Authors: James Hilton
“I’m sorry.”
“You keep on saying that, but it doesn’t help.”
Conway replied on sudden impulse: “Then let me help, if I can, by telling you something. When you’ve heard it, you’ll understand, I hope, a great deal of what now seems very curious and difficult. At any rate, you’ll realize why Lo-Tsen can’t possibly go back with you.”
“I don’t think anything would make me see that. And do cut it as short as you can, because we really haven’t time to spare.”
Conway then gave, as briefly as he could, the whole story of Shangri-La, as told him by the High Lama, and as amplified by the conversation both with the latter and with Chang. It was the last thing he had ever intended to do, but he felt that in the circumstances it was justified and even necessary; it was true enough that Mallinson
was
his problem, to solve as he thought fit. He narrated rapidly and easily, and in doing so came again under the spell of that strange, timeless world; its beauty overwhelmed him as he spoke of it, and more than once he felt himself reading from a page of memory, so clearly had ideas and phrases impressed themselves. Only one thing he withheld—and that to spare himself an emotion he could not yet grapple with—the fact of the High Lama’s death that night and of his own succession.
When he approached the end he felt comforted; he was glad to have got it over, and it was the only solution, after all. He looked up calmly when he had finished, confident that he had done well.
But Mallinson merely tapped his fingers on the table-top and said, after a long wait: “I really don’t know what to say, Conway … except that you must be completely mad .…”
There followed a long silence, during which the two men stared at each other in far differing moods—Conway withdrawn and disappointed, Mallinson in hot, fidgeting discomfort. “So you think I’m mad?” said Conway at length.
Mallinson broke into a nervous laugh. “Well, I should damn well say so, after a tale like that. I mean … well, really … such utter nonsense … it seems to me rather beyond arguing about.”
Conway looked and sounded immensely astonished. “You think it’s nonsense?”
“Well … how else can I look at it? I’m sorry, Conway—it’s a pretty strong statement—but I don’t see how any sane person could be in any doubt about it.”
“So you still hold that we were brought here by blind accident—by some lunatic who made careful plans to run off with an aeroplane and fly it a thousand miles just for the fun of the thing?”
Conway offered a cigarette, and the other took it. The pause was one for which they both seemed grateful. Mallinson answered eventually: “Look here, it’s no good arguing the thing point by point. As a matter of fact, your theory that the people here sent some one vaguely into the world to decoy strangers, and that this fellow deliberately learned flying and bided his time until it happened that a suitable machine was due to leave Baskul with four passengers … well, I won’t say that it’s literally impossible, though it does seem to me ridiculously farfetched. If it stood by itself, it might just be worth considering, but when you tack it on to all sorts of other things that are
absolutely
impossible—all this about the lamas being hundreds of years old, and having discovered a sort of elixir of youth, or whatever you’d call it … well, it just makes me wonder what land of microbe has bitten you, that’s all.”
Conway smiled. “Yes, I dare say you find it hard to believe. Perhaps I did myself at first—I scarcely remember. Of course it
is
an extraordinary story, but I should think your own eyes have had enough evidence that this is an extraordinary place. Think of all that we’ve actually seen, both of us—a lost valley in the midst of unexplored mountains, a monastery with a library of European books—”
“Oh, yes, and a central heating plant, and modern plumbing, and afternoon tea, and everything else—it’s all very marvelous, I know.”
“Well, then, what do you make of it?”
“Damn little, I admit. It’s a complete mystery. But that’s no reason for accepting tales that are physically impossible. Believing in hot baths because you’ve had them is different from believing in people hundreds of years old just because they’ve told you they are.” He laughed again, still uneasily. “Look here, Conway, it’s got on your nerves, this place, and I really don’t wonder at it. Pack up your things and let’s quit. We’ll finish this argument a month or two hence after a jolly little dinner at Maiden’s.”
Conway answered quietly: “I’ve no desire to go back to that life at all.”
“What life?”
