Let the Church Say Amen (8 page)

W
HY WAS LIFE
so complicated? Jonathan thought being with Veronica would return his life to normal. No such luck. He lay across the bed in his room, staring at a picture of his family. He, David, and Rachel were all little on that picture. It was taken in Virginia Beach, at one of the few family vacations they had ever taken. His dad looked like a proud father in that picture. Over the years, slowly but surely, that proud look had faded as far as David was concerned. Then Rachel. Jonathan knew it was only a matter of time before it would be gone for him as well.

The phone rang, breaking the silence that had settled in the room. Jonathan looked at the Caller ID. It was Veronica, again. He really didn’t mean to avoid her, but the other night proved he just wasn’t ready for another relationship. Not yet anyway. Granted, she finally gave him an erection, but with her off her cycle, she’d want to have full sex. What if he couldn’t come through? It was all he’d thought about since that night. The last three women he’d been with before Tracy had all been a bust, including his last time with Angela. He had lied and told them he was on medication, but it was still embarrassing.

The phone continued to ring. It was like she hung up, waited two minutes, and called right back. Did she know he was avoiding her calls? Jonathan had to get his head together. He thought being with Veronica would make him forget Tracy, but it only made things worse. He had to decide if he was going to love Tracy all the way or not at all. Why couldn’t he just make up his mind?

Jonathan leaned in and cut off the ringer on his phone. This was her eighth call today. She had left a nasty message on his cell phone talking about how she didn’t appreciate him not returning her calls. A soft knock on the door startled Jonathan out of his thoughts.

“Hey, Dad,” Jonathan said, answering it.

“Hey, Son.” Simon eased into the room, looked around and smiled. “You’ve been here weeks and your room is still immaculate. Rachel and David would have had this place in shambles by now.”

Jonathan managed a slight grin and sat on the edge of his bed. He knew his father always favored him, that’s why it was so difficult to be honest with him. He wasn’t sure that being a preacher was his calling. He wasn’t sure if he was even worthy of being a preacher. He could never tell his father that. It would tear him up.

“You know I’ve always been a neat freak, Dad.”

“I know. I remember you talking about how it drove your roommate crazy.” Simon laughed. “But that’s my boy. You got it together all the way around.”

If only you knew,
Jonathan thought. “So, Reverend Jackson, what brings you into this neck of the woods?”

Simon sat down in the black leather chair across from Jonathan’s bed. “I just wanted to talk to you, Son. You don’t look the same. Oh, you put on a good front, but I see it in your eyes. Is something wrong?”

Jonathan gazed at his father. How he wished he could tell him the truth, but that would never, ever happen. Jonathan looked down. He didn’t want to tear up.

“Is it Tracy?”

Jonathan’s mouth dropped open. How did his father know about Tracy?

“It is, isn’t it?” Simon continued. “I heard you on the phone with her the other day. I wasn’t eavesdropping, but you sounded very upset.” Simon patted Jonathan on the knee. “You can talk to me, Son. Is Tracy your girlfriend?”

Jonathan didn’t know what to say. “No.”

“Not any more?”

“Something like that,” Jonathan responded. He desperately wanted to end this conversation.

“So you two broke up? Is that why you decided to move back home? Is that what has you walking around here so gloomy?”

Jonathan looked away so his father couldn’t see the tears in his eyes.

“Son, it’s okay. We all get our hearts broken at one time or another. I remember the only other woman I loved besides your mother. Her name was Lillian Butler. She was like a cool glass of lemonade on a hot summer day.” Simon smiled at the memory. “That woman was spectacular, and she broke my heart in a thousand pieces. Up and married some doctor. Said she couldn’t spend her life as a preacher’s wife. I never thought I’d heal from that. Probably like you’re feeling right now. But two months after that, I met your mother, and she made me forget all about Lillian. So see, I promise you, you’ll find you another young woman to steal your heart. Although, honestly, I think you’ve found her already. That Angela is something else. You really should try to work things out with her. Everything happens for a reason. We may not understand God’s motives, but He knows what’s best for us. Turn to your faith now, son. It’ll help you be strong, and it’ll help you heal.”

Jonathan let his father ramble. Faith. He would need a lot of that. He didn’t understand why he was hurting so much. When he left Georgia he thought he was doing the right thing, but now, with the emptiness he felt inside, he wasn’t so sure.

“Do you understand what I’m saying to you, Son?”

Jonathan hadn’t heard any of his father’s last comments. He nodded nonetheless. “I know I’ll meet someone else. I’ll be fine.”

