Leaving Unknown (21 page)

A
y-yi, I can’t believe you’re leaving us!” Tuesday wailed.

True to his word, Clem had delivered the parts to PIGS, and Barney was performing the transplant. I was giving notice at the bookstore.

Noah’s face was expressionless. “When do you expect to leave?”

“Next week.” I had enough to pay Barney for his time and get to Los Angeles. As soon as Elsie had proven she wouldn’t reject Vicki’s guts, we were ready to go.
Nós partimos
.

“Noooooo…” Tuesday wailed. She ran around the counter and flung her arms around my neck.

“You can have my rabbit ears,” I said.

“Really? Cool!” She beamed. Then her face fell. “But who’ll take my pictures?”

“I’m going to LA, not Fiji!” I laughed. I hesitated as I caught Noah’s look. “Or Child can fill in.” I shouldn’t be misleading.

“But you’ll be back for the festival?”

“We’ll see, Tuesday,” I demurred. I didn’t want to make promises I couldn’t keep. For all I knew, once I got to Los Angeles I’d never want to leave. Work might be demanding.

Noah hadn’t spoken. Now he cut in. “I don’t suppose you can be any more specific than ‘next week,’ can you?”

I turned to face him, figuring his argumentative tone meant the end of Tuesday’s presence among us. She had a knack for conflict avoidance.

“It’s not very professional notice, is it?” he continued.

I might’ve laughed, if it wasn’t so sad. Even Noah’s Angry Eyebrow (fully on display now) was dear to me. Not to mention there wasn’t much about how we ran the store that constituted standard business practices: closing shop to go to Nogales, opening at 10
P.M.
to let Liz in when Tommy forgot he had a book report due, me going running when I lost my temper.

“I’m leaving Monday,” I said gently. “Barney will be finished Friday. Sunday night Ruby’s having a farewell dinner for me. I hope you’ll both be there.” Surprisingly, Tuesday hadn’t fled. I was touched.

“You bet I will! I’m going to call Ruby right now. We’ll send you off with a
mino’aka
—that’s a smile.” She twirled, dance infusing her movements. “We’ll need fairy lights and paper flowers, and some floating candles. Oooh, and sparklers! Maybe I can find some leis…” She talked to herself all the way out the
door, ticking off thoughts on her fingertips as she went, forgetting it was my day off and she was scheduled to work.

I turned back to Noah,
mino’aka
playing on my mouth as I pulled off my jacket. Looked like I was staying. The smile faded at his expression.

“Well?”

I was ready. “I’ve filled out the café and stockroom order forms for the next four weeks. They tend to be predictable. All you have to do is fax them in on Mondays. You’ll have the books and food you need. I’ve also asked Beth to come by and help out for the next few Thursday mornings until you get into the new routine. She can put out the new stock.”

“Beth?” He frowned. “I wish you hadn’t done that.”

I was taken aback. “Why not?”

“The last book Beth read, the title began with
Cliff Notes
. She has no idea…that ridiculous art book…and…well…never mind.” He looked uncomfortable.

“No problem,” I soothed. “We’ll ask Ruby. It only entails putting out new stock. I ordered the titles. Anyone can do it.”

“So you’re just anyone?” His anger dissipated.

“No. I’m the girl who spent that last seven years of her life in neutral, who needs to get back on course.”

Noah sat heavily on the couch we’d shared earlier. I joined him.

“Careful,” I mimicked. “Or I’ll think you’re going to miss me.”

He stood abruptly. “I’m sorry, but I need to go through the office so I can prepare for this rather abrupt departure and make sure that you cover all the bases before Friday. It being only three days away.” He wasn’t going to make this easy. He headed toward the back. “Oh, just curious”—he turned, tone caustic—“what socks are you wearing today?”

We both looked at my naked toes in flip-flops for a moment, nails gleaming coral, and then he strode to his office and shut the door without a word.

Ruby was so quiet in her approach that I jumped when she laid hands on my shoulders.

“Come along. Everyone is here.”

