My home.
Finally.
My chest constricts as I enter the city, my sudden unease slightly waking me from my catatonic state.
I’ve been driving off and on for two days now, and I’m more than ready for a shower and a warm bed. Easing my way into the north side, my hands begin to tremble and my heart rate picks up. I knew coming back home wouldn’t be easy.
I moved to California four years ago for college. Sure I flew back home for Christmas, but I always had a return flight back, and quickly. When I left home I left behind heartache, and I thought forgetting would be best for everyone. I was wrong though, because here I am… driving right back into it all.
Tall sky scrapers greet me as pedestrians without any common sense try and race to the other side of the road.
Pulling my phone out, I text Chloe. She’s a childhood friend who is the same age as me; twenty-one. She’s the only one I’ve stayed in touch with over the years.
Almost there – T
Shoving the phone into the cup holder I wait at a red light and wipe my sweaty palms on my jean shorts.
“Jesus, get a grip, Tate,” I whisper anxiously.
Picking my phone back up, I notice Chloe texted back.
I can’t wait!!!! -C
You didn’t tell anyone I was coming did you? -T
No. –C
That’s a relief.
A horn sounds from behind me, making me jump in my seat. Scowling, I glance in my side mirror and see some asshole flipping me the bird from the window of a blue pickup truck.
I forgot how pushy people can be here. “I’m definitely back in Chicago,” I mumble to myself.
Driving to my old neighborhood I can’t help but rub at my forehead, and chew on my lip. The street is lined with familiar bungalow houses. They are set so close to one another that I remember being able to see into our neighbor’s windows when I was a kid. Chicago can have a bad rep for violence and gangs, but looking at this suburb where I grew up, you’d never know it.
I pass the old tree where I had my first kiss and the curb where I had my first bike wreck before reaching Chloe’s house.
Putting my Explorer in park, I take a sip of my water that is now warm, needing something to wet my suddenly dry mouth.
Getting out of my car I can feel my heart beating in my temples. I can’t believe I’m back here.
What was I thinking moving back?
Chloe busts out of the front door of her house, her long dark curls bouncing everywhere as her heavy chest nearly gives her a black eye from the low cut shirt she’s wearing. She’s always been a looker, and I almost hate her for it. We’re yin and yang. She’s the girlie type, and I’m… well, I’m definitely not.
Chloe attacks me with a giant hug that nearly takes us both down as her arms squeeze the breath out of me.
“Ermigerd you’re here!” she screams, as she stomps her feet in excitement. Returning the love, I pull her into me and close my eyes. I’ve missed her, and as hard as it is for me to be here without a direct flight back to LA, I’m not going anywhere.
“I am,” I whisper. Slowly, I peel my eyes open, and spot my father’s house. My eyes can’t help but drift to the house right next to it… the blue and white bungalow that I know all too well. Heartache, the one I was running from for so long, hits my chest so hard I feel light headed. Closing my eyes to catch my balance, images of the boy I used to love race behind my eyelids. Him hovering over me and laughing a perfect smile, his chest beaded with sweat, as his eyes gleamed with love. I can still see his blond hair falling into his eyes, as his boyish charm sank its claws into my soul. My heart does a double beat and my eyes water remembering it all. I still love him. I always will.
Letting go of Chloe, I try to catch my breath and look at anything but that damn house. “Tell me you’re staying, that you aren’t going back.”
Silently I nod, and readjust my ponytail. I left college and am not planning on going back. Not that I can, that ass whooping I gave Jacki probably got me expelled.
I didn’t tell my father I quit either. It’ll crush him. If he heard I got into a fight, he’d probably crush me.
“I’m staying,” I reaffirm.
She twirls a long lock of her hair, and rests her bum against the hood of my car.
“So you didn’t tell me much on the phone, why the sudden move? Did something happen?”
I cross my arms, and try to remember when everything went wrong.
