Learning to Dance Again (4 page)

5

Marianne woke first; her head thumping. She felt hot, sticky and disgusting, after sleeping in her clothes on the sofa. She looked across at the other sofa and saw Julia was still fast asleep, buried under the duvet.

Marianne was desperate
to use the bathroom, but didn’t want to wake Julia. She didn’t want to see the look on her face when she woke up and remembered what had happened. She sat up carefully and tiptoed across the wooden floor to the downstairs bathroom. With a sigh of relief she discovered a fully stocked medicine cupboard, so she helped herself to painkillers.

When she returned to the lou
nge she was relieved to see Julia was still asleep. She glanced at the clock; it was seven thirty. Julia was bound to wake up soon.

Marianne rubbed her face
with her hands. She was exhausted and could do with going back to sleep for a while longer. She lay down on the sofa again, facing Julia, keeping watch for when she woke up. She didn’t have long to wait, as a few minutes later the phone rang. Marianne jumped up quickly to answer it, as Julia opened her eyes and stared around her in surprise. Within a split second Marianne saw Julia’s eyes widen with shock, and close again in grief.

‘Hello? …No, it’s Marianne... I stayed over with
your mam… OK, that’s brilliant Jamie; see you in a little while.’

Marianne put the phon
e down, surveying the glasses, plates and dishes that still littered the coffee table.

‘
They’ve just landed. Liam’s picked them up, so they’ll be home in half an hour.’

‘Jesus, look at the state of this
place.’

‘Don’t worry about that. You run up and have a quick shower. I’ll tidy up down here.’

‘Thanks!’

Julia raced
up the stairs to the bedroom dragging the duvet and pillow with her. She threw them in a heap on the bed and hurried to the bathroom. She glanced at the reflection of herself in the mirror. Her face was puffy and creased, and her hair was a disaster.

She washed her h
air quickly, trying not to see the masculine shower gels and anti-dandruff shampoos cluttering the window sill. She took a deep breath.

‘Duncan, where the hell are
you? Why did this happen?’ she whispered, as she rinsed the lather away. Her eyes stung in the water and she felt a little queasy. She was ashamed of herself for getting plastered the night her husband died. It was so undignified, and yet it had helped somehow.

She got
dried and dressed quickly, putting on a pair of jeans and a pale green shirt. It occurred to her she ought to be wearing black; then she remembered something Duncan had said to her a few months ago.

‘Don’t
mourn for me. I want you to live life and enjoy yourself. Wear your sexy red dress to my funeral.’

She had laughed at him and told him not to be so stupid. Of course she would mourn for him, but
she had promised to wear a sexy
black
dress to his funeral. He had nodded his approval and told her he would be watching to make sure she did.

He had planned his own funeral, but since he had survived the cancer they hadn’t talked about
it in ages. Julia realised she would now have to implement his plans. She felt sick at the thought of it.

She sat down on the b
ed, breathless, her hands shaking. She turned and picked up the pillow she had dumped on the bed and pulled it to her face. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes, resisting the temptation to scream. She wanted to get in her car and drive to the hospital and demand to see Duncan again. It could not be real.

She heard the
crunch of a car stopping on the gravel drive, and she stood up and looked out of the window and saw Jamie, Bryden and Liam getting out of a blue car.

She hurried downstairs to meet them
, taking deep breaths and trying to control her emotions.

Marianne was in the kitchen, loading up the dishwasher. She had cleared the lounge
of all the debris and it was relatively tidy again. She pulled a face at Julia, an acknowledgement that seeing the boys would be a difficult moment. Julia nodded, still trying to compose herself. Marianne turned away and picked up the kettle to fill it.

The
front door opened and Jamie marched in, ahead of Liam.

Julia looke
d past them both, waiting for Bryden to appear. He didn’t.

‘Bryden’s spewing
outside. He’s a bit hung-over.’ Jamie explained, as he crossed the room to greet his mother.

‘Oh, right, I see… Well it’s lovely to see you Jamie. I just wish…’

‘I know.'

He held out his arms to he
r and she hugged him gratefully, reluctant to let go.

‘Who would like some coffee? Liam?’ Marianne said
; keen to make Liam feel welcome in the middle of this awkward family reunion. ‘Black coffee for Bryden? He’s not the only one with a hangover. I’m feeling a bit fragile myself.’

‘Yes please.’
Liam replied. ‘I’ll just go and see if he’s alright.’

