Lost In Our Darkness (Demons Of Darkness Book 2) (23 page)

I walked to the door as she followed me. I stopped as soon as my eyes found her. She was at the bar talking to Nitro. He was holding Zaiden as he tried to wiggle out of his arms. I stopped as I watched Trix laugh as Nitro tried to hold on to him. When Zaiden turned and locked eyes with me he reached out for me, causing Trix and Nitro to turn in my direction. The smile fell from Trix's face. I walked a few more steps until I was standing right in front of Zaiden and scooped him up out of Nitro's arms. He smacked me in the face with his hands as he giggled. I turned to Serena who was watching me. "Serena this is Zaiden, my son. And this is Trix. Trix, this is Serena—my sister. "

"Sister?" Trix looked up at me as she stood up. "I really don't know you at all do, do I.”  She walked away.

"Leave her alone Nix. I just dropped a bomb on her about Cheyenne being pregnant and was about to drop the next bomb when you dropped one of your own. Let her think before you stalk over to her and start with your alpha male bullshit." He turned to look at Serena. "Serena, I'm Nitro, Trix's father. Don't mind her. She's still pissed off at your brother here for being an inconsiderate asshole. But then again I'm sure you know how he is."

"Oh believe me, I know just how he can be." She laughed. Cheyenne came up to us holding Calissta. "And who is this one?" she asked staring at my daughter.

"Serena this is my daughter." Cheyenne held her up to Serena to take.

"Seanix I would ask why your daughter is only a few months old and your son is what—maybe one—and both have different mothers, but I don't think I want to hear your explanation."

"Probably better that way." I laughed as Zaiden tried to wiggle out of my arms and reach for Cheyenne. He had spent so much time with her since Trix had come back. Cheyenne’s eyes lit up as she reached for him.

"Hey little guy, where is your mommy, huh? Let’s go find her." Cheyenne smiled as she took his hand.

I didn’t have to look far. I found her out back behind one of the garages. Sitting on the ground her back against the brick as she stared off into the distance.

“Hey.” I sat down next to her as I held Zaiden.

“What do you want Nix?”

“We need to talk Trix.”

“I know but right now I just want to soak in all the information I received.” She sighed. “I was an only child growing up Nix, not knowing my parents. I didn’t know I had any family. Now I have a brother or sister on the way. That kid is going to get the childhood I should have gotten.  It will have both parents. Something I never had. A family. I thought I was over that shit. But once I heard the words from my dad all the emotions came rushing back. I should be happy for them but instead I’m angry.”

“Momma,” Zaiden squealed, instantly cheering Trix up. I let him out of my hold and he took the two steps to Trix.

“Babe you have a family. You have me, Zaiden, Nitro and this entire club.”

“It’s just not the same Nix. I know I have a family now but that doesn’t take away the pain of not having one when I was little.” She took a deep breath. “I better go get the rest of this over with. One more thing my dad has to talk to me about.” She stood up. “Come on Zae lets go see Grandpa.”

I got up and followed her as she walked back inside. She called Nitro her dad. She never did that.

Chapter Thirty Two

I walked back inside and searched the inside of the club for Nitro. I spotted him at the bar talking to the prospect who was tending bar. I walked over to him holding Zaiden’s hand as we walked.

“Trix. Have you met Brandon?”

“Not formally no. He’s a prospect no need to know who he is until he has a full patch. Wait isn’t he the one you had watch over Zaiden?” I looked at Nitro as he nodded answering my question. I shrugged. No use getting comfortable with any of them. They either made it or they didn’t. Some died before they got the full patch. I looked between the two of them and stopped at Nitro.

“Stella this is hard for me to tell you.”

“Okay, just spit it out.”

“Brandon is your brother.”

“Oh you have got to be shitting me right now. First you tell me you knocked up Cheyenne and now you’re telling me I have a brother. Any other fucking family I should know about?” I sat on the barstool and turned around looking for Nix. I spotted him and waved him over before turning back to face Nitro and Brandon.

“So you finally told her?” Nix said as he stood behind me.

“So not only did you know I had a brother, you didn’t feel the need to tell me Nix?”

“Not my place to tell you Trix.”

“So Brandon, what’s your story? Did you get stuck in the system too or did Nitro here leave you with your mom? Or wait, did he actually take care of you when he wasn’t in and out of fucking prison.”

“I lived with my mom and when she got sick dad came back and helped me get her things in order, and when she died I came back here with him.”

“Nice, Nitro. Real nice.” I pushed myself away from the bar. Looking around for Zaiden I found him sitting on Cheyenne’s lap. She nodded to me as I walked.

“Trix.” Nix followed behind me.

“Come on Nix let’s get this over with. Might as well get everything out in the open today.” I walked back to his office and pushed my way in. I heard the door shut behind me.

