‘Move in with me,’ I said quietly.
Naomi stopped and stared.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean exactly what I’ve just said. I was going to wait until after the party tonight to suggest it but since you’ve got a gun to my head I’ll say it now: come and live with me.’ I reached into my pocket and handed her a small velvet box.
Naomi bit her lip. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘Just open it.’
She opened the box and a huge smile spread over her face. ‘It’s a key.’
‘To be precise it’s a key to my house. And it’s yours for as long as you want it.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘I’ve never been more sure of anything.’
‘So what was this afternoon all about? Why did you feel the need to keep your meeting with Laura a secret?’
‘That was me not wanting you to worry about something that you had absolutely no reason to worry about. But if you want – with the exception of birthdays, Christmas and occasional surprises of a favourable nature – I can promise you that this will be my first and last ever lie of omission. What do you say?’
Naomi just grinned, put the key back in the box and kissed me.
Melissa
It was nearly four by the time Hannah and I arrived back in Chorlton. After helping her inside the house with all Bethany’s things I gave the baby one last squeeze before hugging Hannah goodbye.
‘Thanks for everything you’ve done today,’ she said.
‘It was my pleasure,’ I replied. ‘It has been good for me . . . so thank
you.
’
I’d neglected to make any mention of the party because it seemed inappropriate but now that I was preparing to leave I wanted to invite her, even though I was sure she wouldn’t come.
‘Look, Hannah, I’m throwing a party tonight,’ I began, as she rocked the baby in her arms, ‘. . . nothing special really . . . just a bunch of friends too old to go out clubbing any more getting together for some food and drinks . . . and maybe a little dancing. Anyway, I’d love it . . . if you felt up to it and can find a baby sitter . . . anyway . . . what I’m trying to say is that I’d love it if you’d come and of course feel free to bring any of your friends . . . but obviously I’d completely understand if you didn’t want to.’
‘It feels like a lifetime since I went out without Bethany,’ smiled Hannah, ‘and as for drinking and dancing I can’t even remember what those are. But if I can get a sitter then yes, I’d love to come.’
Feeling relieved that the afternoon had gone so well I headed towards the high street, suddenly realising that there were a million things to do for the party and only a few hours left to do them. As I scanned my list my eyes lingered on the item that I’d crossed off this morning: ‘Send Billy a text inviting him to the party.’ Reaching into my bag I pulled out my phone and switched it on for the first time since this morning. I’d received seventeen text messages and three voicemail messages but although they were all related to the party none of them was from Billy.
I felt sick. It had been over six hours since I’d sent him the text so he’d obviously received it and decided for whatever reason not to reply. And I began to wonder how I could have been so ridiculously optimistic as to think that he might still be interested after the way that I had treated him. That day when I’d bumped into him in town, more than likely he was just being polite. And now I had invited him to a party and he was probably fully aware that it was
significantly
more than just an invitation to a party, which was why he hadn’t replied.
There was little that I could do to save my dignity other than keep my head down and hope that I didn’t bump into him again but that didn’t stop me altering my course towards his house. I had no idea what I was going to say. And it was unlikely that he would even be in. Something inside me made me want to at least try to see him. At the very least I wanted the opportunity to tell him . . . what exactly? That I’d spent the afternoon with my ex-boyfriend’s partner and their baby? That now I’d visited Paul’s grave I was ready to move on? That I was sorry for the way I’d behaved when we were together and now I wanted his forgiveness?
It all seemed too ridiculous. Too unreal. The kind of thing that only happened in films. Why should he drop everything to be with me? Was I really such a catch that he would even bother giving me the time of day? I didn’t have a single answer to any of the questions that were chipping away at my confidence. All I knew was that I needed to talk to him face to face and whatever would be would be.
It was odd that after all these years my story with Paul had come to such a strange close. From those early days when we’d first met to the moment before things had finally fallen apart, our relationship had been a complete and utter rollercoaster. Being with him had made life seem exciting. Being his friend had been a thrill. But I always knew that love itself wasn’t enough. We needed a fresh start, a clean slate, the opportunity to start over as if we were two different people. But we could never be different people. Not with all the baggage and the history between us. We’d spoiled things too much to ever make things right. Our only hope for true happiness would be to find love with someone other than each other.
