Love Life & Circumstance (22 page)

“Smells good.” He drawled before laying his cheek against Eli’s back. Elijah shifted and glanced back over his shoulder. Seth caught just the edge of the other man’s smile.

“Good morning, sleepyhead. I made you a ham and cheese omelet, bacon and hash browns. Go sit at the table and I’ll bring it over.”

“I’d rather stay here and hold onto you.” Seth flattened his hands against Eli’s chest and tightened his embrace which he immediately loosened when Elijah turned. Warm, firm lips captured his mouth then retreated.

“You should eat while it’s hot. I have to get going. Have to be at a job site in twenty minutes. Bubba’s meeting me there to go over the blueprints.” Elijah carried the plate and coffee mug to the table, leaving Seth no choice but to follow.  After placing the two in the patch of sunlight streaming in from the window, he turned back to Seth with a bone melting smile. “I need you to think about what I told you last night. I want you to come to Maine with me and Hope. I want to get married.”

Seth opened his mouth to answer, but a lone finger pressed against his lips. “You said you needed time to think.  I want you to really think about it. Granted, we haven’t known each other long, but I want this, I want you.” After a last lingering kiss, Elijah turned and headed for the front door. “I really hope you go with that first gut instinct. You said yes once; I hope that doesn’t change.” When the door closed softly, Seth dropped into the chair Elijah had pulled out behind the breakfast plate he’d prepared.  As the sun warmed his back, he cast his mind back, back to the tragedy that had brought them together.

Bethany and Pastor Deacon.

His heart thumped hard against his chest as Bethie’s smiling face appeared in his mind’s eye. Not the tired, worn out expression from the last couple of months before the wreck, but the smiling girl full of the joy of life just before he left to go to Atlanta.  Before the drugs, before the pregnancy, before Elijah. A reality he’d refused to fully face slammed him hard between the eyes. Elijah had slept with his sister.  Hope was the result of their liaison.

Elijah wanted Hope to have a normal life, to grow up without hatred and discrimination. Seth respected that, he wanted the same. But, how could she have that with Seth and Elijah together? And, being gay wasn’t what worried him. How would they explain her mother and the relationship with Elijah? What did they tell her about the wreck that killed Bethany and her grandfather? Would she ever understand the comfort he found in Elijah’s arms? Hell, he didn’t understand it.

“If you aren’t going to eat that, you can share.” Kris’s sleepy voice startled Seth so badly he knocked the silverware to the floor.

“Kris! I didn’t know you were here.  When did you get home?” Seth bent and fumbled to pick up the spoon and fork.

“I’d say about five minutes before your first orgasm.” Kris reached across the table and snagged a piece of bacon.  At Seth’s incredulous look, Kris shrugged one shoulder. “The door was open so yeah, I watched. Both times.”

“Fuckin’ hell!” All too vividly last night’s encounter replayed through Seth’s mind. The deep penetration, him helpless and dazed against the headboard, the pleasure, the masterful way Elijah had taken him and then the tenderness. “You should have let us know you were there.” Fury made his voice shake.

Kris looked up then, his eyes clear and direct. “Oh your boyfriend, or should I say fiancé,  knew I was there. He claimed you in no uncertain terms, laid down the boundaries so I didn’t have trouble understanding them.” Settling back in his chair, Kris chewed another piece of bacon and seemed to consider his next words carefully. When he spoke, Seth's anger reached an entirely new level. “I won’t lie, I made a play for him this morning.” Kris lunged to his feet and backed away as Seth sprang up from his chair. His fingers clawed with his intent to strangle the man.  "Elijah is mine! You stay away from him.”

“Hey, hey, hey….chill out. He shut me down quick just like he shut Rhett down the night I arrived. What he said to you last night, he meant it. Rhett and I had a long talk over dinner; Elijah’s serious about you.”

Stunned, Seth's anger drained. He dropped back into his chair. Thoughts crashed into each other, emotions swelled and ebbed, and all of it revolved around Elijah. Silence blanketed the room while he struggled with the onslaught of information. He'd told Rhett he was serious about Seth? Elijah loved him? Was it the trauma that bound them together? Was it Hope? Did they really stand a chance when everything settled down?

“Obviously, you aren’t going to eat, so I am. No sense letting it go to waste.” The plate disappeared from in front of him, but Seth didn’t protest. Instead, he pushed back to his feet.

