Lost in the Cosmos: The Last Self-Help Book (5 page)

A RECENT SURVEY
in a large city reported that 95 percent of all video tapes purchased for home consumption were
Insatiable,
a pornographic film starring Marilyn Chambers.

Of all sexual encounters on soap opera, only 6 percent occur between husband and wife.

In some cities of the United States, which now has the highest divorce rate in the world, the incidence of divorce now approaches 60 percent of married couples.

A recent survey showed that the frequency of sexual intercourse in married couples declined 90 percent after three years of marriage.

On a talk show a female sexologist reported that a favorite fantasy of American women, second only to oral sex, was having sex with two strange men at once.

According to the president of the North American Swing Club Association, only 3 percent of married couples who are swingers get divorces, as compared with over 50 percent of non-swinging couples.

In large American cities, lunch-break liaisons between business men and women have become commonplace.

Sexual activity and pregnancy in teenagers have increased dramatically in the last twenty years, in both those who have received sex education in schools and those who have not. In some cities, more babies are born to single women than to married women.

A radio psychotherapist reported that nowadays many young people who disdain marriage, preferring “relationships” and “commitments,” speak of entering into simultaneous relationships with a second or third person as a growth experience.

In San Francisco’s Buena Vista Park, to the outrage of local middle-class residents, homosexuals cruise and upon encountering a sexual prospect, always a stranger, exchange a word or a sign and disappear into the bushes. In a series of interviews, Buena Vista homosexuals admitted to sexual encounters with an average of more than 500 strangers.

A survey by a popular magazine reported that the incidence of homosexuality in the United States had surpassed that of the Weimar Republic and is approaching that of England.

Question:
Do Americans, as well as other Westerners, prefer sexual variety, both heterosexual and homosexual, because

(a)
The sexual revolution has occurred, which is nothing else but the overthrow of the unnatural repressions and taboos of 1,900 years of Christianity and the exploration of the free and healthy practices of a sexually liberated society.

(b)
Humans are biologically as promiscuous as chimpanzees. It is only the cultural constraints of society, probably imposed by the economic necessities of an agricultural society, which required a monogamous union and children as a reliable labor source.

(c)
No, man is by nature monogamous, as ethnologists have demonstrated in most cultures. It is Western society which is disintegrating, to a degree remarkably similar to the decline of the Roman Empire in the fifth century, when similar practices were reported.

(d)
No, Western man is promiscuous because promiscuous sexuality is the obverse or flip side of Christianity and is in fact specified by Christianity as its opposite. Thus, pornography is something new in the world, having no parallel in ancient, so-called pagan cultures. Accordingly, there is little if any difference between present-day promiscuity and that of, say, the Victorian era. The so-called sexual revolution is nothing but the legitimizing of the secret behavior of the Victorians and its extension to women.

(e)
Western man is promiscuous because something unprecedented has happened. As a consequence of the scientific and technological revolution, there has occurred a displacement of the real as a consequence of which genital sexuality has come to be seen as the substratum of all human relationships, of friendship, love, and the rest. This displacement has come to pass as a consequence of a lay misperception of the physicist’s quest for establishing a molecular or energic basis for all interactions and of what is perceived as Freud’s identification of genital sexuality as the ground of all human relationships.

A letter to Dear Abby:

I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting pretty expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.
^*

(f)
The Self since the time of Descartes has been stranded, split off from everything else in the Cosmos, a mind which professes to understand bodies and galaxies but is by the very act of understanding marooned in the Cosmos, with which it has no connection. It therefore needs to exercise every option in order to reassure itself that it is not a ghost but is rather a self among other selves. One such option is a sexual encounter. Another is war. The pleasure of a sexual encounter derives not only from physical gratification but also from the demonstration to oneself that, despite one’s own ghostliness, one is, for the moment at least, a sexual being. Amazing! Indeed, the most amazing of all the creatures of the Cosmos: a ghost with an erection! Yet not really amazing, for only if the abstracted ghost has an erection can it, like Jove spying Europa on the beach, enter the human condition.

(g)
It’s not that complicated. It’s simply that people nowadays have too much money and time to spend and don’t know what to do with themselves and so will try anything out of boredom.

(h)
Why go further than the orthodox Judaeo-Christian belief that monogamous marriage was ordained by God for man’s happiness, that the devil goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour, and that as a consequence modern man has lost his way, has not the faintest notion who he is or what he is doing, and nothing short of catastrophe will bring him to his senses. At the height of a hurricane, husbands come to themselves and can even embrace their wives. During Hurricane Camille, one Biloxi couple, taking refuge in a tree house, reported that, during the passage of the eye, they had intercourse for the first time in years.

(i)
No, the explanation is biological. Man is undergoing a mutation in sexual behavior which will in the end, like the tooth of the saber-toothed tiger, render him extinct. Since most of the emerging varieties of sexual expression—homosexuality, anal and oral sex—do not reproduce the species and therefore have no survival value, the species will become extinct.

(j)
None of the above. It has always been so. That is to say, the sexual behavior of humans has not changed. Therefore, there is nothing to explain.

(
CHECK ONE OR MORE
)

Thought Experiment

THE LAST DONAHUE SHOW

The Donahue Show is in progress on what appears at first to be an ordinary weekday morning.

The theme of this morning’s show is Donahue’s favorite, sex, the extraordinary variety of sexual behavior—“sexual preference,” as Donahue would call it—in the country and the embattled attitudes toward it. Although Donahue has been accused of appealing to prurient interest, with a sharp eye cocked on the ratings, he defends himself by saying that he presents these controversial matters in “a mature and tasteful manner”—which he often does. It should also be noted in Donahue’s defense that the high ratings of these sex-talk shows are nothing more nor less than an index of the public’s intense interest in such matters.

