Lost Girl: Hidden Book One (10 page)

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I forced myself all the way into his mind, and he shrieked in agony. The sound sent chills down my spine. I felt my power grow, and watched him kill his daughter, bury her, feeling nothing but hatred for her mother. Nothing for his own flesh and blood.

I felt the moment I lost control. I ripped, like a wild animal, some kind of vicious predator. Slowly but surely drove him insane, until there was nothing left, until he lost the will and ability to live. His shrieks died as he did, and he fell to the ground, twitching as the life left his body.

My power snapped out. Too much. I closed my eyes. My head was pounding, and I could feel blood pouring from my nose. I knelt down and retched. I couldn’t move. There wasn’t an ounce of strength left in me, and all I could do was look over at Kayla’s father’s body.

Murderer.

I was a murderer.

I drifted out of consciousness, only coming to when I heard footsteps crunching in the dry grass behind me. Felt worry, and a warm hand on my back. The imps were back, crouching in front of me.

“Oh my God,” Brennan said behind me.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked weakly, my voice muffled by the tall grass. I didn’t have the strength to pick my head up.

“I felt you. You were pulling enough power to level a small city. Jesus, Molly.” He sat down next to me. “The imps led me the rest of the way.”

“She was just a baby,” I said, my face still buried in the grass.

“I know,” he murmured, sadness from him, worry. He was still and steady beside me, and I appreciated the calm.

“I was too late.” I felt my head spinning. I forced myself up and looked at Brennan. He put an arm around my back, helped me sit up the rest of the way. I closed my eyes, and his arm tightened around me. We sat that way for a while, in silence.

“You’re in no shape to drive,” he finally said, his voice soft, seemingly aware of how my head pounded. “Let me drive you home.”

I nodded, and Brennan held a hand out to me and pulled me up. The trip home was a blur, and the last thing I saw was Brennan closing my bedroom door behind him on the way out.

When I woke up, I was somewhere soft. I opened my eyes slightly, then closed them again. It hurt too much to open them. I lay there for a few more minutes. Everything hurt. I took stock. My body ached as if I’d gone ten rounds with Muhammad Ali and didn’t have the power to self-heal. My head pounded, and I felt like I had thrown up everything, including a few internal organs.

I could feel power in my house. More than just me. Brennan’s pulsing energy. Ada’s steady hum. Stone. Ah, crap.

Nain was there, too.

I groaned and pulled the covers back over my head. Worked at maintaining my mental shield. It only made the headache worse, but I didn’t need Nain in my mind right now.

Murderer.

The thought came, unbidden and definitely unwanted. Me, the real me, the me that was more about saving people than destroying them….that “me” was sickened, depressed, horrified at what I’d done.

But my demon, the part of me that I was having a really hard time claiming or accepting, was thrilled. Satisfied.

How did Nain live like this?

Remembering that he was there, I knew I had to get up. Nain would not leave until he’d made his point. Loudly. I grimaced and tossed the covers back and swung my legs off the side of the bed. I was still in the clothes I’d been wearing the night before, but someone had removed my shoes.

I got up and made my way to the dresser to grab some clean clothes, then across the hall to the little bathroom.

The overhead light made my head hurt so much the room spun. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, then opened them. I looked in the mirror. I was pale, even for me. And my eyes were dark, the normal gray more of a gunmetal. I frowned at my reflection. My face was clean. I distinctly remembered bleeding all over myself.

I slowly washed and got dressed in a pair of jeans and a black top. I brushed my hair and clipped it loosely at the back of my head. Then I went into my office and clicked on the desk lamp. Looked at the bulletin boards.

I gently removed Kayla’s photo from the “lost” board and tacked it up onto the third board. The one I hated. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, forcing myself to look at Kayla’s face.

I would have stayed there, replaying all of my faults, every single thing I could have done differently, but I could feel Nain’s power roaring from nearby, maybe the back yard. He wouldn’t leave until we’d had this out. I steeled myself and made my way downstairs. I could hear the television on in the living room. It sounded like “I Love Lucy” reruns, the laugh track echoing up the stairway. I started down the stairs, and saw that Brennan was sitting on the bottom step, arms resting on his knees, watching TV.

“Why are you sitting there?” I asked as I crept down behind him. He turned his head and glanced at me.

“Nain’s on the warpath. I didn’t want him to bother you until you rested more,” he said, turning back to the television. I sat on the step above his, studied his back, his shoulders. His hair just brushed the top of the collar of the flannel shirt he was wearing.

“What time did he show up?”

“Around six.”

“What time is it now?

“Little after eleven.”

“Please tell me you haven’t been sitting on the stairs for five hours.”

“Okay.”

We sat in silence for a minute. I glanced toward the living room. Veronica, Ada, and Stone were all sitting in there. Veronica caught my eye and gave me a tiny wave. I gave what was probably a sickly smile in return.

“How are you feeling?” Brennan finally asked, still facing toward the living room.

“Like shit,” I said.

He nodded. I didn’t get him at all. I could feel trepidation, concern, from the others. I wondered if they knew exactly what had happened. But from him, nothing ever but warmth. He knew exactly what I’d done. And of the whole group, I’d come to see Brennan as the most altruistic, the most just genuinely
good
. Yeah, he was terrifying in his way. But you just knew, with Brennan, that he’d use every bit of his power to do the right thing. He should be horrified, sickened by me.

I knew I was.

He turned and looked at me, met my eyes. “You’ve never killed before.”

I paused. “Not like that.”

“You’re going to explain that later. But for now, know this: it was him or you.”

“I can self-heal,” I reminded him. “I could have been more gentle. Part of me wanted him dead.” I pulled at a thread on my sleeve, unable to look at him anymore.

