Authors: Theresa Troutman
“When are you due?”
“The end of April,” Sebastian answered. “Tess has had a bad bout of morning sickness and didn’t want to say anything until she was in the second trimester.”
“Tess, I’ll take you shopping for maternity clothes tomorrow. Won’t that be fun?” her mom asked.
“Tess looks fabulous, Kate. She doesn’t need maternity clothes yet,” Sebastian chimed in, knowing this was a sensitive subject for Tess. “We’ll have to think about baby furniture.”
“Oh, I still have Tess’ cradle. I’ll show you after dinner.”
Tess let the two of them carry on with their discussion while she continued to enjoy her meal.
They were spending the night at Kate’s home, so she gave up her bed for Sebastian and Tess. Kate slept upstairs in Tess’ single bed.
“I think that went very well, don’t you?” Sebastian asked as they lay in bed.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Did you really believe your mom would be upset?”
“No, she’s always been supportive. I’m not surprised by her reaction.”
“Tess, please talk to me. I feel like you’re pulling away. I’m here to support you, but I don’t know what you want me to do.”
“I want you to stop talking about the baby. I don’t want to go shopping with Mom for maternity clothes,” she said, bursting into tears.
Sebastian pulled her close and held her in his arms. “You don’t have to go shopping. How about we go the Philadelphia Museum of Art tomorrow instead?”
Tess let out a little hiccup as her tears subsided. “Yes, I’d like that. Maybe we can go to a nice restaurant in the city to celebrate my birthday, too.”
“Now that’s a brilliant idea.”
“I just don’t want to talk about the baby and I don’t want any gifts that have to do with the baby. I just want to spend the day with you. I want things to go back to the way they were in Europe—just you and me wandering the city and enjoying spending time together.”
“Whatever you wish, darling,” Sebastian said while his hand stroked her hair.
The next morning, Sebastian rose from bed and joined Kate in the kitchen. He would let Tess sleep in because she needed her rest.
“Sebastian, would you like a cup of coffee?” Tess’ mom asked while she sat at the table reading the newspaper.
“I’ll get it,” Sebastian responded, opening the cupboard to fetch a mug.
“I sense Tess isn’t very excited about the baby,” Kate said as he joined her at the table.
“That’s an understatement,” he sighed. “I know it wasn’t planned, but I didn’t think she’d react like this.”
“Like what?”
“She’s trying to ignore the fact that it’s happening. She’s told me she’s happy to give me the baby, but I feel as if she’s doing this for me and that if it were her choice, the outcome would be different. I offered her an out, told her if she wanted to have an abortion I’d support her, but she was adamant she would have the baby.”
Kate reached over and took Sebastian’s hand. “Tess could never do that. She doesn’t believe in abortion. She loves you so much, I believe she wants to have the baby for you. I think her biggest fear is how does she care for a child and still have the career she’s worked so hard for.”
“I tried to convince her that she’s not in this alone. Kate, I’ll do anything for her and the baby. I’ve already been planning on what to do when the baby arrives.”
“Have you discussed these plans with Tess yet? You’re a procrastinator when it comes to sharing information with my daughter.”
“The reason I procrastinate is because I assume she won’t like the idea. I just want to do the right thing, but I feel as if I’m walking on eggshells with Tess. I’ve resorted to reading pregnancy books to try to figure out what’s going on in that head of hers. Meanwhile, miss bookworm won’t go near
What to Expect When You’re Expecting
. I think she’s in denial. I need your help to reach her. Maybe she needs a woman-to-woman conversation. Can you help me?”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Kate promised.
“Oh, and don’t take her shopping for maternity clothes—she’s not happy about gaining weight,” Sebastian warned.
“We have our work cut out for us,” Kate agreed.
Tess shuffled into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
“Tess, do you want to go out for breakfast?” her mom asked.
“Sebastian and I were going to the art museum today.”
“That’s okay. You and your mom should spend some time together. Go to breakfast. I have some things I need to do and I’ll make us reservations for dinner.”
Tess gave him a wary glance.
Sebastian made a cross over his heart. “I swear I’ll be good.”
Tess and her mom sat in their favorite family restaurant eating eggs and toast.
