Lilly's Wedding Quilt (21 page)
If Mary Wyse knew there was something wrong, she gave Lilly no indication as she caught her arm and encouraged her to walk with her into the main room.
“Uncle Sebastian is telling stories—he’s Samuel’s uncle, really. He runs a logging outfit deep in the mountains and normally only comes down to have a visit at First Christmas. He’s a character, but we all love him. You’ll have to see.”
Lilly smiled, hoping her face wasn’t blotchy from her tears. She didn’t see Seth anywhere and wandered in the direction her mother-in-law pointed her.
L
illy gathered close with other visiting
aentis
, uncles, and cousins, who listened with merry enjoyment as Uncle Sebastian regaled them with tales from the woods. The man was probably about seventy and, to her surprise, appeared to be partially blind in his foggy blue eyes. But his gnarled hands moved with certainty to accept the glass of milk and plate of gingerbread cookies that a cousin brought him. Lilly knew that here was a man who had experienced much of life and had endured, like the mountains he came from.
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, smiled, and recalled another tale. Lilly could see that everyone around her waited with pleasure for his words, even the adolescents who would normally keep to their own side of the room. Insolent Kate Zook also seemed momentarily transfixed.
“
Ach
, I was just reminded of the time one summer that me and the boys took a trip away to the Ice Mine … but you all probably know this one.”
He was met with a chorus of protests and Lilly began to listen, loving the oral storytelling traditions of her people. Uncle Sebastian stroked his beard.
“
Jah
, it’s always a wonder to me to visit that place. Now the
Englisch
, some of them call an ice mine a freak of nature, but that’s not quite right because it is not an actual mine. It’s really a deep shaft, put there by the Lord, I guess. When the ice formations appear during the spring of the year and continue through the hot weather, folks around can have fresh ice. But it’s a funny thing— the shaft goes dry in winter; perhaps
Derr Herr
figures we’ve got enough ice on the ground then. The last time I went, me and the boys saw huge icicles measuring about as big around as a strong man’s arm. The ice is real pretty too, clear and sparkling …”
“Oh,” Lilly spoke up from back in the group. “How was this place found? It sounds lovely.”
“
Ach
, well, a new voice …” He paused, then raised his voice. “And Jacob, you grow stronger every year. When will you leave your horses, eh, and bring that broad back up to the timber?”
Jacob laughed as Lilly noticed that her husband had drifted close. “I give my word we’ll come for a visit this summer, sir,” he said.
“
Ach
, I forget so easily—it’s ‘we’ who’ll be coming, but I hear that your Sarah married another man.”
There was a distinct pause in the conversation around them, and Lilly tried to look normal as Jacob caught her eye in the sudden stillness. “I’ve recently come to realize that each woman is her own … not a man’s to be had.”
Lilly tried to ignore the feeling of chagrin his words produced and pulled nervously at her
kapp
string.
Uncle Sebastian pursed his weathered lips in thought. “So, did I miss a wedding or not?”
The family moved as Jacob reached his long arm through the small group to catch Lilly’s hand and pull her forward, directly in front of the man.
“My bride, Uncle Sebastian, Lilly Wyse.”
Lilly had to ignore the warmth of Jacob’s hand on her own and focused instead on the strange feeling that she was being studied deeply … not just by the bleary eyes of the older man but somehow further. The expression “sight beyond sight” drifted across her consciousness as she stood in patience.
Uncle Sebastian put down his milk and cookie and held out a hand to her. She took it readily as Jacob let her go.
“Ahh,” he murmured. “Now, here is one who is like my Rachel was. Hair dark as the shadows of a glen, eyes like hidden pools, and strong,
jah
, but a strength that yields—bends, but never breaks. You have chosen well, Jacob, but she lacks one thing.”
Lilly had colored under the pointed remarks and hoped he wouldn’t comment on her need for children. But he laughed, and she stared at him.
“
Nee
, my daughter, it is not the
kinner
that you want for, because I can see that they dance about you like drops of sunlight through the pines.
Nee
, you lack for something else, something even more precious. Do you know what it is, Jacob?”
Lilly felt the eyes of all turn to her husband, and she watched, knowing he was mentally sifting through answers.
Uncle Sebastian laughed again and tugged on her hand with remarkable strength. She leaned forward and bent close to him, breathing in the smells of the mountains and fresh air. “I will tell you, my beauty, because perhaps the Lord has not revealed it yet to you.”
Lilly caught her breath and bent closer as the old man whispered a single word in her ear. She drew back a bit and stared into the wise eyes and felt tears come to her throat.
“
Nee
, no crying now, not on the eve of the Savior’s birth.” He patted her hand. “But you remember and perhaps let your Jacob know when you’ve found it, will you?”
She kissed his weathered cheek. “
Jah
, I promise.” She wondered if the man could see her heart and knew how distant Jacob seemed to her.
But Uncle Sebastian let her go and began another tale.
She slipped away from the group. Jacob followed and caught her arm as she moved toward the kitchen to help
Mamm
Wyse.
“What did he say?”
Lilly shook her head. “I cannot tell you.”
Jacob frowned. “He didn’t say that.”
“
Nee
, but I know it just the same. I’ve got to go and help your
mamm
.”
She slipped from him, knowing he stared after her, and went to the fragrant and bustling kitchen to join the other women of her new family.
L
illy concentrated on stirring the pot of cider to circulate the many good spices that had been added to the fragrant brew. She was lost in her own thoughts until the familiar sound of a girl’s voice cut across her consciousness with sharp tones. She glanced over one shoulder to see Mrs. Zook hustling Kate into the adjacent pantry, and tried not to listen. But it was difficult when both mother and daughter’s voices were so loud and strained.