“I’m going out for a while.” He headed for the hall and stopped. “Please tell me Rhett isn’t in Beth’s…ahh...in your room.”  It was bad enough Kris had witnessed the passion between him and Elijah; he wasn’t sure he could handle knowing Rhett had watched, too.

“He’s not, but he probably will be when you get back.” The blunt response was typical Kris.

“Noted, see ya later. And, close the door would ya. I’m not into the peeping Tom bit.” Seth left a chuckling Kris and escaped to his room.  Once he’d donned a clean tee shirt and flip flops, he whistled for Rocky and hurried out the front door.

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After a stop at the florist’s shop, Seth drove to the cemetery. All of his life when things got too twisted up inside, he talked to Bethany. He needed her today, making a decision about Elijah and his offer was a monumental step. He pulled into the main entrance and parked.  The weight of a boulder seemed to rest on his chest. Between visits to Hope, Kris’s visit and the rocket ride with Elijah; he hadn’t visited her grave since the funeral. He rubbed at the ache in his chest as he swung the truck door open. Flowers in one hand and Rocky’s leash in the other, he trudged across the perfectly manicured lawns. He paid little attention to the headstones he passed solely intent on reaching his twin’s grave without losing his shit.  Finally, the small plot lay at his feet. The newly installed headstone bore her name and the dates of her life. Seth sighed deeply and sank down into a squat to arrange the bouquet in the cement vase provided.

“I brought your favorite, Bethie. Yellow roses.” His voice broke and he took another shaky breath. “Hope’s doing so good. I’ve been to see her every day. This time next week, she’ll probably be at home.” Absently, he stroked Rocky’s head as his thoughts tumbled one over the other. “Elijah hasn’t missed a day either. You couldn’t have picked a better father if you’d tried.”

Seth paused and pulled his wallet from his back pocket. His copy of the picture of him and Elijah holding Hope for the first time appeared in the sunlight. “He didn’t know about her. Pastor Deacon never told him. He would have helped you if he’d known.” The tears he’d been fighting won out and spilled over to run down his cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell him? Why didn’t you tell me? Then you’d be here. I’d have my sister and Hope would have her mother. Gods, Sis, what were you thinking? You killed an innocent man.” Seth dropped onto his ass at the side of her grave, clutching the picture. Tears ran unchecked, and his shoulders shook. Beside him, Rocky whined and laid his head in Seth’s lap.

It took several minutes of fighting for composure before he could speak again. “I love him, Bethie. I love Elijah. And, he says he loves me. How crazy is that?” Seth ran his thumb over the image of Elijah’s face. “Where would we be if you were here? Eli’s an honorable man; he’d have offered to marry you. He loves Hope with everything he is. It’s amazing to see.” A breath, and then another. “And where would I fit into the picture then? Would he and I still have this connection? Would I have spent a lifetime lusting after your husband? Or, was it the tragedy that drew us together? I keep thinking about that line in Speed…about tragedy and emotions. Is any of this real?”

A breeze rustled the leaves of the trees around him, and a whisper of wind brushed over his cheek. Closing his eyes, he imagined Bethany sitting in front of him, a smile on her face, her hair lifting in the draft. “He says he wants to get married, move to Maine where it’s legal. He’s taking Hope.” When he opened his eyes, her image disappeared and he sighed. “Bethie, I don’t know what to do.” The last emerged as a whisper almost obscured by the wind and birdsong.  “Anyway, I better get to the hospital. Hope’s waiting for me.” He leaned forward and placed the picture against the headstone. “I love you, Beth.”

Shoving to his feet, Seth brushed himself off. Just as he turned to go, a bold gust of wind slammed into him. The picture lifted away from the granite and tumbled away in the air current.

“Damn it!” Seth gave chase. With a loud bark, Rocky tore off after the picture as well. With the leash still attached to his wrist, Seth stumbled and flailed trying to maintain his footing while keeping the photograph in sight. “Rocky, stop. Sit!” The well trained dog immediately stopped and sat tongue dangling as he arched his head to look back at Seth. “Stay there.” Seth panted and worked the leather free of his wrist. With a last command to Rocky, he resumed his trek after the still flying photo. Almost halfway across the cemetery, the wind died and the picture floated back to the ground. In two steps, Seth bent to pick up the wayward thing. The name on the headstone caught his eye and a grin spread across his face.

Pastor Chamberlain Deacon.

It seemed the dead could speak. Seth bowed his head in respect to Elijah’s parents. “I love your son. I’m going to take care of him.” He whispered before turning his face skyward. The sun bathed his face and he smiled.

