Clearly still trying to get his head around how she’d lost it all, Robert said, ‘Is the sale actually complete yet?’
‘It should be by the end of next week. I have to admit, I’m dreading it, but I’ll probably be able to sleep a lot better once it has gone through. The buyer’s got himself a great bargain and no one’s anticipating any delays or disasters.’
He still wasn’t looking especially impressed. ‘Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?’ he demanded. ‘There might have been something I could do.’
Deciding to speak honestly again, she said, ‘Your wife wouldn’t have appreciated it if you had, and frankly, Robert, she was the last person I needed to deal with when the truth began hitting me like a ton of bricks.’
‘Nevertheless…’
‘It’s done now,’ she said, cutting him off. ‘We’re debt-free and here in Holly Wood, ready to make a fresh start. I’m only sorry you and I won’t be able to see one another as much as I’d like, but you’ll always be welcome here on your own, you know that. Or with Annabelle, if she’d like to come. Darcie’s very keen to see her …’ Noticing the mask that dropped over his face, she said, ‘But no pressure. As I said before, I don’t want to cause you any difficulties at home.’
‘It’s not that,’ he said, ‘it’s that Annabelle might not be such a great influence on Darcie these days. She’s going through a bit of a… what’s the word? Challenging? Yes, challenging phase.’
Alicia’s eyebrows rose.
He was about to enlarge when loyalty staged a discreet interruption.
‘It’s OK,’ Alicia assured him, ‘I know what teenagers can be like, though I count myself lucky that Nat hasn’t put me through anything like the kind of nightmares I’ve seen some of my friends go through. He has his moments, of course, and he’s still only seventeen so we’re not out of the danger zone yet. However, so far, so good.’
Robert smiled fondly. ‘I take it he’s still planning to follow in his father’s footsteps.’
Alicia looked down as she nodded. ‘Absolutely. I don’t think anything could dissuade him from that. He and Craig had it all planned out, the GCSEs and A levels to start him on his way, the universities, Oxford being his first choice, naturally, Craig’s alma mater; the firms and chambers he’d apply to for work experience, the bar exams, the dinners, right through to the time he could join his father as a junior.’
‘I hope Craig realised how lucky he was,’ Robert murmured, a note of bitterness clinging to the edges of his tone.
Alicia looked at him. It would be foolish to think he had any more fondness for Craig than she had for Sabrina, and knowing how much the affair had hurt her brother made her hate Sabrina all the more for not treating Robert with the love and respect he deserved. ‘I think he did,’ she said softly. ‘He always adored the children.’
Robert looked as though would have liked to say more,
but whatever it was, it didn’t materialise, and she wondered if alongside his resentment of Craig he was feeling his old sadness at not having any children of his own. A long time ago he and Sabrina had been through the tumultuous hope and despair of fertility treatment, but it hadn’t worked and in the end he’d declared himself perfectly happy to be a devoted stepdad and uncle. Though he was wonderful in both roles, Alicia and her mother had always known how deeply disappointed he was in himself for not being able to father his own child.
‘I have no problem at all imagining Nat as a leading QC one of these days,’ he said, the gentleness of his tone conveying only affection for his nephew, and no jealousy or anger towards Craig. ‘You’ll be very proud of him.’
Loving him for caring about Nat, Alicia said, ‘I already am, which is why I’m praying hard that losing his father, and making this change, right in the middle of sixth form, doesn’t send him off the rails. I don’t think I could bear it if it did.’
‘He’s always had his head screwed on the right way,’ Robert reminded her reassuringly. ‘I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about there.’
She smiled. ‘Thank you for that. Now, before I go any further into the insufferably boastful mother routine, am I allowed to ask how things are going in the world of rocket science?’
His eyes lit with humour. ‘Alicia, I’ve seen your expression glaze far too many times in the past to be tempted down that road now. It’s still all very dry, and highly confidential, and as frustrating as ever when there are so many governments involved. I can tell you this much though, provided you repeat it to no one, my latest project has developed a very interesting side effect that could, I stress
could
, provide a new kind of energy source that would kick most other oil alternatives out of the arena. However, it has a long way to go before it reaches a viable stage, and for the moment we don’t want the press getting hold of it, because it’s bound to be misunderstood, or blown out of all proportion.’