“You’re being unusually quiet this morning,” her mom remarked. “How are classes at NYU?”
“They are good, but it’s been a struggle this semester. I’ve been so tired and sick, it’s been hard to keep up and concentrate on my studies. I hope now that the sickness has calmed down, I’ll be able to get back to normal. We were going to do a study program abroad, but that won’t happen now.”
“Honey, Sebastian is worried about you. I am too. You don’t seem to be yourself.”
Tess placed her fork on her plate. “Mom, I love you both, but I’m really sick of everyone’s concern. I’m angry, okay? I don’t want to have this baby, not now, but it’s too late for that. I just have to try and make the most of it.” The comment made Kate speechless. Tess looked at her shocked expression and let out an audible sigh. “I’m sorry, it’s just how I feel. I’m having this baby because it means so much to Sebastian, but I can’t pretend to be happy about it. Do you think there is something wrong with me? Should I be seeing a therapist?” she asked, feeling confused and lost.
“Tess, pregnancy does weird things to a woman, both physically and emotionally. Other women have felt the same things you are feeling. The important thing is to talk about those feelings. I’m here anytime you want to talk, and Sebastian wants you to be honest about your feelings with him.”
“You two have talked about this?”
“Yes, I’m glad he cares so much about you that he would share his concerns with me. I don’t think you could have picked a better partner to marry.”
“I know he was the right choice for me. I’m just not sure how to tell him all this without it coming out wrong—like I’m selfish and uncaring.” Tess hung her head and shuddered. “The truth is I couldn’t do any of this without his support.”
“Then you need to tell Sebastian just want you told me.”
Tess put her elbows on the table and laid her head in the palms of her hands. “How did you handle college and pregnancy when you and Dad found out you were having me?”
“We were thrilled when we found out we were having a baby. I was going to nursing school, so I already understood what was happening to my body from a medical standpoint. I guess that made it easier to accept. We wanted to have children at a young age. We hoped to have a whole house full of children. Of course that wasn’t in the cards,” her mom said with a tinge of melancholy.
“Maybe it was easier for you because you planned the pregnancy. I was on birth control and still got pregnant.”
“You’re not the first person that has ever happened to, Tess.”
“I know. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so ungrateful. I’m just trying to figure this all out.”
“I know, honey. I’m always here for you.”
* * *
Sebastian and Tess enjoyed their afternoon walking through the Philadelphia Museum of Art. He didn’t talk about the baby; actually, he didn’t talk much at all. Sebastian could sense Tess starting to relax, her shoulders loosening as the tension left her body. She was at his side, holding his hand, and it felt like old times.
He took her to Le Bec-Fin for her birthday dinner. It was extravagant, but Sebastian hadn’t bought her a birthday present, so he figured Tess would forgive him for spending so much money on a meal. They dined on scrumptious French cuisine: foie gras, venison, grilled vegetables, and mouthwatering homemade bread.
Tess smiled as she took a bite of her venison. “This reminds me of Paris. I don’t care how much it cost. Thank you for bringing me here tonight.”
“It makes me so happy to hear you say that,” he admitted, reaching over to caress her hand. “We’ll get to Europe again, I promise.”
“I miss seeing you in a suit,” Tess admitted as she admired how handsome her husband looked sitting across from her. Then she leaned forward and whispered, “You look so sexy.”
“I love you,” he whispered back.
When their meal was consumed, the waiter brought a small birthday cake to the table. Tess’ eyes lit up with joy. Sometimes it was so easy to make her happy. They each ate a piece of the chocolate dessert and had the remainder boxed to take home.
Tess held Sebastian’s hand as they drove back to Kate’s house. “Thank you, Bas. I needed a day like today—just you and me. The meal was incredible.”
Sebastian chuckled. “So have I cured you of your McDonald’s obsession?”
Tess laughed along. “No, I’ll always have a special place in my heart for McDonald’s, but I don’t feel so out of place now when you take me to fancy restaurants.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” he said, stealing a glance at her as they headed down the expressway. “Happy birthday, Tess.”
Sebastian cuddled with Tess on the sofa, the room lit by the fire roaring in the fireplace and the white twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. He was enjoying a piece of fruitcake Alice had made for him.