The guests today are:

Bill, a homosexual and habitué of Buena Vista Park in San Francisco

Allen, a heterosexual businessman, married, and a connoisseur of the lunch-hour liaison

Penny, a pregnant fourteen-year-old

Dr. Joyce Friday, a well-known talk-show sex therapist, or in media jargon: a psych jockey.

B
ILL’S STORY:
Yes, I’m gay, and yes, I cruise Buena Vista. Yes, I’ve probably had over five hundred encounters with lovers, though I didn’t keep count. So what? Whose business is it? I’m gainfully employed by a savings-and-loan company, am a trustworthy employee, and do an honest day’s work. My recreation is Buena Vista Park and the strangers I meet there. I don’t molest children, rape women, snatch purses. I contribute to United Way. Such encounters that I do have are by mutual consent and therefore nobody’s business—except my steady live-in friend’s. Naturally he’s upset, but that’s our problem.

D
ONAHUE
(striding up and down, mike in hand, boyishly inarticulate):
C’mon, Bill. What about the kids who might see you? You know what I mean. I mean—
(Opens his free hand to the audience, soliciting their understanding)

B
ILL:
Kids don’t see me. Nobody sees me.

D
ONAHUE
(coming close, on the attack but good-naturedly, spoofing himself as prosecutor)
:
Say, Bill. I’ve always been curious. Is there some sort of signal? I mean, how do you and the other guy know—help me out—

B
ILL:
Eye contact, or we show a bit of handkerchief here.
(Demonstrates)

S
TUDIO AUDIENCE:
(Laughter)

D
ONAHUE
(shrugging [Don’t blame me, folks], pushes up nose-bridge of glasses, swings mike over to Dr. J.F. without looking at her):
How about it, Doc?

D
R.
J.F.
(in her not-mincing-words voice):
I think Bill’s behavior is immature and depersonalizing.
(Applause from audience)
I think he ought to return to his steady live-in friend and work out a mature, creative relationship. You might be interested to know that studies have shown that stable gay couples are more creative than straights.
(Applause again, but more tentative)

D
ONAHUE
(eyes slightly rolled back, swings mike to Bill):
How about it, Bill?

B
ILL:
Yeah, right. But I still cruise Buena Vista.

D
ONAHUE
(pensive, head to one side, strides backward, forward, then over to Allen):
How about you, Allen?

A
LLEN’S STORY:
I’m a good person, I think. I work hard, am happily married, love my wife and family, also support United Way, served in the army. I drink very little, don’t do drugs, have never been to a porn movie. My idea of R & R—maybe I got it in the army—is to meet an attractive woman. What a delight it is, to see a handsome mature woman, maybe in the secretarial pool, maybe in a bar, restaurant, anywhere, exchange eye contact, speak to her in a nice way, respect her as a person, invite her to join me for lunch (no sexual harassment in the office—I hate that!), have a drink, two drinks, enjoy a nice meal, talk about matters of common interest—then simply ask her—by now, both of you know whether you like each other. What a joy to go with her up in the elevator of the downtown Holiday Inn, both of you silent, relaxed, smiling, anticipating—The door of the room closes behind you. You look at her, take her hand. There’s champagne already there. You stand at the window with her, touch glasses, talk—there’s nothing vulgar. No closed-circuit TV. Do you know what we did last time? We turned on
La Bohème
on the FM. She loves Puccini.

D
ONAHUE:
C’mon, Allen. What are ya handing me? What d’ya mean you’re happily married? You mean
you’re
happy.

A
LLEN:
No
,
no. Vera’s happy, too.

A
UDIENCE
(mostly women, groaning):
Nooooooo.

D
ONAHUE:
Okay-okay, ladies, hold it a second. What do you mean, Vera’s happy? I mean, how do you manage—help me out, I’m about to get in trouble—hold the letters, folks—

A
LLEN:
Well, actually, Vera has a low sex drive. We’ve always been quite inactive, even at the beginnings—

A
UDIENCE
(groans, jumbled protests)
:
Nooooo.

D
ONAHUE
(backing away, holding up placating free hand, backing around to Dr. J.F.):
It’s all yours, Doc.

D
R.
J.F.: Studies have shown that open marriages can be growth experiences for both partners. However—
(groans from audience)
—
However:
It seems to me that Vera may be getting the short end here. I mean, I don’t know Vera’s side of it. But could I ask you this? Have you and Vera thought about reenergizing your sex life?

A
LLEN:
Well, ah—

D
R.
J.F.: Studies have shown, for example, that more stale marriages have been revived by oral sex than any other technique—

D
ONAHUE:
Now
,
Doc—

D
R.
J.F.: Other studies have shown that mutual masturbation—

D
ONAHUE
(eyes rolled back
):
We’ve running long folks, we’ll be right back after this—don’t go away. Oh boy.
(Lets mike slide to the hilt through his hand, closes eyes, as camera cuts away to a Maxithins commercial)

D
ONAHUE:
We’re back. Thank the good Lord for good sponsors.
(Turns to Penny, a thin, inattentive, moping teenager, even possibly a pre-teen):
Penny?

P
ENNY
(chewing something)
:
Yeah?

D
ONAHUE
(solicitous, quite effectively tender)
:
What’s with you, sweetheart?

P
ENNY:
Well, I liked this boy a lot and he told me there was one way I could prove it—

D
ONAHUE:
Wait a minute, Penny. Now this, your being here, is okay with your parents, right? I mean let’s establish that.

P
ENNY:
Oh, sure. They’re right over there—you can ask them.
(Camera pans over audience, settling on a couple with mild, pleasant faces. It is evident that on the whole they are not displeased with being on TV)