“No, it was amazing. The way you pulled my hips into you. So hot. It’s always so hot with you.”
“I just, I think, I mean, I’m not sure we should again. Like until we decide what
It’s complicated
means.”
“It’s really not all that complicated, Keatie. I made a stupid mistake. You forgave me.”
“I know you’re sorry about it. But I’m not over it, Dawson. Not at all,” I say as Annie and Aiden walk by me into class. “Bye.”
I sit in my seat and see that Annie is still ignoring me.
I sneak a glance back at Aiden. As usual, I can’t decipher what the hell he’s thinking.
Miss Praline starts class by handing back the quizzes they took yesterday.
Aiden holds his quiz in front of my face. I see a bright red A on the front of it.
“Congratulations . . .”
“Keatyn, don’t look at his quiz,” Miss Praline chastises. She hands me a blank one. “Go out into the hall and take this.”
I finish my quiz quickly then pull my phone out of my blazer pocket.
Me: I met with Garrett today. I hope you’re doing okay with all that’s going on in the news. And yay for Millie & Deron!!
Mom: I have to go in a second. I just got called on set. But I’m happy for them too.
Me: Gracie’s birthday is coming up. Are you doing anything?
Mom: Her birthday is on a Monday, so we’re all taking the day off. Having a family party at the house. She asked for a bouncy house, a rainbow, chocolate chips, tap shoes, her very own stage, and lots of balloons.
Me: So is that what you’re doing?
Mom: Yes, Tommy is having a stage built for her.
Me: I want to come.
Mom: I wish you could. I’m really worried about Vincent’s press release. Have you thought of dying your hair?
Me: Not really. Do you think I should?
Mom: Well, it might be safer, you know? I have to go. Love you.
Me: Love you too.
I think about Gracie’s birthday. How I’ve never missed the girls’ birthdays. How it’s not fair that I’m missing them growing up. That I’m so afraid they might forget me.
I sigh and decide to message Riley. I don’t feel like going back into class yet.
Me: What did the dean think of the video? Did he love it?
Riley: He was very pleased. Where were you this morning? I called but you didn’t answer.
Me: I had a dentist appointment that I had forgotten about.
Riley: You didn’t sit with Dawson at lunch?
Me: I wanted to talk to Maggie.
Riley: I think Jake has a crush on her.
Me: I think they would be cute together. But it will piss Whitney off. She wants to get back together with him.
Riley: Who cares.
Me: I love you.
Riley: Yes, I know.
I decide to text Maggie next.
Me: Jake doesn’t have rehearsal tonight. Maybe you should suggest meeting up in the library again.
Maggie: You seemed kind of out of it at lunch today. You were nodding at the right times, but it seemed like your mind was somewhere else. Are you doing okay with all of this Dawson stuff? And you never did tell me about the stars. Although Katie filled me in on what happened. What Aiden said. About being friends.
Me: Aiden is confusing. That’s why I liked Dawson. He never confused me. It was easy. It’s still easy. Like it would be so easy to just forgive him and move on.
Maggie: What does it’s complicated mean to you?
Me: It means I slept with him. I know it was dumb, but I had to see if it was different. Like if somehow his hanging out with Whitney ruined him. Ruined his lips or something.
I press send then stop. Read what I just typed.
Ruined his lips.
Dawson ruined my lips once.
Is that what’s happening again? Am I letting him ruin my chances with Aiden? Do I even have a chance with Aiden? And why does he want to be my freaking friend? Why doesn’t he want to fix my lips forever?
Maggie: Did it?
Me: No. It was as hot as always. Except now I feel a little guilty about it.
Maggie: Why do you feel guilty?
Me: I don’t know exactly.
Maggie: Aiden?
Me: No. Not that long ago, he told me I should date them both him. But then he did the stars and since then, there’s been nothing. He hasn’t asked me to hang out. He hasn’t asked me on a date. I’ve been friend-zoned.
Maggie: Maybe he’s waiting to see. I just texted Jake. He said, “I’d love to.” Is it bad that I’m swooning over the fact that he wrote the word love in a text to me?
Me: No, it’s sweet. Are you and Parker done hooking up?
Maggie: Yeah. Logan texted me the other day. You know we used to date.
Me: You said that you slept with him. What happened?
Maggie: I broke his heart.
Me: How?
Maggie: I got drunk and slept with my ex. Parker and I are kind of like you and Dawson, I think. Sex is good. We have fun together. Like, when we aren’t fighting. I mean, of course, we said I love you and all that, but . . .
Me: But, WHAT??!!
Maggie: I’m not sure it was actual love. I think it was more lust/love.
Me: And you think that about me and Dawson? We never fight.
Maggie: That’s because you’re so laid back about everything with him. Like when he freaked about the Facebook picture. When he sent you the text that he was drunk in some girl’s bed. When he left for the weekend without making damn sure you were going with him. And then, not going home with you because she texted him. He doesn’t respect you like he should Keatyn. I noticed you cleaned up your room. Figured that was a good sign that you’re taking control of things. It’s one thing if you want to sleep with him or have a friends with benefits relationship. I’ll fully support that, if that’s what you want to do. But don’t try to pretend it’s real love. (Don’t hate me.)
Me: Maybe it is a lusty love. But so what? We’re in high school. It’s supposed to be fun.
