Lonesome Bride (11 page)

"I'm not stopping the wagon on purpose,” Jed remarked from beside her, his first words to her since they had gotten underway.

His voice was boon and bane to Caitleen's ears. Could this be the man whose voice had so soothed her only a short time before? She gritted her teeth, not favoring him with a look. “I never suggested you were."

"You didn't have to,” Jed replied.

"I hardly believe you would stoop to such measures,” Caite remarked evenly.

"Just what is that supposed to mean?"

He was angry. Caite lifted her chin, then threw him a glance. Jed was staring at her, the reins loose in his hands. She was secretly pleased to see him frowning. She had been put out of sorts, and so should he.

"I mean I can not believe you'd stoop to such ridiculous measures as deliberately forcing the wagon wheels into muddy patches. Despite what you said earlier, I believe you must be eager to return home. I wish I could share your enthusiasm."

Jed blinked at her slowly. “You don't want to go to the ranch?"

Caite returned his stare, fighting back the waves of emotion threatening to spill from her eyes and out her mouth. “Would you, if you were me?"

At least he had the decency to look away, almost as if he was ashamed. “I reckon not."

Caite turned forward again and smoothed her skirts over her lap. “Unless you want to sit in this hot sun all day, Jed, I suggest you free that wheel."

Fortunately, the patch of mud holding them was not deep. A few well-placed handfuls of grass and twigs and a hearty shove from Jed, and they were freed. None too soon either, Caitleen thought. The sun was beginning to give her a headache. The steady throbbing rose behind her eyes and threatened to turn to nausea should they not start moving soon.

"Are you satisfied, now, Caite?” Jed asked, swinging back onto the seat.

An angry retort rushed to her lips. She bit it back and instead smiled vacantly and serenely at him. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

Once the horses picked up speed, the cool breeze fanning her face was a welcome relief from the noonday sun. Her head still throbbed, but the pain there was nothing compared to the ache in her heart. Why did Jed insist on treating her so harshly? As the wagon hit a rut, Caite and Jed were jostled momentarily together. Each pulled away as if they had laid their hands on shards of glass.

"How much longer?” Caite finally asked. She had no desire to make idle conversation, but the thought of another night spent by Jed's side was unendurable. The memories of their lovemaking would continue to haunt her the longer they were alone. She wanted—no, needed—other people around to lessen the effect his nearness had upon her.

"A few more hours,” Jed replied. “We're making good time."

"Praise be,” Caite murmured. She hoped that would be the last of the conversation until they reached Heatherfield. Her hopes were immediately dashed.

"I'm just as ashamed as you are about what happened between us, Caite,” Jed said. “We just have to forget about what happened and get on with our lives."

His words sliced her to her very soul. Caite spun to look at him, dismay surging in her throat like nausea. Colored spots danced hazily in her vision, and for a moment she feared she would faint.

"Ashamed!” she cried. “Why should I be ashamed?"

His eyes narrowed. “What we did was wrong. You know it, and so do I. Don't play the injured miss with me, Caitleen."

"If you feel shame about what we did, then that is your burden to bear, Jed,” Caite said in a low, dangerous voice. She felt dangerous now. “Not mine. I chose to lay with you. I will not dishonor myself, or you, or what we shared by regretting that choice."

Jed snorted. “There was nothing honorable about what we did, Caitleen, so you can't dishonor it."

Contempt dripped from his words like honey from a comb. Would that they be as sweet, Caite thought. Hot tears fought to spill from her eyes, but she forced them back. Only by imagining her hurt and anger as squares of muslin was she able to fold up her emotions and tuck them away where they could not show.

"Why did you make love to me, Jed, if you felt it was so wrong?” she asked finally, relieved to hear her voice did not tremble. She did not sound lighthearted and carefree, not by any stretch of the imagination, but she at least did not sound as distraught as she felt.

"Blast it all, woman!” Jed spluttered. “You tempted me!"

The blood drained from her cheeks, and her fingers strained against the cloth of her skirt as she struggled not to throttle the insufferable bastard beside her. “I tempted you!"

"Yes, with your flirting and your sweet talk,” Jed spat.