“Good. Before I get into what I came up here about, I was just wondering about you and Angela. You know she’s good for you?”

“Dad, please.”

“I’m just saying, personally, I think you and Angela should really try and work things out. That’s a good woman if I’ve ever seen one. And you two already have a solid foundation. I’ll never for the life of me understand why you broke up in the first place.”

Jonathan knew how crazy Simon was about Angela. Not just because she was a dedicated member of their church but because she was simply the type of woman everyone fell in love with. She was good-hearted, sweet, respectable, mannerable, and didn’t have an evil bone in her body. It had always been Simon’s dream that they would end up married.

“Dad, Angela has no interest in me. She’s moved on.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Simon said, shaking his head. “That girl still pines for you. I see it in her eyes every time she asks about you, or someone mentions your name. That’s why you never ran into her on any of your trips home. Whenever she found out you were coming home, she’d skip service, and that girl never misses church. I just think she couldn’t bear to see you because she still loves you.”

“Anyway.”

“Okay, you don’t have to get back together with her, but at least do your old man one favor and work with her on the planning for the youth celebration next month.”

Jonathan eyed his father suspiciously. “Come on now. As if she needs my help.”

“She does. She has only a few other members working with her, and from what I’ve heard, she’s doing all the work. So could you do that for me? You know how good you are with the kids.” Simon smiled mischievously.

Jonathan didn’t feel like arguing. Maybe the distraction would do him good. Unlike Veronica, he wouldn’t have to worry about Angela being all over him. She was way too classy for that. “Fine, I’ll help her.”

“Good, I’ll let her know, unless of course you want to call her.”

“No, I think I’ll let you handle that. She may tell you she doesn’t want to work with me.”

“I’ll talk to her. Now that that’s all settled, I really came up here to talk to you about your future. I know it has always been your plan to go to seminary school, but did you know some of the best preachers never set foot in a theological classroom?

“I think you have what it takes to lead already. The church needs you.” Simon hesitated as a huge grin crossed his face. “Andrew has been offered his own church in Dallas. He told me in confidence, he’s going to take it.”

Jonathan nodded. Andrew Cooper was the associate pastor at Zion Hill. Jonathan had heard rumors he might be leaving, but he never thought there was any truth to it.

“Really?” Jonathan said.

“Yes, he is. And I know the perfect person to take his spot.”

“Who?” Jonathan had barely gotten the word out when he realized where his father was heading. “Dad, no …”

“Nothing would honor me more than to have my son take his rightful place by my side as associate pastor.”

Jonathan didn’t want this job. Besides, he didn’t even know if he was going to stay in Houston. He had just come home to get his head together. He had planned for his future to be in Atlanta, but Tracy’s decision to break up had changed that. At this moment, he didn’t know where his future lay.

“And I think you can get a job down at the Y mentoring troubled youth,” Simon had been rambling on, mapping out Jonathan’s future. As usual, Jonathan had little input. “Deacon Riley works down at the Y. I know you won’t have any problem getting on with him. Of course, you can stay here as long as you like. Hopefully, in a year or so, you’ll meet you a good, clean Christian woman, preferably Angela, settle down, and give me some grandkids.”

Jonathan decided not to tell his father that he wasn’t going to be a minister. At least not yet. But he knew, at some point, he was going to have to get over his fear and tell his father the truth.

D
AVID BALLED UP HIS FISTS
and began silently counting. He was determined not to get mad. But he couldn’t help the rage that was building inside of him. Tawny was leaning back against the wall in the abandoned apartment. Her eyes were closed and judging from the look of euphoria on her face, the crack from the pipe gripped tightly in her hand was having its desired effect.

But that wasn’t what had David so furious. It was the potbellied, scraggly-haired man standing over Tawny with a cheesy grin plastered across his face. He was fastening up his pants.

“Damn, baby, I have to say it again. That was good. Next time I’ll have to double up and give you six rocks,” he said.

“Umm-hmmm,” Tawny moaned.

David could no longer contain his anger. He rushed in, pushing the man to the floor.

“What the—!” the man screamed.

“David!” Tawny yelled as she tried to get up off the floor. “What are you doing?”

“No, the question is, What are you doing?” David said through clenched teeth.

“Why you come up in here trippin’? This Tommy, you hooked me up with him in the first place. You remember?”

David stared at the man, who remained cowering on the floor. “That was six months ago. What you doing with him now?”

