Chapter Six
…I heard about your spell with the flu. Your dad said you were sent to Germany for a week where they hooked you up with fluids. Must have been hard for you. Everyone at home was worried and praying for you. Your mom lit at least ten candles on her first visit to church. Haha.
I think of you often and can’t wait until you’re home where those of us who love you can take care of you for a change…
Lena read through bits of the letter she’d gotten in June. On the shorter side, compared to the others, which were filled with pages of small town talk, this one had been short and sweet. The first letter to indicate that he loved her, even if it had been grouped with ‘those of us’.
This man had seen what she needed even from thousands of miles away. Someone to take care of her. She took a deep breath. She really was in love with the letter writer.
Anger crept into her thoughts. Where had Zack been all year while she was deployed? Working? Playing? Moving home?
Staying busy, that’s for sure.
He
hadn’t stopped to write her a letter. How could he kiss her like that? She clenched her hands into fists.
She looked down to where she’d been icing cookies with her mother’s decorating tips. A swipe of black icing left an angry belt across Frosty’s middle. “Oops.”
Calmly, like the adult she was, she set the pastry bag on the table. She had a box full of letters. And she wasn’t going to ruin the feelings they’d evoked because a man, who was more like a brother, suddenly had romantical feelings for her. “Romantical. Is that even a word?”
“Talking to yourself?”
Lena straightened her spine and picked up the abandoned icing. “I am making cookies for the concert tomorrow night, if you must know.”
Cat sat down at the table, a Cheshire grin on her face.
“What?”
“You left awful early last night.”
“I was tired.”
Her sister shrugged. “Funny how Zack left early, too.”
Lena gave her sister a pointed look. “You’re beating around the bush.”
Cat laughed. “Mike seemed pretty pissed, too. We could have drowned in the undercurrents, Lena.”
“You know how to swim.”
Her sister leaned in, picked up a cookie, and bit into it.
“Hey!” Lena pulled the cookie tray back to her side of the table. “Those are for the reception.”
“Did he kiss you?”
Lena forced her face not to react, even as the icing in her hand slipped. “Of course not,” she lied.
“Hmm.”
Lena set the black icing on the counter and picked up the orange. Every year, her mother—or any of the women who were home—made cookies for the town’s Holiday Concert. All the churches and schools brought the best of their musicians together and performed at the high school auditorium.
Cat had a starring role this year, singing in the grand finale.
“You nervous?” Lena asked, deliberately changing the subject. She began adding carrot noses to each of the cookies.
“Not as nervous as you were after playing pool with Zack for all of about…oh, five minutes.” Her smile feigned innocence, and Lena knew she could either fess up or have it tortured out of her. Was it really such a big deal? Hadn’t she dreamed about kissing him when she was a teenager?
The real thing had blown every fantasy out of the water. Even this morning, she could still feel the pressure of his lips against hers, his hand on her neck. Every nuance of his touch filtered through her senses if she let herself stop and think.
“How was it?” Cat persisted.
“How was what?” Mom asked as she came through the door.
“Nothing,” Lena answered curtly with a glare at her sister.
Mom came around and placed a kiss on her cheek. “You look so much better today. Every day better than the last. As it should be.”
“I feel better, Mom.”
“Good, because I have been asked to help set up the auditorium for the concert. And I need a few extra hands.”
Cat quickly stood. “I better go…practice, or shower. Something.” She was gone before either Lena or Mom could even open their mouths.
Lena laughed, “We’d have been spanked.”
“Probably true. She’s the youngest and a little spoiled.”
Lena finished the last cookie. “When do you need me?”
“Whenever you’re done with these, we’ll go.”
She set the icing down. “I’m ready when you are.”
After calling Catalina back to the kitchen to do the clean up, Mom and Lena headed for the high school. Part of her wanted to spill her guts, but she’d never been one to do that before…and her mom? What would mom think of her kissing Zack?
His touch had wrenched her from rational thought, and she’d found herself diving in, enjoying the feel of him against her. Betrayed by her own body. But she was not going to let him ruin everything.
She would just have to work around him. Avoid him for a little while longer. Hadn’t she spent years getting around her brothers? Making dates and keeping them to herself so that she’d have no one checking up on her?
But this is Zack. Smart, kind—usually—and gorgeous.
“Oh, good. Zack is here already.”
“What?” She straightened and scanned the area. “Why is he here?”
His little sports car sat in the parking lot near the exterior gym door.
“You sound horrified, Lena.”
She was! She didn’t want to see him right now…or ever. How could she face him after last night? “Mami, I can’t go in there.”
“Lena, you’re being ridiculous. Why not?”
“I just can’t. It’s embarrassing. I’m embarrassed.”
Mami turned in the driver seat and took her hands. “What has gotten into you?”
