Love UnCharted (Love's Improbable Possibility) (48 page)

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My eyes flickered open to the soft night lights of the marina casting through the curtains of the bedroom. I felt soft lugging at my body, but was too much in a fog to immediately catch on to Azmir summoning my body from sleep. He was rubbing my breasts and breathing into my neck. I looked at the clock that was straight ahead and saw it four sixteen in the morning. It seemed as though I’d just shut my eyes for the night. Seconds later, he was mounting me. My thighs opened to him instinctively. He found his way into me via his finger, making sure to awaken my canal.

It didn’t take long as I heard, “You’re so wet...so ready.”

He pushed himself inside of me, communicating his regrets and apologies. It was like slicing through smooth butter, my body had just welcomed him in despite the late hour. My stomach spasms started from the unrelenting pleasure of his lazy thrusts. His stride was strong, slow, and purposeful. Even at the inconvenient hour, he took his time working me. His pulls were gentle, his plunges less. His ragged breathing was rhythmic in my ear and his grasp of my torso was needy. Azmir was making love, meek and gentle. His body trembled with trepidation at every plunge. He was afraid. Frantic, even over his thrust.

Out of nowhere, I began to cry again. The tears wouldn’t stop. He felt so good on top of me, pushing his love inside of mine, trying to once again become one with me. He commanded my body from scent alone,
but this
... We were so connected.
In and out, in and out…
he stroked me gently with his elbows buried in the mattress aside my ears. Azmir’s tongue chartered my mouth hungrily as if on a mission. He made sweet love to me as I lay beneath him, bruised and vulnerable. It not only stimulated my body, but it also sent my mind on a flight.

All this time, I felt that he was leading me on my journey of self-discovery and motivating me to seek out my purpose and push my demons behind me. But in that moment, I felt that I didn’t know who guided who—who was sent to help who. I’m not sure it mattered because I knew I needed him. I needed him just as he professed needing me. I had no where to go. Yes, I’d had my home that was now occupied by his mother, but it wouldn’t have been any more of a home had it still been vacant. Azmir was where my home was. More than the abundance of space this apartment provided, he was every bit of the substance that made it a home—my home.

I still didn’t get it all. I was still confused about so much, but one thing was for sure and that was my incredible, magnetic, and most powerful connection to this man. I felt it in my heart, and somehow in my body, as he penetrated me. My legs started to stiffen.

“I feel it, too,” he whispered hoarsely in my ear, excitedly. “Please don’t fight it. I need to feel connected to you. I need you with me. Come with me like you love to do.”

Azmir’s invitation was so heady and difficult to resist. My previous tears of confusion turned into that of bliss as I felt the growing detonation in my belly and came all around him. He spilled into me, potently. Hot, virile, translucent liquids squirted, invading my womb. Azmir’s chest beat violently against mine as his silken skin lay dank against to mine. His body shuddered over me, not withholding any emotion or sensation he felt as he climaxed hard. He relaxed his six foot four inch frame on top of me, not wanting to break our enfold. Azmir’s desires didn’t need to be communicated using words. I knew he was begging me not to leave him over this recent discovery. To be with him forever.

When my alarm went off a few hours later, Azmir lay splayed, partially on top of me as I lay on my stomach. He was so possessive and insecure in his subconscious. I reached over to turn off the clock and proceeded out of bed to start my day when I caught a glimpse of the glare from my hand. I squinted my eyes at my engagement ring. He must have slipped it back on while I was asleep.

Azmir was making it abundantly clear that he didn’t want a break, or interruption of our relationship. I looked over to him, surreptitiously stealing a view at his sleeping profile. Azmir was gorgeous even in his sleep. His position resembled a male model on the cover of a magazine. It was difficult at times to believe his pulchritude, it was remarkable. Then when you factor in his physique and stature, he was damn near unbelievable.
Could I maintain this man?
He could have any woman he wanted, but he was here petitioning my lifelong commitment. A pang ran through my belly, forcing me to retreat to the bathroom.

In the vanity mirror, I observed the bags underneath my reddened eyes as I stood there taking inventory of all the reasons I should have called out of work for the day. When I tried pulling at my skin to stretch the bags, I noticed the sadistic bruising on my wrists.
What in the?!

Those handcuffs.

Azmir’s brutal handling of me.

My unrelenting combativeness.

Our chemistry.

It made me question what Azmir and I were doing in our relationship. I learned that he was financially supplying the welfare of his ex-girlfriend and
her
child, I reacted to it and somehow woke up to bruised wrists and a sore body, feeling pain—inside and out.
My god, even the sex was violent.

