Lost in His Arms (10 page)

And she'd come perilously close to telling him she loved him. The words had burned on the tip of her tongue, crying to be released.

She finished her bagel and coffee, then returned to the waiting room. Talbot wasn't there, and her thoughts shifted from him to his brother. Checking her watch, she realized only three hours had passed. Another two to wait, to worry, and to pray.

During the next two hours, people drifted in and out of the waiting room. Family members hovered together, holding hands and murmuring softly as
they awaited a loved one's prognosis. Talbot returned to the room and paced restlessly, his forehead creased with lines of worry.

Elizabeth watched him, aching as she saw how isolated he appeared. Or was it her own isolation that pierced deeply into her heart?

She'd always believed herself strong enough to be alone for the rest of her life, if necessary. But she no longer felt strong. She was alone and wished she had warm male arms to hold her. Talbot's arms. Loving Talbot had woken a need in her, a need she'd never before realized she'd possessed.

When the five hours had passed and still the doctor hadn't appeared to tell them how the surgery had gone, Elizabeth left the waiting room and went to sit in the small chapel.

There were only five pews and a small altar with candles burning, but she instantly felt a modicum of peace as she sank into the first pew.

She stared at the flickering candlelight, not consciously schooling her thoughts in any particular direction, but rather allowing them to roam free.

She knew how much she and Talbot were alike. Both strong and independent, both self-sufficient through necessity and life's hard knocks, but she wondered if he felt the same core of emptiness that she did.

Lust, she reminded herself. That was what he'd said he felt for her. And lust had nothing to do with
sharing dreams, holding tightly to each other through good times and bad. Lust had nothing to do with love.

Consciously, she willed him out of her mind and again focused on Richard. He had to be all right. He just had to be, she thought fervently. She couldn't imagine having to tell her son that his father had passed away. She couldn't imagine telling Andrew that he would have to live the rest of his life without the father he so dearly loved.

She smelled Talbot's familiar scent a mere second before he sat down on the pew next to her. She stiffened, needing every defense against him.

“No word yet,” he said, and sighed. The sound of that sigh, so weary, so deep, tugged at her. Despite her resolve to the contrary, she found his hand and laced her fingers with his.

He tensed, then his fingers gently squeezed hers. “I'm can't imagine my life without him in it,” he said softly. “He makes me laugh, and he makes me want to kick him in the rear, but I can't imagine him not being here.”

She said nothing, knew there were no words that could soothe him. She simply returned his squeeze and hoped he understood that she felt the same.

She had no idea how long they sat there, not speaking, merely holding hands and staring at the candles, silent prayers filling their hearts.

Dr. Breshnahan found them there. Still in his
scrubs, a weariness etching deep lines into his face, he greeted them with a triumphant smile. “It went well,” he said as Talbot and Elizabeth stood. “It looks like we got all of the tumor. We'll schedule him for some chemo just to be on the safe side.”

“Thank God!” Talbot exclaimed, his eyes over-bright.

“Can we see him?” Elizabeth asked.

“He's in the recovery room now and just coming around. I'll have a nurse come and get you in about fifteen minutes, and you can go in to see him for a brief visit.”

As the doctor left them alone once again, a swell of emotion filled Elizabeth. Suddenly she was in Talbot's arms, pulled against him as he released a laugh of sheer joy. “Richard is going to be all right,” he said.

“He's going to live a long life,” she replied, gazing up at the man she loved with all her heart. “He's going to continue to make us crazy, and he'll be around to see Andrew grow into a man and build a family of his own.”

She burst into tears.

“Hey, hey,” he protested. “What's with the tears? It's not the time to cry. It's time to celebrate.”

“I know…I know.” She stepped out of his embrace, needing to put distance between them. “I'm happy. I'm so happy Richard is going to be all
right.” She swiped angrily at the tears that continued to fall, unable to control their descent.

“Then why are you crying?” His voice was soft, tender, and it was her complete undoing.

She drew a deep breath, unable to keep her gaze on him. She stared at the burning candles, their flickering flames now blurs. “I'm crying because I know it's time for me to tell you goodbye.” The words fell from her lips, words she could no longer hold back, emotions she could no longer suppress.

