Authors: Diana Palmer
In a moment of insanity, she started to jump.
“Bett! No!”
The wrenched agony in that voice stopped her. She blinked, turning, to see David running toward her furiously.
“David?” she mouthed.
He had her. He dragged her into his thin arms and held her, trembling with reaction.
“You fool,” he choked breathlessly. “You silly little fool!”
Tears ran down her cheeks as she let the emotion overflow and felt, for the first time, the impact of Cul’s rejection.
“He doesn’t think it’s his baby,” she whispered brokenly. “He brought that blond aristocrat to flaunt at me, and he said…he said…I was a tramp!”
“And you know it isn’t true,” he told her, holding her closer. “You crazy little girl, didn’t you think about the baby? My God, if I hadn’t been worried to death and come after you, I shudder to think what might have happened!”
She cried helplessly, clinging to him. “I can’t bear it,” she whispered. “It was bad six years ago when he walked away, but it’s killing me now! It’s killing me, David. I love him, I love him so!”
He drew in a ragged breath and bent his head over her. “Here, this is no place to stand around after dark. Come on, we’ll take a cab home.”
“Can you afford a cab?” she managed, wiping at her eyes with the handkerchief he pressed into her hands.
“No, of course not,” he assured her. “But we’re taking one all the same. At the end of the week, we get paid. I’ll just eat hot dogs until then.”
“I can fix you something to eat,” she offered gently.
“Real food? No cardboard?”
She managed a smile and clung to his arm. “No cardboard. How about some eggs and bacon?”
“Sounds great! Lead the way.”
She was silent back to the apartment. She cooked in a daze, wondering at the numbness inside her, horrified at the moment’s insanity that had threatened her life and the baby’s. Her hand went slowly to her stomach.
“You’re all right,” David said as he watched her. “So is the baby.”
“Yes, but it doesn’t seem real at all, what I thought of doing. I’m not a suicidal person, you know, I’m very strong.” She glanced at him with tortured eyes.
“We’re none of us superhuman, and you’d had a nasty knock,” he reminded her. “Add to that the excitement and tension of opening night. It’s no wonder you went a little mad. Under the circumstances, it’s even understandable.”
“If it hadn’t been for you, I might have jumped,” she said softly.
“Maybe you’d have come to your senses in time,” he offered consolingly.
“I don’t know.” She turned off the flame under the eggs and slid them onto a platter with the bacon and toast. “I’ve never had that happen before. I didn’t even realize what I was doing.”
“You need a little rest,” he told her. “Before long, it will be Monday. I’ll take you to the park.”
“No!” she burst out, her face white.
“I’ll take you to a movie,” he said quickly. “That new sci-fi thriller. Okay?”
She sat down, catching her breath. “That might be nice. I like science fiction.”
“So do I. See, already we have common interests. Why not marry me while we look for more?”
He was teasing, but she sensed a willingness under it, and she was tempted to say yes, to lay her burdens on his thin shoulders and let him take care of her. But it wasn’t fair. She couldn’t give him what he wanted from her, and it was no use pretending. She couldn’t deliberately hurt him.
“We’d both starve to death, then,” she replied lightly, smiling at him. “I can’t eat cardboard.”
“I could cut out magazine ads,” he offered, brightening.
“The baby wouldn’t like it.”
“You’ll have to be a firm parent and tell him to cool it,” he returned.
She laughed. It was as if the baby was already a person. “I’ll call him Buick,” she threatened.
He blinked. “Buick?”
“Well, I’ve always wanted one….”
He burst out laughing. “Shame on you!”
“Okay, I guess it wouldn’t be quite fair.” She thought for a minute. “How about Jason? Isn’t that a nice name? I’ll call him Jason Clarke.”
“What if she’s a girl?” he asked.
“I’ll call her Jackie,” she returned. “But she won’t be a girl.”
“You’re sure of that?”
Her eyes clouded. “Cul was an only child, but his mother had two brothers, and his father was one of six boys. Yes, I’m…reasonably sure.”
He sipped his coffee. “Where did you learn to cook like this?” he asked, changing the subject.
“At home, when I was twelve. Mama said girls should know how to cook.” She leaned back, losing herself in memories of her childhood, in the peace of the years before she’d met Cul. All too soon, it was bedtime and David was saying good-night.