“Thank you, Bethie.”

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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

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“The boys ‘n me sure wished you was stickin’ around some, Eli. Things ain’t gunna be the same round these parts without you. I’ve been around a long time and then some. Seen some good times and some bad. But you, you’re like my own kin and not havin’ you around to bust up on, well…let’s just say, you gunna be missed.” Bubba’s deep Southern drawl cracked, and Elijah tried hard not to let the sentiment in those words get to him. But, Bubba was one of those guys who wore his heart on his sleeve, and no matter how much Elijah fought back against his own male bravado, Bubba’s words cut through him like a knife.

Since he was old enough to remember, Bubba had been there, in the background, watching over him and picking him up and dusting him off when things got bad. “I know it ain’t my place to say so, but I sure hope he’s worth it. I know that if this was just about you and Hope, there’d be no question of you staying. Hope he appreciates what you’re doing, what you’re giving up to make things right for ya’ll.” Elijah wasn’t sure he was hearing right. Surely, Bubba didn’t know, did he? As much as he wanted to avoid the issue of his private life and the pending conversation looming between them, he knew avoiding it, would in some way, be denying how he felt about Seth. Hell would freeze over before Elijah lived another day in the shadow of his past and society’s bigotry. He met Bubba’s gaze expecting scorn and disgust, but instead, found sentiment, a smile, and a hand that offered strength and support.

“You must be thinking I’m dumb if you thought I never knew. Geez, Elijah, I changed ya damn diaper on this here desk. We’ve always known, all of us, even ya daddy. He just chose to overlook it, thought ya would grow out of it. But, we knew, me and the boys. And we’re still here. There ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed of; I just wish ya knew that, is all.” Bubba’s hand clenched around Elijah’s own, the rough black skin a stark contrast to his own. Looking at their hands locked together, Elijah thought of the struggles born of race, creed and hatred and squeezed his old friend’s hand even tighter. They both knew what it was like to be different; Bubba had been fighting racism all his damned life. Yet, here he was, years later at Elijah’s side, offering him words of wisdom born from a life filled with hope.

“He’s worth it; he’s a good man Bubba, and I know he loves Hope. I had a hard time getting my head around the fact that my father lied to me. If I’d never met Seth, I’d never have known Hope existed. And yet, throughout all the mess that brought us together, I found someone that actually wants me.” He looked down lost to his own thoughts and felt more than a bit dumb. Bubba didn’t need to be hearing this, but for some reason, talking to the man felt right, easy almost.

When he looked back up Bubba’s face brimmed with the biggest fuckin’ smile Elijah had ever seen. “Well, Lijah, just make sure you enjoy the ride. We don’t get many chances in life, so take it while it’s there and live it to fullest. That’s what my momma always said.” They clapped their hands together in a firm handshake as Bubba rose to leave.

“Amen to that my old friend. Now get your ass out of here before you have me crying into my hanky,” Eli joked.

Hours later, Elijah sat looking out of the hospital window, lost in thought as he cradled Hope. God, he loved the time he got to spend with her. Tenderly, he brushed his lips over the soft downy red hair layered across her scalp. That new baby smell lingered in his nose; it was something he’d heard of but never understood until Hope. And now, he couldn’t get enough as he closed his eyes and breathed her in. On entering earlier, Elijah had met with Hope’s pediatrician to talk about her health and any further tests she may need. He’d also explained his plans to move up north. The doctor was more than supportive, explaining to Elijah some of the extra tests needed for premature babies. Sight tests, hearing tests, lung function and constant coordination tests, the list was endless. When the doctor’s facial features changed, Elijah’s gut had churned.

“We know Hope’s mother was under the influence of alcohol and drugs at the time of the fatality. On the presumption that Miss Jacobs may have been a habitual user, we have had to observe Hope for signs of infantile dependency. Your little girl is a fighter, Mr. Deacon, but you need to be aware that babies born premature to addicts unfortunately have a high risk of breathing difficulties and heart problems. And, they are prone to ADHD. They also have low immune systems. Considering the toxicology reports of Miss Jacob’s blood at the time of her death, I have to admit I’m surprised Hope survived. As you’re aware, we have been testing and monitoring her progress and will continue to do so, but she will need lots of care Mr. Deacon.” The pediatrician’s words still chilled Elijah’s heart. Hope’s battle wasn’t over, it was just beginning.