Outside Billy’s house, my heart was thumping so quickly I thought that I might pass out. Here I was, a thirty-six-year-old woman, standing on the doorstep of a man more than ten years my junior hoping beyond hope that he might find it in himself to forgive me and take me back. How had this happened? How had I become this person? I didn’t know and I didn’t care. Despite every single lie that I had told myself since bumping into Billy my true feelings were finally being outed. I loved Billy. I didn’t know whether the age-gap thing was going to be a problem. I didn’t know whether he had a girlfriend. I had no idea how he felt about me. But what I did know was this: thinking about Billy made me feel hopeful about the future and if there was a chance that he might take me back then I was prepared to take it.
Concentrating on the second-floor window that I thought belonged to his flat I could see signs of life so made my way up to the front door. I was about to press the buzzer for Billy’s flat when I saw a movement through the frosted glass so I knocked on the letterbox several times and took a step back as the front door opened.
It was a couple I’d never seen before. The guy was wearing a green tracksuit top and behind him stood a girl in a grey hooded sweatshirt.
‘Hi . . . look, I’m sorry,’ I began nervously, ‘I’m trying to get hold of my friend Billy. He lives here. One of the flats on the second floor. He’s tall and he’s got dark hair and I just wondered—’
‘Do you mean that guy?’ The girl gestured behind me.
I turned round to see Billy standing at the bottom of the path. He was dressed in jeans and the T-shirt that he had been wearing the night we first met. In his left hand were a number of carrier bags and in his right hand was the hand of a girl that I instantly recognised as Freya.
The couple who’d answered the door brushed past me and made their way down the path. Billy stood out of the way to let them past.
‘Melissa.’ Billy let go of Freya’s hand. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Nothing,’ I replied trying my best to hold it all together. ‘I’ve made a mistake. A really big mistake. And I ought to be going.’
‘Hang on a moment.’ He fished in his pocket, pulled out his keys and handed them to Freya. She took them and made her way up the path looking straight through me as though I wasn’t even there.
Billy and I stood in silence. I couldn’t believe that I’d been so stupid. That I’d done such a good job fooling myself that us getting back together might have been possible.
‘This is really difficult for me, Mel,’ he said quietly. ‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘Then don’t say anything,’ I replied, trying my best not to cry. ‘Just be happy and enjoy every second. Because do you know what? It’s the greatest feeling in the world to have your dreams come true. The greatest feeling ever. And if I could wish that kind of happiness on anyone I really couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather wish it on than you.’
Vicky
When we arrived home I invited Chris in for a coffee. We all took off our outside clothes and shoes and William announced that he wanted some quiet time, which was his way of saying he wanted to watch TV when he knew that he’d already seen too much that day. As I had a lot on my mind I agreed, arranged him on the sofa, swapped
The Wiggles
DVD for
Balamory
, pressed play and then called Chris to follow me into the kitchen.
I began sorting out mugs for the coffee and asked Chris to wash out William’s
Thomas the Tank Engine
beaker and fill it with water while I began searching around in the cupboard for the ‘good’ coffee rather than using the no-name supermarket stuff sitting on the counter. I finally located it and was about to plunge a spoon through the gold foil covering the mouth of the jar when Chris said my name and I turned round to see him clutching William’s soap-sud-laden beaker in his hands.
‘You’re dripping,’ I said, looking down at the pool of suds on the floor.
‘I know,’ he said flatly. ‘What are we doing, Vick?’
‘What do you mean? You’re washing up and I’m—’
I stopped suddenly as I realised what he was getting at. Chris put the cup down and put his arms round me.
‘I know this situation is all my fault,’ he began, ‘I know it. And I know I’ve got no right to tell you when or how you should put this in the past. But when we’re getting on better than we have done in ages and we both know that the new baby is going to be the best new start that we could ever have imagined, why is it that there’s still something that’s stopping us from getting past what happened? Something that doesn’t seem to be going away.’
