Love and Other Wicked Games (A Wicked Game Novel) (40 page)

“Of course I love you. And you love me too, whether you want to admit it or not. I know that it’s true. You love me so much that you can’t sleep at night. So much that it hurts.”

Cal stood motionless. He refused to lie to her ever again, but he also refused to admit just how right she was, because it didn’t matter that she was right. What mattered was that the only way he would ever be able to show her his love was by staying away from her. And he knew he had to stay away from her. Just this, just being in the same room, just seeing her take control of the situation today, was nearly enough to make him give in.

“You can’t possibly know how I feel.”

She took a step closer to him. “But I do. I can see it in your eyes, and on your face. I can feel it in the way you move around me, and in the sound of your voice…”

“You just think you love me,” Cal tried once more in desperation. “You think I complete you or something and I don’t. It’s not possible for me to complete—”

“Complete me?” Ellie began to laugh. She actually laughed out loud and bent over, leaning against her knees to catch her breath. “
Complete me?
Don’t be ridiculous!”

Cal straightened his back, startled. “But… but when we’re together…” He cleared his throat and lowered his voice as if that would somehow hide the full depth of his feelings. “When we’re together I feel—I feel as if—” Cal pinched his brow, and then looked at her full on. There was no use trying to pretend, so he might as well say it. He was sure she was already working it out for herself anyway. “When we’re together I feel as if I’m something more. I am something more. And the only way for that to be possible is if I’m taking something from you to add to myself, when I have nothing to give you in exchange. How is this not completing?”

“Is that what you think? That I complete you and you have nothing to offer me?” Understanding flicked across her face. “Is that why you left? Is that why you think we can’t be together?”

Yes. God in heaven, yes.
But he couldn’t bring himself to say the words for fear he’d say the ones he was holding inside so tightly instead.
I love you.
He wanted to scream it over and over again.

“You bloody fool. Of course you have something to offer. You have so much to offer.”

Cal shook his head in protest.

“Can’t you see it? Can’t you tell?”

He shrugged, still refusing to speak.

“I’m more when I’m with you, too. I’m also my best self.”

Cal tried to hold it off but he felt a sudden warm ping of pride in his chest. Everything about her was wonderful, her strength and her tenacity and the way it had all blossomed right before his eyes. These thoughts lit him up like a warm summer day.

But he couldn’t think them. No. He couldn’t think them. Cal crossed his arms in front of his chest as if that would hold these feelings inside of him and prevent them from growing once more into reality.

It wasn’t working.

“I do see it,” he finally chanced. “I see that you’re more. But I have no earthly idea how that could possibly be because of me. And even if it was, what’s to say that I’d always have something to offer? What if one day I no longer do and the only thing I can do then is take,” his voice stuck in his throat as he held back the tears, “and
take
until you have nothing left.”

“You don’t complete me any more than I complete you.”

He sat down on the edge of his longue and crossed his arms, unsure what to do or say or how to make her understand.

“There’s a difference between completing and complementing,” Ellie said at last. When he continued to stare wordlessly she added, “It’s like… puzzle pieces.”

“But don’t two puzzle pieces complete each other?”

“No! Have you ever seen a puzzle piece that needed another piece to exist, or to be whole?”

“Well, no. I guess not…”

“Exactly! Each piece is completely whole on its own; a complete entity. It exists entirely independent of any other piece that may or may not exist. But the thing with puzzle pieces is that even though they’re complete all by themselves they’re part of something bigger… And each piece is completely necessary, in its own right and in that bigger picture. On their own, though, it’s difficult to see their worth and how they fit into that something bigger. It’s only when joined with other pieces that the bigger picture becomes clear, and their individual importance shines through. They complete the puzzle, not each other.”

Ellie wiped at her eyes. “And
that’s
the difference between completing and complementing. That’s what we are to each other. We make each other better. And not because we’re lacking something in our own right, but because we each help the other to see the bigger picture of who we are and what we have to offer, both to ourselves and the world.”

“But…” Cal shook his head fighting the powerful truth of her words.

She took another step in his direction and Cal pulled back, afraid of what might happen if she finally reached him.

“No. You can’t love me because—”

“I don’t love you because you complete me! You don’t complete me. I love you because you made me realize that I complete myself.” Ellie wiped at her eyes again as she finally reached him and knelt down before him, clasping his hands tightly in hers. She looked up to him, fresh showers pouring down those baby blue skies. “And you complete yourself too, Cal. We both just needed a little help figuring that out.”

Cal was rendered speechless with the realization, and the proof, of just how wrong he’d been about this all. And just how stubborn.

He reached out to wipe away the tears that rolled down her cheeks. The feel of her against his skin was sweet relief and it set him ablaze. She’d done it again with her unending love and compassion and caring, with the same wonderfulness that he’d known from the day he met her. No matter how he tried to resist, no matter what he did or said, she persisted. He knew now that she always would.

She would never give up in her fight for him or them, or for the workers. And because of that he would never be able to give up on any of it either, even in his darkest hours. Ellie wouldn’t allow it. Ever. He trusted in her and her strength in ways he’d never been able to trust himself and so he silently vowed that from this day forward he would put himself in her hands.

In this moment he let acceptance over-take him, and he let her break through his every boundary and wall and fear and delve deep into the place that told him that everything was alright and all things were possible. Always and forever. And that was when Cal knew.

He would never be able to push her away ever again. And he never wanted to.

She kissed his hand. “I love you.
You,
Cal,” she said once more.

He couldn’t help himself but to respond. In fact, he burst to respond. “I love you, Ellie. I always have.”

A smile of relief and joy framed her face but then she frowned, just ever so slightly in thought. “Now that all this is settled, what are we going to do about the workers?”

This woman. Lord, that he did love her. “You don’t waste time do you?”

