Let's Call the Whole Thing Off (11 page)

Perhaps she’d even planned the whole thing in advance. Maybe I’d walked straight into her trap. Perhaps she’d deliberately left the diary on her bedside cabinet knowing I was likely to wander in there to retrieve my earrings. Who couldn’t resist having a tiny peek inside someone’s diary if it was left in full tantalising view? If it really wasn’t meant for anyone else’s eyes, my eyes in particular, then she should have hidden it away in her knicker drawer or under the bed.

What an idiot I’d been! Sophie had set me up completely and like the poor unsuspecting fool that I was I’d walked straight into it. There’d been nothing accidental about me stumbling upon that diary; Sophie had manipulated the whole thing. I’d been into her bedroom a hundred times before and hadn’t even known she kept a diary. Yet just a few days before my wedding, it suddenly appears lying bare like a pre-wedding gift with my name on it. It might as well have had a pink ribbon wrapped around its centre it was that obvious. Too coincidental by far. Huh, I wouldn’t have been surprised if Ed had been in on it too!

I dropped my spoon into my bowl at this blinding revelation, the resulting clatter resonating around the breakfast room. Everyone turned to stare at me just as I was having my eureka moment.

What if, oh God, what if it was a whole heap of lies and Sophie was some mad-crazed stalker obsessed with me and Ed and she’d made the whole thing up in an attempt to try to split us up? It was possible. I’m sure I’d seen a film along those lines a while ago. It didn’t end happily. There were dead bodies and everything. Oh God, perhaps Ed was blameless and as much a victim in all of this as me. And I hadn’t even given him the benefit of the doubt or the chance to give his side of the story.

I sighed heavily.

As if by magic a waiter appeared at my side and presented me with a sparkling, fresh spoon.

‘Thank you,’ I said with a smile.

What was I doing here spending all of Ed’s hard-earned money? We needed to talk and how were we expected to do that when I was holed up in this luxury hotel? Last night I’d been on the brink of throwing myself into the arms of a man I’d only met a couple of hours earlier. I cringed in shame and embarrassment. I didn’t know for certain that Ed had cheated on me and yet I was only too eager to do the same thing to him without even thinking through the consequences.

I slumped down in my seat again. Who was I kidding? I might not be able to believe a word Sophie said or even wrote in her diary, but I knew Ben hadn’t lied to me. The only thing he’d done was to try to spare my feelings, but it was evident from the way he’d wrapped me in his embrace and tried to console me after finding me a wailing, gibbering mess that everything I’d read in that diary had been true.

‘Toast, madam.’ The waiter was back, fluttering around my table discreetly, removing my bowl of half-eaten assorted cereals and replacing it was a heart-attack on a plate.

‘Excuse me, could I ask you a question?’

‘Certainly, madam?’ I didn’t really like the way he called me madam as though I was some old maiden aunt when I reckoned he was only a couple of years younger than me, but aside from that he seemed like a nice boy. He shuffled closer and I caught the lightest whiff of a lemony aftershave. He was lean and clean-cut and had an aura about him that suggested he had a whole other life going on outside the confines of the breakfast room at the Grand View. Maybe he was a jobbing actor, an up-an-coming rock star or even a jewellery designer. Certainly in his black sharp trousers and waistcoat, he cut a dashing figure.

‘Well, what I wanted to ask is what you would do if you found out that the woman you loved, the woman you were about to marry, had been cheating on you?’

If he’d been expecting me to ask about some mustard or brown sauce, he didn’t show it. In fact, he looked completely unfazed by my question.

‘Hmmm, that’s a tricky one,’ he said, leaning in to me, almost imperceptibly.

‘Yes, I know, it is, isn’t it?’ I sensed immediately just from that short exchange that we were bonding on this fundamental question of relationships.

‘Wouldn’t happen, of course. I’m gay.’

‘Oh.’ Shame, I thought, but luckily didn’t allow that little nugget to slip from my lips. ‘Okay, so what if it was your boyfriend, the man you love, what if you found out he’d been cheating on you, what would you do then?’

He walked around to the other side and rested his arms on the chair opposite, tidying it away beneath the table, before looking me directly in the eye.

‘What would be there to think about, love?’ he said, his voice dropping its formal clipped tone and adopting a much more gossipy tone. ‘He’d be out on his ear before he could say “big mistake”. Tell me to mind my own business, love, but are you asking from a personal perspective here.’