“I’ll sleep on the couch, if you like,” he offered, frowning at the door.
“I’ll be all right,” she assured him. “I’m quite through trying to leap off bridges. Cul would probably celebrate, not grieve, so the only person I’d hurt would be the baby. I won’t do that again.”
“Good girl. Sometimes a good night’s sleep makes all the difference. I’ve seen it keep one of my friends from jumping off a building. Much harder than water,” he added with studied lightness.
“As you say. Thanks for being my friend, David,” she said gently, and reached up to kiss his lean cheek.
“My pleasure.” He touched her face softly. “Good night, Elzabeth the First. I like your spunk.”
“I almost lost it, didn’t I? But never again. I’ll have this baby,” she told him, smiling with determination. “And I’ll never let Edward McCullough so much as touch it, or me. Revenge is sweet, don’t they say, and someday he’ll want me. But he won’t have me.”
He nodded. “I know you’re pretty cut up right now, Bett,” he said gently. “But it will pass. Just hold on to that, if you can, and get through it.”
“Is that how you do it?”
He nodded. “You always think of Christmas, don’t you?” He laughed self-consciously. “So we’ll hold on until Christmas. Everything will be fine.”
“Thanks.”
“Get some sleep. I’ll come by for you in the morning.”
“David,” she began worriedly.
“Hush. I’ve got a lot of love to give somebody, why not you and the baby?” he asked quietly. “I won’t ask a thing of you.”
“It’s not fair,” she whispered.
“Life never has been,” he agreed. “But people who never risk, never gain. Not in any big way. If Cul ever comes back, I’ll step aside. But if he doesn’t…”
“He won’t,” she said, turning away. “But I can’t give you what I can’t feel, and I don’t want to hurt you, David. I’ve been hurt enough to know how it feels.”
“I’d rather be hurt by you than kissed by anyone else,” he said curtly. “Now get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”
He turned and walked away. She watched him as far as the elevator and then slowly closed and locked the door.
Five
J
anet came over to cook breakfast for her the next morning, her arms full of papers.
“David said you’d been ailing,” she said cheerfully, “so I came to play mama. Your reviews are fantastic. You’ve made it, honey.”
“Have I ever,” Bett sighed. She sat up, turned white, and dashed for the bathroom, barely making it in time.
When she came back out, Janet was staring at her over a platter of scrambled eggs, her face concerned.
“Yes, I can see you’ve been ailing,” Janet said softly. “Poor darling. Poor, poor darling. Does he know?”
She nodded miserably.
“Well, is he going to marry you?”
She shook her head.
Janet made a rough sound in her throat. She slammed down the platter of eggs. “Why not?”
“He doesn’t think it’s his.”
“Oh, baloney.” Janet sat down beside her on the bed, pulling the tear-washed face onto her shoulder. “Why doesn’t he?”
“You can’t ever tell anyone.”
“Dearest friend, when have I ever told anyone anything?”
Bett smiled wanly. “He says he’s sterile.”
“Cul?”
“Cul.” She sighed wearily. “Janet, he thinks I’ve been sleeping with someone else. He’s positive it isn’t his, he won’t even discuss the possibility. I don’t know who told him he couldn’t father a child, but, boy, have I got a shock for whoever did!”
“Yes, obviously. What are you going to do?”
“Have it.”
“I figured that. I mean, how are you going to manage?”
“The play’s a hit, and I’m making money, real money. I can pay my taxes.” She sighed. “I’ll stay on here and when the time comes, I’ll check myself into a hospital and have the baby. Then I’ll worry about diapers and baby-sitters and such.” She smiled. “Janet, I’ve wanted all my life to be pregnant. I loved him, you know.” Her voice broke. “If I can’t have him, at least I can have the baby. And I’ll love him, and take care of him, and give him all the adoration I can’t give to his father. I’ll make out just fine. I’ll have more than most people ever manage.”
Janet studied her quietly. “Yes, I guess so. But it’s such a mess.”
“David offered to marry me.”
“Great. You can starve together,” Janet chuckled. “He’s a nice man.”
“Yes. But I don’t love him.” She brushed the hair away from her face. “He can be the baby’s uncle.”
“Can I be his aunt? We’ll have a christening and everything.”