‘Because there is,’ I sighed putting down the coffee jar. ‘But it isn’t something you don’t know about. It’s something that’s been there right from the start. I love you, Chris. I haven’t stopped loving you all this time. And I don’t doubt that you love me and that you want it to work as much as I do. And that’s why this hurts so much.’
‘What?’
‘I don’t think I can do this, Chris. I don’t think I can take you back.’
‘But why? I don’t understand. I’ve done everything you asked. What else is there?’
‘Trust. I just don’t trust you any more and I’m not sure that I know how to. I’ve really tried but it just won’t come.’
‘Then stop trying,’ said Chris. ‘Don’t force it. If you don’t want us back together until it’s there then that’s fine by me. I’ll wait for you as long as it takes, Vick, whether it’s one year or twenty. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that we never give up on each other.’
Melissa
I can’t say that it didn’t hurt knowing that Billy had moved on. And I can’t honestly say that I was pleased that he had found happiness because truthfully I’m not that nice a person. The best I could say was that, in my head at least, I really did want him to have the best life possible because he was one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. Maybe one day – in the not too distant future – my heart would feel the same way. In the meantime I decided that the best thing would be to put all thoughts of Billy to the very back of my mind until I could deal with them and instead concentrate on the fact that I had a party to throw.
Getting back to the flat just after five I was relieved to see that Laura had taken it upon herself to get all the shopping. As I helped her unpack she told me about her afternoon with Cooper and in return I told her about Hannah and going to the cemetery and the thing that had just happened with Billy. We both shed a few tears because it was that kind of moment and then Laura said we should consider that a line had been drawn under the mess that had been our lives for so long and from this moment forward things were going to be different. Our first act as the new and improved versions of ourselves should be to proclaim a ban on all relationships until we’d got our acts together. I said I was pretty sure I could hold out until the end of the year but that I had my doubts whether she could even last out until the end of the party!
The party was everything I hoped it would be and more. People started arriving just after eight and by ten o’clock you couldn’t have shoe-horned a single extra person into the flat. On the far side of the room by the TV, Cooper was holding court in an animated manner with a bunch of my friends from Blue-Bar while Naomi lingered by his side. In the kitchen behind me a stunning-looking Hannah and some of her friends were laughing and joking with each other, while puffing frantically on Marlboro Lites and knocking back plastic cups of white wine. And in the middle of the room that had been designated as the dance floor, Chris, Vicky and Laura were throwing shapes with dozen of others as though there was no tomorrow.
Working the party in full hostess mode I made sure to talk to as many of our friends as I could physically manage and caught up with all their news. Cathy and Brendan had split up their band but were planning on teaching music at youth clubs, my friend Lewis had managed to secure his first-ever show at a gallery in the city centre and invited me to the opening night, Carl and Louisa told me that their daughter Tamsin had just turned one, and shared the news that Louisa was six weeks pregnant with their second child, Manjeet and Aaron had moved back from London and were getting married; Joel and Rowena had split up and Tina (formerly of Tina and Alan and then later of Tina and Susan) was now back with Alan and was awaiting publication of her first novel.
Minutes before midnight just as the party seemed to be hitting its height Alistair and Baxter – who were once again doing a sterling job of providing a bunch of thirty-somethings with the perfect soundtrack to let their hair down to – segued the music from ‘Groove Is In The Heart’ to ‘Rock’n Roll Star’ – and I found myself thinking that this was one of those rare moments in life when everything suddenly comes together and you know without any shadow of a doubt that this, what you’re feeling right now, is what it feels like to be happy. What’s more you become aware that life won’t be like this tomorrow, the day after, or even the day after that, but that makes you appreciate it all the more. As long as you know that every once in a while someone somewhere will get it into their heads to throw a bunch of friends, cheap booze and good music together, you can be sure that no matter what life throws at you everything will be okay in the end.