Love in the Time of Cynicism (24 page)

I bite my lip, unsure what to say. Nobody calls me beautiful the way he does, nobody makes me
feel
beautiful like he does. Luckily, Rhett swings the backpack off his back before I have to speak. First, he throws a dark fleece blanket over the ground and tells me to sit because the wind’ll blow it away. I oblige and drag my hands over the soft fabric. I watch as he places a small boom box on the blanket, followed by two warm silver thermoses and two plastic bags. When he hands me one of the thermoses, I unscrew it and smell what’s inside. The scent, familiar and wonderful, is recognizable after half a second of thought. Caramel macchiato. The drink I made him the first day we met, because it’s my favorite. Then I move to the baggie and grin madly. Cotton candy, blue and pink and spun into clouds.

I’m smiling like a four year old discovering chocolate as Rhett hits a button on the boom box and a laugh parts my lips. The soundtrack to
The Breakfast Club
floats between us and he sits cross-legged in front of me so our knees barely touch. He shrugs off his jacket and takes a sip from his own thermos.

“Rhett, are you trying to tell me anything?” I gesture to the scene around us. “About our relationship, maybe?”

“What could you possibly mean?”

I think about what Tannis told me this morning and reply, “Nothing. I’m very impressed, that’s all.”

“Good.” He’s pleased with himself, that much is obvious.

“It’s our favorites,” I acknowledge. “I’m surprised you remembered.”

“I’ve committed everything about you to memory up until this point. From the rich coffee-brown color of your eyes when I’m graced with being in your line of sight-” he kisses my forehead lightly and my heart flip-flops in my chest “-to the pattern of freckles on your hand-” his lips brush against my fingers “-and everything in between.” His hands run over my sides and back until my stomach is turning with the idea of kissing him.

Tentatively, I reach for his hands and draw him closer as if he might say no. Our lips touch and everything inside me is set on fire.
I love you
, I tell him inwardly as my hands travel to his back and I pull myself forward so my legs are around his back, my chest to his. His lips push fervently against mine and I’m more alive than I’ve been in a long time out under the indigo sky. My heart thunders against my ribs as Rhett’s fingers clumsily find the top button of my blouse and he undoes it. Electricity pulses everywhere he touches and soon my whole body is alight with him. For the first time, I feel under the hem of his black shirt (which I now realize he wore simply because it’s my favorite) and allow the heat of his skin to warm my hands.

His voice is deep and sensual as he speaks against my neck, “God, you drive me crazy.”

Though he’s said a million times that I’m beautiful or gorgeous or amazing, he’s never told me anything like
you drive me crazy.
Barely anything to make me believe he could want more from me than what we already have. My heart jumps at the thought that maybe, more than maybe, he wants me the ways I want him.

Caught up in something I can’t quite explain, for a brief moment, as Rhett kisses down my neck and sends me shivering against him, I glance up at the sky and stop everything.

“Oh my god!” I exclaim, “Did you see that?”

Rhett breaks away from my skin, sighs, and says, “I was a bit distracted, if you hadn’t noticed.”

My eyes locked on a place far off on the sky, Rhett follows my gaze.

Out of nowhere, a thousand twinkling stars rain down. They pierce across the dark sheet of night and blink out of existence as more take their place. The streaks of white shower down until I think they’ll fall into the lake and tear open the dark abyss below. I stand on my tip toes to get a better view. Wonder fills my lungs with every breath I take. The stars shatter overhead, breaking on the roof of the world and breathing across the horizon. A thunderstorm of glittering brilliance exploding in a few frozen moments.

The palm of Rhett’s hand sits on the small of my back as he exhales, “Wow. Really, wow.”

Then, quick as it had changed, the sky returns to its calm state and my brain buzzes with the energy of what we’ve just seen. My thoughts scatter and tumble over the ground.

