Lily Alone (9 page)

‘Where are you going?' Old Kath asked, still with Pixie in her clutches.

‘We're going to the adventure playground and I'm going to be boss of the whole den,' said Baxter. ‘I'll shoot anyone who comes near,' he said, turning his arms into a machine gun and making mad ack-ack-ack noises.

‘That's not very nice,' said Old Kath, because he was clearly aiming straight at her. ‘Why aren't you kids in school? It
is
monday, isn't it, girlie?' she said to Bliss.

Bliss looked agonized and said nothing.

‘Yeah, it's Monday, but we've got an Inset day off school so the teachers can have a staff meeting,' I gabbled.

‘Honestly! They never had that sort of thing when I was at school,' said Old Kath. She looked up the balcony towards our front door. ‘Where's your mum, then?'

‘Oh, she's just gone down the stairs. She doesn't like to use the lift because it's so smelly,' I lied.

‘Yes, it's them wretched lads. They pee there on purpose,' said Old Kath. She glared at Baxter. ‘Don't let me catch
you
weeing in the lift, young man.'

‘No, I'll wee on you instead,' said Baxter.

Old Kath gasped. I grabbed Baxter and shook him hard.

‘Oh, wait till I tell your mum on you!' said Old Kath. She clutched her zimmer frame and hobbled to the edge of the balcony.

‘Where is she, then?' she said, peering down.

‘Oh, maybe she's gone to buy some cigarettes. We'll catch up with her. Say sorry, Baxter, and come
on
.'

I pinched his arm really hard so that he blurted out a mumble that could have been sorry. Then I picked up Pixie and made a run for the lift, Bliss leaping after me, terrified of being left behind. We were in the lift before Old Kath could stop us.

‘You
hurt
me, you mean pig,' Baxter whined, examining the red mark on his arm.

‘Yeah, well, I
meant
to hurt you. All of you, I
told
you to keep quiet going past Old Kath's. She'll still be squawking about telling Mum when we come back. She might even come stomping along to our flat, and
then
what are we going to do?'

‘Tell her to bog off,' said Baxter.

‘Stop that silly talk right this minute, Baxter,' I said, putting my face up close to his. ‘If she finds out Mum's gone she'll tell someone. Maybe she'll even go down the council office and send a social worker to see us.'

‘Well, we'll tell
them
to bog off,' said Baxter, laughing stupidly.

‘Yes, and
then
they'll lock us all up in a children's home,' I said, as we clattered out of the lift. ‘
Separate
ones. And you'll probably end up in a special strict one for bad boys.'

‘Good, see if I care,' Baxter shouted, but he was looking scared now.

Bliss took hold of his hand and he didn't pull it away.

‘Mum's coming back by Saturday,' she said.

‘Yes, but the social workers will think she's an unfit mother because she left us,' I said. ‘You don't get it, any of you, do you?'

They all stared up at me, eyes big, faces white – and I felt terrible for frightening them so.

‘But it's all right, everything will be fine, so long as you're good and keep quiet when I say. Now, come on, we'll go to the playground.'

We had the adventure playground all to ourselves, apart from one girl who had taken her baby there. The baby was asleep in his buggy, his head lolling. The girl swung listlessly backwards and forwards, looking half asleep too.

I wondered if Mum and I had looked like that once. I suddenly wanted Mum so much. I wanted to crouch down and whimper like Pixie when she's tired, but I made myself organize the kids instead. I let Baxter stagger up the slide to the makeshift den on top. It was just a few planks of wood but it was where the big boys hung out. Baxter whooped triumphantly when he found a cigarette butt and a crumpled can of beer. He squatted up at the top, cigarette in one hand, beer in the other, yelling, ‘I'm the boss of this den!'

Pixie wanted to clamber up after him and perch there too with her teddies and all the paraphernalia from home, but I knew Baxter wouldn't want to share.

‘I know a
much
better place for our picnic,' I said, and I spread out the rug on the top of the little roundabout. I hoisted Pixie up on top and helped Bliss after her. I felt foolish getting the teddies all settled too, glancing at the girl with the baby, but she didn't seem the slightest bit interested. So we sat and spun slowly round and round and round, propelled by my foot.

‘More, more, roundy roundy,' Pixie yelled every time we slowed to a halt. Then she decided she felt sick and giddy. Headless had the same problem. Pixie grabbed him and made him throw up.

‘How can he be sick when he hasn't got a
head
?' said Bliss.

‘He can't
help
not having a head. And he's still very very sick – listen,' said Pixie. She was making Headless make horribly realistic noises.

‘I think I feel sick too,' said Bliss, holding her stomach.

‘No you don't. No one feels sick any more,' I said firmly, ‘because it's time for the picnic.'

I got the Frosties and Jammy Dodgers and started sharing them out, giving tiny portions to each teddy too. Baxter came tumbling down from his den, demanding his own share, and some for his fork-lift truck. He was still clinging to his soggy cigarette and can of beer.

‘Throw them
away
, they're disgusting,' I said. ‘You don't know who's had their mouths all round them.'

‘Yes, I do. It was one of the big boys – Jacko or Lenny or Big Boots – I'm in their gang now,' said Baxter.

‘You wish,' I said.

‘I
am
. I'm the boss of this whole den,' said Baxter. ‘I'm your boss, Lily Green, and you have to do exactly what I say.' He kicked at me and hurt my leg. I decided to teach him a lesson.

‘OK then,' I said submissively.

‘What?'

‘
You're
the boss, Baxter. You can tell us all what to do and when to eat and all that stuff. You're in charge now.'

‘Yeah,
I'm
the boss,' Baxter said, kicking his heels.

