Losing Control (14 page)

I was talking like an excited schoolgirl when I came back home and related the events of the evening to Penny. As usual she was all ears, enjoying my little escapade and the details I gave her. I also told her it was Thorne I went home with that night at the club. She was of course mad that I didn’t tell her sooner, but that changed when I made her an apology-dinner made entirely of her favorite carbs. So now I could tell her everything that happens which definitely made me feel better. It wasn’t fun keeping things from her.

“Why didn’t you just go with him tonight?” Penny asked when I told her what Thorne had said. “It’s not like I would have made you suffer, if you refused to watch a movie I’ve watched some thirty times already to go out with him!”

“I know that,” I told her. “It’s not because of you that I said no. I just needed some time to adjust.”

“So, you have a waxing appointment?”

“I have a waxing appointment.”

“And I’m guessing you’re going to wear your best underwear?”

“I’m going to go on a liquid diet too, Penny, if that’s what you’re going to ask me next.”

“Nope. I’m good.”

I chose a bottle of pink nail color from the rack on Penny’s nightstand. “So what are we watching tonight?” I asked, slipping on to the couch and getting comfortable. “And please don’t say The Notebook.”

“What do you have against The Notebook?” she yelled.

“I don’t have anything against it,” I said. “I just don’t think it’s something I can watch like a million times!”

“We’re watching The Notebook and that’s that.”

“Fine,” I said. “I’ll watch it because…well…Ryan Gosling.”

“Yeah well whatever floats your boat.”

“How do I look?” I asked Lane as I stood in front of him.

He walked up to me and started fixing my tie. “You’re really going out with her?”

“I am.”

“Good for you,” he said and stepped back a few steps. “I think you look great.”

“Thank you,” I said and turned to the breakfast island for my keys.

“You’re taking the Lexus?” Lane asked. “Wouldn’t you rather take Stanton?”

“I don’t want her to freak her,” I said. “At least if I’m driving the car, it seems more…I don’t know…real?”

“Thorne you are real.”

“I know but I just want this to go right. What about you?”

“I’m staying over at a friend,” Lane said.

“What friend?” I asked and the skepticism must have been evident from my tone.

“Relax,” Lane said. “It’s not one of those friends.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“Take your meds with you.”

“I will,” Lane said.

“And let Stanton drive you.”

“Okay.”

“Call Stanton anytime you want to come back tomorrow.”

“Okay!”

“Just…take care okay?”

“I will,” Lane said. “Now go, you’re getting late!”

I checked my watch. “I am,” I said. “So…I will be off.”

“See you tomorrow!”

“So far so good,” I said, enjoying the smoky taste of the wine. “You are really making it higher up on my list of people to like.”

“I’m sure you will be tempted to give me a higher spot by the time the night is over.”

“You’re either too cocky,” I said. “Or mad.”

“Not mad, but bound more than a madman is.”

I almost spilled the wine.

“Shakespeare,” he said, taking the glass from my hand. He set it aside and continued talking. “Romeo and Juliet. It’s your all-time favorite piece of writing, isn’t it?”

“How do you know?”

He had that cocky smile on his face again. “I just do,” he said. “Besides, you’re not exactly inconspicuous. Athena Arbor. That’s the pen name you use, don’t you?”

I was staring at him, completely blank. “You know about that?”

“I told you Elena I know things.”

“I’m sure you know everything that popped up on Google.”

His reaction to this was almost vengeful, as he inched closer. “I also know that you like to think you’re tough but inside, you’re just like any other love-lost fool, trying to find fantasy in life, where it doesn’t exist. I know that you’re a fool for love Elena and I know you tried to look for it in Nick Jones but you didn’t find it, did you? No. Instead, he just broke your heart and made you swear off men for some reason.”

I felt angry and a little annoyed, listening to him talk about me this way. “Fool,” I said, and the anger must have been apparent in my voice. “I love that word. You really are wonderful company Thorne. I feel like a bigger fool now, standing here with you, than I ever have before.”

I tried to walk away in order to do something about my anger but he held me there, and his grip on my arm was a little tighter than it needed to be. “It’s not why I told you all this,” he said. “I wanted to tell you that whatever it is you think you need to hide from me, you don’t. There’s nothing about you that you could say to make me go away. And as for the fool comment, you’re not the only one. That’s what I’ve been trying to say this whole time.”

And that’s when it all makes sense.

He wasn’t just telling me about my past, he was talking about himself.