I nodded as I cut into my sausage, dipping it into the egg and watching the yolk spread satisfyingly over the plate. ‘I am meant to be getting married this Saturday, but I found out that my boyfriend’s being playing away with my best friend.’ At least my appetite had made a welcome return.

‘Ouch! What an arsehole,’ he whispered, out of earshot of the neighbouring table. ‘Well, I hope you’ve given him his marching orders.’

‘No, not yet,’ I said, realising I’d been preparing for it in my head, but I was still uncertain whether it was what I wanted or not. I loved Ed. Or at least I had done. Now I wasn’t sure how I felt. My feelings were candy-coated in anger, fury and complete disbelief. Could all that shared love, hope and expectation be wiped out by what everyone else seemed to think was a silly mistake?

‘I’ve run away,’ I told the waiter. ‘I’ve come here to think about what I should do next. What I should do with the rest of my life.’

‘Hmmm.’ The waiter turned and looked out at the sweeping view of the sea, which this morning was shrouded in a heavy grey mist. ‘And you came here to do that? If it were me I think I would have headed off somewhere a bit more exotic.’

I laughed.

‘Well, I’m meant to be flying off to the Maldives at the weekend so that should be pretty exotic. Although it looks like I might be missing one vital ingredient for the perfect honeymoon: a groom!’ I felt a pang of sadness despite my falsely cheerful tone. It was one thing mooching around Hollisea alone as there was plenty to do and see, and if the worse came to the worse I could always retire to the depths of my beautiful hotel room and watch TV while drinking champagne and eating biscuits, but what would I do on a romantic hideaway in the middle of the Indian Ocean with only the sun, sea and sand for company. It sounded idyllic but I had a horrible feeling it would only highlight my feelings of emptiness and loneliness.

‘Well, if you need a plus one, you only need to ask?’ He gave me a wicked smile.

‘Sorry, I’m keeping you from doing your job, aren’t I? Look, thanks for listening.’ I peered forward to look at his name badge. ‘Thanks, Neil. I really appreciate it.’

‘Oh, don’t worry,’ he said, flapping around behind me and giving me a surreptitious squeeze on the shoulder, ‘it’s all part of the service. But honestly, love, I wouldn’t give that two-timing guy of yours a second thought. I know you’re hurting at the moment, but don’t waste any more time on him. I’ve learnt that from bitter experience, believe me. Once a cheater, always a cheater, I’m afraid.’

‘Yes, I guess you’re right.’ If I was being honest with myself, I didn’t want to believe it. I was half hoping it wouldn’t be true, that it was all some ghastly mistake. That I would be the exception amongst the cheated and put-upon of the world. That Ed would turn up on my doorstep, proclaiming his love for me, admitting that he’d made the biggest bloop of his life and begging forgiveness. I’d played out all sorts of heart-wrenching scenarios in my head, all of which ended up with Ed down on his knees pleading with me to give him a second chance. But what would I actually do in those circumstances?

My stomach plummeted as I looked out over the grumbling sea. I just wanted things to get back to how they were before any of this had ever happened, but I knew that was impossible. Whatever Ed had to say, whatever excuses he came up with, if he even offered any, couldn’t right the wrong he’d made. No, whichever way I looked at it, there was no going back to how we were. Could we salvage anything from our relationship?

‘You know what they say, don’t you?’ Neil made himself look busy by sweeping away imaginary crumbs from the table into this hand. ‘If you fall off the horse, you need to get straight back in the saddle.’

‘Oh, I don’t ride,’ I said, deliberately misunderstanding him.

‘Tch! You know what I mean. No, what you need to do is get straight back out there and climb on that horse again.’

I raised my eyes at him doubtfully.

‘Honestly, the best way to get over any man is to find a new one. I’ve only known you for fifteen minutes, babe, but I’ve already sussed that you’re a beautiful, funny and clever young woman. You could sit around moping for the next three years, pining over what might have been, but honestly it’s not worth it. He’s not worth it. Show him what he’s missing. Get out there and enjoy yourself. Nothing serious, of course. Just have some fun and reclaim your sense of adventure.’

I gave a small, wry smile. Neil obviously did have another life outside of being a waiter. As a life-coach, I wouldn’t bet. After only a few minutes in his company I already felt much more positive about the whole situation. And he was right, too. I needed to move on and rediscover my sense of adventure. Wherever it might be. From memory, I think I came in one day from work, hung it up on the back of my bedroom door and completely forgot about it.