Tawny pulled herself completely up and started nervously glancing around. “I was just … ummm … I was walking down the street and I bumped into him and he asked me if I wanted to ummm, you know, get high.” Tawny shrugged and gave a weak laugh. “And you know I ain’t never been one to pass up a free high.” She stepped toward David and put her arm around him. He slapped her arm away.

“Come on, baby, don’t be mad.”

“It wasn’t free, Tawny. You fucked him. For three rocks,” David spat.

“Damn. What you getting all worked up about? You wasn’t saying nothing when you had me sleeping with him so
you
could get high.”

David noticed Tommy scurrying away out of the corner of his eye. He decided to let him go. Right now, he had to deal with Tawny.

“You know we were at a low point when that happened. We said it wouldn’t happen again,” David said. He rubbed his temple, trying to figure out how his life had been reduced to this. Why did he even stay with Tawny? She didn’t do anything but bring him down. “Tawny, I told you I wanted us to leave the drugs alone. Don’t you want something better for us?”

“Whatever.” Tawny was shaking her head. “You need to go on with that shit. You fucking up my high.”

David stared at Tawny in disgust. He had told her he wanted to try to get clean. After leaving his family at church, he sat Tawny down in one of her rare sober moments and had a long talk. He’d told her this wasn’t how he wanted to live his life. He wanted kids of his own. He wanted more to life than his next high. Part of him wondered why he even stayed with Tawny because that was all she was concerned about. But the other part felt like he wasn’t any better than Tawny, so they deserved each other.

David had begged her to work with him so they could both get off the drugs. Of course, he’d slipped up a few times, but for the most part, he was trying to stay clean. Last week, they were mugged after coming back from buying drugs and David had said that was the last straw. He made Tawny go with him the next day to the community center to see a drug rehab counselor. Although Tawny had fidgeted through the whole session, David thought they were making progress.

Then when David came home today and the little boy next door told him he saw Tawny leave with a fat white man, David knew exactly where to find her. This abandoned apartment was her favorite place to turn tricks.

David groaned as he thought about how he had condoned that at one point, even going so far as finding men like Tommy. David had gotten tired of that real quick. High or not, he couldn’t stand knowing another man was having sex with his woman. But Tawny was persistent, saying it was an easy way to get money and drugs.

“Tawny, I thought we said we were going to try and let this stuff go.”

“You said that shit. Not me. I don’t want to let it go.” Tawny plopped back down, picked up a baggie off the floor, and took out a rock. David watched as she put it in the pipe, flicked her lighter under it, and let the flames dance around it. With her eyes half closed, she leaned in and inhaled the smoke from the pipe. David knew he should just leave her there. Just leave, period. There was no hope for Tawny. But there was hope for him. He could just walk away.
Then why don’t you,
a little voice kept saying in his head.

“Baby, this is some high-quality shit,” Tawny taunted. “It’ll make you feel real good.”

David stared at the pipe, it was mesmerizing. “I told you. My family. I’m trying to do right.”

“Man, fuck your family. You can never touch a drug again and you’ll never be anything in their eyes. Isn’t that what you’re always telling me?” Tawny wrapped her lips around the pipe and slowly inhaled again. David watched as her chest heaved, then she slowly sank back against the wall. “Awww, yeah,” Tawny moaned. “Baby, you don’t know what you missing. Come on. Just one hit.” Tawny held the pipe out. David stood firm, although it was becoming more and more difficult.

Tawny puffed again after David didn’t move. She slowly exhaled and looked David directly in the eyes. “You said yourself, your father ain’t got no love for you. You think just because you give up something you enjoy, something that makes you feel good, you think all that will change? You ain’t got no job, no future. All we got is each other and this,” Tawny said, caressing the crack pipe. She lowered her voice to just above a whisper. “Don’t punk out on me now, baby.” She extended the pipe again. “And when we finish this, I know where we can get some more.”

David’s vision was getting blurry. Was Tawny right? Was he desperately fighting to let the drugs go for nothing? Even if he was clean, it’s not like he was all of sudden going to become Simon’s pride and joy. Tawny was right about one thing, neither one of them had a future. No skills, no job, no money. He got depressed as he thought about his life. What was the use? He had given it his best shot. He simply couldn’t do it. Besides, that pipe did look so inviting and Tawny looked like she was feeling really good.

“Fuck it. Give it here,” David said, snatching the pipe out of Tawny’s hand. She smiled as he put the pipe to his mouth, deeply inhaled, and let the smoke wash away all thoughts of his family.