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They officer stayed behind, and I closed the door as Houston began to file a report. Sick to my stomach. I return to the stove, layer the lasagna, add the marinara and pop it in the oven. It took my mind off the issue at hand momentarily. There's no way we can get through this without telling the children their mother has returned. What will that do to them? What if they force them to see her? They’re all questions I can’t answer, and that terrifies me because it leaves way too much room for error. The image of her screaming for her children will haunt me as long as I live.

***

Houston

The time has come to clue the children in on what’s happening. I spent all week trying to think up the best way to say it. So far I’ve come up with nothing. There’s no easy way to break it to them.  We’ve begun the legal process, and they may have to see her in a supervised setting before the judge rules.  I study the three lined up like baby ducks around Liv as they wait in line.

We’ve taken them to their favorite park with the Ice cream stand because I didn't want this memory to taint our home in any way. I stroke my beard as I take in their happy faces. I want to remember this time before I had to steal away their innocence.

They get one scoop icre cream cones in strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate. I smile. My little Neapolitan crew, each so different, but linked. They return to the bench I’m seated on, and I force a smile.

“Wow, you guys got cones?” I say.

“Yes, It’s the best Friday ever,” Echo says doing a little spin. I laugh at her gesture. She’s always been a ham.

“Come on, let’s eat them while we walk by the pond and see the duckies and fish,” I say standing.  I lace my fingers with Liv, grateful for her presence. She’s been a constant source of support, love, and calm. I see red when it comes to people endangering my family. If she hadn’t been there to talk me down, I might’ve done something rash. When I received the petition for visitation in the mail, I hit the roof. Our first court appearance is next week.  It’s put me on edge.

I wait until the last of the cone has been devoured and guide them over to empty picnic tables. Liv produces a pack of wet wipes and the clean up begins.

“Do you guys remember how I told you once you had a mommy who carried you in her belly?” I ask.

“Uh huh.” They nod their tiny heads and look at me with eyes full of trust. I can’t let them down.

“Well, she wants to see you again.”

“No, I don’t want to see our not nice Mommy. She left us,” Phoenix yells and grabs onto Liv’s leg. “We have a new Mommy now. A better one who won’t ever leave us.”  His anger sets Echo and Deja into tears.

Liv turns her pain filled eyes toward me. Tears roll down her cheeks.

“Hey, no one is going to take you away from Daddy. I won’t let that happen. " I kneel in front of Phoenix and bring the girls close to my chest. "The court might want you to see her  or talk to her, and I don’t want it to be a complete surprise.”

“Liv’s our new Mommy. She can’t take her place,” Deja says with conviction. ,

I can see that it’s tearing Liv in two to hear them call her Mom when she’s not sure if she has the right.

“Yes she is, and you’re right. No matter what happens between her and Daddy she will always be there for you.” I kiss the girls head and then Phoneix.

A strangled cry leaves Liv’s throat, and I stand and wrap my arms around my makeshift family.

“There are more things to a mommy than carrying you her in a belly. She’s the person who loves you, takes care of you, helps you grow, and is always there when you need her. Liv does all of those things and more.” And I love her.  I rock from left to right, soothing them the way I did when they were babies. “It’s going to be alright. Mommy and Daddy got you.” Liv rests her head against me, and I know she’s accepted her new title.  Her body shakes with her quiet cries. I kiss her temple. “Move in with me officially?”

“Yes.”

My heart soars. The world might be threatening to tilt on its axis, but at the moment I’m anchored. The kids calm down.

“Why did she leave us?” Echo whispers.

I could think of a million things to say, but none of them are nice or helpful.

“I think she was scared,” Liv says.

“Of us?” Deja asks.

“Of being a good mommy and growing up. She wasn’t ready. But life doesn’t wait for us to be ready. Our choices have what?”

“Consequences,” they all say.

Liv nods. “Exactly. No one taught your old mommy that.”

“So, she didn’t now better?” Phoenix asks.

Liv shakes her head. “I don’t think she did. But that doesn’t make what she did right. Even when we’re sorry, it doesn’t fix everything.”

“Is she sowwy?” Deja asks.

“I think so,” Liv whispers.

“What she did, leaving without telling anyone where she went or checking in on you is illegal. Do you know what means?” I ask.

They shake their heads no.

“It’s against the law. You can go to jail for it.” I explain.

“Where the bad people go?” Phoenix asks.

“Yeah, Phe,” I say.

“Is she going to jail,” Echo asks sounding scandalized. The girl needs to be an actress someday.

“Maybe. It depends on what the people who are in charge of the law say. They’re called judges, and it’s why Daddy is going to court next week.”

“It makes me sad,” Deja whispers.

“Me too kiddo,” I pull her close and kiss the top of her head. “How about we visit the fairy gardens to cheer us up?” I ask.

The round of yeses are dull as they sniff, and struggle to get themselves together. I wish I could have avoided causing them pain, but withholding the truth would tamper with the trust between us and only delay the inevitable. As we walk away to the other section of the park, I’m filled with hope. What lies ahead of us is uncertain and rocky, but we’re strong together.

***

How are you holding up?” Braden asks as we wait in line for our cups of coffee. I’m running on caffeine and stubbornness at the moment.

“I’m hanging in there. Court’ shell. Between running the business and being in front of the judge, I'm not sleeping well. I worry that she’ll win custody by some fluke. That the judge will have a bleeding heart, and be swayed by the sob story, she's concocted. I'll admit it's a compelling work of pure fiction.

“That’s never going to happen,” Braeden says.

