Losing Pieces of Me (8 page)

Chapter Thirteen

   He’s back standing before me seconds later and his mouth is crashing down onto mine before I even have time to form another thought.  Heat fills me as he drags me closer to him so he can deepen the kiss.  I allow my hands to run all over his back as he kisses me, eventually my hands make it down to his ass and I squeeze it in my hands.

   “God that feels good, Mireya.  Are you sure you want to do this?  There will be no going back after this because I have this feeling once I get a taste of you, I’ll want more of you,” he says as he removes his jacket.

   I back away from him and I see the disappointment that flickers across his face.  This has me smiling at him, he thinks I’ve changed my mind.  I may be a virgin, but I’m not going to tease him, I want him too much for that.

   Just once won’t hurt right?  I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t take him up on his offer, and perhaps if he sees I’m willing to do some of the things he wants to do, he won’t have to avoid me.

   I lean back against his bed and pull the top of my dress down, revealing my strapless bra to him.  I’m not used to wearing such beautiful lingerie, but I couldn’t resist when I saw some of the matching sets in the store, so I thought, sure why not?  I’m glad I did it now that he’s seen it.  He looks pleased when he sees what I’m wearing for the first time and pride fills me as his eyes widen and he smiles mischievously at me.

   “You sure you’ve never done this before, Mireya?” he asks coming closer so he can trap me between his arms as he leans forward over the bed.  I’m forced to lean back on my elbows so I can stare up at him.

   My smile falters, does he think I do this all the time or something?  I’m forced to look away from him so he can’t see my expression.  Here I thought he was going to be the first man that I’ve ever had sex with and he thinks I do this all the time? I bet he doesn’t believe that I’m a virgin either.

   I blow out a breath and pull my dress back up into place and push on him so he’ll allow me to stand from the bed.

   “I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” I tell him as I step past him and towards the door.

   His hand on my shoulder stops me, “Wait, please don’t go.  What did I do to upset you?”

   “What makes you think you’ve done something to upset me?” I whisper.

   He turns me to face him, “Because I saw the moment your face changed, I know I said something that upset you.  Do you not want to do this?”

When I look up at him and search his eyes, all I see in them is a man who looks genuinely confused.  Maybe he didn’t mean what he said in the way I think he did.

   “Can I be honest with you?” I ask him as I take a few steps away from him.

   “Of course you can, I wouldn’t expect anything less from you,” he says, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest.

   “I have no idea what I’m doing right now.  I want to give this a try because for some reason I’m very attracted to you, but I don’t know the first thing about any of this.”

   He straightens and comes towards me.  He doesn’t stop until I am forced to take a few steps away from him.

   “You’ve never had a man do this to you?” he leans down and bites the side of my neck.  I groan in response.  “Or this?” he reaches his hands around my back and runs them down my back until he reaches my ass and smacks it playfully.

   “Jayden,” I groan when he grinds his body against me and playfully bites me again.

   “Say it again,” he growls.

   “Say what?” I gasp when he brings his hands back around my front to grasp my tits.

   “My name, say it again,” he breathes, reaching up and lowering my dress so my bra is exposed again.

   “Jayden,” I repeat, throwing my head back when he lowers the cups of my bra and palms my tits in his hands and rolls my nipples between his fingers.

   “Just do what you feel is right, I’ll teach you the rest of the things you don’t know.  You’re going to have to learn at some point how to please your future husband.”

   I almost laugh at him.  My future husband, yeah right.  The only reason I have a husband right now is because he paid me to marry him.

   “Just let your body feel what I’m doing to it and go from there,” he says as he leans his head down and takes one of my nipples into his mouth.

   My knees buckle and he’s catching me in his arms so I don’t fall to the floor.  He lifts me effortlessly in his arms and carries me over to his bed and lies me down on it.

   I start to reach up and remove the rest of my dress, but he shakes his head no.

   I’m a little confused as I put my hands down next to me and wait to see what he does next.  He doesn’t come any closer to me, but he lifts his hands up and begins to unbutton his shirt and doesn’t stop until the shirt is all the way open.

   Suddenly I have the urge to remove the shirt for him and then I realize that I’m standing right before him.  I didn’t even realize my feet had brought me to stand before him until my hands are on his shirt and I’m pushing it off of his shoulders and watching it as it cascades down to the floor behind him.

   His breathing hitches as I reach my shaky hands up and touch his bare chest for the first time.  He has a little hair there, but not much and it tickles my hands as I run my hands all over his chest and down to his belt where I undo it and push his pants down his legs until I’m kneeling at his feet and helping him step out of them.  I look up in fear at his boxers and then past them until I’m looking up at him.

   He chuckles when he sees my face.  I’ve never actually seen a dick before, so I’m a little scared about seeing one for the first time.

   “Come here,” he says softly, holding his hand out for me to take.  I use it to stand from the floor.  I shift from foot to foot as I wait to see what he’ll do next.  I’m clearly overdressed for this with all of my clothing still on and him only in his boxers.

   He walks past me and over to the bed where he sits in my previous position.

   “Come,” he says again.  I’m still unsure of myself as I take slow steps towards him and stop just out of his reach.

   I giggle when he reaches out and grabs me around the waist and tosses me onto the bed.  My humor dies down when he climbs up my body and covers my body with his.  Not to the point where he’s squishing me into the bed, but enough so that I can feel his body weight over mine as he brings his lips down to mine for another kiss.  This time I don’t hesitate as I let his tongue enter my mouth and twine with mine.  I bring my hands up so they are in his hair and I tug lightly as I moan into the kiss.  He bites my lip gently before he swipes his tongue back into my mouth.