"I was merely trying to please you!” Caite exclaimed. Her former resolve to remain calm melted away under this new flood of insults.

"Well, I reckon you pleased me about as much as a woman can,” Jed snarled, clucking to the horses to make them go faster.

Her heart pounded. Never had anyone sent her into so blind a rage as this man had just now, not even her father. Jed had taunted her, berated her, then made love to her. And now it was supposed to be her fault? Because she tempted him?
Sweet Lord, if he thought making love to be a sin, what would he think if he knew I was contemplating murder?

"Stop the wagon!” Caite shrieked. She did not wait for him to comply, but instead stood unsteadily. The horses were moving at a rollicking pace, and she found it hard to maintain her balance, but she would risk falling off before she would spend another moment in Jed's company.

"Are you crazy?"

"Stop this wagon, or before God, I'll jump off and take my chances!"

"Ho, Ginger! Ho, Nutmeg!"

He must have seen the seriousness of her intent, because he immediately began to pull back on the reins. The horses snorted and strained against the sudden pressure of the bits in their mouths, but they began to slow. They did not obey fast enough to suit Caite, however, who felt wild-eyed with fury.

Before the wagon had completely stopped, Caitleen had gathered her skirts in one hand and grasped the back of the seat in the other. Slinging one leg over the side, she waited briefly for the vehicle to slow a little more, then leaped to the ground with a flash of petticoats. She hit the trail on her feet, then immediately began walking as fast as she could back the way they had come. Behind her, she heard the rumble of Jed's curses as he settled the horses, and presumably, leaped down after her.

Jed easily caught up to her since his legs were much longer. And he was unencumbered by skirts and high-heeled boots that pinched if she walked too fast on the uneven ground. To the devil with him, she thought bitterly. Why could he not just leave her alone?

"Are you insane, woman?” he cried. “You could've broken your leg, or worse!"

Caite whirled to face him, only managing not to strike him by clamping her hands to her sides. “My leg, my heart, what difference does it make?"

Instantly, she saw his eyes soften. She prayed it was not with pity. She might very well throttle him with her bare hands if she thought he were pitying her.

"Where do you think you're going?” Jed asked, reaching out to grasp her arm.

Caite hissed at him like a riled snake, yanking her arm away from his touch. That the hands she had so enjoyed upon her body would dare grasp her now was unthinkable. “Do not dare lay your hands on me!"

She continued walking despite the pain in her feet. Jed followed her, his voice gone suddenly soothing. As if she were a wild animal that needed taming. And maybe I am, Caite thought with a flash of satisfaction. But if she was, he had driven her to it.

"Just calm down now, Caite. Maybe we can talk about this."

Again, she stopped to look at him. “What shall we talk about, Jed? How immoral I am? How loathsome a woman I am, to tempt you and flirt with you? How I dragged you, screaming and protesting, into my bed and forced you to make love to me? I think I am quite finished with that discussion, if it is all the same to you!"

She started walking again, though slower this time. She was winded and her shoes pinched. She knew she could not really walk all the way to Lonesome anyway. Jed was right; she must have been insane to leap from the wagon like that. But what choice did she have? Everything had turned topsy-turvy. She had erred disastrously by ever agreeing to come here in the first place.

"Caite, I'm sorry if what I said hurt you."

"But not sorry you said it! Not sorry you meant it!"

Jed again grasped her arm and forced her to stop. Taking her by the shoulders, he turned her to look at him. “I told you I was an honest man, Caite."

Caite drew a ragged breath. “So you believe those things, truly? You did not just say them out of anger?"

"Caite..."

"So I tempted you, did I?” she asked, aware her voice was trembling but unable to stop it. Jed's accusations had undone her. “Did I do it like this?"

She reached up and unpinned her hat, releasing the mass of her hair to flow over her shoulders. She ran trembling fingers through the length of it then shook her head so the curls tumbled freely about her face in glistening tendrils. Next, she hiked up the hem of her skirt so her trim ankles were clearly visible then showed her legs all the way up to the creamy whiteness of her thighs.

"Is this how I tempted you, Jed?"

"Caite, stop this."