“You’d be surprised. It’s not like she was a junkie, just an overwhelmed mother of multiples, who got scarred. You should hear the way her lawyers spins it in court. You’d think I was a controlling monster. It’s sick how she’s twisting everything.”

“Maloney squared,” the barista calls.

We step up and grab our white chocolate mocha’s to go.

“That bitch. You did everything for her. I always thought she was a little spacey, but you were happy, so I bite my tongue. Seeing her try to play hard ball when all you did was support her constantly changing dreams pisses me off. You can’t go through live chasing a vibe or relying on feelings. It takes money to keep the lights on a roof over your head. You worked your fingers down to the bone at the shop, and still came home to be a damn good father. That shouldn’t be held against you.”

“Thanks Brae.”

“I admire you for that. It’s not easy being a father or a business owner, yet you do both flawlessly, and you landed an incredible chick.”

I laugh. “Now you’re just flattering me, what do you want?”

He shakes his head. “Just lending support while I’m here. Times like this I hate what I do. I should be here rallying around you with the rest of the family.”

“Hey man, don’t beat yourself up about it. I know you’d be here if you could.”

“I been thinking about not re enlisting at the end of my term.”

“Shit, really?” I say shocked.

“Fifteen years is a long time, and they’ve been offering me an excellent retirement package. I don’t want Dad to be disappointed in me, but I’m ready to move on to a new stage in my life.”

“Then do that. You know I’ll back you one hundred percent,” I say.

“I appreciate that. You know I love it when we  do the brotherly bonding thing, but I don’t think it’s why you asked me to take leave.”

“No, I need you to help me pick out a ring.”

“Word?” Brae asks.

“Yeah man, she’s the only thing keeping me sane at the moment, and after that fire.” I clear my throat. “I realized how devastated I’d be if anything happens to her, and how much id’ regret wasting time. I won’t ask her until the case is settled.  If I do, she'll always wonder if I did it to increase my chances at winning, and I don’t want that.”

“Smart. Shit, my brothers’ getting married.”

“Again,” I say feeling the sting of embarrassment return.

“No, finally. I would’ve sewed up that fine honey ages ago.”

“Brae the nineties called, they want their slang back,” I say nudging him.

“Do you want my help or not?” He mutters.

I smirk but keep my mouth shut.

“What kind of ring are you thinking of getting her?” Brae asks.

“Something with a vintage feel, and worth at least two months of my paycheck.”

“Are you sticking to that old tradition? Do you think she’d care about that?” he asks sounding doubtful.

“I know she wouldn’t. It’s precisely why I want to do it.” I ‘d gone small and quirky with Rain, so this needed to be the total opposite.

“Any other reason?” Brae asks.

“I’m not superstitious, but I am trying to avoid any similarity between what I did with Rain.”

“Thought so,” Brae says with a nod.

“You blame me?” 

“No, especially since she helped plan the last one. Life can be crazy, huh?”

“Very.  Imagine living that reality instead of talking about it. There’s a jeweler around the corner I’ve heard good things about. It’s why I brought us here.”

We round the corner and Walk into Steven’s.

“Good afternoon gentleman, can I help you find something?’

“Yes, my big brother here is in the market for an engagement ring,” Braeden says with a grin.

Dick.

“We can certainly assist you with that Sir. My name’s Paul, and I’ll be helping you this evening."

"I'm Houston, and my brother here is Braedon is playing the part of the peanut gallery. "

" We're happy to have you both here. I always like to ask for a description of the woman, so I can better assist you.”

“Liv is amazing. She’s brilliant, focused, but funny, sweet, and classic.”

“So nothing too modern?” Paul asks.

“No.”

“Do you have a shape in mind?”

“Pear or Circle,” I say. 

“This way, please.” He walks toward the cases on the far end. “Is there a cut amount you’re aiming for?”

“At least one, but closer to two or above is ideal.”

Braeden whistles.

“She’s my forever woman. She deserves it,” I say with a shrug.

I find myself drawn to the circular rings. I lean down closer to the case, and one catches my eyes. A large diamond in the centers is surrounded by a smaller band of diamonds and then a larger row below it. It has a some like shape I think she'll find pleasing. Leaf like flourishes on the sides add character before diamonds went down the band. It’s not flashy, but it’s solid.

“How many karats is this all together?” I ask pointing at the ring.

“It’s two and a quarter.”

“And what’s the setting made of?”

“Platinum,” Paul says.

“Can I see it?”

“Of course.” He reaches inside the case and grabs the ring. The minute it touches my flesh I know it’s the one. I hold it up to the light turning it to and fro. In the shimmer of gemstone I see my hopes for the future.

“This is it.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to look at anything else, bro?” Brae asks.

“No need. This is the one meant to go on her finger.”

“How much am I looking at Paul?” Iask.

“Four thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine dollars.”

“Done. I need a size eight and a half.”

“We can have it ready for you in a week.”

“Perfect.”

“You’re not playing around tonight are you?” Brae says.

“Life is short and unpredictable. I spent too much time trying to get things just right and in the end it didn’t matter.  So, I’m trying to exist somewhere between living for the moment and planning for the future.”

“Does wisdom come with age?” Brae asks.

“You tell me? You’re closer to forty than not,” I retort.

“Don’t remind me,” he moans.

As the cashier swipes my card I can’t help but feel like I’ve taken a giant step toward setting my life back to where it should be.

***

This ruling is what the months of back and forth have boiled down to. Any moment now my fate will be sealed. What I thought would be an open and shut case turned into a bitter battle that left me shaken and concerned.