Rhett, surely facing the same bewildered admiration, takes a few steps closer to the edge of the cliff; we’re only about thirty feet up, but the drop seems vast and immense. His voice laces over my ears as Rhett makes a small request. “Let’s jump.”

“What?!” I snap back to reality and stare at him gazing out over the water.

“Let’s not even think about it.” He’s giddy with excitement and I’m standing there shocked. “Come on, Cordelia Kane, I know for a fact you aren’t as afraid of the world as you pretend to be.”

That hits me and I step forward and press my hands against his chest. “I’m not
afraid
of anything.”

“Prove it,” he goads. “I’ll bet you ten dollars you’re too scared right now to even consider it.”

I narrow my eyes, knowing this is a teasing provocation if anything. But something in me is screaming
do it!
and I can only obey. I whip off my scarf and hand it to Rhett. “Protect that with your life.”

“Wait, what are you-?” When I begin unbuttoning my blouse, his mouth pops open a bit. “I wasn’t serious, you know. You don’t have to-”

“Shut up, you’re going, too.”

“No, I don’t think that’s a good-” But he’s standing there holding my clothes and I’m only wearing my bra and underwear and he’s reached the point where there’s no going back. He tries to look strictly at my eyes, the gentleman, as he says, “Fine. Let’s do this.” He strips down to his boxers (now I’m the one who has to concentrate on eye contact) and he cuts me a sideways glance and a wink. His voice is layered thick with flirtation as he says, “Don’t get any ideas.”

“No promises.”

He laughs out loud and asks, “Who’s going first?”

I crack my knuckles in mock-confidence even though my hands are shaking and reply, “I’ll do it. My summer of lifeguarding has to pay off sometime; might as well be now.”

“You were a lifeguard?” He’s impressed, by the looks of it, and my hands stay still – finally – as his faith in me rises. “Lifeguard’s are
so
hot.”

“You have no idea,” I reply.

Then, in an unexpected burst of boldness from deep within, I fling myself off the edge of the cliff. The drop is a split second and I manage to arc into a perfect dive. Air shoots past me as I plummet towards the black lake, not knowing how far or how fast I’ll have to fall before hitting the water. I can’t see anything or think with the adrenaline slamming through my veins at a million miles a second. The drop ends in one extraordinary instant when my hands slice through the chilling water. The river engulfs me, my body slipping in a pocket of coolness as it slows my speed.

The river is colder than I’d expected with it so warm out and it’s frigid against my skin. The cold invigorates me, shocks my system, and I kick hard and fast to the surface, where I take in a huge gasp of air and flip my thick hair out of my face.

My vision obscured with darkness and water, I don’t see Rhett jump. But I heard him plummet into the water a few feet from me and hear his voice when he shouts, “
Holy fucking shit that was ridiculous!
”

He’s sputtering and brushing his hair out of his eyes when my eyes finally adjust enough for me to see him. We’re both treading the glacial water and I figure my legs are tired but too much adrenaline is coursing through me to think about it.

A massive grin breaks over me and spreads past my face, if that makes any sense. I’m smiling everything, from my toes to my soul and anywhere in between because I’ve realized something fantastic. This gorgeous, unbelievable boy has decided to follow me, quite literally, off the edge of a cliff. That’s not the sort of thing you do for anybody.

“Race you to the beach?” I call back and start swimming free-style as he agrees.

As I glide through the water, a fish brushes my leg and I shriek. Damn girlish instincts. This folly allows Rhett to pass me with a pointed laugh and I curse myself. Game on. My heart rattling around my throat, I push hard and kick my legs fiercely, every ounce of strength going into passing my boyfriend on the way to the sandy river bank. Arms reaching farther than possible, I make my way forward and catch up with him at least. At the end of our race though, he overtakes me and runs onto the sand, pumping a fist in the air like a marathon winner. He continues to run until he’s near the tree line and waits for me with a stupid, lop-sided grin smacked across his lips.