“I just can’t be that person anymore. The one that woke up and ran to classes I couldn’t care less about. To have to sit there and hear these girls talk about rainbow parties, and who gave who crabs first.” I roll my eyes remembering it all.
Chloe laughs out loud, her eyes wide. “Rainbow parties! Do you know what that is?”
I smile remembering how excited the girls in front of me would get when picking out their lip stick to blow as many guys as they could. I remember one guy complaining to Jacki about not wearing red next time, because his dick had looked like a red Popsicle for a week.
“Yeah, I do now. I’m not sure if it’s brave of them or stupid.”
“Puh-lease. You probably have some bright green lipstick hidden away just for those parties, giving half the football team a Green Lantern.” She winks awkwardly, her mouth hanging open. I can’t help but laugh.
“Green isn’t really my color. I think I’m more of a red.” I purse my lips, and she shakes her head.
“Seriously though, I had enough one day and just snapped on a bitch named Jacki. When my fist connected with her face I just realized I’d been living on auto pilot.” I pull at a random string on my shorts. Remembering how I would walk the streets of California feeling like a ghost. “I was miserable and refuse to do it a minute longer,” I sigh. Actually telling someone about everything that has been weighing on my mind the entire drive here feels like an elephant just raised its foot off my shoulders.
“Yeah, well if you ask me you should have never left here. It’s not what you wanted, I knew that, you knew, and so did your dad. He should have never pushed it on you.” She purses her lips, kicking rocks in the driveway in thought. My chest feels heavy remembering my father pressuring me into college. How it was ‘right for me, and what my mother wanted’.
I shrug. Peeking through my bangs I look at my father’s house. I feel like shit for not seeing him first… but I can’t, not yet. When he finds out I’m not going back, the first thing he’s going to do is get pissed, then try and pressure me back to school. I know it.
“How has Dad been?”
She folds her arms and looks down the street.
“Eh, he doesn’t come out much unless he’s checking his mail or pruning his bushes. Now your sister Journey, that’s a whole other story.” She shakes her head in disappointment. I furrow my brows confused.
“What do you mean, I just talked to her four days ago and everything seemed fine.”
“Well she lies. That girl’s name is always on someone’s tongue. She is a mess Tate, I tried to tell you that.” Roughly six months ago Chloe called me telling me my little sister was arrested for underage drinking. She was caught in the back seat of some guy’s car drunk out of her mind. She’s been sleeping around a lot it seems. I thought I did my sisterly duties in steering her clear of opening her legs to every man who whispers sweet nothings into her ear. I guess she played me.
“Well, I’m here now and plan to put a stop to that shit.” I’ll snatch every little prick trying to come near my sister and break it off if I have to. My eyes drift back to the blue and white bungalow sitting right next to my dad’s house. It’s like a magnet, I can’t help but look at it and see memories of everything that ever happened flash through my mind. I spent a lot of my childhood on the front stoop of that house.
My mind starts to drift back to memory lane, but I turn toward the back of my car to gather my things, refusing to let it.
“You sure it’s cool I stay with you for a couple nights?”
“Yeah, Mom won’t mind. You know she loves you like her own.” Chloe’s mom has always been cool with me. When Chloe and her mom moved here we clicked right away. It’s always been just Chloe and her mom though. Her mother refuses to date when she can go to the store and buy a vibrator. She said, “I’d rather put up with my vibrator than have to put up with a deadbeat man on a daily basis. You can’t replace a non-working man as easily as batteries, my dear.”
“It’s just until I can figure out what the hell I’m going to say to my dad. Maybe if I land a job before telling him he won’t get so freaked out.”
“It’s cool, I understand. But we both know that he’s still going to freak out, especially when he finds out you got into a fight.”
“Yeah,” I cringe. “I don’t plan on telling him that part.”
She giggles and grabs one of my gym bags and heads toward her front door. “Hey Ma! Tate is here!” she announces as she pulls the old screen door open with her foot. Her house looks like all the other bungalows on the block, the only difference is the awning over their front window, and the purple front door.