Her head tilted playfully to one side as she regarded him.
‘I always knew we’d be able to rely on my brother to solve the world’s problems,’ she teased.
He laughed. ‘Right now I’d settle for solving a few of my sister’s, but she’s proving even harder to deal with than the current US regime, and that’s saying something.’
‘I’m sure it is, but honestly, I can manage. And stop trying to return the subject to me, because I haven’t finished with you yet. Are you still travelling as much as you used to?’
‘More,’ he sighed. ‘I only got back from Washington yesterday, I’m off to Helsinki on Tuesday. Then comes Dubai, followed by Rome. After that, I shall be with my team for a month at the labs.’
‘Hectic,’ she agreed. ‘Are the labs still in No Man’s Land?’ It was the phrase they’d always used for Wiltshire, because the actual location of his research facility was as classified as the projects themselves.
He nodded. ‘At least when I’m there I get to come home at night.’
‘Which must be a great comfort to your wife,’ she commented, hoping there wasn’t too much of an edge to her voice. ‘Does she ever accompany you on your trips?’
‘Less now than she used to. She’s afraid to leave Annabelle for long, even though Annabelle insists she’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself.’
Alicia smiled. ‘I can almost hear her,’ she said. ‘How old is she now? Fifteen, sixteen?’
‘Going on twenty-five. Luckily she gives me an easier time than she does her mother, which isn’t saying much considering how often I’m away.’
Unable to summon any sympathy for Sabrina, Alicia said, ‘You were always quite close, you two.’
‘I like to think so, but these days I think she sees me less as a father than as a brainless moron who’s become disconnected from the real world.’
‘Charming.’
‘She can be that too, when it suits her, which is usually when she wants something, but I guess that’s the same with most children.’
Alicia rolled her eyes in agreement. ‘Darcie’s got it down
to a fine art already,’ she confessed. ‘She could twist Craig around her little finger in ten seconds flat.’
He smiled. ‘She must be missing him,’ he said, his tone managing to convey more sympathy for Darcie than antipathy for Craig.
Alicia’s eyes went down as she nodded.
After a while he glanced at his watch. ‘I guess I should be getting home,’ he said. ‘Sabrina’s taken herself off on some sponsored walk for the day, and Annabelle’s staying with a friend, so I can shut myself in my study without being accused of neglect. And you have to get to the station.’
‘There’s still plenty of time,’ she reminded him, ‘but I do need to make up the beds. No, don’t worry, I’m not about to rope you in for assistance, but if you’re on your own today, why don’t you come and join our barbecue at five? I know Nat would love to see you.’
His expression was more eloquent than his words as he said, ‘There’s nothing I’d like better, but I think I’d better take a rain check for today. Coming here now has already created a …’ he searched for the word, ‘situation, so I don’t want to make things worse.’
‘Of course not. I understand. Just as long as you know this is still your home any time you want to come.’
Getting to his feet he drew her into a brotherly embrace. ‘Thank you,’ he said, clearly meaning it.
As she pulled away she looked into his wonderfully gentle eyes. ‘Tell me,’ she said, her voice a little shaky, ‘did we do the right thing in forgiving them?’
He took a breath and expelled it slowly. ‘I’ve often asked myself the same question,’ he admitted, ‘and the only answer I can come up with is that love can make you as weak as it can strong, and when you’re afraid of losing someone you start holding on even tighter, even though it might be better for you to let them go.’
Knowing exactly what he meant, she said, ‘Do you think you really have forgiven her? In your heart of hearts?’
Again he gave it some thought. ‘Probably as much as you forgave Craig,’ he replied. ‘It’s forgetting that’s the bigger problem.’
‘Isn’t it?’ she sighed. ‘But you do understand that I can’t forgive her?’
He looked at her sadly and pressed a kiss to her forehead. ‘Maybe one day this will all be behind us and forgiving and forgetting will no longer be an issue,’ he said. ‘For now, I think we’re all still stumbling our way there.’
Feeling certain he was some way ahead of her in forgiving Craig, she linked his arm and walked with him to the door.
‘Say hi to Nat for me,’ he said as he stepped outside.
‘Of course. And don’t forget to text me your new mobile number.’