‘Are you listening, Bliss and Pixie?' I said. ‘We all have to do what Baxter says now. He's looking after us. He's going to tell us what to do.'

‘You bet I am,' said Baxter, but he sounded uncertain. He bashed his can of beer on the planks of wood. ‘You girls just do what I say, OK?'

‘OK, boss,' I said, and Bliss and Pixie said it too. We all looked at Baxter.

‘Yeah,' he said again, and started picking his nose. He looked at me as if he wanted me to tell him he was being disgusting. I just raised my eyebrows and whistled casually. I made a little crumb meal for all the teddies.

‘Is Headless feeling like eating now?' I asked, and Bliss nodded yes.

We three girls helped all the teddies have their picnic too. Then we let them slump over, sleeping it off. We slumped too.

Baxter was watching us.

‘What shall we do now?' he said.

‘Well, you've got to say. You're the boss,' I said.

‘Yes. Well. We'll . . .' Baxter looked all round for inspiration. ‘We can have some more food,' he said eventually, licking his finger and dabbing up a few biscuit crumbs.

‘Good idea, boss. So where are we going to get it from?' I said.

‘We'll steal it,' said Baxter, looking fierce.

He looked over at the girl with her sleepy baby in the buggy.

‘I bet they've got biscuits,' he said.

‘OK. Go and steal them then,' I said.

Baxter swallowed. He looked hard at the girl. She was twice his size and was frowning. She looked like she'd slap him one if he even dared speak to her.

‘Maybe I'm not really hungry,' said Baxter. ‘This is
boring
,' he said. ‘You be the boss now, Lily. You tell us what we're going to do.'

I had it all figured out. It had just suddenly occurred to me. I was so excited by the idea. I had little goosebumps all the way up and down my arms.

‘We'll go to the park,' I said.

‘What park? Parks are boring, boring, boring,' said Baxter.

‘Not
this
park. The great park we can see from the flats. The one with all the hills and trees.'

Baxter stared at me. So did Bliss.

They'd come up to the top-floor balcony with me, they'd seen the hills and trees for themselves, but it was like something they'd seen on television.

‘Can we really get to
that
park?' said Bliss.

‘Of course we can,' I said, though I'd never really thought about it before. Mum had never taken us – but Mum didn't wear the right shoes for parks. She either wore her high heels or flip-flop sandals in summer that let in all the grit and stones and made her swear.

‘Do you know the way, Lily?' said Bliss.

‘Of course I do,' I said.

Well, I thought I did. Our flats seemed almost next door to the park when you looked from the top balcony. But down on the ground I wasn't really sure how to find it. I knew the way to the bus stop to get into town, I knew how to get to the chippy and the sweet shop, I knew how to get to school – so I reckoned if I turned the
other
way we'd find ourselves in the park in no time.

Perhaps it would have been easier on my own. It was hard work herding Baxter and Bliss along, especially with all the teddies and teapots and stuff, and I didn't have Pixie's buggy so I had to carry her half the way.

‘Where
is
the park then?' said Baxter, peering all round. ‘This is all just houses.'

‘Yes, it's right down this road, I'm sure of it,' I said, but we trailed up roads, down roads, all over, and still couldn't find it.

‘Are we lost?' said Bliss anxiously.

‘Of course we're not lost,' I said, but my heart started thumping hard in my chest. We hadn't found the park and now I wasn't certain how to find our way back to the flats.

‘Should we ask someone?' Bliss suggested.

‘No! They'll wonder why we're not in school,' I said. They didn't look the right sort of people to ask anyway. They weren't ordinary people out here. They were all very posh people: this old lady cutting flowers in her garden in her funny padded waistcoat, and this old man getting into his shiny car, and this big woman striding along in her checked shirt and ironed jeans taking her lollopy Labrador for a walk . . .

Ah!

‘We'll follow that lady,' I said.

She marched down the road, turned left, the dog straining forward eagerly. I saw iron gates right up at the end of the road.

‘
There's
the park!' I said.

There was an ice-cream van parked by the gates and all three of the kids clamoured for a whippy, but I didn't have any money. Pixie started howling, kicking me hard as I held her.

‘I want an ice cream!' she wailed, her mouth square with grief.

‘Stop that kicking, it hurts! Look, Pixie, we're going in the park now. Isn't it lovely?'

‘No, it's horrid, I don't like the park, I like
ice cream
,' Pixie yelled, still kicking – but after a minute or so she calmed down and started staring around, astonished.

‘Shh now,' I said. ‘See, it
is
lovely here.'

We seemed to have stepped straight from the town to the countryside. I'd never seen so much green before, all different shades of green, from the leaves, the ferns, the grass. Even the birds squawking above our heads were green, flocks of parakeets. It wasn't flat and boring like other parks. There was a big hill right in front of us with a pebbly path leading upwards.

‘Come on, race you to the top,' said Baxter.

He started scrambling upwards. Of course he got there long before us because all he had to carry was his fork-lift truck. I had Pixie, who was still refusing to walk, and Bliss lugged the blanket full of teddies. The teapot fell out of the blanket halfway up and broke its spout and handle.

‘Oh look!' said Bliss, panicking. ‘Mum will be so cross!'

‘No, she won't, she hardly ever uses it,' I said quickly.

‘Can't we mend it?'

‘It looks too broken,' I said. ‘But never mind.' I kicked the teapot hard into the bushes. ‘There! It's gone now. It's not a teapot any more. It's a little home for a hedgehog or a squirrel, OK? Don't look so worried, Bliss, Mum won't ever know.'

I dumped Pixie, gave Bliss a quick hug, then held my sisters' hands and pulled them up to the top of the hill where Baxter was waiting for us, scarlet and triumphant.