She finally looked at him. “I'm crying because I love you, Talbot. And I'm crying because I don't know how I'm going to live without you.”

At that moment a nurse stepped into the chapel. “Dr. Breshnahan says I can take you to Richard now.”

“Thank you,” Talbot said. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and held it out to Elizabeth. “Here. Don't let Richard see your tears.” Without looking at her, he followed the nurse from the tiny chapel where Elizabeth's words of love echoed in the resounding emptiness.

E
lizabeth hurriedly dabbed at her eyes and followed, appalled by the confession that had just left her lips. How could she have lost all control? How could she have blurted out her innermost feelings?

And he'd said not a word in reply. It had been as if she'd been speaking of the weather, or a shopping experience, something mundane and boring, something that had absolutely nothing to do with him. His face had remained a mask of granite, without expression.

Embarrassment burned in her cheeks. What had she been thinking? What on earth had she hoped to gain? Dear God, she hadn't been thinking. She'd been beyond thought, functioning only on sheer emotion.

And now she once again had to reach inside and retrieve the strength that had always seen her through, the strength that had helped her through a childhood of isolation, a marriage of disappointment and so many years of empty loneliness.

When she entered the semidark recovery room, Talbot already stood at Richard's side. She moved to the other side of Richard, carefully keeping her gaze off Talbot.

“Hi,” she said to Richard. He looked half-asleep, obviously still fighting the last of the anesthesia, but he offered her a groggy smile. His head was bandaged and he was hooked to a variety of machines that dripped and beeped and clicked and pulsed.

“Did Talbot tell you? They got it all. You're going to be fine, just fine,” she assured him.

Talbot touched his brother's shoulder. “All you need to do right now is rest.”

Richard tried to sit up, his mouth working to form words. “You have to…you have to call…”

“I know,” Elizabeth said. “I'll call Andrew right away and tell him you're fine.” She patted his shoulder in an effort to get him to lie back and relax, but he remained agitated.

“And…you have to call…call Erica.”

Elizabeth's gaze shot to Talbot. He stared at his brother. “Richard, who the hell is Erica?” he asked.

The smile that curved Richard's mouth was the most loving, the most beautiful Elizabeth had ever
seen. “She's…she's the woman I'm going to marry.”

With this startling announcement, Richard relaxed and fell back asleep. Elizabeth looked up and met Talbot's gaze. “It's obviously the effects of the anesthesia,” he said. “He's dreaming or delusional. Or maybe he meant to say your name, but he's all confused.”

She nodded absently and sat in the chair next to Richard's bed. She wasn't sure what to believe. Erica? She'd never heard Richard mention her before.

Was it possible Richard had been dating somebody? Had he found somebody he had fallen in love with?

She waited for a reaction in her heart, but there was none. If Richard had found love, then she was happy for him. She hoped he'd have a long and glorious marriage.

But if he'd been seeing somebody, wouldn't Talbot have known? Talbot always seemed to know everything about his brother's life. No, Talbot was probably right. Richard's words were the aftereffects of the anesthesia.

Richard slept for only about ten minutes—ten minutes with Talbot on one side and Elizabeth on the other.

They spoke not a word, and Elizabeth didn't look at him as they waited.

Her humiliation was complete where he was con
cerned. She'd bared her heart, and he'd handed her a hankie to dry her tears. She couldn't look at him. She was afraid she'd see scorn or pity in his eyes.

Later, when she was all alone, she would grieve for what would never be. At the moment she would focus on Richard.

This time when he opened his eyes, he seemed more alert. He struggled to sit up a bit, then smiled at his brother. “I'm tougher than you thought, right?”

Talbot smiled. “I always knew you were tough.”

“I came through with flying colors, right?”

“Right,” Talbot agreed. “We McCarthys are a tough bunch.”

Richard smiled, then turned and looked at Elizabeth. “I need you to do me a favor,” he said.

“Call Erica?”

He looked at her in surprise. “I already asked you to?”

She nodded. “But I can't call her until you give me a number or at least a last name.”

“And who is Erica?” Talbot asked again.