Maybe that was why Ed had strayed. Perhaps I’d become middle-aged before my time. I’d been preoccupied with the wedding, admittedly. Even I’d been beginning to get bored with the whole thing and looking forward to that mystical time in the future when it would be ‘over’.

‘The thing is you can spend hours wondering what went wrong, was it something you did, something you said, but honestly …’ He paused, looking into my face. ‘Sorry, what’s your name, love?’

‘Anna,’ I said, deciding not to go the Greek goddess route this time.

‘Honestly, Anna, don’t take on any of the blame. It was his decision to go a-wandering. His responsibility. I don’t know the sort of person you are, but I know I could never get back with someone who had treated me quite so badly. If you think you can and you want to give it a second chance, then that’s up to you. And you’re obviously a much bigger person than I could ever hope to be. But do you honestly think you’d ever be able to really trust him again? Whenever he goes out that front door won’t there be a part of you worrying about what he’s getting up to?’

I shrugged. Neil had put into words what I’d been wondering myself.

Is everything all right over here, madam?’ Chief honcho restaurant manager had arrived and was hovering uneasily looking between me and Neil disapprovingly.

‘Absolutely fine,’ said my new friend, the lovely waiter whose clipped tones were now firmly back in place.

‘Madam?’ asked his concerned boss.

‘Oh yes, absolutely. I’ve been asking Neil for recommendations of what to do in Hollisea. He’s been very helpful. I’ve probably been keeping him chatting far too long. Sorry about that.’

‘No, that’s fine,’ he said, seemingly satisfied with my answer, before wandering off to deal with an issue over the other side of the room.

‘Thanks,’ Neil said, relieving me of my empty plate. ‘So what have you got planned for today then?’

I thought of Dave and the arrangement we’d made for this evening. The thought filled me with a mix of dread and exhilaration.

‘Actually, I was going to do some shopping. Take my mind off things. I met this guy in the pub last night and he’s invited me out to dinner tonight.’ I sighed, wondering what on earth I’d been thinking even agreeing to such a thing. ‘Not a date or anything like that,’ I added, more for my benefit than Neil’s, ‘just friends. You know!’ I said, desperate for him to agree with me. ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I’m not so sure.’

Neil’s mouth dropped open and he looked at me with a whole deal of respect over his face.

‘Woah! And there was me worrying that you’d spend the day crying into your tea. You don’t waste much time, do you? Who is your mystery date then?’

‘No, it’s nothing like that. His name’s Dave. He’s here for a few days on business.’ I ignored the pang of apprehension in my stomach at the realisation I didn’t know the first thing about him.

‘Well, there you go, what did I tell you? And don’t even think about backing out. You go and have a fabulous time and don’t give a second thought to that ex of yours. I’m on again tomorrow morning so I expect a blow-by-blow account of how it went, yeah?’

‘Yeah. Thanks, Neil.’

Somehow, without even realising it, I’d managed to finish off the whole fry-up, the toast and a Danish pastry and now I felt a whole lot better about the day ahead.

Chapter Eight

The thing was even though it wasn’t a proper date, I hadn’t been on any kind of date in years so I had absolutely no idea what to wear or how to behave, come to that. Last night Persephone had been very much in control and she’d known exactly what to do but most ungratefully she’d done a bunk this morning and I was left wondering how I’d ever got myself into this situation in the first place and if it wouldn’t simply be better if I just came up with an excuse and didn’t go after all.

Perhaps if I rang Dave and explained everything then he would understand and we could laugh about the whole sorry situation and we’d say how much we’d enjoyed meeting each other and we’d wish each other good luck for the future. Which would have been a blinding idea if I’d had Dave’s telephone number, which I didn’t.

I felt as though I was hurtling towards a destination I wasn’t sure I wanted to be travelling to. Then I remembered I had to report in to my lovely waiter tomorrow and he’d insisted I wasn’t to back out. And I needed to remember his advice about getting out there and enjoying myself. Even if I was hovering on the bad side of suicidal.

I was only going to be here for a couple of days and how was I ever going to be able to make any sensible decisions about what I was going to do with the rest of my life if I spent the entire time holed up in my hotel room. It was only dinner, for goodness’ sake, not a proposal of marriage.