“Everyone?” I tried to sound casual. I hadn’t seen Noah since I’d told him I was leaving.

Ruby sensed my question, but she also sensed I didn’t want it acknowledged. “I’m sure there’ll be stragglers.” She assured me. “But at the moment, your farewell party has quite a crowd already.”

“It just goes to show you, if you give the people what they want, they’ll show up.” I joked. I don’t know which was more shocking—fifteen people gathered waiting for me, or the stab I felt in unguarded moments when I remembered I was leaving them. I followed Ruby to the yard. It was an enchanted place. There were lights strung along the walls and trees, and even the edges of the long table spanning the yard. What Tuesday lacked in paper-flower expertise, she redeemed in fairy lights. Though the paper flowers were there too. The table bore a celebration of candles and an array of red- and copper-colored stones, and vegetables from the garden. I’d pretended not to see Child earlier, dispatching Tuesday with the cut flowers that had previously been there.

When I walked out, Tuesday grabbed me and squeezed. “Took you long enough. Do you like?” Her beaming face was impossible to deny. Not to mention the perfection of the garden.

Bruce, Child, Barney, and Ronnie Two Shoes were at the grill, preparing kebabs. Male imperative. April and Busy were tippling and bickering about sherry versus scotch. I had every
vision of transporting Busy to bed later. Ruby was laying silverware down in precise settings, as Tuesday was cluttering the table with scattered napkins. Sandy and Liz prepared a salad, while Patrick and Jenny Up laid out pies.

Samuel pressed a brown paper bag in my hands.

“Samuel! You can’t keep giving me gifts!” I took the bag eagerly.

“Don’t get excited. It’s vitamin samples. Obscure ones like bilberry extract and selenium.”

I hugged him. He was a gift I’d miss.

When the kabobs were ready, we gathered for chicken, pineapple, onion, and tomato treats on sticks.

“More foods should be served on sticks,” said Ronnie Two Shoes.

“Tuesday, give us an interpretational dance about how you feel about food on sticks,” I demanded, not caring that her food would get cold. As I knew she would, without a thought, she did, leaping up and dancing in the yard in movements that reminded me of the way my mother described sculpture. It got better when Busy told Tuesday she got the pineapple wrong and jumped up to do her own version.

Candlelight lit the faces of those who’d gathered. I laughed along as Samuel told stories of his top ten favorite Maeve Hypochondriac Moments. Clearly they were exaggerated. April brayed a little
too
loud at some. But I’d already unscrewed the top of the salt shaker closest to her. April liked salt on prickly pear pie, which we happened to be having for dessert. Heh.

I didn’t dwell on the fact that Noah didn’t appear. Beth didn’t either. Presumably they were at the ballet or her brother’s or perusing bad Victorian drawings of children. I didn’t care. It would have complicated things to have him there. Even I, in my limited experience, had learned a thing or two. I wanted to enjoy my own party, and Noah would have strained things. It
was better that he didn’t come. Even at the end when we went late and he probably could have still stopped by for a minute. I took what he’d told me about missing me and put it in my vault. If he’d been there, I’d have been conscious of nothing but how much I wanted something I couldn’t have.

We ate and laughed and drank for hours. April and I carried Busy to bed at midnight. Liz and Sandy, Patrick and Jenny faded away shortly after. Ronnie Two Shoes was hot after Sandy, so he left within minutes to belatedly escort her home. Lulabell and Oliver cooed, “Legs up, Toots,” to each other in the Playbird Mansion.

Soon, it was down to the hardest. Child clasped my hands.

“Maeve, it would be a privilege if you would continue to share your images.”

“I owe them all to you, Child. I promise to send you some banal ones,” I teased. He hugged me. When he pulled away at the natural conclusion of the embrace, it was me who still clung.

“I’ll treasure my carved memory,” he whispered, about the kachina I’d given him, “though it won’t replace the giver.” With that he was gone. It was like saying good-bye to Jules times ten. I had more than a million words caught in my throat. I said nothing.

