Love to Believe: Fireflies ~ Book 2 (19 page)

As if reading her mind, Andrea grabbed her arm in a talon-like grip and gave a vehement shake of her head.
Too late
, Andrea mouthed, still shaking her head.
Stay put.

Horrible Person won by a mile.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Sean said. “I sincerely hoped you were happy.”

“We both know I married Walter for all the wrong reasons.” She emitted a mirthless laugh. “I honestly never thought you’d let me go through with it.” Seconds of silence ticked by before Lindsay added, her tone softer. “Do you ever think about us?”

“Not the way you mean.”

“I never understood what happened. We had the perfect life. You were on your way to being the best defense attorney in New York, Sean, and then--you went away to some dark place, and I couldn’t get you back. I tried everything--”

“Like fucking Walter?”

Lindsay’s sharp intake of breath sounded like a slap. “I may have gone about it stupidly, but I only wanted your attention.”

The silence that followed held electric energy. Rebecca closed her eyes and held her breath. She berated herself for remaining hidden when Sean and Lindsay first entered the room. Caught like a rat in a trap, all she could do was sit and be miserable. Her feet tingled from the position in which she was stuck, ankles crossed, knees crammed tight to her chest. She wriggled her numb toes and muffled a groan. Her bottom hurt, too, now that she thought about it, and she squeezed her butt cheeks to ease the ache. With utmost care she shifted in slow motion to take pressure off her posterior. Her funny bone banged against the lectern. Andrea covered her face with her hands, and Rebecca’s mouth flew open in a silent scream of pain.

“What was that?” Lindsay’s voice cut sharp. “I thought I heard something.”

Andrea peeked at Rebecca through her fingers. Rebecca mouthed, “
My ass and feet are numb
.”

Andrea made a face and nodded.

“Lindsay, look--”

“The affair with Walter was lunacy. I thought--somehow I thought--but you just walked away.”

“What did you expect?”

“That you would fight for me.” She sucked in a breath and blew it out in a slow and steady stream, to gain some emotional control, Rebecca guessed. “The last thing I did before I said my wedding vows was to look past that huge sea of people, down the aisle to the back of the church. Even then, I was so sure you’d stop me from marrying him. I stood like that for so long people started whispering. My mother came up to the altar, hugged me, and whispered, ‘Don’t be a fool. He’s not coming.’

“So I married Walter, and except for the birth of my daughter, I’ve regretted every moment since. And now here we are.” Lindsay’s voice shook. “When I saw you last night, I couldn’t believe it. What are the odds that we’d both be here?” Her tone became emphatic. “It’s like a huge cosmic sign, Sean.”

Sean sighed, his voice gentle. “No, sweetheart, it’s like a coincidence.”

“Things like this happen for a reason. Look, I’m not saying we should run out and pick a china pattern, but we can talk, get to know each other again. You can come up to New York, I can visit down here. We can--”

“Lindsay, stop.”

“Why? Is it because of the redhead? I don’t mind the competition.”

“We can’t go back, Linds.”

“You mean you don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to, and you shouldn’t want to either. We’re different people now, in different places in our lives.”

“Sean--”

“You’re carrying baggage around with my name on it, and you need to cut it loose. It’s past time.”

“Then why did the Universe bring us back together?”

“Maybe to say goodbye. That’s the one thing we never really did.”

There was silence then, and Rebecca imagined Lindsay in Sean’s arms, though she couldn’t know for certain. Her brain created mental imagery out of proportion to the circumstance--because no way were they
doing it
, or even coming close to doing it. Were they? No, of course not. No heavy breathing going on. At least, not yet.

She was ridiculous, overthinking, and imagining things. She shouldn’t peek at them anyway, because a fake image in her head was better than a real one, right? Bad enough that she eavesdropped, spying would compound the misdeed. Besides, she had too much class to resort to spying.

Screw it. No she didn’t.

She chewed her lip and made a move to peek around the lectern, but the wood squeaked and she stopped in mid-motion, afraid to move farther forward or to lean back to her prior position. Great. Stuck, curved up like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. She exchanged a frantic look with Andrea, who crossed her eyes, stuck out her tongue, turned her head sideways, and mimicked being hung. Rebecca bit her lip to hold in nervous laughter, sobering when she heard muffled sniffling. Lindsay must be crying.