I walk out of the water when it gets shallow enough for me to stand in. The sand conforms and squishes around the shape of my foot. There’s a smile I can’t wipe off as I look at Rhett, my Rhett, reveling in swimming a few seconds faster than me. I’ve never minded losing to begin with, but seeing the amount of happiness clear in him makes the loss feel like a victory.

While I’m sauntering slowly toward him, Rhett stops rejoicing in his victory and stops. He stares over me intently, this time letting his eyes trail over my body, until an expression I can’t quite read settles over his features, somewhere between contentment and tenderness. And then he’s running. His feet kick up sand and I pause in my step, confused. My eyes lock with his and something unnamed passes between us.

When he reaches me, instead of ceasing to move, he only slows and throws his arms tightly around my waist. Laughter builds between us as he spins me around in his arms and plants a firm kiss on my lips. My heart’s racing now, but it isn’t from adrenaline.

Giggling because Rhett starts to deposit kiss after kiss rapidly across my face, from my chin to my forehead, and he’s still holding me tight.

I laugh and return one of his kisses, “What’s up with you right now? Feeling particularly affectionate?”

“Better than that.” Rhett’s smile is brighter than I’ve ever seen – which is saying something, considering how often he beams in my direction – and his whole face seems engulfed by the power of that smile. “Cordelia Kane, I just realized I’m in love with you, and it feels fantastic.” He tilts his head back and shouts to anyone who’ll listen, “Hear that, world? I’m in
love
!”

Instead of my stomach being in the knots I’d expected, a sudden sense of calm has overtaken me. Like everything’s right in the world as long as he’s hear and loving me. Like I never want him to stop telling me he loves me. Like nothing will ever be wrong.

Rhett’s voice falls away and silence steps between us, no longer awkward but full of hope as he waits for my answer to this impossibly easy question. The words slip out earnestly and without thought.

“Rhett Tressler, there are more than a million words in the English language and I could never string any of them together to explain how much I love you.”

Chapter Fourteen – Choices Presented

When I wake up the next morning, November 1
st
, my eyes pop open and a quick smile covers my face. In a motion almost habitual over the past twelve hours of restlessly joyful sleep, I touch my fingers slightly to my lips. They still seem warm, like the heat of Rhett saying
I love you
and kissing me over and over again had enough energy to last the night without him. And I guess it did, because my heart won’t stop soaring when I think of him, of his hand on my back as we finally said it out loud, once and for all. Frankly, I’m eternally impressed at how poetic I managed to be on the spot. Normally things that are sincere and romantic come out more like sarcastic insults because of, well, my personality.

My room is so dark at six in the morning, yet it’s lit with something I would call internal light if that wouldn’t sound stupid. I can’t even wipe the damn smile off my face as I stand and hit the lamp on, which stings my eyes until I’m squinting in pain. The grin persists past dressing in my favorite pair of polka-dotted knee high socks (why not?), a black skirt, and a pink sweater because I’m feeling girly and adventurous. Rhett makes me believe in wearing a skirt to school despite the blatantly horrendous idea of actually wearing a skirt to school. He makes me want to be girly like the girls in so many romantic comedies who fall in love with the perfect jock and have some hardships but make it through at the end.

That’s how much I love him after last night. I’d listen to every one of his shitty rock albums, watch his favorite movies a thousand times on end, if only to be with him. It’s crazy, I know, but until I met him, I didn’t understand love. I figured it was something people made up and spent their entire lives convincing every else that they were in love.

Now it seems…magical, almost. Anything could happen.

And the smile hasn’t left by the time I’m downstairs for breakfast. Mom’s in the kitchen waiting for me with a sour expression glued on her flawlessly-made up face. I try to stomach the happiness a moment as I open the fridge, pull out a cup of yogurt and leftover pancakes in a freezer bag, and prepare my breakfast as quickly as possible. I don’t want to be in here when she tells me what’s behind the irked look. Unfortunately for me, my timing has always been less than impeccable.

“Del, why were you home so late last night?”