Lonesome Bride (30 page)

If he had just said he loved her, they could be married by now. But no, he'd had to go and do things the hard way. He'd had to try and show her who was boss and his plan had turned on him. He guessed he'd learned his lesson by now, but was it too late?

"When can I see her?” he asked Lorna.

Lorna just stared at him for a moment. “She has not asked to see you, Jed."

"What did that matter?” He started toward the kitchen. “I need to see her, Lorna."

Lorna placed all five feet of herself in front of him, blocking his way. “No, Jed. You were not hearing me. Caitleen has asked not to see you."

Heat spread across his face. Incredulous, he stared first at Lorna, then Shorty and Miles. Each looked away uncomfortably at his obvious distress. “You mean she said flat out she doesn't want me in there?"

Lorna nodded slowly. The pity in her eyes was too much for him to handle. He turned from the kitchen, forcing his hands to unclench and his breathing to slow. Never mind a two-ton brick had just slammed into him. If she didn't want to see him, then he wouldn't force his attentions on her.

How could he blame her anyway? She would most likely never want to see his face again after what had happened. He thought of his tiny cabin, and the plans he had. There was no use staying around Heatherfield any longer. He might as well go now.

Jed shrugged, as if his very heart were not busting right in two. “I reckon I understand."

"Jed,” Lorna began, but he stopped her.

"No, Lorna. It's all right. Shorty was right about it being my fault, and Caite's right to shut me out. I reckon I'll just get out of everybody's way."

"Where are you going?” Lorna called after him.

"To the cabin,” he called back, not slowing on his way toward his room. “To my own place where I belong. Alone."

Caite sipped more of Sally's bitter brew. They both had heard the scuffle outside. She knew it had something to do with Jed, but she had told Lorna she was not ready to see him. She needed time to think.

"Are you feeling better?"

Caite nodded gratefully, handing the cup back to Sally. “Much, thank you."

"We were all mighty worried about you,” Sally said.

"I'm sorry to have been such a bother."

Sally scoffed. “You haven't been any such thing."

Caite stared down at her reddened hands. “Could I see a mirror?"

Sally hesitated. “I don't think..."

"Please?” Caite could feel the tightness in her cheeks that meant she had been exposed to too much sun. With her fair skin, she was familiar with the sensation, but it had never been this bad. She must be very badly burned. She also felt a swath of bandages around her head.

Wordlessly, Sally gave her a long-handled looking glass. Caite closed her eyes before grasping it. Breathing deeply, she opened her eyes to see her reflection.

A white bandage, stained slightly red in the center, completely covered the right side of her head. Her skin was puffy, pulled taut across her cheeks and chin, and a harsh, angry red. Parts of her face were peeling already, the skin dangling in ugly patches. The blisters on her lips were colorless except for where they had burst, leaving behind a yellowish crust.

"It will take gallons of buttermilk to restore this complexion,” said Caite weakly, unable to tear her eyes from the unfamiliar face in the mirror.
The face of a monster.

"Hush,” ordered Sally. She gently took the looking glass away. “Your face'll be fine. Just keep putting this cream on your skin."

No cream could ever restore my skin, Caite thought bleakly. The burn would fade and the blisters heal, but how could it ever go back to the way it was? She no longer needed to worry Jed might want her only out of lust. Looking at this face would certainly scare away any amorous feelings he had for her.

"How did you know Buck loved you?” Caite asked suddenly. Maybe she was hoping to gain some insight into Jed's character. Maybe she just wanted to hear a story with a happy ending.

Sally smiled. “I've known Buck for a long time. Even before Heather passed on, I'd see him in Staghorn. He often came into the mercantile to buy something pretty for her. That's how I knew he was a good man.

"After the flu took Heather, we became friends. I knew he was lonely. I even knew he had joined the bride program. I also knew I loved him, but I was too afraid to let him know. I thought he could never look at me the way he had Heather. He loved her so, you see."

"So how did you know? That he loved you, I mean?"

Sally's eyes turned dreamy. “He told me, Caite."

"He just told you?"

"Yes. He just came into the mercantile and asked me to marry him. He said he'd loved me for awhile, and he wasn't sure how I felt about him, but he was going to take a chance."