“I don’t know!” She cried, and felt the rise of a great flood of panic and uncertainty. She just wasn’t used to this. She wanted things back the way they were before she’d left for Iraq. She wanted everything in order.
She pulled her hands free of her mother’s grasp.
“Did something happen between you two?”
“No,” she answered, a smidgen of guilt riding the word. “Not really.”
Her mom studied her, and Lena hoped to God she couldn’t read her mind. “I know you’re beyond needing me.” She tapped her hand on the steering wheel, then took Lena’s chin in her hand. Just a small touch that was gone in an instant as Lena met her gaze. “But that doesn’t mean the worry goes away.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing.” Lena remained silent as they got out of the car and entered the school. There were boxes on the stage—big bins lined up along the edge, and below them, a pallet filled with poinsettias. Zack was nowhere in sight.
Yet
.
She’d have to face him eventually. Might as well drum up some of the determination that had gotten her through college and med school and tell him to back off. They’d grown up together, even worked together off and on through the years. It was her turn for romance, not the same old, buddy-buddy friendship she was bound to get with Zack.
Playing pool? Hanging out at all their old stomping grounds and fishing with her brothers? No. No more reliving the past. She wanted an adult relationship of mutual trust, commitment, and affection, in the present day. She wanted to move beyond the past.
She
had
fallen in love with the man in those letters. The man who had spoken to her of his dreams and desires—his desire for her.
…
Zack turned his back and leaned into the metal bar, opening the door to the auditorium. He carried a box under one arm, his laptop under the other, and a whole slew of cords were looped over his elbow.
“Just set the flowers along the edge of the stage, Lena.”
Zack glanced up. Anabel, at the front of the auditorium, with Lena. He’d known Anabel would drag Lena along after he told her they needed more help with decorations.
It looked like they’d been working for a while. The poinsettias, which had been on the floor before, were now covering the steps on either side of the stage. Lena picked up a pot and set it on the edge of the stage above where Anabel draped red velvet swag across the wood paneling.
An unexpected case of nerves struck his insides.
“Hello, Zachary,” Mrs. Rodriguez called from the stage.
He placed his gear on the table behind the rows of seating and waved. “The place looks great, as usual, Mrs. R.”
“Why, thank you.”
He woke the computer up and connected to the school’s Wi-Fi. Above his head, the projector hung from the open rafters. He’d stream photos through it during the concert.
“Mrs. Rodriguez? Would you mind lowering the screen?”
She waved and disappeared through the side door that led backstage.
Zack stepped closer to the stage. It hadn’t been an easy night of sleep. Thoughts of Lena had kept him awake with Mike’s warning echoing through his brain. But it was Mike or Lena…and he really didn’t see the comparison. This was his time. He’d waited long enough. “So, are you going to ignore me forever?”
Lena set another plant on the stage and turned. “I’m not ignoring you.”
She eyed him up and down. “You look good, Zack.” Then she blushed. “You always looked good, I guess.”
“You guess?” He laughed, unsure if he should be insulted.
“Yes.” Lena picked up another plant. Zack came forward and took the load from her hands. “Well, no. Maybe. I have a question for you.”
“Okay.”
She bit her lip.
His heart fell, and the nerves returned. He carefully set the plant at the edge of the stage, in line with all the others.
“Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with letters?”
It seemed like a trick question, but he answered with his gut. “Yes, but there could be issues…like, what would happen on the wedding night? Think of all the paper cuts, Lena.”
She laughed like he wanted her to and even slapped his arm. “No, really,” she answered, getting serious again.
He rolled his eyes. “No. I think the connection you feel through the letters was already there. Maybe your subconscious recognizes those thoughts put to paper.”
Lena brightened at that thought. “Yeah! That’s totally it.” At ease again, she picked up the last poinsettia and set it on the stage. “All I know is, we’re soulmates. Those letters, Zack. He talked about politics, religion, family. He had a sister who died at three months old when he was only two. Can you imagine?”
Yeah, he could. Of course he could. That had been a long time ago, before they’d moved to Red Bluffs. But the ache of losing half his family had stayed with him.
Thankfully, Lena kept talking. She really did
not
think he could have written those letters. Not even a little? Sheesh.
“Look Zack,” she started, “I think we should just forget last night happened—”
“What?” He came out of his pity-party musings with a jolt. “Hell, no.”
“Hell, no?” She laughed with a shake of her head. “That’s almost sweet.”
“That’s not sweet,” he said, as a knot of irritation rubbed against his chest. “That’s the facts. It’s open season on Lena Rodriguez. I’m not going to let those letters stop me from getting what I want.”
Her eyes widened. The vein in her neck pulsed. “Wow—”
“Oh, shit.” That might not have sounded right. “I’m sorry.”
“No, please. Don’t hold back. I just love being referred to as game.”