“
Never,
” she whispered deviously. “But I haven’t worked out what to do about it yet…”

“We’ll figure it out. Together.” Cal kissed her hand. “Though I have had an idea rattling around in my brain for quite a while—inspired by you and your family actually—and I’d love to have your opinion on it…”

“I can’t wait.”

“Well, I’m afraid you’ll have to.”

A line formed on her brow. “And why is that?”

He pulled her up next to him on the longue and cradled her head in his hand. Gasping, her hands went under his shirt and sought his chest where her nails scraped along his skin. He wrapped her up in his arms then and laid her down beneath him.

“But I’m filthy.”

“Oh not yet…” he murmured as he helped her quickly undress and then he undressed himself.

A shiver shook them both. He kissed her. Everywhere. And as his mouth pressed down on her in every place of smooth, delicious skin it could touch he whispered, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” until his throat was hoarse and raw. “I love you for everything that you are and for everything that you help me to be.”

And he thanked the universe that he would spend the rest of his life feeling this way.

Then as she writhed beneath him returning his whispers of, “I love you,” he realized that maybe this was the answer and this was what he had to offer in return.

Love.

To truly love and be loved in return was enough, and it made what he was about to do all the more sweet.

“Do you know what I’m going to do now?” he asked her, nibbling her neck and blowing warm breath against it.

A shaky pant of “yes” escaped her lips.

He covered her mouth with his, and sometime later as the tremors subsided he pressed his lips to her ear and whispered, “How’s that for complementing?”

She begged him for more.

The smell of fresh paint always made Ellie smile.

It smelled like new beginnings and new life. Which was certainly appropriate.

This particular shade of yellow was making her beam from ear to ear which was precisely why she’d picked it in the first place. Something about sunshine and sunflowers. She didn’t remember the exact name they’d called this shade of paint at the shop, but Ellie liked both of those things. They made her happy, and she was certain they would make other people happy and produce quite a few smiles too.

And smiling was a good thing. For everyone. She’d read something once about smiling, how a person didn’t even need to be happy—they could be ardently opposed to being happy—but if they just smiled, just allowed themselves the simple act of smiling, then happiness would follow. It was unavoidable.

Ellie didn’t want there to be any reason for anyone here to be unhappy. They’d worked very hard to make sure that would never happen.

She leaned over and looked down at the ledger on the table in front of her, running her finger along all of the lines of expenses. The building of the village was faring very well. Everything was falling into place and it wouldn’t be long before the workers would be able to move in.

She felt herself glowing with a warm vibrant heat as she looked around, and for a moment she forgot that anything in the world could make her feel better. But she was soon reminded how wrong she was. As she leaned back over the ledger two strong arms wrapped around her waist pulling her in, and soft, cool lips came down against her neck. She arched back, pressing her backside against him, as she elongated her neck giving him more reach.

A gentle moan escaped her lips. “Lord McAlister! Whatever will my husband think?”

“Well, Lady McAlister. I won’t say a word. I swear.” He ran his tongue along the line of her neck and up to the space behind her ear, where he kissed. “This can just be our wicked little secret. Our wicked game.”

He rested his head on her shoulder then, as she sighed, and looked down at the ledger. “How fares ‘Ellie’s Town’?”

She shook her head as she looked at the words, “Ellie’s Town,” scrawled at the top of the page in large flowing letters.

“It’s all because of you,” Cal said once again, knowing exactly what she was about to say because they’d had this conversation before.

“And I say it’s all because of you. If it wasn’t for the income from your shares and from your uncle’s shares, then this place wouldn’t even be possible.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong once more.”

“Am I now?” she placated.

“Well, where do you think I got the idea to give it all up? To invest the earnings from my shares to help others rather than use it lavishly on myself? I wasn’t using the money anyway. I’ve been sitting it aside for more than a year…”

“I know you found inspiration in my father giving up his title but he’s the one who did that. Not me. So this town really should not be called—”

“But he did it because of you. And the only reason I’m here doing this now and didn’t give up is because of you.”

“What about Uncle George? I had nothing to do with him!”

“Of course you did. He trusted you enough in the first place to whip me into shape.”

Ellie sighed and tried once more. “What about investing last year’s earnings from his shares to get this place going? I know he’d promised to help you but that was a lot to ask…”

“Uncle George was more than happy to comply with my plan when I went over the books with him and showed him what an investment it would be… You should have seen his face when I showed him how much this place is predicted to yield in the next year even with all of the improvements.” She felt him laugh and the movement of his body against hers sent tingles down her spine.

“You’ll have to tell that story sometime,” she teased.

“Wicked mouth.”

“You like it.”

“Do I?”

Ellie turned her head to kiss him but he refused, pinning her in such a way that she couldn’t move. She didn’t mind in the least bit.

“You’re wrong.” His teeth nibbled at her ear.

“Oh?”

“I love it.”

“You love me.”

“Every. Last. Little. Bit.”

He pushed her head forward as his tongue traced along her neck and the hollows behind both of her ears. She looked down at the table and the name of the village written on the ledger stared up at her. She’d cringed when he first started calling it by that name but now… she had to admit it was growing on her. “I guess I could get used to it.”

“Could you, now?” Cal kissed her neck again, softly, and then blew against the wet flesh.

“Yes,” she whimpered, pressing her head against him. “Yes, I could indeed.”

She felt a smile cross his lips as he nibbled and sucked at her sensitive skin. “Oh, there are quite a few things I could get used to myself. Would you like me to show you?”

“Of course.” Ellie smiled wickedly. “How many times does it take to get used to something?”

Cal spun her around and kissed her. “One…” Another kiss. “Two…” Another kiss. “Three…” Another kiss. “Oh, I think it will take quite a few more…”