‘Consider it done.’
As he walked down the path she stood watching him, no longer seeing the man he’d grown into, but remembering the boy he’d once been, and a time when life had seemed so innocent and uncomplicated – and untarnished by the selfishness of two lovers who’d caused them both so much heartache and pain.
Chapter Five
Sabrina was walking, walking and walking. Her feet were covering the miles, her heart was beating the pace. There had been a rain shower just now, but neither she nor her fellow walkers had paused. This was for charity. They, who had so much, were raising money to help those who had nothing at all.
Though her legs ached, and her trainers pinched, she kept on going, hardly feeling the pain, or registering anything around her. She was cushioned by memories, propelled by her now impossible love, drawn to the finish by futile and childish promises that when she crossed the line Craig would be waiting to catch her. She was doing this for him, to prove that she’d never given up on him, and to show herself that she never would.
They’d been in Italy for over a week by now, and the heat was relentless. The olive trees in the terraced groves covering the hillsides around their villa glistened like silver in the afternoon sun, the ground was dusty, cracked and parched. Up here, on this hill, where the villa sat like a small fortress overlooking the gentle sweep and rise of the valley, there was a perfect, crystalline pool to cool off in, and shady pergolas to wander through or lie under, thick with the scents of jasmine and colourful roses.
About an hour ago Alicia and Monica had set out for Siena, taking Annabelle and Darcie with them. The men hadn’t shown any interest in accompanying them, and Sabrina had cried off at the last minute, saying it was too hot to go mingling with crowds of tourists, and she really couldn’t bear all those endless queues to see a few crumbling churches and a bunch of
tortured old saints. She’d prefer just to relax by the pool with a good book, she’d said, but later, when it cooled down a little, she’d drive into the village to shop for dinner. It was her turn to cook tonight, and she was planning an assortment of antipasti that she intended to pick up at Luigi’s, along with some fresh pasta and all the other deliciously fresh ingredients she needed for the sauce.
Now, as she strolled from the shadows of the sitting room where Nat and Robert were playing chess in front of the vast empty fireplace, the sudden glare of the sun caused her to squint. She lowered her glasses from the top of her head to shield her eyes, then sauntered on across the terrace and down the steps, where plumbago tumbled like powdery blue stars over the gnarled and crumbling stone, to the pool.
She wondered why she always felt so aroused in the sun. Maybe it was the heat forcing her to take off her clothes, or the sensation of air on her almost naked skin. Or maybe it was the looks she and Craig had been exchanging over the last few days. She knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him, she could see it in his eyes, and feel it in the tension that sparked between them like the flashes of heat lightning that daggered the night sky.
As she walked towards him now, sharp and exquisite sensations were shooting like darts between her legs. They were making her want to touch herself, or tear off the two small shimmering pieces of bikini she was wearing, in order to abandon herself to the power of an exhilarating desire.
Though his eyes were closed as he lay in the shade of a parasol, she guessed he was only dozing, if he was asleep at all. She gazed hungrily at his body. It was long and hard, and still wet from the pool. She’d spent many hours lately wishing she could remove his shorts in order to make the picture complete. In her mind’s eye she had no trouble conjuring images of his cock, swollen with lust, throbbing just for her, or of his tapering fingers sliding over her breasts. In her imagination they’d already fucked a hundred times, savagely, sweatily, insatiably – today, she felt sure, it was going to become a reality.
‘Hi,’ he murmured, opening his eyes as her shadow fell over him.
She smiled and stretched her arms lazily over her head. She was enjoying the tautness of her stomach, and the sensation of her skimpy bikini bottom riding down to where there should be pubic hair, but wasn’t. Her skin was a deep golden brown; her legs were long and bare and close enough for him to reach out and touch.
‘It must be near to forty degrees,’ he commented, glancing towards the sun.
‘Mm,’ she responded, and shaking loose her hair she lay down on the bed parallel to his.
For a long time they simply soaked up the stillness, hearing only the buzz of cicadas, and the droning of the pump that cleared the pool. She wondered if he’d raised one knee to hide his erection, and smiled secretly to herself. She wanted him more than she’d ever wanted a man in her life, and she sensed it was the same for him. The only difference between them was that he was still trying to resist it.