Caite sighed. “I wish his son were half as willing to risk his feelings."

Sally looked at her in surprise. “What do you mean?"

"I mean,” Caite said slowly, “that the reason Jed was coming after me with the sheriff was because I said I would not marry him. I suppose he thought throwing the law on me might change my mind."

Sally seemed stunned, her pretty brow furrowed in confusion. “I don't understand. Don't you love him?"

"Yes, I do love him,” Caite murmured. She picked at a loose bit of thread on the coverlet.

"Then why won't you marry him?"

"Because he doesn't love me!” Caite cried, tears springing to her eyes again.

Sally began to laugh. At the sight of Caite's affronted stare, she laughed even harder. Soon tears were streaming from her eyes, and she was holding her stomach, so forceful was her mirth.

"I do not see what is so funny,” Caite remarked at last. Sally's reaction hurt and annoyed her. How could she laugh at Caite's pain?

Sally finally calmed herself enough to speak. Wiping her eyes, she shook her head. A few chuckles still escaped her now and then.

"That man loves you more than I've ever seen a man love a woman,” she declared, her eyes bright with the tears of laughter.

"What?” Caite was completely confused. Sally thought Jed loved her?

"He loves you, Caitleen. He loves you so much he's practically sick from it."

"When I asked him if he cared for me, he said no,” Caite replied. Surely the other woman must be mistaken. “When I asked him if he loved me, he could not say anything."

"He doesn't have to say it,” Sally told her. “It's written all over his face."

"No,” Caite denied, looking down at her reddened hands. “I can't believe that."

Sally placed her hand on Caite's. “He was crying when he brought you in, Caite."

The thought of Jed in tears seemed inconceivable to her.
Jed crying?
And over her? It could not be.

"He knelt by this very bed, weeping,” Sally continued gently. “We had to drag him out of here so we could tend to you. He was so afraid you were going to die, Caite. He kept asking over and over for us to make sure you would be all right."

"He ... he really cried?” Caite's throat closed with emotion. Jed had cried for her. He must care ... he must!

"A man doesn't act that way about a woman he doesn't love,” Sally said wisely. “He loves you, Caite. I'm sure of it."

Caite groaned. “If only he had told me so himself, then none of this would ever have happened."

"Did you ever tell him how you felt?"

Shame flooded Caite. She had spent all that time abusing and haranguing Jed because he would not say he loved her, yet she had never told him the same. She raised wet eyes to Sally.

"No. I never did."

"Don't you think it's probably about time?” Sally asked. “He at least deserves to know about the baby."

The baby.
Caite placed her hands over her belly, knowing it was too soon to feel anything there. She was going to have a baby.

"No,” she said stubbornly. “If he knows about the baby, then he'll just say it is his duty to marry me. I need to know he loves me before anything else."

Sally sighed. “If that's what you want, Caite. I won't tell him anything."

Fear gripped Caite. “What if it's too late? He swore he would never ask me to marry him again. What if I've thrown away every chance I had?"

"I can't imagine him refusing you.” Sally smiled.

Caite could. After everything they had gone through from their very first meeting, it was not difficult for her to imagine Jed's refusal. Their entire relationship, from the very start, had been based on misunderstanding and misconception. Why should anything be different now?

"But I am so ugly!” Caite cried suddenly, recalling her peeling, blistered face.

"He won't care,” Sally replied firmly. “Besides, he's seen you already, remember."

"I ... I think I need to rest first,” Caite protested. She could not face him ... she just could not.
What if Sally were wrong?
What if he only wanted her for all the reasons he had listed, and not because he loved her after all?

"Caitleen O'Neal, I've never seen two people more determined to deny their own feelings in my life. Not even Buck and I were this reluctant!"

Caite breathed deeply. Smiling weakly at Sally, she nodded. “You're right, Sally. I'm being ridiculous."

"Now, should I tell Jed to come in and see you?"

Caite took another deep breath, then nodded firmly. “Yes. I'm ready to see him."

"Good.” Sally got up. “I'll be right back."