“That’s not what I meant.” He backpedaled. “I’m not good at this.”
Zack rubbed the back of his neck and blew out a breath. “Lena—”
He hadn’t even heard the hum of the screen lowering, but it was down. Mrs. Rodriguez walked back through the doorway. “Everything looks great. Lena, would you mind sticking around after the show? We need to have everything taken down and loaded back up before we leave. It shouldn’t take long. The drama club will be here for the stage props. But the flowers came over from Sacred Heart.”
“I can help, too,” Zack offered, desperate to figure out how to get things on track with Lena.
“Wonderful! It’s settled then.” Anabel clapped and reached for them, each hand taking one of their arms. “This is Christmas, a time of peace and family…and love. Tomorrow, after you finish up here, you two should go and do something fun.”
Lena sent her mother a wary look out of the corner of her eye. “Okay…”
This was just what he needed. An order. Soldiers were good at taking orders. She couldn’t say no to Mom.
Anabel had given him the chance he needed.
Chapter Seven
The concert had ended brilliantly. No, that was too cliché. Cat’s performance had struck her with a revitalizing dose of homesickness, which made no sense at all seeing as how she was home. But it was missing so much of life here, her little sister was growing up.
She’d actually cried, and Lena never cried.
Now the weekend was upon them. Another tradition checked off. Another day closer to Christmas. She’d always loved the winter carnival, so it had been easy to agree when he’d suggested it. He’d made it clear this was a date. There was no way in heaven or hell she could pretend he didn’t mean a
real
one this time. Two people, holding hands, eating cotton candy…riding the Ferris Wheel.
“I’m so embarrassed, though.” Lena pulled her jacket closer to her body as the night air took another dive toward freezing.
“Why?” Zack took her hand and pulled her toward the line for the Ferris Wheel.
“My mother is match-making.” She’d been horrified speechless at the realization. “I feel like I should apologize.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary.”
“Of course not. You’re the one who kissed me.”
He shrugged. “Not going to apologize for that, either. Besides, you kissed me back.”
He made her heart pound, and her head forget all about the letters. And she wanted to kiss him again, too. Now that she’d had a chance to get used to the idea, she wanted to do a lot more than kiss him. But she’d known him for so long. He was like a brother. A really good-looking, muscly—she shook her head to banish the thought and cleared her throat.
Not going to go there
.
“I have three years left of my commitment, Zack.” Lena got in line behind another couple then turned to him. “How the heck am I supposed to start a relationship now?”
He lifted a brow. “Are you serious? Isn’t that what you plan on doing with letter guy?”
Heat rose on her cheeks. “Oh, well. That’s different.”
“Why?”
“Because we already have a relationship going.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, we do!”
“No.”
She opened her mouth to answer, but just as quickly, he grabbed her, circled her neck with his arm, and covered her mouth with his hand. She couldn’t help grinning. All the combatives training she’d done over the years weren’t going to help her against Zack, who’d had the same training, was twice her size, and at least eight inches taller.
Instead of fighting, she put an arm around his waist and tucked her hand into his pocket. She really liked the feel of him at her side. He slowly lowered his hand from her mouth, but his arm stayed at her shoulder. She leaned her head against his chest and soaked in the joyful atmosphere as the crowds dwindled and the night grew dark. Yeah, she could get used to this.
“Hey-oh, Zack Benson! Long time, no see.”
Lena straightened as a man approached them. He was on the short side, light-haired, muscular. He pumped Zack’s arm with a warm grin, and glanced to Lena then back to Zack. He wagged his finger. “I knew it. This must be Elena. Just as pretty as you said. No, I take that back. Prettier.” His laughter echoed through the crisp air. “It is good to see you home, Lena. I tell you what, Zachary has waited a long time—”
“Lena,” Zack interrupted. “This is Mark Teller. He’s new in town. We met at an after-hours business gathering.”
She wanted to go back to the ‘has waited a long time’ part, but Zack turned the topic to fishing, and they chatted a few minutes before Mark made his good-bye and left. But he shook her hand and smiled. A smile that said he knew something she didn’t.
Finally, they reached the front of the line and were escorted into the bucket seat swing. Zack tugged on the safety bar and secured it over their laps.
“That man is up to something.”
Zack cleared his throat.
“And so are you,” she continued.
“Some people are just weird—take Mark, for instance.”
“Uh, uh—”
“Oh, look, I can see your house.” Zack tucked her in under his arm and pointed south as they rose in the circle.
Lena rolled her eyes. “Fine.” But the bird’s-eye view of town captured her before she could make a smart remark about how he was evading her question. Lights were strung along the roofs of houses and businesses along Main Street. Wreaths hung from lampposts. “Look at the church all lit up. It looks so pretty.”
“You’ve missed it.” Zack spoke her feelings, and she nodded as emotion swelled within her.