“The life you’re thinking of … dinners … dances … polo … and all that .…”
“But I never said anything about dances and polo! Anyhow, what’s wrong with them? D’you mean that you’re not coming with me? You’re going to stay here like the other two? Then at least you shan’t stop
me
from clearing out of it!” Mallinson threw down his cigarette and sprang towards the door with eyes blazing. “You’re off your head!” he cried wildly. “You’re mad, Conway, that’s what’s the matter with you! I know you’re always calm, and I’m always excited, but I’m sane, at any rate, and you’re not! They warned me about it before I joined you at Baskul, and I thought they were wrong, but now I can see they weren’t—”
“What did they warn you of?”
“They said you’d been blown up in the War, and you’d been queer at times ever since. I’m not reproaching you—I know it was nothing you could help, and Heaven knows I hate talking like this .… Oh, I’ll go. It’s all frightful and sickening, but I must go. I gave my word.”
“To Lo-Tsen?”
“Yes, if you want to know.”
Conway got up and held out his hand. “Good-by, Mallinson.”
“For the last time, you’re not coming?”
“I can’t.”
“Good-by, then.”
They shook hands, and Mallinson left.
CONWAY SAT ALONE IN
the lantern-light. It seemed to him, in a phrase engraved on memory, that all the loveliest things were transient and perishable, that the two worlds were finally beyond reconciliation, and that one of them hung, as always, by a thread. After he had pondered for some time he looked at his watch; it was ten minutes to three.
He was still at the table, smoking the last of his cigarettes, when Mallinson returned. The youth entered with some commotion, and on seeing him, stood back in the shadows as if to gather his wits. He was silent, and Conway began, after waiting a moment: “Hullo, what’s happened? Why are you back?”
The complete naturalness of the question fetched Mallinson forward; he pulled off his heavy sheepskins and sat down. His face was ashen and his whole body trembled. “I hadn’t the nerve,” he cried, half sobbing. “That place where we were all roped—you remember? I got as far as that .… I couldn’t manage it. I’ve no head for heights, and in moonlight it looked fearful. Silly, isn’t it?” He broke down completely and was hysterical until Conway pacified him. Then he added: “They needn’t worry, these fellows here—nobody will ever threaten them by land. But, my God, I’d give a good deal to fly over with a load of bombs!”
“Why would you like to do that, Mallinson?”
“Because the place wants smashing up, whatever it is. It’s unhealthy and unclean—and for that matter, if your impossible yarn were true, it would be more hateful still! A lot of wizened old men crouching here like spiders for any one who comes near … it’s filthy … who’d want to live to an age like that, anyhow? And as for your precious High Lama, if he’s half as old as you say he is, it’s time some one put him out of his misery .… Oh, why
won’t
you come away with me, Conway? I hate imploring you for my own sake, but damn it all, I’m young and we’ve been pretty good friends together—does my whole life mean nothing to you compared with the lies of these awful creatures? And Lo-Tsen, too—
she’s
young—doesn’t
she
count at all?”
“Lo-Tsen is not young,” said Conway.
Mallinson looked up and began to titter hysterically. “Oh, no, not young—not young at all, of course. She looks about seventeen, but I suppose you’ll tell me she’s really a well-preserved ninety.”
“Mallinson, she came here in 1884.”
“You’re raving, man!”
“Her beauty, Mallinson, like all other beauty in the world, lies at the mercy of those who do not know how to value it. It is a fragile thing that can only live where fragile things are loved. Take it away from this valley and you will see it fade like an echo.”
Mallinson laughed harshly, as if his own thoughts gave him confidence. “I’m not afraid of that. It’s here that she’s only an echo, if she’s one anywhere at all.” He added after a pause: “Not that this sort of talk gets us anywhere. We’d better cut out all the poetic stuff and come down to realities. Conway, I want to help you—it’s all the sheerest nonsense, I know, but I’ll argue it out if it’ll do you any good. I’ll pretend it’s something possible that you’ve told me, and that it really does need examining. Now tell me, seriously, what evidence have you for this story of yours?”
Conway was silent.
“Merely that some one spun you a fantastic rigmarole. Even from a thoroughly reliable person whom you’d known all your life, you wouldn’t accept that sort of thing without proof. And what proofs have you in this case? None at all, so far as I can see. Has Lo-Tsen ever told you her history?”
“No, but—”
“Then why believe it from some one else? And all this longevity business—can you point to a single outside fact in support of it?”
Conway thought a moment and then mentioned the unknown Chopin works that Briac had played.
