Lonesome Beds and Bumpy Roads (Beds #3) (7 page)

“She didn’t buy it.”

“Then why was she there?”

“Uh…” I stutter, unsure how to answer that. “I think she’s having a rough time with your dad being here.”

Lex falls into my shoulder, and I rub her back, kissing the side of her head.

“Will you help me?”

“With?”

“I need to look in all her old hiding places. See if anything is here.”

I nod. “Fridge is empty.”

“Did you check the meat drawer?”

“Didn’t think to look there.”

She leans up and my hand slides from her upper back down to her hip. She blows a breath at me, rumbling her lips. “It might take a while. You sure you’re okay spending our very few minutes of alone time doing that?”

“One hundred percent okay.” I shift from the couch, bringing her up with me. “Tell me where to start.”

She points to the kitchen, and as she’s tucking her hair back from her face her eyes catch mine, and a light smile touches her lips.

“And thank you.”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna let her stand there alo—”

“No,” she says, and then hugs me strong around the middle. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

I finally have five minutes to be with Ryan and we spend it searching. Luckily no alcohol turns up, but that doesn’t mean it won’t. Ryan leaves, assuring me everything will be okay, and I call Roger. Mom won’t be too thrilled about that, but before he was her boyfriend, he was her sponsor.

“Hi Roger, it’s Lexie.”

“Is everything okay?” he asks and I appreciate the concern in his tone.

“It’s just…” I take a deep breath to force back the frustration. “Ryan found Mom at the supermarket lingering by the liquor section. I’m scared she’s going to fall off the wagon again.”

I thought this time was different. She actually wanted it. She never has before. And now…Now all I can see is her on the edge about to jump off.

“She broke up with me this morning,” Roger says and I collapse on the couch.

“She
what
?”

“I was shocked myself. She said with your dad back it has her confused and she just needs time to figure things out.”

I look down at my Good Grief! nail polish and blow out my next breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too. I thought we were happy.” Sadness fills his words and I want to reach through the phone and hug him.

“She was. Don’t for a second think she wasn’t. I’ve never seen her so happy. I’m sure it’ll all figure itself out. I hope so at least.”

In the beginning, I was skeptical, but Roger has become a part of our family and I can’t imagine that changing. I don’t want it to. Even if my dad is back. I gave up on the normal happy family a long time ago, so I’m not looking for that. I just assumed, in time, we’d be one big, mixed, confused, family. That I can deal with.

“Me too,” he says. “I would check all her hiding places.”

“I already did.”

“Good girl. Did you find anything?”

“No.”

“That’s good. She might be thinking about it, but she hasn’t yet. I’ll stop over tomorrow when I get back and talk to her.”

“You’ll do that? She broke up with you.”

“Just because we aren’t together, doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

“Roger, you’re the best. Thank you.”

“I’m happy you called me. I’ll be in touch,” he says and after a goodbye, he hangs up. 

I walk to Mom’s room and push the door open. She’s clutching her pillow, sound asleep. Memories of our old life flood my mind, and I try to keep the anger at bay.

That life. That hell she put me through. I can’t go back there. I won’t. And it’s not even because of how hard it is to clean up after her or to make sure she’s not going to choke on her own vomit. It was once my norm. But seeing her like that after knowing what she’s capable of? How happy she is when she’s sober and how amazing she looks and feels? My heart can’t handle that.

Her comforter is kicked to the bottom of the bed and I take it, pulling it up and tucking her in. I don’t know what tomorrow’s going to bring, but whatever it is I’ll be ready for it.

***

English is never ending. Once the bell rings, I’ll have three minutes in between classes to see Ryan and that’s all I can think about. I miss him. Some might call me crazy since we do see each other every day, but those moments are like getting to sample a new nail polish and not being able to buy it. I want the whole bottle, darn it

The phone in the corner that is only used for Main Office calls rings, and Mrs. Cleary holds her hand up to us and walks over to answer it.