Again a soft smile curved Richard's lips. “Erica Taylor. She moved to Morning View about six months ago, and we've been dating ever since. I didn't tell her about the tumor…about the surgery. I…I didn't want to worry her.”

He didn't want to worry Erica. Elizabeth saw a light in Richard's eyes that she'd never seen before.

“Taylor?” Talbot asked. “Is she related to Zelda Taylor?”

“Erica is Zelda's granddaughter. She moved to Morning View to care for Zelda. Since Zelda passed away, Erica's been having a hard time. She doesn't really know anyone in Morning View except me. She…she needs me.”

Elizabeth saw the love that shone on Richard's face. Erica needed him, and Richard apparently needed to be needed—something Elizabeth had never given him. “If you write down her number for me, I'll go give her a call,” Elizabeth said as she pulled a slip of paper from her purse.

A few minutes later, after calling Andrew to let him know his father was doing fine, Elizabeth phoned the woman Richard intended to marry.

It took only a few minutes for Elizabeth to get the impression of a sweet, young woman who seemed to be utterly head over heels in love with Richard.

When Elizabeth hung up, she felt a sudden pang in her heart—a pang of bittersweetness as she realized Richard was moving on, building a life of his own that did not include her.

And she had to move on with her life, too—alone, without Talbot, without the man she loved. She steadied herself and returned to Richard's room, surprised to find him alone.

“What happened to your brother?” she asked as she slid back into the chair next to the hospital bed.

“He left. He told me he'd be back first thing in the morning.”

He probably couldn't stand being in the same room with her, she thought. Especially after she'd been so stupid and told him she loved him.

“So you talked to Erica?” Richard asked.

She nodded. “She's on her way here. I wouldn't be surprised if she broke a couple of speed limits on the way. She was appalled that you didn't tell her about your condition.”

“Will you sit with me until she gets here?” he asked.

Elizabeth hesitated only a moment, then nodded. “Of course.” After all, what did she have to go home to? A silent apartment? A broken heart?

It was after seven by the time Erica Taylor arrived at the hospital. A petite, dark-haired woman, she rushed to Richard's side and burst into tears.

Elizabeth watched as Richard consoled her, showing a tenderness, a caring she'd never seen from him in all the years they'd been married.

Silently, Elizabeth backed out of the room, leaving the two of them alone.

It wasn't until she was in her car that all her emotions came crashing in on her. The hours of worry, the days of tense anxiety concerning Talbot, her hu
miliating confession to him and the memory of his face, so blank, so untouched by her words of love.

Overwhelmed, Elizabeth leaned her head against the steering wheel and cried. Her tears came from her very depths, all the tears stored for the sum of her lifetime.

She cried for the little girl who'd lost her parents, for the young woman who'd wanted so desperately not to be alone that she'd gotten pregnant and married a man who'd been too immature to fulfill her expectations.

Finally, she wept for the woman she'd become, a woman who'd always believed herself strong, but who'd finally identified her weakness: she loved a man she couldn't have, a man who wanted her, but didn't love her.

When her tears were finished falling, she felt emptier than she'd ever felt. Her heartbeat was nothing more than a dull echo of what had once been a vibrant muscle. Her stomach ached with the bereavement of love found, then lost.

She had never felt so alone.

At some point in the afternoon heavy clouds had filled the sky, and now night had fallen. The darkness was complete, unbroken by even a sliver of moonlight.

She had forgotten to turn on any lights when she'd left the place that morning. The apartment
would be dark and empty. She didn't want to go inside.

But she couldn't have what she wanted.

Talbot.

His name sang through her. It was a sad song, to which if she listened for too long, would only make her cry again.

She got out of her car and straightened her shoulders. Time to get on with living. It wasn't as if she had nothing in her life. She had a beautiful son who would always bring her joy. She would go back to school and finish up her degree and eventually get a full-time job teaching young children.

She didn't need a man to fulfill her.

It took her only a moment to unlock her apartment door and open it. For a moment, she stood in the threshold, trying to make sense of the scene before her.

Candles.

They filled every surface of the room. Big ones, fat ones, tall ones, red, white, silver and gold ones. Their flames lit the room with a brilliant glow.