I was grabbed and squeezed tightly. “I can’t,” said Tuesday. It was the most distress I’d seen her demonstrate. “Breakfast?”

“Breakfast,” I agreed. “Wagon Wheel?”

“No. I can’t bear a public farewell. I’ll cook.”

I laughed. “Salad in a bag?”

“I’ll
cook,” growled April. We all looked at her in fear.

“No,
I’ll
cook,” rescued Ruby. Everyone exhaled.

Tuesday sniffed. “Ruby, the dishes tonight…I can’t…. I go…” she hugged me fiercely and fled.

To me April growled, “Sleep with one eye open,” and de
parted. The salt trick had worked. I’d howled at her face when the contents of the shaker emptied onto her pie. I tried not to contemplate the repercussions.

“You look after yourself, gel,” Bruce gave me a bear hug. “No camping next to town hall in LA.” Then he and Ruby followed April inside. “Don’t touch the dishes,” Ruby ordered, as she left. “They’ll be there in the morning.”

It left Samuel and me. We held hands companionably as we walked to the gate. Even broken up, he was one of the best humans I knew.

“I’ll miss you,” he said.

“I’ll miss you too,” I said. “But if you don’t date Primrose Tarquin after I leave, you’re a nincompoop,” I teased, naming Poppy’s attractive and single younger sister.

“We’ll see.” From his blush I could tell it was possibly already in the works.

As we approached the adobe wall gateway, Samuel swung me close, holding my head to his chest and hugging me tight. He kissed the top of my head.

“Be good, Maeve. Believe in your capacity. You’re not going to get sick again.”

“Thank you, Samuel.” I held on to his comfort. “You’re the best thing that happened to me here.” Even as I said it, my mind was a cheater.

Something caught my eye in the dark and I fantasized it was Noah’s shadow in the door archway. I squinted but there was nothing.

Samuel cupped my face in his hands. “It’s been a pleasure.”

“I’ll stay in touch,” I said, hoping I would.

And with an amicable hug, we said good-bye. And if I was weepy when I went to bed, it wasn’t because I hadn’t had the perfect parting from my friends. I had. It was because of the one that hadn’t happened. Noah hadn’t come at all.

S
o you’re really going?” he asked.

“No, I thought I’d load all my things into Elsie and then unload them for fun.” I was being glib, but I was afraid if I looked at him, I’d break down and cry or beg him to leave Beth or something equally foolish. Plus I was still angry he’d blown off my going-away dinner. I busied myself arranging things that didn’t need arranging.

When I peeked, his face looked grim.

“Well, that’s about it.” My brightness was forced as I backed out of the car. That
was
about it. We were packed. Oliver was sulking in his cage. I squashed my guilt over separating him from Lulabell. I’d said good-bye to Tuesday over breakfast. She was too emotional to watch me drive off. The last stop was for my final paycheck. I’d be in LA the day after tomorrow.

Noah crossed his arms. “Do you know where you’re going? You haven’t been out of Unknown.”

“I managed to get here, I guess I’ll manage to get out.” I hated being snarky, but if he was kind, I’d come unglued. My throat was tight as it was. I’d already bawled once this morning when I realized April had glued my shoes to the floor.

“Why this sudden rush to leave?”

“Elsie’s ready, my debts are paid. Why would I stay?” I didn’t know if I was pushing his buttons or if I hoped he’d give me a reason.

“What about the Little Read Picture Book? Forgetting your plans for story time and book events for kids? You were going to be this apostle of literature, and poof, now you’ve conveniently forgotten all about it. And the Monkey Flower Festival events?”

“It offends you that I’m pursuing my own projects rather than spending all my energy on yours?”

His eyes narrowed. “That’s a load of crap, and you know it.
You
begged
me
for your job.”

“I’m releasing you from the burden of your charity.”

“Are you being deliberately difficult?” He raked a hand through his hair, leaving it in tangled disarray.

“Are
you
? Buy some more kneesocks—you won’t even miss me.”