“That sounds super.” She pulled herself up and went to the window. “It’s starting to look like spring. And by Christmas, I’ll have a really special present, won’t I?”
She turned, and the radiance on her face made Janet smile. “A special present,” she agreed. “Now, how about some scrambled eggs?” she asked, rising. “You need lots of good food now, to keep you both healthy.”
“Sounds terrific. I’ll just get the ketchup.”
Janet gritted her teeth and spooned the eggs onto plates.
* * *
As the days went by, Bett hardly had time to feel sorry for herself. The role took up most of her time. The play was performed Tuesday through Saturday evenings with matinees on Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. Monday was her only day off, and she usually spent it with David and Janet.
The two of them astonished her. Neither was a mother-hen type, but they seemed determined to protect her from life at large. It had stopped being her baby and became everybody’s baby. Inevitably the day came when the rest of the cast realized what was wrong with Bett. That was when the trouble started.
An enterprising reporter for one of the local papers managed to get the information without asking Bett. He published it. The entertainment page carried the blatant headline: “Fantasy Becomes Reality—Pregnant Woman Plays Lead in McCullough’s
Girl in a Dark Room
.”
Bett almost fainted when she read it. The article was full of praise for the idea, preconceived it seemed, of having a pregnant girl play the role. The reporter went on to speculate that when Bett delivered, her understudy could handle the role while she was out having the baby. Of course he didn’t mention the baby’s parentage, tastefully leaving it as part of the mystery.
Although Bett was furious, David wasn’t. He thought it was terrific.
“Besides,” he said, while the three of them lounged at a sidewalk café and sipped coffee. “It’s giving us some great publicity. And it keeps you from pushing yourself too hard.”
“How could I manage to do that?” Bett asked with a sour face. “Everybody in the cast hounds me to rest.”
“You’re looking great,” David grinned. “All creamy and smooth and healthy.”
Janet looked at the slightly rosier, healthy face and giggled. “Very healthy,” she added.
“Just because I can’t zip up my slacks or button my normal blouses is no reason to call me fat,” she told them, and defiantly ordered a cream puff for dessert.
Nobody had heard from Cul. The first two weeks were over, a roaring success, and it was nice to have this Monday off, to breathe. Bett finished the cream puff and dusted off her fingers.
“Too much of that isn’t good for you,” Janet mentioned.
“And you need to walk more,” David agreed.
“Well, I’ll stop eating cream puffs, and I’ll walk right now,” she promised, holding up a hand when they tried to rise. “I’m a big girl, and no puns, I can walk alone. See you all later.”
“We’re coming for supper,” Janet reminded her.
“By all means, we’ll have pickles and yogurt mixed with mashed potatoes,” she said, grinning.
Janet quickly sipped her coffee, and David groaned. Bett left them sitting there. The two of them looked so right together, she thought, glancing back. Maybe that might work out one day. She shuffled along from window to window, enjoying the luxury of free time. The last week of dress rehearsal had meant twenty-hour days, and she’d been tired already. Now she was picking up, feeling healthy. The doctor had given her tablets for the morning sickness. Although she didn’t take many of them, she found that the occasional one made it easier for her to get around. And one of those multiple vitamins he’d prescribed made her feel capable of lifting a truck.
She was already feeling heavy, despite the fact that she hadn’t started to show at all. Her pants had stretchy waistbands, so they weren’t too tight, and she wore bigger bras and looser blouses. The one she had on today looked just right for early spring. It was white cotton, with a V neck, and felt lacy and feminine. She wore blue slacks with it, and left her hair long around her shoulders. She felt young, and full of hope. Despite the fact that Cul had almost dealt her a death blow, she was coming slowly back to life. People around her were kind, especially since the article. And although nobody really knew who the father was, most people agreed that it was a toss-up between David and Cul. Considering their respective behaviors, they’d narrowed the choice to David. He was so attentive and proud, who else could the father be? Bett only smiled. She was happy with her pregnancy. She hadn’t told her parents yet, but she felt that she’d be able to make them understand. And since she was living in a city the size of New York, hardly anyone would notice the lack of a husband. Her parents could tell their small circle of friends what they liked.
She walked around the corner to her apartment and stopped dead when she saw the black Porsche sitting in front of the building. There was nobody in it, but she knew whose it was. Her eyes went up the wall to her apartment.