I look down at my yellow nail polish and hate all the chips. Stress has me biting and picking and now I want to whip out my ‘No Room For The Blues’ to get rid of the grief. Not sure the class would be happy if I got them all high on nail polish fumes though.

“Alexis,” Mrs. Cleary says, and my head snaps to attention. “Grab your things and head down to the Main Office.”

I tilt my head confused. Am I in trouble? I told Ryan the janitor’s closet wasn’t as private as he said it was. Oh. My. God. Is there a camera in there? That is one video I never want to see.

“Someone’s here to pick you up.”

“Pick me up?” I repeat.

“That’s what they said. Have a nice day.”

I grab my notebook and textbook. “Uh, you too.” 

Relief trickles through when I realize I don’t have to explain to the principal what Ryan and I were doing in the janitor’s closet, but curiosity replaces it.

My heart batters my chest and I pick up speed. Roger was going to talk to Mom today. What if he got there and it was too late. What if…?

I fling the Main Office door open and storm in, ready to see Roger, trying to keep myself together and figure out what we’re going to do.

The last person I’m expecting is Dad.

“What are you doing here?”

“It’s a beautiful day. I don’t know how many of those I’ll get. Thought why not make the best of it. You hungry?”

I don’t know what he’s planning, but I can’t ignore the growling monster in my stomach.“Starved.”

“Then let’s go.”

“Don’t you have to sign me out? I don’t think you’re on the list.”

He turns and winks at the secretary, and I’m surprised she doesn’t turn into a puddle on the floor.

“Already taken care of.”

“Oh. Okay then,” I say and head towards the door. “Where did you want to go?”

“Is Skippy Lee’s still around?”

Maybe if he stopped in over the years he would know. Just proves he never even made an attempt. I could understand coming back with good intentions but being too scared to actually knock on our door. But no. We weren’t even worth that. “Of course. It’s a town staple,” I mutter.

“Good. I’ve been craving one of their burgers for years.”

For years.
The words hurt. For years he craved a burger, and granted Skippy Lee’s seriously makes the best burger around, but what about me? Did he long to see me like he did for a damn burger?

“What’s wrong, munchkin?”

“If you craved one for so long, why didn’t you ever come and get one? You could’ve even stopped by and said hi.”

He stops walking and rests his hand on my shoulder. “I wish I did. But like I told you, it was safer I didn’t. I left to protect you and your mother. Coming back would’ve only put you in danger and I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to either of you.”

I nod. I remember the confession. It wasn’t too long ago. Still if he loved us as much as he claimed, he would’ve found a way.

“You could’ve called.”

“I could’ve, but I was paranoid at the time. Thought the phone lines were tapped. I’m not happy about what happened. If I could go back and never get involved with that situation, I would. In a heartbeat I would. Unfortunately, you can’t change the past. We have no control over what was. But we do have control over what will be. So come on, let’s go get that burger.”

He’s right. There are things in my past I’d like to change too. How blind I was to Ryan. My weird infatuation with Sean Dixon. Confronting Sandy Nelson on the bus and having her tell the entire world my mom is the reason her parents got divorced. So many things. Yet I can’t. I’ve learned to accept those things that I can’t change, but this is different. I didn’t run away. I faced all of my issues head on. But…I said a month and I’m going to stand by that. For now.

“Let’s go.”

Dad walked to the school, so we hop in my car and I head towards Skippy Lee’s.

“How’s school?” he asks.

“It’s okay. Almost over.”

“I remember my high school graduation. Your mom and I got drunk under the bleachers before the ceremony. She tripped up the stairs on the way to get her diploma. I thought she was busted, but she played it off and had the entire class laughing. She was something else.”

“Sounds like it,” I say. There aren’t many things I know about either of my parents from their younger years. But knowing Mom was a drunk even back then kind of sucks. I’d rather have not known about it.

“So any big parties planned yet?”

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t really go to parties.”

“Why not? That was the best part of high school.”

“Yeah, if you’re into beer pong and keg stands.”

Out of the corner of my eye I see his dark eyebrows turn in. “You’re not?”

