many things to learn about her new family and their ways.

Images of Jess transposed over the picture of Real Tall Man, and with it came a new ache and longing. She loved Jess Barron, but she couldn’t accept less than full commitment from him.

Heat shimmered across the horizon, giving a surrealistic touch to the desert. Red and orange hues began to color the western sky. The spires of rock stood silhouetted against the sunset colors.

If only Jess would accept who he was. There was no need to run from his heritage. He didn’t have to succumb to stereotypes and prejudice. All they needed was simply to be and then to love.

She understood now that she didn’t have to choose between cultures. Real Tall Man had tried to tell her. She must draw upon both cultures for strength and courage to face her own path in life. From both her families she had acquired values. She and Jess were fortunate because they had a double set to draw from. She had love and support from people who could teach her a variety of insights.

Jess had that, too.

“
Know your heart. Walk in the way of your dreams.
” She chanted the stanza of the dream song. If only she could help Jess to understand. Closing her eyes, she pictured him. His image focused as it had the night she’d traveled in the canyon. She could see his powerful body, his brown hair, and the caring in his silver-gray eyes.

Streaks of magenta fanned across the teal sky. She felt part of the display, yet longing separated her heart from fully enjoying the sight. If only she knew more of the way of The People.

Words of the Vision Song came to mind. Real Tall Man chanted the
hatal
to find lost people. Could the chant also help one to find lost souls? She sang a few more words for Jess.

A faint sound disrupted her singing. Autumn stilled as she listened. Haunting tones floated toward her from the trail. It was the sound of a flute, like the one found in the kiva—the same kind she and Jess had played in the cave after the flood.

For a fleeting second, she thought maybe she’d called up an unexpected spirit. Gravel crunching reassured her that the sound came from the real world.

Jess.

The melody of the tune floated around her. Autumn smiled and let the music fill the emptiness. His footsteps neared but she didn’t move. She wanted him to see her silhouetted against the red sky.

The music stopped. She held her breath while her heart pounded.

“
Yaá át ééh
.” He greeted her in the way of
Dineh
.

She turned her head and looked at him. Hope and desire were mirrored in his expression. He told her with his smile that he wanted her. She returned his smile with one that said she was his. In the distance a coyote howled. Jess played the flute again.

Nature performed its colorful display and Autumn let her mind soar with contentment. Her spirit followed the ups and downs of the melody until she felt she would burst with longing.

Finally, it stopped. Jess stepped onto the rock, a dark shape silhouetted against the vermilion sky.

“That was beautiful,” she complimented him, her voice a little breathless.

“Do you recognize the song?”

“No.” She shook her head, letting her hair slip around her shoulders.

“It came from my heart.”

“I love you, Jess.” She stood and went into his warm, strong arms. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“We need to talk.” He smoothed his hands down her back. “I couldn’t stay away any longer.”

She nodded her agreement and leaned her head against his chest. Conversation could wait. She needed to reassure herself that his presence meant there was hope for them.

For several minutes they stood, holding each other while the sun set. The desert quieted during the transition from day to night. Autumn stilled also.

Finally Jess shifted, brushing aside tendrils of hair from her temple with his lips. “When you left, I thought things at the ranch would return to normal. They didn’t. Suddenly I find that my home—a place where I’ve always found rest and peace—is empty and lonely.”

“Are you going to do something about that?”

He didn’t answer, but helped her to sit down on the flat slab of sandstone. She crossed her legs, while he shifted to join her. For several minutes he didn’t speak. Autumn waited, absorbing the peace of their surroundings while gathering her thoughts.