Love on the NHS (31 page)

"Sorry. It used to happen with your sister Annie, you know. Men were always after her. Because she was so beautiful they'd develop an obsession with her. Her boss at the rail company she used to work for was trying it on once. She asked me to pick her up after work because she knew he was going to make a move on her!"

"Yeah. It must be hard in a way being beautiful. Dad, do you think she flirted with me on the phone just for the sake of it? That she does that to everyone?"

"Probably. Maybe she wasn't flirting though. She may just have a friendly manner. You liked her because of how low you were feeling but she wasn't a nice person really. It was just a fantasy."

"I suppose."

"You never met her in person, did you? You can't have really fallen in love without meeting."

"But dad, you can fall in love. You can fall in love with someone's personality."

"Well, yeah, you're right. What did she do? Was there anything that gave you the impression she liked you?"

"She laughed a lot and her voice was warm. It was just how she talked to me. If I rang her up, when she first answered and didn't know who it was her voice was neutral but once I started talking she became really friendly."

"That's probably just how she talks. You mistook it for something else."

"But suppose she did flirt with me?"

"Well, she might have done. Women do that. I've experienced it myself. It's nature, isn't?"

"Mm."

"It's the same with animals or birds. If you look at them, they're all so cunning and crafty. They do whatever they have to to survive. Human beings are clever and civilized but we're still animals. I suppose women sometimes use their bodies and their feminine charms to advance in their careers."

"So you think it's Darwinian?"

"Yeah. I don't know if that's the right word... but yeah. We're very weird, human beings. Of all the creatures on the planet we're the most destructive. We've almost ruined this world! In the space of a few thousand years: and it's all existed in harmony for millions or billions of years before we came along!"

"Ha." Luke sighed. He was glad to have talked it over with someone. "Thanks dad. Well, I'd best get going. I feel too depressed to keep talking."

"Oh, sorry. Take care. Just remember, you never know what the future holds."

"Yeah. Night."

"Good night."

Luke retired to bed, forlorn and hoping the next day would not come.

XLVII

Luke made a complaint to the Health Service Ombudsman about how their staff had handled his feelings for Jolly. In particular, he took them to task about making decisions without consulting him. When a person falls in love with someone, which can happen anywhere and anytime, they typically will attempt to woo the object of their affections. It is not easy, the game of love, and is often fraught with confusion; but what Luke could not accept was that he had not even been given a chance. He had made a mistake, he was only human. What he wanted the Ombudsman to acknowledge was that they were wrong to supply information to the police that made him look like a criminal. Luke had never been offered an opportunity to give his side of the story.

At the Woecaster Ombudsman office, Jolly had been told of Luke's love for her by the police. She had also received his love letter and been informed of his walking into her office, requesting to see her. She had then notified her boss. That was fair enough - but then the matter had been forwarded to other people in the Health Service Ombudsman and eventually about seven people were writing to and speaking to each other about Luke, all behind his back. He had no input into what they were deciding about him; and they were sending their conclusions to the police to support Jolly's opinion that he was harassing her and that her side of events was wholly correct. Luke did not know if he had scared Jolly, though the police had told him he had. He certainly had not meant to.

What the staff members were doing, had it been done by ordinary members of the public, would be called a criminal conspiracy. Many people have been charged for plotting to discredit or harm another person, either physically, verbally or in writing; and this was precisely what they were doing. Yet again it was double standards: one rule for officers of the state and another for normal people. Police officers, bureaucrats, parking officers and debt collectors could break the law but no one else could. And the sad thing was they thought by obeying every order their superiors gave they were doing good for their country, or at least for themselves: which was nonsense, their toady support for oppressive regimes would only in the end deprive even them of freedom and security. All it would take was one slip, one action the bosses did not like - and they would come down on their servant like a ton of bricks, destroying their career and taking everything from them.

Before making his complaint, some weeks earlier Luke had sent a Freedom of Information request to the Ombudsman. He wanted to know what it was that people had written about him. In the files that were sent him, he saw a lie had been documented. Jolly's manager the Woecaster Ombudsman office had written that when Luke visited she had come down to the reception to speak to him - so far, true. She also added that she had told him the Ombudsman did not operate a public counter and that he was not able to speak to members of staff there - true again. Then she had made something up: she wrote that she had called the police and when they had attended, Luke finally left. It was utterly false. Luke had requested to see Jolly, attempted to argue his side for a few minutes, and then when he was decisively told he could not had immediately left. And so Luke added this to his complaint, citing it as a prime example of how the Ombudsman had behaved unscrupulously and inhumanely.

He also pointed out that Jolly knew he had Asperger's Syndrome, a kind of Autism, and that she or her superiors failed to take that into account when calling the police on him. In Luke's opinion, they had been disablist as they had refused to try to understand how Autism affected his understanding of the situation. He considered though that maybe Jolly was simply ignorant and so as part of his complaint requested she receive Autism training.

The complaint by Luke was considered for a few weeks by the Ombudsman but predictably their return letter stated they were satisfied with most the decisions they made. They stated they saw no need for anyone in their organisation to receive Autism training, it not being necessary to their job in their judgment. The only concession they allowed was to admit that upon review Luke had not been told to leave by the police. This, they informed him, had been corrected in their files. They saw no problem that they had consulted with each other on Luke's actions without asking his opinion - and dismissed his point that they discriminated against his disability, since Asperger's syndrome in Luke's opinion made people sometimes behave in a socially unacceptable way - but without malice.

Luke had not been criminally charged with anything. A warning had been issued to him; it was not the end of the world. Yet Luke was very sad that nobody would hear what he had to say or represent him. Appeals to his social worker to talk to the police or the Ombudsman about the matter fell on deaf ears. He could not find an advocate either although the National Autistic Society claimed there were such people available. Advocates who were listed in the National Autistic Society's directories were more selective than they first appeared as a rule - a lot of so-called resources were mere mirages, window-dressing really, that the National Autistic Society put on their website to make it seem all was not so grim.