“Of course. Part of me is glad he’s dead. It doesn’t make us evil, Molly.”

I shook my head. “I shouldn’t have done it, though. And definitely not like that.”

At that moment, I heard the back door open, felt Nain’s presence in the house before I saw him. He walked into the living room, looked up to where I was sitting.

Oh, he was
pissed
.

He glanced toward the living room, at the rest of the team sitting there. “All right. You’ve all seen her. She’s alive and moving. Time to go.”

Ada and Veronica got up, headed for the front door. Stone gave me a quick smile, then walked outside.

“Call me later, Molly, okay?” Veronica said as she headed outside. I just nodded. Nain turned back to me.

“You too, Brennan,” he said, eyes on me as he said it. I tried to calm down. My stomach churned. All I wanted to do at that second was run.

“Nain, man, maybe you should go home for a while. Cool down a bit,” Brennan said, not moving, standing between me and Nain.

Nain was about to say something, when I put a hand on Brennan’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Brennan,” I said.

I felt irritation from him, but he nodded, got up. He met my eyes for a second, then headed out after the rest of the team.

And then it was just me. And one very, very pissed off demon.

Chapter Eight

Nain and I watched each other. When the last car had left the driveway, I felt my stomach plummet.

The bastards had actually left me with a demon who was clearly ready to do some damage.

Teammates, my ass.

He stood there, three hundred pounds of rage, watching me. Crossed his arms over his chest. Even if I couldn’t feel it coming from him, I’d have to be blind not to know how angry he was. His eyes had been glowing fiery orange since he’d entered the room, and a muscle ticked in his jaw.

“You’ve put me in a very fucked up position, Molly,” he finally said, voice low, deadly.

I watched him. Readied my body for fight or flight, whichever would work better.

“Now I need to decide what to do about you,” he said. “Do I keep you around, because you’re powerful, and deadly, and we need someone like you?” He paused, sapphire gaze boring into mine. “Or, do I put you down like the rabid dog you’re likely becoming? Try to save the world from the shitstorm I knew you’d be?”

I felt my demon rise in response to the threat. Power surged through my body. “You could try that. But from what I can feel, it wouldn’t go well for you.” I ignored my wobbly legs, less wobbly already. My power was feeding me, strengthening me. The imps had left wherever they’d been hiding, gathered on the stairs around me. One, the one I’d come to think of as the leader, snarled.

Nain’s power rose in response to mine. My house started trembling, like a mini earthquake was hitting my neighborhood. The floors upstairs squeaked, and I heard glasses clinking together from the kitchen cabinets.

“You’re strong. But I’m experienced. I would not have any problem taking you out. Bending you, breaking you. And you know it,” he said, walking toward me.

I knew it. I could fight, but he could still kick my ass. I could try to level him with my power, but he knew how to finesse power in a way that still escaped me. I could try to shatter his mind, like I’d done with Kayla’s father, but he was still stronger mentally than I was.

I tamped my demon down, took a deep breath. “I didn’t mean to do it, Nain,” I said.

His power only heightened. “All of this time, we’ve been working on control. He was a fucking Normal. That level of power was totally unnecessary.” He was shouting now, voice thundering through the house as it shook around us.

“I know,” I said softly, trying to soothe. “I know. I let myself get too emotional. I lost control. It was unacceptable.”

He drew back, just a little, enough so I could breathe. He cocked his head to the side, still watching me. “But it felt good, didn’t it?”

He knew. Of course he did. I nodded. “It felt amazing.”

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and I watched as he worked at getting himself under control.

“For someone who keeps preaching control at me, you sure seem close to losing yours a lot,” I said. He opened his eyes and glared at me.

I really should learn to think before I speak.

He was nose-to-nose with me in an instant. “And it’s just lucky for you that I’m not as weak as you are, isn’t it?”

I backed away. He followed. I tried ducking under his arm, and he blocked me. I shoved him (which was like shoving a concrete wall) and he grabbed my upper arms, and his power spiked again.

“Don’t you get it? I do not want to destroy you, Molly,” he growled. And I felt something from him, something that scared me more than his rage.

It must have shown on my face. He released me, stepped back and raked a hand through his hair.

Then he laughed. “Is that what it takes to really scare you?”

I didn’t answer.

“Don’t worry. I don’t want you. My demon does. Do not confuse the two.”

“You are a demon,” I said weakly.

“As are you. Demon wants demon.” He shrugged. “It doesn’t mean anything. We are not animals.”

I stood there for a minute, looking anywhere but at him. I started talking, words tumbling out of my mouth, hoping to fill the awkward silence. “I didn’t know how to stop it. I went in, and I was ripping him apart before I even realized it was happening. By the time I had it together enough to stop, it was too late.”

Nain nodded. “Like you said, it feels amazing to destroy. I can’t destroy mentally the way you can. That’s…..well. That’s something different. It’s easy to lose yourself in the lust of destruction.”

“I don’t want to use my powers anymore,” I said, my voice barely a whisper.

“Don’t fear them. Control them.”

We stood in silence again, me a few steps up the stairway, Nain at the base of the stairs. I leaned on the wall, rested my aching head against the cool plaster.

“If you had to kill me, could you? Really?” I asked.

He glared at me, then turned and stalked into the kitchen.

I followed him. He was standing at the kitchen counter, leaning on his hands. “I need to know.”

Nain looked at me, met my eyes. Silent.

“Can you? If you have to do it? If I get out of control, can I count on you to end me? Because I don’t want to be a monster. I felt what I can become, and it is terrifying. And you know it. You’ve known it since before we talked that first time.”

“I am powerful enough to destroy you,” he finally said.

“But will you? If I become that, can you swear to me that you’ll kill me?”