“I don’t know how you eat that thing,” Tess said, scrunching up her nose at the red and green candied fruitcake.
“It’s delicious, but undoubtedly very English.” He took a sip of coffee. “You know what I just realized? Next year at this time, we’ll be celebrating the baby’s first Christmas.”
“The baby will only be eight months old. I doubt it will have any idea what is going on,” Tess reasoned.
“Don’t take all the fun out of this for me.”
“Oh, I can totally see you staying up late on Christmas Eve putting together a bicycle.”
“I won’t do that. I’ll pay someone at the store to put it together.”
Tess laughed because it was typical Sebastian and one of the things she loved about him.
He stood and took his empty plate to the kitchen. Then Sebastian disappeared into the guest bedroom. He came back few minutes later holding a package. It was obviously a painting, Tess observed, looking at the eighteen-by-twenty-foot picture wrapped in Santa Claus gift wrap.
“We said we weren’t going to buy each other any gifts this year,” she reminded him.
“I didn’t exactly buy it for you. It’s for the baby.”
“You’re buying the baby art and it’s not even born yet?”
“What makes you think it’s art?” Sebastian asked.
“What else could it be, shaped like that? It’s not a rocking horse.”
She reached out and started to pull the paper off the frame. Inside was a bright yellow canvas with a black outline of a crawling infant.
The Keith Haring painting brought a smile to her face. The painting was fun and playful: perfect for a baby. She reached over and hugged her husband. “I love it, thank you. You didn’t get it at the gallery, did you?”
“No, I stopped into the Pop Shop and had the chance to meet Mr. Haring. He made it especially for the baby. Turn the canvas around.”
Tess looked on the back. There was an inscription in pencil.
For Baby Irons - K. Haring ’87.
“Please tell me it cost less than the Warhol.”
“It cost much less than the Warhol, but that doesn’t matter. I only care that you like it.”
“I do,” Tess reiterated. “Does this mean you’ll be buying art for the baby every year as a Christmas gift?”
“That’s an excellent idea. If I buy right, the baby may never have to work a day in her life.”
He had that twinkle in his eye that told Tess she should have kept her mouth shut, but she couldn’t be mad at him. His first investment had paid off and Sebastian had a good eye. He had the uncanny ability to pick the right art for investment’s sake. Sebastian propped the painting against the coffee table and joined Tess on the sofa.
“You keep assuming it’s a girl.”
“It’s just a hunch,” Sebastian admitted.
“That’s very scientific.”
“We’ll find out for sure when you have the ultrasound next week.”
Tess lay on the examination table while the doctor prepared for her ultrasound. She held Sebastian’s hand and they watched the black and white monitor. Suddenly they could see the outline: the baby’s head and an arm stretched overhead.
“Look, she’s waving.” Sebastian grinned.
“And here is the heartbeat,” the doctor pointed out.
Tess watched in amazement. Hearing and seeing the tiny heartbeat was overwhelming. It made the whole thing frighteningly real, and she wasn’t sure whether to be thrilled or terrified.
The doctor continued moving the scanner over Tess’ belly. “Everything looks good. Do you want to know the sex?”
“My husband is convinced it’s a girl. Is he right?”
The doctor moved the scanner again to view another angle of the baby. “He’s right. Congratulations, you’re having a girl.” The doctor cleaned the gel off Tess’ stomach and removed his gloves. “I’ll leave you alone for a few minutes.”
Sebastian gazed down at Tess. “Did you hear that, darling? We’re having a girl.”
“Yes, it’s wonderful news,” she announced, trying to sound upbeat. “I’m so happy you’re getting a little girl. You’ll be an amazing father, Bas.”
Thankfully, Sebastian was so enamored with the news that he didn’t pick up on her anxiety, and simply stared at the frozen image of his daughter on the monitor.
They walked out into the cold wintery day after they finished at the doctor’s office. “Hungry? Let’s get an early dinner before we head home,” Sebastian suggested.
“I’m always hungry,” Tess frowned. Thank God for Lycra leggings and oversized sweaters. At least she was in fashion and hadn’t had to buy dreaded maternity clothes yet.
“Where did you want to go?”
“The restaurant at Saks.”