She had started now and a madness had overtaken her, and she was not going to finish until she had hurt him as much as he had her. She smiled crookedly, running her tongue over her lips to moisten them as she imagined a seductress might. Her hands went to the buttons marching up her chest to her throat, and she began plucking them open with practiced fingers.

"Or maybe it was this way, Jed."

"Jesus, Caitleen, stop it!"

"I can not help myself,” Caite retorted. “I am so immoral, you see!"

She flung her arms around him and pressed her mouth to his in a mockery of the tender kisses they had shared. This kiss was not tender. Rough and wild, it was the kiss of a cougar, or perhaps an adder with poison dripping from its mouth. Abruptly, Jed pushed her away so strongly she fell back, tangling her feet and striking the side of her head on the ground.

Instantly, Jed was beside her. “Caite, are you all right?"

She stared up at him, the concern in his eyes like a dagger in her heart.

"Now, I am ashamed,” she said.

Jed fully expected Caite to cry. She surprised and impressed him when she did not. Heck, he thought, if I weren't a man, I'd probably be crying plenty. Everything was a tangled mess, and once they got to Heatherfield matters would only get more complicated. Blast himself for thinking from between his thighs and not above his shoulders.

His fingers clenched on the reins so tight the knuckles whitened. He had thought they understood each other. He had assumed she would wish to put their indiscretions behind them just as much as he, but obviously he was wrong. What he could not understand was, why? Why would she wish to flaunt the fact of their lovemaking to anyone? And why did he feel so drawn to this woman who had shown herself again and again to be of loose character?

Jed glanced at her from the corner of his eye. She looked terrible. A deep, purplish bruise had begun to form on the side of her face where she had struck the ground. He wanted to reach out to touch it, to take away the pain. Restraining himself with almost physical force, he reminded himself just what trouble touching her had gotten him into in the first place.

"We'll be at the house in another hour or so,” he remarked almost casually, as though none of their earlier conversations had taken place. “We've been on the ranch for the last few miles, but it's still a ways to the house proper."

"How nice. I look forward to seeing it.” Caite's voice was light, as if she, too, were trying to forget what had passed between them.

Silence once more stretched between them, an invisible barrier that nonetheless kept them apart. Jed shifted uncomfortably. She had a way of making him feel guilty about the whole business. Guilty he was, sure, but for giving in to his raging lust, not for admitting that making love to her was wrong!

"Caite, I want to talk to you about what happened.” He could see her sag a little.

"I'd rather not be reminded of my foolishness, if it is all the same to you,” she said wearily. “I think we've done enough talking anyway, Jed. I do not believe I really wish to hear anything more you have to say about me."

Jed brought the horses to a standstill. It's now or never, he decided. They had to clear things between them before they reached the ranch, or the situation would fester until it exploded.

"I just wanted to tell you I made love to you because I wanted to, Caite, even though it was wrong."

Caite pressed her hands momentarily over her ears, then lowered them as though she were resigned to hearing him out. She looked to him, her beautiful eyes red-rimmed, the skin beneath them dark. She hesitated, then spoke.

"I suppose I should be grateful for that admission.” She thought for another moment then met his gaze solidly. “I came here because my Da lost me in a poker game to a dreadful man."

Jed, astonished, began to speak. Caite waved him quiet. She continued.

"My choices were to marry him, or marry a stranger. I decided to risk a loveless marriage to a decent man, rather than be bound to a man I knew would treat me horribly.” She sighed loudly then seemed to gather her courage once more. “You can see my choices are limited. I've decided that despite our ... our circumstances, I will stay on at Heatherfield and abide by the terms of my marriage contract."

"I reckon you have to do what you think is right,” Jed said stiffly. Why should he be surprised? He hadn't expected her to say she wanted to run off with him or anything. Had he?

"I cannot pretend our time at the cabin meant nothing to me, Jed,” Caite continued bluntly. “You see, I'm honest, too. Perhaps I am a fool, but I'm an honest fool."

The raw pain evident in her eyes moved Jed against his will. Their time at the cabin had meant something to him, too, even if he could never admit it. Without thinking, he reached out to brush her cheek with his finger. When she pulled away with obvious distaste, it was as if she had spat in his face.