After finishing up, washing, and applying much needed make-up, I went into the walk-in closet and picked up my phone to text Tyler. I had to cancel my workout session with him. There was no way I could explain the bruising and my overall feeble state.

I stood in the closet in a black midi skirt that I thought would be easy to pair a top with. I frantically searched for a long-sleeved blouse to match that wasn’t too formal for work-wear. My unbearable frustration was nearing again from last night when Azmir walked up on me. His appearance, vast, masculine stature always caused my breath to stagger. He was bare from the waist up, wearing his black basketball shorts and black ankle socks, sipping a cup of coffee with one hand and handing me two jewelry boxes with the other.

“I ordered these up a few weeks ago, but forgot they were in my office with other deliveries that I haven’t had the chance to go through yet. These should help today.”

His eyes bore into me, begging for words of comfort and approval of the state of us, but I had nothing for him. I took the boxes, examining the designers’ names on them, feeling anger stirring inside again. Azmir remained standing there, towering me, imploring with his eyes. He was back to his calm and resolved self, almost as if last night didn’t happen. I still needed my distance from him. I just needed time to think about
exactly how nauseatingly crazy last night was.

“Boyd has arrived. What would you like for breakfast?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t have much of an appetite,” I murmured raspingly.

“How about your usual?”

“I guess.”
I mean…really?

“I’ll tell him something lite.” Azmir got the memo. I needed space. He couldn’t cut his gaze of my wrists and it made me uncomfortable. I lifted my free hand, running it over the back of my neck. Simultaneously, his mouth collapsed as his eyes widened at the revelation.

“Are you going to make your appointment with Tyler this morning?” I could tell by his tone that he was urging me to cancel.

“I’ve already sent him a text canceling. My body is too sore,” I nearly choked out on a cry.

Azmir grunted profanities, much to himself as he let out an angry breath. “I’ll have Brett make you an appointment for the spa. We can go right after work today.”

We?

“I have counseling after work, so I’ll need to drive myself today.”
Are you going to offer to attend my session with me, too?

His eyebrows furrowed immediately. He didn’t like my cold tone. “No. That won’t be necessary. I have a meeting with a bank this morning in Culver City and will be back at the rec after lunch. That’ll be plenty of time to think about how you’ll get to counseling,” he commanded, heading out of the closet, leaving me to the boxes.

One held a Évocateur Museum Capriccio cuff bracelet. It looked about six inches wide and was mostly black, decorated with music notes and gold trim. It was beautiful and most certainly ideal for covering Azmir’s animalistic indiscretions.

In the other, was an Auden Lunar cuff. It was designed with black beads inside of gold brass rings. Both bracelets were beautiful and miraculously came at the perfect time. They were both bold pieces that I would have never typically worn together, but I needed to mask my wrists and this was my only option. That Azmir sure had exquisite taste. After considering the color in the bracelets, I selected a champagne and black, horizontally striped silk sleeveless blouse. I was relieved to have found a solution.

Breakfast was odd. We ate with much discussion between Azmir and Chef Boyd, but very little talk amongst Azmir and me. I was anxious to get to work and away from him for a few hours. So excited that once we pulled into the rec’s parking lot, I let out a quiet sigh of relief.

When the car stopped in front of the practice, I grabbed my briefcase and turned, prepared to exit when Azmir pulled me into an impassioned kiss that took my breath away. I didn’t want it, but per usual, my body readily accepted it. When he pulled back, I noticed the slant in his eye that wasn’t attributed to lasciviousness and his usual undeniable desire, but stress and anxiety instead. I knew that I was responsible for it and it made me wonder if he had gotten much sleep the night before. I told myself that I didn’t have time to be concerned with that, I needed to be mentally ready for my workday.

I didn’t want to acknowledge his caveman behavior. Couldn’t express how much it frightened me. So, instead I turned again to leave the car when Azmir took a firm hold of my thigh and decreed, “Don’t run. If you do, I swear with every fiber of my being, I will employ
every
resource I can afford and deploy
every
recovery professional I can find to locate you. That is my fuckin’ word, Rayna.”

I had no words to retort. There was something dark and honest in his eyes that were locked to mine, expressing sincerity of each word he spoke. My mouth dropped in sheer surprise and my ability to speak fleeted me. I heard Ray open my door and felt a sense of relief like none other. I finally got out of the car with his heated gaze still upon me.

With each step I took towards the door of my practice, the idea of escape grew more and more enticing.

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The conclusion of Rayna and Azmir’s love journey coming soon…