   He pulls away and stares down at me, his blue eyes boring into mine as he meets my gaze head on.  I want to look away, but if I do that, he’ll see how scared I truly am about what is going to happen here tonight.  I’ve heard stories about how much it hurts, how it feels like your insides are being ripped out of your body and stomped on a dozen times.  At least that’s what Katrina told me it feels like.

   “So beautiful,” he whispers into my ear as he runs his nose down the side of my face before continuing down to my neck where he nips me before continuing down my body until he reaches my stomach.  He pulls my dress and bra further down my body until he stops right above my thong.  I can’t tell if he’s trying to kill me with the suspense of what he’s going to do to me, but I feel myself getting hotter and hotter and much more of this torture and I’ll probably faint.  My body is on fire and I feel like I’m going to explode from the heat at any moment.

   “Please,” I whisper when he doesn’t move from my stomach.

   He kisses me softly on the stomach before looking up my body at me.  “Please what?”

   I shrug, “I don’t know, just please?”

   “Okay, I think I know what you need,” he replies confidently.  I wish I had some of that confidence, this would be a whole hell of a lot easier for me.

   He stands from the bed and pulls my dress and bra off my body, leaving my thong in place.

“Jesus,” he curses staring down at my body.  “How in the hell did you stay single all this time?”

   “I wasn’t looking for a relationship,” I reply with a shrug.

Men haven’t really had a place in my life.  Everything has always been about bills and taking care of Katrina, men were never a priority for me.  But as I stare up at Jayden, I realize I’ve been missing a big portion of my life and I’ve only been living a small fraction of my life.  I always knew I was missing something, but now I think I know what that thing is.  A man to make me feel like a woman.  Jayden makes me feel that way.  It doesn’t matter that he paid me to marry him and that this isn’t about love or a relationship we share, he’s a man and this is what I’ve been missing.  I finally have the one thing I’ve been missing.

   “Well, keep wearing these, and you won’t ever have a shortage of men chasing after you,” he says.  I go to thank him, but he chooses that moment to grasp my thong with his teeth and pull them down my body.  When he has them off my body, I expect him to throw them across the room like I would assume so many other men do, but instead he sets it down next to his pants and reaches for them to pull out a condom.

   He carries condoms in his pocket?  I guess that’s not such a bad thing, you never know when you might need protection.  Always better to be prepared, right?

   “Relax, Mireya, I’m not going to hurt you,” he says softly as he walks back over to me.  I realize then that I am shaking and try to give him a reassuring smile.  In reality, I’m scared shitless.  I’ve never done anything besides kiss a man and that doesn’t even really count because the guy practically licked my face and called that a French kiss.  I’m scared that I’m going to fail at this like I have everything else and that has me squeezing my eyes shut and balling my fists.  I’m trying to block everything else out, the issue is I don’t know if I can.

   “Mireya, look at me,” Jayden pleads softly.  I open my eyes and look over in his direction.  “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.  Just because this is something that I want, doesn’t mean that you need to do it just to please me.”

   I know this, deep down I do.  But I take a moment to think which one I want more.  To let the fear eat me alive or take that leap and take control of my life for the first time since my mother died.

   “I’m okay, I’m just a little nervous,” I tell him, nodding my head more to myself than for his benefit.

   He now has his hands grasping his boxers and I hold my breath as he lowers them for the first time and gives me a view of the most beautiful looking dick I’ve ever seen.  I mean, I don’t really have anything to compare it to, but from the way my sister described it, I would’ve thought it would be a tiny purple monster that wanted to cause me pain and discomfort.  Apparently I need to stop listening to the things my sister tells me because this man’s dick is absolutely beautiful.  Straight, large, and not even the slightest shade of purple.  That helps me to calm down a great deal when I realize that probably most –if not all- the things she told me about men aren’t true.

   “What are you over there smiling about, Mireya?  The things I plan to do to you are not something to laugh about, I plan on making you scream,” he announces as he pulls on his condom and proceeds to climb up the bed so he’s right over the top of me.

   “Is that thing going to fit?” I ask him as he leans in to position himself over me so he fits between my now open legs.

   “Don’t you worry about that, just let me just take care of you.  This might hurt for a few seconds, but after that, I promise you, you will enjoy this,” he says, reaching between us to grasp what I can only imagine is his dick.  I don’t dare look down to see what he’s doing.  I may have convinced myself that the things my sister told me are not true, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not scared about what he’s doing down there.

   He begins to push himself inside of me, while holding one of my legs up around his hip.  I bite my lip when I start to feel full, I don’t feel any pain yet and that helps me to relax some of the tension I feel inside of my body.  I was expecting either extreme pain or pleasure, but I wasn’t expecting to feel full.

   “You ready?” he asks as he pauses his movements.

   “There’s more?  I thought you were in as far as you could go,” I tell him, opening my eyes to stare up at him.

   He shakes his head no and gives me a simple smile.  “This part is going to hurt, I can feel the barrier between us and then after that, I’ll be all the way inside.  Just close your eyes and breath deeply, it might help to ease some of the pain.”

   I start to close my eyes, but at the last second I open them and focus on Jayden.  He’s not looking at me anyways, his head is up towards the ceiling and I can’t tell if he’s trying to focus or doesn’t want to look at me when he takes me.  Either way, it gives me the opportunity to stare up at the man that is about to change my life forever.

   I cry out when he suddenly pushes into me and feel the tears as they stream down my face.  It feels like my insides are being ripped apart and I suddenly want to push him off of me to get the pain to stop.

   He must sense this because he looks down at me in alarm.  “Breathe Mireya, the hard part is over.  Just breathe through it and when the pain subsides, you will start to feel other sensations besides pain.  That’s it,” he coos down at me.  “Just breathe through it.”