It all embittered Luke at the time but it was fortuitous that in his time spent out, he would forget himself. He had a poor short-term memory despite possessing a brilliant long-term one. He very rarely bought enough food for more than a day or two; planning ahead was too difficult while also dealing with transportation, family, eye contact, strangers' movements and conversations and whatever his personal project was at the time. His devoted interests varied wildly: from learning a musical instrument to collecting old games consoles to attempting to understand a new scientific concept. Luke dreaded forsaking birthdays and appointments; he had done it all too often. He could generally hold no more than four or five items of interest in his head at once - and of late there had been so many stressful events, it was hard juggling even that many in his consciousness. Sometimes he even failed to notice he needed the toilet. If he felt a dull near his stomach or his groin areas - and could not sleep at night - it was not always obvious to him he needed to empty his bladder. If the problem occurred while he was out, it could be worse. He would be nearly walking into people due to the incapacitating effect of needing to relieve himself, clueless as to why he felt so awkward.

Even when he knew he needed the toilet, he could not always make use of it. If there were other people in neighbouring urinals there was no chance of him managing to urinate. Cubicles were better, though if someone was in the next one, the noise or anxiety about them listening in on him could also render him unable. It was with extreme delight, therefore, that Luke received a gift of a disabled key one Christmas from his mother. He could then use the bathroom in privacy in train stations, shopping malls and some restaurants, so long as there was not a long queue.

Many a time had Luke stopped somewhere in public as he wondered what to do, collecting his memories and gathering his instincts. As he stared into space, a lot of people gave dirty looks or passed by haughtily; a banal glare or grimace aimed at him. Unlike in Lawson's Creek or in a prime time soap opera, nobody came and had a heart to heart. The only people who would approach were homeless people begging for money or a tourist asking for directions. On a basic level, Luke had realised that cities were horrible.

Outside of the realm of one's social clubs, school, university or workplace, if one made eye contact with another soul, it was not uncommon to be treated rudely. It offended a lot of city slickers to have to look another person in the eye. They were in the midst of their upwardly mobile trek - who in their right mind would dare to interrupt them? And funnily enough, it offended them when a person avoided or ignored them too. Within the uncertainty and anarchy of the urban landscape, the human ego became unsettled and fragile.

There were so many factors in all this chaos that were unpredictable, based on little more than luck. You could like someone if you met them one day and hate them if you met them another. It was a butterfly effect. Suppose a waiter smiled generously and flirted with a customer in the morning, they would then an hour later be in a good mood when meeting some stranger at a business meeting. That is, if the person liked the waiter - if they did not it would be quite the reverse. There were many other ways the person serving could behave too. They might slam the customer's tea down and stare dolefully at them while wiping the counter irritably. Later, no friendly exchange would take place between the customer and the stranger in the business meeting; but rather a very tired and frazzled one. There was no rhyme or reason to it, just luck.

XLIX

As Luke's head was over his heels due to his love for Jolly, some human distraction was needed. Books, films, TV shows, even food could not fill that void. He sought some support. This time it was arranged in a more sophisticated way under the direct payments scheme. This scheme has widely been used by councils in the United Kingdom since disabled people gained more independence from the older system of relying on care homes, group homes and hospitals. Direct payments would allow Luke to employ who he wanted and to set the terms of the contract of employment. It sounded promising. He had planned to interview many people and choose whoever he felt would really make a difference to his life.

At a meeting to discuss how it would work, he learned that the council had decided he would not be allowed to see female support workers if they were alone. Because Luke had fell in love with Jolly, the Ombudsman had contacted the police. The police had subsequently told Duldrum's social services, in a woefully patronising manner, that Luke could not be trusted with women. Luke was baffled. It was as though the perfectly normal attraction men felt to women was a crime just because they happened to have not met through an asinine dating website; or a bar full of hooligans or in a nightclub in which people danced in embarrassment while popping pills.

Since Luke could not employ any women, a man was recommended to him. He was Martin and to be sure he did have an impressive background. Martin had worked in the National Autistic Society for several years and risen from the bottom of the ranks to a managerial position. He had left because of differences with the organisation. He cited the reason as being that they had old-fashioned and patronising approaches towards support. So far, so good. He approved of Luke's idea of joining him on excursions to bars or nightclubs to attempt to meet people. He was also keen on eating in restaurants, another activity Luke wished to do with a support worker. And so a deal was made, a contract signed and Martin became Luke's employee. What Luke had not foreseen was how expensive it would cost. At £300 a month it costed almost half his monthly benefit payments to pay his share of Martin's wages. The remainder was paid by Duldrum council. Taking his new financial position into account, Luke's original vision of fun times in bars and restaurants soon had to be reined in.

Along with the utility bills, grocery shopping and setting money aside for clothes and visits to family, evenings out with a support worker were not affordable. Things got worse when Luke learned Martin could be quite insensitive. On many an occasion he would spend their time together laughing and joking, while Luke felt heartbroken. Jolly was on Luke's mind but no matter how much he would mention her or his lovelorn feelings to Martin, his support worker's mood never changed. Luke was constantly told things would get better; he would meet someone else - and Martin paid very little attention to seeing it from his client's  point of view. Luke had expected more from a man who claimed to view the old top-down support as patronising. When the two of them entered bars and nightclubs, Luke was surprised to realise that far from being confident Martin was himself fairly socially inept. Whether the women Luke struck up a conversation with were tattooed and moustachioed - bizarre! but then women were the new men - or the height of femininity, he was not getting anywhere.