“I’m sorry Trix.”

“Sorry about what Nix? The fact that you killed your wife? Or the fact that I don’t know anything about you?”

“I’m sorry I hurt you Trix.”

“Yeah well you did.” I stared at him. “So why is your sister here Nix?”

“I was trying to talk her into taking Calissta and raising her.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t ask you to help. I can’t ask you to raise a child that isn’t yours.”

“You really don’t know me do you Nix. You think I would be okay with you handing your daughter off to someone else? She is your daughter Nix. I grew up without my dad. You think I would want that for your daughter? It’s bad enough that she is going to grow up without a mother. Don’t make her grow up without you too.”

“You think you can raise a child that isn’t yours?”

“I don’t know Nix, but I’m willing to try. Unless this between you and me isn’t what you want.”

“Trix. You are always what I want. It’s always been you.”

“Then if you really mean that, I need to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

“I’m pregnant Nix.” I watched his face go blank.

“Is it mine?” He closed his eyes as he asked.

“I don’t know Nix. So now I need to know if you can be with me knowing that this baby may not be yours.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, fuck Nix.”

He turned around putting his back to me. I walked out of his office. As soon as I shut the door I heard something slam against the wall.

Here I sit. Knowing that I should be able to accept the fact that Trix may or may not be carrying my child and I can't even stand to be in the same room as her. Knowing there is a chance that the baby isn't mine. Even as I watch day after day as she takes care of Calissta. Serena and Trix have taken over the care of Calissta as I distanced myself from them. Now as I walk to the bar I look over and see Serena and Trix laugh and talk as if they have known each other forever. I look away as I take a seat at the bar. Brandon sets a beer down in front of me and walks away. He has worked hard for this club and I know we need to talk about him patching in, but I can't be around him anymore then I can stand being around his sister. Something I don't want to be reminded of.

Payne sat down next to me.

"Fuck off Payne."

"Wish I could. But until I know I'm not leaving."

"Even knowing, she will never be yours."

"It's not about her Nix. I know she will never be mine. She's stuck on your fucking ass and there ain't a single thing anyone can do to change that. Stop being a fucking asshole and get your girl and tie that shit down before she finds a replacement." He stood up and walked away.

I had to get out of here before I did something stupid. I pushed away from the bar and downed my beer before throwing the bottle behind the bar hearing it shatter as I walked away.

Chapter Thirty Three

I was tired, worn out, and had no energy left to do anything. If it wasn't for Serena I didn't know what I would do. Between taking care of Zaiden and Calissta, who I have nicknamed lily, and the fact that I was the size of a house, I had no energy left. "Mommy." I heard Zae before I saw him as he jumped on my bed. "Where Daddy?"

He had been asking more and more lately. I didn't understand why Zaiden didn't see Nix any more than I did. And when he did, Nix ignored him just like he ignored Lily and me. And now according to Serena he had been ignoring her too.  

"I don't know buddy, I'm sure he'll be around soon." I didn't know what else to tell him. I missed Nix just as much, if not more, than he did. I wanted Nix to be here by my side but I couldn't make him and I wouldn't. After this baby was born and we knew the truth, then maybe he would come around. But then again I didn’t think he would unless it turned out the baby was his. Payne stopped by a few times a week to check up on us when we were home and not at the clubhouse. He knew even if this child was his that we will never be together. I had too many demons, being with me would smother his light and I wouldn't do that to him. He was too good.

"Zae lets go get some ice cream," I said hoping to distract him from asking about Nix. He smiled and jumped off the bed as he ran out of my room screaming ‘ice cream.’

"Did I hear ice cream?" Serena popped her head into my room.

"Yup. But I need some help getting up." She came over to help me. I had found out a few months ago I was having twins. I hadn't told anyone other than Serena. Together she and I had been getting stuff ready for their arrival.

"I swear your stomach doubled since last night," she said as she helped me into a sitting position. "So I probably should have told you before but I didn't want to say anything.”

"What is it?"

"I was talking to Payne and he said there are twins in his family. I don't know. I just thought I should tell you. I didn’t tell Payne you were having twins but I wanted you to know that there is a high probability that they are Payne’s babies. And if they are, don’t worry Trix, I’m not going anywhere. These last few months I have been around and got to know you I can’t imagine my life without you and these kids in it.”

“Thanks Serena. I just want to find out the truth. And I would be glad to have you stay and help out.”

She smiled at me. A genuine smile. It felt good to have a friend. I was glad she was in my life.

I smiled. She had told me that she couldn't have kids. She had an abortion when she was sixteen that caused an infection which led to her not being able to have any. She said it didn't bother her but she was happy to help take care of her niece and nephew.