“C’mon, Linds,” Sean said. “Go home and fix things with Walter. I’m not worth your tears, especially after all this time.”

Lindsay sniffled and hiccupped. “Y--yes you are. And I c--can’t fix anything with W--Walter. I can’t fix what never w--worked in the first place.”

“Hey, I remember walking in on you two.” Sean’s voice aimed for light humor and Rebecca gave him points for effort. “It sure looked like something was working to me.”

“That’s not funny, Sean,” Lindsay said, and Sean must’ve done something, or murmured something Rebecca couldn’t hear, because a moment later Lindsay let out a little laugh and said, “You idiot. God, I’ve missed you.”

Sean chuckled, and then his tone sobered. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Linds.”

“Not as sorry as I am. Can I at least have a kiss goodbye?”

The soft smoochie sound that followed lasted way longer than necessary in Rebecca’s opinion, but she didn’t have it in her to be jealous, or at least not much. It reeked of goodbye, after all, and she dreaded the day that she would be the one receiving it.

Rebecca knew it was over when Lindsay said, her voice infused with quiet dignity, “Let me leave first, please. I’ve watched you walk out of my life once. Don’t make me do it again.”

“Take care of yourself, Lindsay.”

Emotion cracked Lindsay’s voice. “Goodbye, Sean. If you change your mind...”

The big door ka-clicked open and then shut. A few moments later the sound was repeated and the energy left the room.

Andrea shifted and peeked around the lectern with the care of a cold war spy. “All clear.” She rubbed Rebecca’s arm. “You okay?”

“I feel horrible.”

“Me, too. My ass feels like it’s been shot full of lidocaine.”

“No. I mean that was supposed to be a private conversation. I feel so bad for poor Lindsay.”

“Why do you feel bad for her? The skank cheated on him. And she was ready to throw you right under the bus.”

“I know, but still...”

Andrea stood and stretched, then held out her hand to help Rebecca up. “You’re seeing yourself in her. You aren’t her. Your whole situation is different.”

“But the end won’t be.” Rebecca unfolded from the floor and stood with Andrea’s help. She grabbed the lectern when her feet, all pins and needles, crumpled. She grimaced and alternated stomping first one foot and then the other, rotating them at the ankle to alleviate the numbness from sitting too long in the same position. She delivered weight to her feet by slow degrees, testing them, and eased her sore butt with a vigorous rub.

“You can’t compare yourself to her.” Andrea said. “It isn’t the same.”

Rebecca pushed away from the lectern. Her lower extremities still tingled, but they didn’t give way. She looked at Andrea and shrugged. “The circumstances don’t matter. Goodbye is still goodbye.”

***

Sean corralled Rebecca in the lobby soon after she and Andrea hugged and parted ways. “There you are.” He took her hand. “Walk on the beach with me.”

“Do you have a purple Speedo on under those jeans?”

“As it turns out, I forgot to pack it.”

“If you really have a purple Speedo at home, I’ll give you a hundred dollars.”

“For a hundred dollars I’ll go buy one.”

Rebecca walked with him through the doors at the back of the lobby. They followed the flagstone path through lush landscaping, past the pool, and came to the wooden walkway of gray and weathered planks that offered beach access. They rolled up their jeans and abandoned their shoes before continuing through the fine sand toward the water’s edge. The air bore the tangy scent of salt and sea, and Rebecca breathed it in, her eyes straying to the wide horizon.

“Are you warm enough?” Sean asked when they began their walk along the shore. Rebecca smiled and nodded, happy with the new turn of the day. Guilt tugged at her and she thought of admitting to Sean that she’d overheard his conversation with Lindsay, but it was easy to push it away.

They meandered hand in hand over the packed sand, wet and cold beneath their feet, and escaped the encroaching surf with laughter and quick steps backward when the foamy crash of waves threatened to drench them. They collected seashells and watched sandpipers race across the wet ground, and, when the wind picked up, Sean slid his arms around Rebecca and hugged her close. They stared out over the rolling waves, watching transfixed as a pod of dolphins breached the surface near the horizon, their synchronous motions graceful and rhythmic.