Maggie: True. And there are some really hot guys here. Maybe you should stay single and have some of that fun.
Me: Fun sounds good. So do you like Jake or would you like to get back together with Logan?
Maggie: I can say with all honesty that I truly loved Logan and completely screwed it up. Even if I wanted another chance, he’ll never forgive me. He told me that. I’ll be looking all my life for someone like him, probably. That’s why I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone since. No one compares.
Me: I get that. I’ll probably compare every guy to my first love too.
Maggie: The guy you lost your virginity to?
Me: No, the surfer guy. I was so in love with him.
Maggie: And you made mistakes with him?
Me: At the time, I didn’t think so. I thought everything that went wrong was his fault. But it wasn’t. I didn’t trust his love. I pushed for a commitment instead of just being happy that he loved me. But back to Logan. You went to homecoming with him and Aiden and Parker. Was that awkward?
Maggie: Since he hates me, there isn’t much I can do about it.
I hear Miss Praline’s shoes clip-clopping toward the door. Shit. I’ve been out here for a while.
Me: Shit. I have to go.
I slip my phone back into my pocket and pretend to just fill in the last answer on the quiz.
“Keatyn, I forgot you were out here. Are you finished?”
“Yes, ma’am, just finished up.”
I hand her my test and go back to my seat. There are only a few minutes left in class so everyone is either working on their homework assignments or speaking to each other in half French-half English.
Aiden leans up and says, “So, it’s complicated?”
I turn around. “Yeah, kinda.”
“So un-complicate it.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“You can start by bringing your boots to dinner with me. I heard that you don’t have rehearsal tonight. And I got my first A ever on a quiz. We should celebrate. Do you like French food?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“There’s this little place not too far from here. I thought we could go.”
“Is this, like, a date?”
“No, it’s tutoring with food. Or you could call it a tutoring field trip, whichever you prefer.”
My heart drops. Again.
“Oh, so, nothing special, huh?” I put on a little pout. Is it bad that I wish it was a date? Especially considering what happened with Dawson last night?
He rolls his eyes at me. “Fine. I’d like it to be like a date. I just don’t know what
complicated
means.”
“It means that my feelings are feeling complicated.”
“Your feelings have feelings?” he asks with a laugh.
“I told you, it’s complicated. But I’m single. Like, I can hang out, date, kiss whoever I want.”
“Can he?”
My heart drops a little again. Because I don’t like the sound of that. I don’t want Dawson dating or kissing anyone else. But I say, “Yes. Yes, he can. Or could. But he says he’s not going to. I don’t know. The whole
It’s complicated
thing was his idea. He wants to get back together, but I just can’t. I think I need to be single for a while.”
“You act like you’re together. He’s walking you to class. You hung out with him last night. So, is he wooing you?”
“Wooing me?” I think back to what I told my mom when I was complaining about Brooklyn’s lack of commitment. How I wanted a guy who thought I was worth the effort. What is Dawson doing besides wooing me into bed? And does that even count as wooing?
“Yes. Is he taking you out? Being sweet? Making you fall for him?”
I sit there for a second and think about it. “Uh . . .”
The bell rings, so I get up and grab my bag.
Aiden stands next to me, totally invading my personal space. He leans in toward me like he might kiss me, but instead his lips find my ear. “If you have to think about it, the answer is no. I’ll pick you up at 6:30.”
A damn good actress.
Soccer
The locker room is abuzz with gossip about a hot guy that was seen walking into the gym with our soccer coach.
Peyton says to me, “Did you see him?”
“Uh, no. I don’t think so.”
“Trust me. You’d know if you had. He’s got on a tight red Under Armour shirt and has a smoking hot body. I’m hoping he’s a new graduate assistant or something.”
“Are we supposed to be getting a new graduate assistant? Especially in the middle of the year?”
“I don’t know. All I know is he’s young and really, really hot. We’re all drooling.”
I finish tying my shoes and say, “Cool.”
She gives me a funny look then drags me out to the gym. “See?” she says.
I take a quick glance at Cooper. “Yeah, he’s pretty hot,” I say blandly.
She shakes her head at me. “I want to explore all those tattoos. With my mouth.”
“Peyton!”
She grins. “What? I can’t help it. How old do you think he is?”
I shrug my shoulder. “I don’t know. Twenty-two. Twenty-three, maybe.”
Coach clears her voice and asks us all to have a seat.
I plop down on the floor and cross my legs. Cooper Steele looks at me, but I give him a disinterested glance.
I am a damn good actress.
Because my eyes would really, really like to linger on the shirt that is molded tightly to his torso.
“So, girls, I’ve had an interesting couple of days. Most of you know that a few summers ago, I volunteered on a trip delivering soccer balls to children in third-world countries. It was a life-changing experience and I hoped to someday go back. Two days ago, I got invited to do just that, only this time in a paid supervisory role. So I’m taking a leave of absence and embarking on a little adventure. Opportunities like this don’t come every day, so when something like this falls into your lap, you have to embrace it. I’ll be leaving you in extremely capable hands. Meet your new coach, Mr. Cooper Steele. For those of you that have followed the U.S. National team or the Brown soccer team, you might recognize him. Over the next two days, we’re going to acquaint him with your skill levels. So let’s get lined up.”