“It’s not about me, it’s about you! You’re always running. You’re going to end up exhausted. What’s there in LA for you?”

“What’s there for me in this no-stoplight village?”

He flinched. “And how long before it’s off to the next place? Are you capable of settling down?”

My blood pressure spiked. “Yes, I am!” I yelled. “But I’m not settling for less. You’re a self-absorbed, high-strung prima donna who expects he can drop out of life whenever he wants and have a cadre of women cater to his every whim. I’m not interested in being a water carrier.”

“At least I finish what I start,” he thundered, hitting my tender spot.

“I
am
finishing what I started. My trip to LA. I’m finishing it
right now
!” I yanked open Elsie’s door to climb in.

Before I could, Noah grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. His face was contrite. “Wait, Maeve. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.”

I stepped away from his touch. He noticed. He dropped his hands.

“I’m sorry I missed the party last night. I thought I’d be back from Tucson in time.”

“Oh? Weren’t you there?”

“I have something for you.” Abrupt. “It’s the reason I went to Tucson. It wasn’t ready, so I had to wait. By the time I stopped by Ruby’s last night, it was too late.” He looked off. “It was always too late.” I frowned, not understanding. When had he come to Ruby’s?

“Here.” He handed me a small box. “You didn’t give me much notice.” I opened it. Inside was a chain and round silver locket. Affixed to the front was a miniature silver Paddington Bear, in his duffle coat and hat, holding his suitcase. On the back was etched P
LEASE LOOK AFTER THIS BEAR
. I opened it, and was confused.

“It’s microfiche.” Noah explained the negatives inside. “I had
A Bear Called Paddington
scanned onto microfiche so if you ever get trapped on that desert island, you’ll have it with you.”

My throat closed entirely, my mouth forming a perfect
O
. This was no match for the sixth kachina I’d hidden on his office shelf among the “toys.” It was an ascending swirl of birds taking flight, a thing to lift your heart. To me it meant potential, attaining great heights. Noah’s heights would not include me, but it meant a lot to know that a part of me remained with him, a potentially undiscovered talisman. But it didn’t hold a candle to the talisman he’d just given me.

I struggled to make a sound, and failed. What could I say when all I wanted was for him to grab me, to kiss me. I wanted it badly.

“Maeve…” His voice was low, and he reached toward me.

Do it
, I willed him.
Just do it. Tell me it’s me you want
. I couldn’t take my eyes off his mouth. I could almost feel his lips on mine. I swayed ever so slightly. Then a burst of light caught my eye. We both glanced as Beth’s silver BMW pulled onto Main, sunlight flashing off her windshield as she headed south. I remembered their anniversary kiss in front of me in the store. I remembered her cutting words about me playing up to Noah, about his embarrassment. In truth, he’d never acted other than amicably toward me. Anything more was my imagination. Shame and humiliation washed over me. What the hell was I doing? It
wasn’t
me he wanted.

“Take lots of pictures of the Monkey Flower Festival.” I stepped away from Noah. I had to get away. Now.

His right eyebrow creased down and his look darkened. “You should be taking the pictures.”

“Hollywood calls.” I affected a careless air.

“So this means nothing to you.” Angry voice now, the sweep of his arm encompassing the sleepy town. “You don’t care about Unknown or people here counting on you.”

“Of course I care! But you knew I never intended to stay,” I defended. He wasn’t being fair. “What do you want from me?”

“I want you to tell me why you’re leaving.” His dark green eyes penetrated mine.

So I don’t die inside when I see you look at Beth with those eyes, I thought. “Because I’d rather be there than here.” I broke what was left of us with my answer. “I have to go.”

This time he didn’t try to stop me as I clambered into Elsie, blindly jamming the key in the ignition. I accelerated hard, kicking up a cloud of dust that surrounded the man standing in the middle of the road in the rearview mirror until I was too far away to see. When I was safely out of town, I pulled over, put my head on the steering wheel and sobbed until even Oliver took pity and told me I was a hot fuck.