Grabbing the last bag out of the back of my car, my eyes sweep back to the two houses. Sounds of laughter and faint whispers of love echo in my head.
This is going to be harder than I thought.
Entering Chloe’s home Mrs. Avery throws a dishtowel over her shoulder and opens her arms wide. Her dark curls are pulled back into a blue bandana, her green eyes smiling as she embraces me into a big hug.
“Tate, it’s so good to see you, sugar.” She pats my back. She smells of spices and hairspray.
“Hi Mrs. Avery.”
Grabbing the dishtowel off her shoulder she snaps it at me. “Girl, hush. You’re practically family, you call me Fiona, or Momma.”
I smile, the warm welcome is just what I needed.
“Thank you for letting me crash here for a while.” Looking around the living room it looks just like I remember. A big floral couch with mismatched throw pillows. The corner of the room still has the desk and chair where Fiona stashes her nail polish collection. She works at a spa, and does the best nail art I’ve ever seen.
“Of course, I know how your daddy can be. One day, he’ll move on baby, until then you’re just gonna have to be strong for the both of you.” She brushes her hand on my cheek as her eyes size me up. “You hungry?”
“Starving.” The word fall from my mouth before I can even think about them. You can only eat so much fast food before it all starts to taste the same.
“Chloe, show her where to put her things, and help me set the table. I made lasagna, hope that’s okay?”
“Sounds delicious.” I smile.
Sitting at the table, Fiona serves everyone a heaping pile of noodles, melty cheese, and meat before sitting at the opposite side of the table.
Grabbing my fork, I dive in like a convict having their last meal. I barely come up to breathe as the gooey cheese scorches my taste buds.
This definitely beats Ramen noodles back in the dorm room.
“You eat as much as you want baby, you need a little meat on those bones,” Fiona chuckles to herself as she pushes her food around on her plate.
“Sorry.” I wipe my mouth with a napkin realizing how savage I must look. She throws a hand at me as if I’m being ridiculous.
“So, what are your plans now that you’re back in town?” Fiona questions with her mouth full. I nibble at my inner cheek as I think about how to reply.
“I’m looking for a good gym, with a professional trainer,” I shrug.
“Oh yeah, you still fighting and whatnot?”
Chloe and I freeze, Chloe’s silently telling me to choose my next words carefully. Fiona has a big mouth, if I tell her I got into a fight she’d probably be proud and tell the whole neighborhood… and then my dad would find out.
“I haven’t been practicing if that’s what you mean.” I avoid answering her directly. It’s not a lie per-se. I haven’t been to a mixed martial arts class, or even near a gym, in about seven years. It wasn’t until I got in a fight with Jacki that I realized I have been living a shell of a life for far too long. I felt alive, a rush if you will, when my suppressed anger and hurt surfaced. Some females were born to be good business women, or eye candy. I, on the other hand, I was made to kick ass. Glancing up, Fiona and Chloe both are staring at me, as if they want me to explain further. “I almost enrolled in a kick-boxing class once, but it was a group kind of thing where the instructor did a move and everyone would try to imitate it, it wasn’t one on one.”
I didn’t enroll because it made me think of what I used to have, and that hurt more than anything. Staying away from it all made being numb easier.
“Ugh, reminds me of that nail class Ma and I signed up for, remember that Ma?” Chloe slurs with food in her mouth.
“Oh yeah, it said on the Internet they had a technician that did celebrity nails, and could teach us how to do this or that. Girl, we sat in a big room, and looked at a slide show for an hour. What a waste of time and money.” Fiona shakes her head frustrated. “So what kind of gym you looking for, sugar?”
“I’m not sure. Probably something small where a coach can train me one on one. Someone who knows what they’re doing when it comes to MMA would be nice, but that might be harder to find out here.” Fiona and Chloe both still, their forks mid-air as their brows raise.