“You have no idea what you left me with, do you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“The mom that you saw for the first time the other day. I saw her for the first time three months ago. Before that she was a raging alcoholic, and I’ve been taking care of her since I was seven. So to answer your question, no. I’m not. I watched firsthand how alcohol can ruin someone and I refuse to ever allow myself to be that vulnerable.”

“I had no idea.”

“You wouldn’t.”

I pull into Skippy Lee’s and put the car in park. An awkward silence fills the air and I almost wish I stayed at school.

He runs a hand through his dark greying hair. “I’m sorry.”

“Apologies are a dime a dozen. Anybody can say it. I’d rather see it. ”

“You’re a smart girl.”

I take the keys from the ignition and get out of the car. Dad holds the door open and I walk in, taking in the heavenly scent of greasy food. We place our orders and I smile when Dad orders a double cheeseburger with bacon. Then I force the smile back because I’m not sure if I want to have anything in common with him.

The guy at the counter rings us up and Dad reaches into his pocket. Confusion flashes in his eyes as he pats his back pockets and then his shirt pocket. “I forgot my wallet at the hotel.”

A part of me thinks
how convenient
, but the other part can’t ignore the disappointment and embarrassment seeping out of him in buckets. 

“We can go get it then come back and reorder,” he suggests. “Ugh, I’m such an idiot.” 

“I got it,” I say and hand the guy a twenty.

“Next time it’s on me. I promise,” he says and I just nod.

We wait in awkward silence for them to call our order. Finally after what feels like a century and a day our food is ready. 

“Why don’t you tell me about that boyfriend of yours,” Dad says as we sit down at my usual table.

“He’s great. Only guy who I can count on.”

He shrinks into himself a little and I thought it would make me happy to get that swipe at him, but I actually feel a little bitchy about it. “I mean he’s my best friend.” 

Dad swipes a napkin across his face. “Sounds like me and your mother.”

My heart comes to a skidding stop in my chest. We sound nothing like them. Ryan would never abandon me. He would be there for me no matter what. Through thick and thin, sticky and messy, he would stay at my side.

“I’m sorry, but no. What Ryan and I have is—”

“One in a million? Special?”

I go to talk, but my mouth snaps shut.

“Like I said. Me and your mother. No one ever believed in me, but she always did. She would talk about our future and it all sounded amazing. The pictures she painted with her words were beautiful. But once high school was over, our lives weren’t so pretty. I didn’t get into any of the colleges I applied for, so I took a job at a local mechanic shop, then she got pregnant and life was just different.”

“Well Ryan and I are different. That’s not going to happen.”

“I hope it doesn’t. I’m always rooting for the happily ever after, don’t get me wrong. And if anyone deserves it, you do.”

How does he know what I deserve? He doesn’t even know my favorite color or what kind of grades I get. Doesn’t know about my obsession with nail polish or my fear of spiders. Yet here he is talking like he knows everything about me.

He keeps going. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed either. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you expect it to.”

“Thanks for the advice,” I say and take a bite of my burger, hoping this conversation is over.

My phone vibrates and I swipe the screen.

Ryan: I missed you after English. Where are you?

Lexie: My Dad surprised me and signed me out early. We’re at Skippy Lee’s talking.

Ryan: Everything okay?

Lexie: Fine. See you at my window tonight? I need some snuggle time.

Ryan: My body is always available for you to snuggle it.

Lexie: :)

Ryan: I love you.

Lexie: Love you too.

A smile spreads across my face as I put my phone back down. I glance up and Dad nods at my cell.

“Ryan I assume?”

“We usually meet after my last class. I wasn’t there so he was just making sure I was okay.”

“He sounds like a good guy.”

“He is.” I toss a fry in my mouth and a giggle slips when a vision of me throwing a fry at Ryan’s head pops into my mind.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” It isn’t exactly a private joke, but it’s not something I want to share. Why should I tell him every detail of my life when I know so little about his? “Why don’t you tell me about high school? About you and Mom. Was it all booze and craziness?”