“I've been waiting for you.”

She jumped at the sound of the deep, familiar voice and realized Talbot sat on one end of the sofa. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her, her mind still reeling. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

He stood, casting a tall, dark shadow on the wall
behind him. “What does it look like I'm doing here?” He gestured around. “I'm filling your darkness with light.”

“I don't understand…” She was suddenly afraid—afraid this might be a terrible joke, afraid to trust the hope that filled her heart.

He walked to where she stood, stopping only when he was so close to her she could feel his breath on her face, smell the wonderful scent that was intrinsically his. “I want to be the candle you cling to each night. I want to be the light that makes you feel safe and secure. I want to illuminate every single space in your heart with my love for you.”

“Your love?” She refused to yield to the need to throw herself into his arms—not until she was absolutely certain of what he was saying, what he was offering her. “But I thought…you told me it was just lust.”

His eyes glittered in the candlelight, and the smile that curved his lips shot a spark of heat through her. “Oh, trust me. I lust for you, Elizabeth. I can't remember a time I didn't lust for you.” He reached out and gently touched her cheek. “But it's more than lust, deeper than desire. I love you, Elizabeth. I love you with all my heart.”

His words broke the inertia that had momentarily gripped her. She flew into his arms and lifted her face for his kiss. His mouth claimed hers in a kiss so sweet, so complete, it stole her breath.

His arms enfolded her close, and she felt as if she'd come home after a long, unwanted absence. The heart that had beat so listlessly only moments before now thundered with life.

When the kiss finally ended, he continued to hold her tightly against him. She wondered if she was living a dream.

“The most difficult thing I've ever done in my life was hearing you tell me this afternoon that you love me and trying to close my heart against your words. I couldn't allow your love in, not without knowing what Richard needed from you.”

“My friendship. That's all he needs.”

“I realize that now.” Again his mouth possessed hers, as his hands on her back pressed her intimately close to him.

She reveled in his kiss, a kiss that did, indeed, seem to seek out each and every dark corner of her heart and fill them with brilliant warmth and light.

When this kiss ended, he took her by the hand and led her to the sofa. “If Richard hadn't told us about Erica, I would never have spoken of loving you,” he said as they sat side by side, her hands clasped in his. “I would have never risked his mental well-being by opening my heart to you.”

“I know that.” And she only loved him more for it, that he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness for the sake of his brother's.

“I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you,” he said.

She looked at him in surprise. She'd never had a clue. “I always believed you didn't like me.”

He shook his head and smiled ruefully. “I wanted to dislike you. But I took one look at you, glaring at me with those bold eyes, that chin tilted upward as if defying me to ruin your wedding plans, and I knew in another lifetime, in another world, I would have loved you.”

“I don't know when I fell in love with you,” she said truthfully. “But I know you always made me nervous, because I found you far too attractive.” She smiled. “I used to feel like a participant on one of those tacky talk shows. You know, the ones with subjects like ‘I'm in Love with My Husband's Brother.'”

“So marry me. We can appear on a tacky talk show with the subject ‘I Married My Husband's Brother.'”

She laughed, then sobered. “Talbot, I love you with all my heart, and there is nothing I'd like better than to be your wife…”

“But?”

“But shouldn't we talk to Richard about all this?” She frowned thoughtfully. “You and Richard share a wonderful relationship. I don't want to come between you.”

“Richard already knows. He and I talked when
you went to call Erica. He told me I'd be a fool to let you get away. We thought we were hiding our feelings for each other so well, but according to Richard, a blind man would have been able to see how we felt. He gave me his blessing. But before you agree to marry me, I want to make something perfectly clear.”

“What?” The candlelight made his features appear sterner and more forbidding than ever, but his eyes shone with a softness, a sweet tenderness.

“I will be a more difficult husband than Richard ever was. I intend to share my days and nights with you. I'll want to know all about your dreams, commiserate with you about all your disappointments.” He released one of her hands and stroked the side of her face. “I love the fact that you're a strong woman, but I never want you to use that strength to close off from me. I want it all, Elizabeth. I don't just want your good, I want your bad, your fears, your sorrows. I want to be there for you so you'll never feel alone again.”