Everything was packed—his clothes, his weapons, and some rations to get him started until he could make the trip to Lonesome. Jed hefted the bundle onto Zeus’ back. It wasn't very heavy to be holding all he had in the world.

"So you're really going,” Buck stated from the barn doorway.

Jed didn't turn. “Yeah. I'm going."

"You sure you want to travel in the dark?” Buck asked, coming closer.

"I'll be fine, Pa,” Jed said, still busy with his preparations. He didn't really want to face the old man. He knew what he was going to say. “Old Zeus here knows the way better than I do."

"You're running away, son,” Buck said gently.

Now Jed turned. “I reckon that's none of your business."

Buck sighed. “You knocked Shorty around pretty good, I saw."

Jed shrugged. Why was it his father could always make him feel like a sullen schoolboy, caught with his hand in the cookie jar? “He didn't go easy on me either."

"Jed, I didn't come out here to fight with you."

"Then why did you come out here?” Jed wanted to get on the road and away from here. Before he lost all his pride and burst in on Caite, no matter whether she wanted to see him or not.

"Son, I know you love her."

Jed's back stiffened. “I don't know what you're talking about."

Buck laughed softly. “Jed, this is your Pa who's talking to you. You can't fool me."

"It doesn't matter how I feel about her,” Jed said sourly. “I reckon I've lost my chance with her anyway."

"You don't know that."

Jed, suddenly infuriated with his father's placid comments, turned. “Why'd you come out here, Pa? Just to tell me things I already know?"

Buck shrugged. “I just want to see you happy, son."

"I'll be happy when I've built my own place, with my own horses to raise."

"It won't make you happy if you don't have someone to share it with,” Buck said quietly.

"I'm not as lucky as you, I guess.” Jed swung up on Zeus, wanting only to get away. “I guess I haven't found that person."

"I know how it was with you and Trish,” Buck said. “But that doesn't mean you can't try again..."

"There's nothing to try!” Jed snapped, tugging on the reins to turn Zeus toward the door. “She doesn't want me. She told me that herself."

"So what are you going to do?” Buck asked.

"I'm going away to be alone."

"You shouldn't have to be alone, son."

"It seems I don't have much choice,” Jed retorted, and kicked Zeus out into the night.

Caite's nerves were worn raw by the time Sally slipped back into the room. She glanced up expectantly, surprised to see the dark-haired woman instead of Jed standing there. Caite smiled in confusion.

"Did you tell him I wanted to see him?” she asked.

"I couldn't.” Sally chewed her lower lip.

"Why not?” Now Caite was even more confused. Why was Sally looking at her so strangely?

"He's gone,” Sally said.

"Gone?” Caite cried. “Where?"

"He packed his things and moved to his cabin,” Sally explained apologetically. “Lorna told me he seemed to think you would prefer him gone."

Caite swallowed heavily. He must have been angry to hear she did not want to see him. But was that an excuse for him to run off like a spoiled child? For an instant, anger at him flared, but she forced it away. They had both behaved badly.

"Then I shall just have to go to his cabin and tell him there,” she declared.

She would take a chance. She would make things right.

Jed reckoned he didn't know which would have been more miserable, the lumpy mattress or the cabin's rough plank floor. Now his eyes felt grainy and swollen, as if he'd been rubbing dirt into them. His entire body ached from the hard riding. He was exhausted, but now that the first light of dawn was in the sky, he couldn't sleep.

Jed rolled to his other side, wincing as the straw jabbed him through a thin spot in the mattress. Despite having much more room this time around, the bed had been a sight more comfortable when he'd last slept in it. Not that he'd gotten much sleep, he recalled. The thought made him shift uncomfortably, every piece of stiff straw gouging him at once.

He was thinking of Caitleen again. Blast it all, why couldn't he just shut her out of his mind? He rolled again, watching the embers in the fireplace glow. If she were here with him, it wouldn't matter how lumpy the mattress was, or how sore his muscles were. But she wasn't here, and there was no use torturing himself thinking about it.

"Blue-eyed blazes and blast,” he swore softly.

Maybe he should have forced himself into her room and told her how he felt. He should have just said it flat out, “Caitleen, I love you and want you to be my wife.” She might have said yes.