“Well, that’s a matter that means nothing to me—I’m not a musician. But even if they’re genuine, isn’t it possible that he could have got hold of them in some way without his story being true?”
“Quite possible, no doubt.”
“And then this method that you say exists—of preserving youth and so on. What is it? You say it’s a sort of drug—well, I want to know
what
drug? Have you ever seen it or tried it? Did any one ever give you any positive facts about the thing at all?”
“Not in detail, I admit.”
“And you never asked for details? It didn’t strike you that such a story needed any confirmation at all? You just swallowed it whole?” Pressing his advantage, he continued: “How much do you actually know of this place, apart from what you’ve been told? You’ve seen a few old men—that’s all it amounts to. Apart from that, we can only say that the place is well fitted up, and seems to be run on rather high-brow lines. How and why it came into existence we’ve no idea, and why they want to keep us here, if they do, is equally a mystery, but surely all that’s hardly an excuse for believing any old legend that comes along! After all, man, you’re a critical sort of person—you’d hesitate to believe all you were told even in an English monastery—I really can’t see why you should jump at everything just because you’re in Tibet!”
Conway nodded. Even in the midst of far keener perceptions he could not restrain approval of a point well made. “That’s an acute remark, Mallinson. I suppose the truth is that when it comes to believing things without actual evidence, we all incline to what we find most attractive.”
“Well, I’m dashed if I can see anything attractive about living till you’re half dead. Give me a short life and a gay one, for choice. And this stuff about a future war—it all sounds pretty thin to me. How does any one know when the next war’s going to be or what it’ll be like? Weren’t all the prophets wrong about the last war?” He added, when Conway did not reply: “Anyhow, I don’t believe in saying things are inevitable. And even if they were, there’s no need to get into a funk about them. Heaven knows I’d most likely be scared stiff if I had to fight in a war, but I’d rather face up to it than bury myself here.”
Conway smiled. “Mallinson, you have a superb knack of misunderstanding me. When we were at Baskul you thought I was a hero—now you take me for a coward. In point of fact, I’m neither—though of course it doesn’t matter. When you get back to India you can tell people, if you like, that I decided to stay in a Tibetan monastery because I was afraid there’d be another war. It isn’t my reason at all, but I’ve no doubt it’ll be believed by the people who already think me mad.”
Mallinson answered rather sadly: “It’s silly, you know, to talk like that. Whatever happens, I’d never say a word against you. You can count on that. I don’t understand you—I admit that—but—but—I wish I did. Oh, I wish I did. Conway, can’t I possibly help you? Isn’t there anything I can say or do?”
There was a long silence after that, which Conway broke at last by saying: “There’s just a question I’d like to ask—if you’ll forgive me for being terribly personal.”
“Yes?”
“Are you in love with Lo-Tsen?”
The youth’s pallor changed quickly to a flush. “I dare say I am. I know you’ll say it’s absurd and unthinkable, and probably it is, but I can’t help my feelings.”
“I don’t think it’s absurd at all.”
The argument seemed to have sailed into a harbor after many buffetings, and Conway added: “I can’t help
my
feelings either. You and that girl happen to be the two people in the world I care most about … though you may think it odd of me.” Abruptly he got up and paced the room. “We’ve said all we
can
say, haven’t we?”
“Yes, I suppose we have.” But Mallinson went on, in a sudden rush of eagerness. “Oh, what stupid nonsense it all is—about her not being young! And foul and horrible nonsense, too. Conway, you
can’t
believe it! It’s just top ridiculous. How can it really mean anything?”
“How can you really know that she’s young?” Mallinson half turned away, his face lit with a grave shyness. “Because I
do
know .… Perhaps you’ll think less of me for it … but I
do
know. I’m afraid you never properly understood her, Conway. She was cold on the surface, but that was the result of living here—it had frozen all the warmth. But the warmth was there.”
“To be unfrozen?”
“Yes … that would be one way of putting it.”
“And she’s
young
, Mallinson—you are so
sure
of that?” Mallinson answered softly: “God, yes—she’s just a girl. I was terribly sorry for her, and we were both attracted, I suppose. I don’t see that it’s anything to be ashamed of. In fact in a place like this I should think it’s about the decentest thing that’s ever happened .…”