“I know nothing about you,” I said. “Tell me something I don’t already know.”

He walked towards the sideboard and started pouring more wine. Then we both sat there, on the massive sofa and sipped it from our glasses. “It’s not a good idea to talk about past relationships on the first date,” he said. “That’s like dating 101.”

“You know we’re not normal,” I said. “We’ve already established that. Right now, it’s about payback. You know my secrets, I want to know yours. Simple trade.”

He smiled but this time there was a kind of sadness to it. “I was going to get married to someone I thought was the one,” he said. “I thought she was perfect. She was smart and she cared about me and she sounded like she was really into me.”

“So what happened?”

“I caught her one night, with my friend.”

“Caught her? In bed?”

Thorne loosened his collar. “Yes,” he said. “In
my
bed. I come back from a trip that got cut short and I saw them…together.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said, because that felt like the only thing I could say. “I know how shitty people can be.”

He was gazing at the floor, lost in thought. “Turns out she really didn’t give a damn about me,” he said. “She even told me I didn’t deserve her. I’m beginning to think she was right.”

“Thorne,” I said. “You’re a fucking catch! What she did to you, of course she had to say things like that. She had to clear her conscience somehow! I know because Nick always used to do that too.”

“You don’t know me,” Thorne said. “I have plenty of faults to my name.”

“Who doesn’t?”

“Mine are worse than others’.”

“Let me be the judge of that.”

And then, once again, he was looking at me, the same way he had been looking at me all night, except for that one blast-from-the-past moment. “You like this,” he said. “You wanted to know me before we got any further. You wanted to see this side of me, didn’t you?”

“Is that why you did it?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I wanted you to know that I’m a real person. That I have real problems, just like you. That I’m not perfect.”

“You don’t have to be,” I said, setting the wine glass down and getting up.

I was feeling bold. I went towards him and he got up too. We kissed and I could taste every hint of flavor that the wine held, in his mouth this time. The pleasure was reaching all kinds of places inside my body that I hadn’t intended for them to reach just yet. But that’s what he did to me. When his lips touched mine, as always, it was fireworks. I wished there was more than just his mouth to explore.

When his body pushes into mine, the growing bulge inside his pants was pushing into me, reminding me that he was as much a part of this magical moment as I was. Instead of going to the room, he cleared out the table and held me against it. His hands were fumbling with my clothes and my fingers were trying to pry open the buttons on his shirt, wanting to unveil whatever he was hiding. Finally I succeeded and we were both breathing hard, and his hands were fumbling with his belt and then his zipper…and I had the front of his chest to look at. My hands couldn’t help but feel the firmness of his chest, and I couldn’t begin to describe how that felt. I was still staring at the way his smooth skin gave way to the slight growth beneath his navel. By then his hand was pushing its way inside my pants and going through the fabric, and it just lingered there and judging by the expression on his face, I was not the only one getting aroused by this. One by one he started to take off my clothes, the pants come off first and then the underwear and his bare hands were touching me deeper and deeper…

“Thorne…” I whispered.

But he was not even listening anymore. He pulled me in closer and I felt his erection against me. He reached into his pocket and fished out a condom and tore the wrapper between his teeth.

He kissed my neck. “Is this okay?” he asked.

I answered by kissing him back, harder this time. “Yes.”

And then he was inside me and I had no choice but to let myself go. When we both finally came it was like the whole world was trying to celebrate with us. Life suddenly looked perfect and so complete. He looked back at me, panting and kissed me again. When we looked at each other, we both broke out laughing.

Yep.

Just two crazy people being crazy together.

How often do you get to feel that?

Almost never.

And I knew that only too well.

He pulled off and put his pants back on but didn’t bother with the shirt. I straightened my own clothes and he helped me off the table.

“Can’t believe we just did that,” I said.

He looked at me, solemn. “Are you saying that because you didn’t like it?”

That’s what he was worried about?

“That’s not what I meant,” I said. “I just…I don’t do this.”

“Why because some magic rule book said you can’t?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

He smiled. “I like that you don’t follow the rulebook,” he whispered. “More wine?”

We spent the rest of the night discussing our favorite books, movies, music, what we thought life was supposed to be and we talked about everything we could think of until I couldn’t talk anymore. I had so much to drink I didn’t think I could stand up straight but even though Thorne’s been drinking more than I have, he looked completely fine. Finally, he took me to the bedroom upstairs in his loft.

“You need to sleep,” he said.

The minute my head hit the pillows, I closed my eyes.