“I didn’t realize. I mean, sure, I knew I missed the States, my family, the American way…my coffee maker.”
“I know what you mean.”
She really looked at him, and saw an understanding in his eyes that no other person could get…unless he was a soldier. She saw something else, too. The clear blue traces of love that she wanted to ignore but couldn’t.
“Zack,” she whispered and heard the pleading, breathlessness in her own voice. He’d held back since Quinn’s, giving her space and time over the last couple of days. But she wanted that moment back. Lena leaned in, touched his jaw line with trembling fingers as desire rose within her. “I’m going to kiss you now,” she spoke, her lips a breadth away from his.
“About damned time.” His no-nonsense response eased the nerves, making her smile in that moment before she made contact. But then the smile was gone, and she was enticing his mouth open with a swipe of her tongue, playfully nipping at lips that tasted of the coke he’d drank with their late dinner. She hummed her pleasure and felt his hands in her hair, caressing her neck, and then gripping her arms.
All the while, he pulled her closer and closer until she wanted to simply sink into him, feel the hard planes of his body against her soft ones.
Lena moaned then broke away as the Ferris wheel stopped. She yelped as the swing jerked forward then swung back. One hand gripped the rail to her left, the other gripped Zack’s leg. He laughed and covered her hand with his own. Then he lifted it, opened it. “Best idea you’ve had all night,” he said, placing a kiss against her palm.
Zack pointed out towards the river. “Look over there.” All along the west bank were barges waiting for their own part in the winter celebration—the fireworks.
Lena checked her watch. Nine fifty. “Almost time, and we’re stuck up here.”
“But we’ve got a great view.”
The swing started moving again, up and over the top of the circle, and then it stopped. Zack laid a hand on her bouncing leg. “We’ll get there, don’t worry.”
Once more, the Ferris Wheel moved, bringing them toward the ground. It wasn’t that she was uptight, but it had been so long since she’d been home for the winter carnival fireworks show. And with her family, too. “I know. Just been a while. We should both be down there.”
Because he was family. And wasn’t that exactly why she wasn’t supposed to kiss him? Apparently, she would have to work a little harder to overcome her desires. “I’ve had a really good time tonight, Zack.”
“Uh, oh. That sounds like a precursor.”
The swing stopped at the bottom of the circle, and the worker came over to hold it so they could step out. At the bottom of the steps, Lena turned and walked backward.
“No, it’s…” she thought about it for a moment. “I have this other
thing
going on.”
“The letter guy.”
“Right, the letter guy. And, I fell for it, the romance, the sentiment, but I’d forgotten how it was to be with someone who knows me, cares about me even when I’m not perfect.
“I
have
seen the ugly sides of you.”
She lifted her brow and put her hand on her hip, stopping in his path. “I have ugly sides?”
“No,” he said with a grin. He took her hand, and they continued toward the park. “Remember the time during college when you totally went ape-shit crazy on your roommate who thought it would be fun to invite her entire sorority over for a pre-exam bash?”
“Sorority
and
male counterparts,” she added, “with groping hands!”
She’d been doing a decent job of clearing her room, but had felt even better when Zack showed up after he’d gotten off duty. It helped that he’d been in uniform, too. Big and over-bearing. He’d made her heart pound with want, but he’d been hands-off during those years. When had it stopped? The wanting. Later. Separation had eased the ache of her crush.
“You’d already taken care of it by the time I showed up. You sure can raise your voice, Lena. I saw a few left hooks in there, too.”
“Oh, please.” Lena denied. “I do
not
think so.”
He smiled with a shrug.
“Hey guys! Over here.” Juan called them over, and Mom smiled contentedly with a little tilt to her head as she eyed Lena and Zack at her side. Lena went around and kissed her mom and dad, who were sitting next to each other in their matching canvas chairs.
When Lena took a seat at the picnic table, Cat handed her a warm thermos. “Hot cocoa.”
She took a sip. “Mmm. Just what I needed.” She glanced at Zack. She tilted her head in question. She’d never seen him hesitate to enter the family circle.
“I should go check in with my dad.”
She wondered if she had done something wrong, but then Zack’s gaze found someone behind her. Mike came up and set a hand on her shoulder with a squeeze.
Lena froze, shrugging off the touch as anger flashed through her. “Za—”
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he interrupted. He didn’t want her to cause a scene. Not that she’d ever been a scene maker in the past, but if Mike really thought he was going to play guard dog…
She nodded. “You do that, Zack.” And that was her statement, to him, to the family. She made her own choices. And she’d damn well see whomever she pleased, even if he was her brother’s best friend.
Cat nudged her. Juan cleared his throat. Mike remained the stoic guard at her side.
She’d known it wouldn’t be easy to bring a guy home—even at her age. She just hadn’t considered how awkward it would be if Zack were the guy.