“I could get used to this,” Sean said.

“Me, too. I always forget how much I love the beach until I’m here.”

“Are you warm enough? Do you want my sweater?”

“Your arms around me are keeping me warm.”

“That isn’t what I asked you, Xena.”

Rebecca smiled and leaned back against him. “No, thank you. My sweater isn’t as flimsy as it looks. I do covet your sweater because I love cashmere, but I’m betting you only have a T-shirt under there, and you’ll freeze if you give it to me.”

“I’m man enough to handle it.”

“Will it make you feel better to give me your sweater?”

“It will.”

“Okay.” She drew away and watched while he pulled the sweater over his head, leaving him bare-armed in a black cotton T-shirt. She cooperated when he tugged the soft sweater over her head, touched and amused that he took special care not to catch it on her ponytail, and then she finished the job herself, lifting her arm to her nose to sniff the fabric.

At his inquiring gaze she shrugged. “It smells like you.” Because the admission embarrassed her, she faced away from him to watch the sea and drew his arms around her again to stand as they had before.

Rebecca closed her eyes and breathed the salty air, focused on the rhythmic pounding of Sean’s heart against her back, the crash of the surf, the wind.

In the distance, a child called out for his mother. A seagull cawed, the sound echoing around them.

She could stay here with him forever, standing just like this, and die happy.

Sometime later Sean released his hold on her to dig his cell phone from his pocket.

“Time to go back. We only have about an hour before the wedding.”

Reluctant for the afternoon to end, they started back but took their time with it, collecting a few more seashells along the way. Rebecca marveled that Sean wasn’t bothered by the cold, no goose bumps, no shivering. How did men stay so heated up all the time?

They got back to their suite with little time to spare. Sean shaved while Rebecca showered, and he showered while she dressed. They coordinated their grooming like an old married couple, managing to stay out of each other’s way. When he zipped her dress up the back he dropped a kiss on her shoulder and met her gaze in the mirror.

“You look gorgeous,” he said.

“That’s not what you’re thinking.”

Sean grinned. “You’re right. I’m thinking about doing this task in reverse later on.”

“The zipper gets stuck sometimes.”

“A challenge.” He slid his hands over her belly and upward in a sensual stroke, watching her reaction in the mirror.

Rebecca’s breath caught. She twisted to face him. “We don’t have time for shenanigans, Chocolate Man.”

Sean sighed and released her. “You’re right. Wedding now, shenanigans later.”

Rebecca moved past him to don her earrings and slip on her heels. She grabbed her purse and glanced up to find him watching her, his smile faded and replaced with an expression she couldn’t read.

Another day, in another moment, she might have flipped off a smart-ass remark. But something in his demeanor stayed her voice. It wasn’t what he gave away that gathered foreboding in her chest, but rather what he held back. It hovered just beyond her reach, hiding behind his eyes.

***

Sean watched her move about the room, her lithe body and long limbs all fluid energy and graceful motion. She’d slid into her dress, a classic-looking tailored thing as green as her eyes, and brought the satiny fabric to life simply by wearing it. He had told her the truth about looking forward to unzipping it to get her out of it later, but he couldn’t deny his enjoyment at watching her wear it now.

She wore little makeup. A few swipes of the mascara brush, a touch of some silky powder that made her sun-kissed skin even more translucent, and a dab of gloss or something like it over her lips. He really liked her lips. And that red hair, all those wild curls going this way and that like out-of-control Slinkys. Sexy as hell, and somehow endearing at the same time. And the woman had no clue, no clue at all what she did to a man.

To him, he admitted. What she did to him.

He watched her slip on her heels, trailed his eyes up her well-molded legs, over her slender torso and back to the face he never tired of looking at. She had twisted her mane into a bun...no, what did women call it?...a chignon, and secured it with some clippy thing with sparkly do-dads on it. Whatever. She had done it in about thirty seconds, and he’d bet money she looked better than any of the women who had spent hours at the hotel’s salon.

She grabbed her purse and looked his way, and she took his breath away.

“You look beautiful.”

She stared at him with those wide emerald eyes, probing, he knew, her mind whirling at a million miles an hour. Her intelligence, determination, and fierce independence had sucked him in. It should be no surprise that he loved her.