“I told you, Kate, keep your voice down. You’ll make fools of us as you make a fool of yourself by taking up with this
Englischer
.”
“I don’t care what you say,
Mamm
. Tommy Granger is nothing like his father. He hates his father, and I’m tired of playing second fiddle to a bunch of whey-faced girls who have no right to be married at all.”
Lilly noticed the other women out of the corner of her eye and saw that they, too, overheard. She stirred harder, blinking back tears of frustration. Kate’s whey-faced comment was not-so-subtly directed at her.
Her mother-in-law had obviously had enough and marched through the group to the pantry to speak in low, fast Penn Dutch. Then, there was a sudden silence and Kate ran from the small room to snatch her cloak from a peg and disappear outside. Mrs. Zook emerged, appearing as though she’d aged, and Lilly felt a moment’s compassion for her. It could not be easy to manage a headstrong girl like Kate.
The women soon bustled back to various chores while Lilly handed Mrs. Zook a fresh cup of cider and the atmosphere drifted back to one of goodwill. But Lilly’s heart still smarted from the younger girl’s barb. She knew Kate’s words stung because they were laced with the unfortunate truth.
T
hey sat together in silence in the moving sled. Jacob held rein on Thunder as the horse sought to gather speed and slide the cutter along in the brisk night air. But Jacob was in no hurry to get home and face his marriage bed once more. For one thing, he’d told himself that he absolutely would not go to sleep, not if there was any chance that he’d make a fool of himself as he’d done the previous night. He didn’t need that much sleep anyway and could always catch a nap here and there when he was back working at the horse farm. It seemed that a long life of dreamless nights sprawled before him unless he could put a bit and bridle on his
dumm
mind.
Then he thought of Seth and his throat ached. His fury had burned down to a gnawing hurt, and he had to concentrate on the road to keep from reliving the moments in the bedroom all over again.
“Your home is so alive, Jacob. You’re blessed to have such a family,” Lilly said.
“
Jah
, the Lord is
gut
.” He searched his mind for something else to say, wanting to bridge the wide gulf that seemed to stretch between them. “Are you cold?” he asked, wondering if she’d just think it was an excuse to get her closer to him. He had to admit that was part of it. But he really was concerned about her. She finally scooted across the seat of the small sled and he thought he could feel the sweet warmth of her against his side, even through the thickness of his coat.
“I hope my mother was all right,” she said. “But I suppose if she hadn’t been, we would have heard. Your
mamm
sent a whole baking pan of sticky buns home to tempt her appetite.”
“That’s nice.”
“Jacob, I’m sorry about Seth. I—didn’t mean anything, but I was wrong. Please forgive me. It will never happen again.”
He looked down at her face, pale with concern even in the darkness.
“You’re forgiven. Don’t worry about it. I mostly blame myself anyway.”
She was silent and he strove once more for some balance of conversation. “It must be going to snow again tonight; my shoulder’s aching.”
“
Ach
, I’m sorry.” She patted his gloved hand, then drew away, taking a deep breath. “I felt sorry for Mrs. Zook. Did you notice how tearful she looked at supper? I was really surprised at the argument that she and Kate had. Did you—could you hear them?”
“
Jah
, it was difficult not to.”
“Do you think Kate will be all right? I mean … I know I’ve never been that fond of her—I’ve actually been quite jealous of her at times. But Tom Granger’s son? It just doesn’t seem right— even if it is her
rumspringa
.”
He shrugged. “
Englisch
or not, the son may be different from the father, and we cannot judge.”
She made a soft sound of agreement.
“I guess I feel like a person’s got to make choices,” he said. “And maybe I’m prejudiced, but it seems to me that women tend to get involved with other people’s choices a lot more than men do.”
Lilly gave a quick sniff. “Well, I hope you’d be involved if it were your daughter …” She broke off and he remained silent, unsure of what she wanted him to say.
She drew a small breath. “I guess the truth of why I’m interested in Kate Zook running around with an
Englischer’s
son is because that jealousy hasn’t really gone away. I’m still jealous of her—or something. And that sounds bad, like I want to be the one running around or having
rumspringa
—I mean, after tonight with Seth …” She trailed off anxiously and he decided to have mercy on the tangle of words she’d gotten herself into.
“Did you have a
rumspringa
or were you always sure about being baptized and joining the church?”
“
Jah
, I was sure; I didn’t need a time of running around to know.” There was a faint, wistful tone in her voice that belied her words and surprised him. Lilly, who seemed so steady and calm and logical, perhaps wanting to experience the outside world. It just didn’t seem to fit with what he thought he knew of her.
“Tell me about your
rumspringa
,” she ventured.
He half-laughed, remembering. “You don’t want to know.”
“But I do, really.”
“
Ach
, it was … a mess, really.” He let his mind drift back over the wild year when he’d been nineteen. Time stolen from the
Englisch
world came to him in a rush of flagrant images—baseball games and beer drinking, blue jeans and T-shirts hidden for quick changing in the back of his buggy. But also … the girls.
“Did you … I mean … you were waiting for Sarah, so you probably didn’t …” Lilly broke off but he knew exactly what she was getting at.
“Didn’t see other girls?
Englisch
girls?”
“Well,
jah
.”
His mouth tightened with regret as he thought of the countless times that year that he’d gone past what he knew was proper, nuzzling and kissing girls without any particular concern. It didn’t matter how willing and eager the girl had been. It had been wrong. He’d rationalized his behavior with juvenile male pride that he was “practicing” for Sarah, so she’d get no bumbling fool for a husband. Now, he just felt cold by the meaningless moments and wished he could take back his behavior despite the fact that he’d confessed it in vague terms before he’d joined the church.