He hurried
outside, returning a moment later with Bryden, who looked pale and shaky.

‘Sorry M
am. I didn’t mean to get pissed last night. We went and stayed over at Graham’s house in Aberdeen so we could get the early flight, and we stayed up all night drinking, and talking about dad.’

‘That’s OK, that’s what me and Marianne did too.’

Bryden gave his mother a quick hug. Julia wrinkled her nose involuntarily.

‘Do you mind if I run up and get changed, I probably stink a
bit? I’m surprised we were allowed on the plane this morning.’

‘I could do with a shower too. Shall I use your bathroom?’
Jamie said.

‘Yes of course
, darling.’

Marianne handed mugs of coffee to Liam and Julia.

‘I’d better head home soon and leave you all in peace; I expect you have lots to talk about,’ Marianne said, as she poured herself a coffee.

‘Really?’ Liam said, ‘are you sure you’re fit to drive home
, there’s a powerful reek of whisky coming from your direction?’ He smiled at her, but it was obvious he wasn’t impressed.

‘Well,
maybe not. I’ll stay here a little while longer then. I’ll make us all some breakfast and wait until the coast is clear of policemen; then I’ll get off.’

‘I
can give you a lift if you want,’ Liam said, smiling at her, and acknowledging he knew she was teasing him.

‘Stay, both of you. Stay for breakf
ast. You’re both
family
,’ Julia said. ‘There’s no need to rush off.’

‘OK then.
I’ll ring St Ninian’s and tell them I’m taking the morning off; actually I think I’ll take the whole day off.’

‘Well you’
re the boss now!’ Julia said, nodding in approval.

When Jamie and Bryden came downstairs, wearing clean clothes and looking and smelling much fresher, Marianne slipped upstairs to take a shower. When she came down again she found Julia sitting on the sofa between her sons, holding hands. Liam was sat at the kitchen table looking a bit lost.

‘Ah great
Liam, you can help me make breakfast for everyone,’ Marianne said.

He jumped up quickly, eager to have a useful role.

‘You know the best breakfast I ever had was in a New York diner. It was mad; they eat pancakes with bacon and maple syrup. It sounds disgusting doesn’t it? But it was brilliant.’

Marianne nodded thoughtfully.

‘You know, I quite fancy the sound of that. Let’s see what there is in the cupboards.’

In the end they settled for French
toast, bacon, mushrooms, and tomatoes.

Liam set the table and made a
large pot of tea and poured out glasses of orange juice.

‘This is weird isn’t it?’ he whispered to Marianne, ‘like anyone’s got
any appetite for food.’

‘
What else can we do to help? And they need looking after right now. They’ve been through such a lot this year. I can’t
believe
this has happened.’

‘Me neither. Duncan was so…’ Liam paused, unable to find the right words. He shrugged in defeat.

‘Yeah he was! He was a great man. We’ll all miss him.’ Marianne said, as she switched off the grill, and took out the pan of bacon and tomatoes.

‘Shall I tell them it’s ready
?’

‘Yeah, go on, thanks Liam
.’

The conversation around the table was stilted as Marianne handed everyone plates of food. Julia looked dazed and she got up from the table and went in search of painkillers to take with her orange juice. Jamie asked for some too and then offered the packet to Bryden who shook his head as if the idea revolted him.

‘Am I the only person who didn’t get hammered last night?’ Liam asked, as he
watched Jamie almost choke as he swallowed the tablets.

‘Seems
that way,’ Bryden said, looking at his mother and smiling grimly. ‘What would Dad have thought about that?’

‘We all spent most of the night talking about him. He’d have understood.’

‘So what happens now?’ Bryden asked, as he toyed with a mushroom on the end of his fork and then abandoned it. He put his cutlery down and pushed the plate away.

‘We need to organise the
funeral, but we won’t be able to sort out a date for it until after the post-mortem.’

‘Does everyone know already?’ Bryden asked.

‘Probably; you know how fast news travels here. I’m sure it’s all over Facebook already,’ Jamie said bitterly, ‘so when you read about it, make sure you “like” this.’

Julia stood up suddenly and picked up her plate and ca
rried it to the kitchen. She scraped the uneaten French toast into the bin and put the plate next to the sink.

‘Thanks Marianne, but I’m just not very hungry right now.’

‘That’s OK; you managed a little bit.’

T
he phone rang and Julia froze. Nobody moved to answer it.

‘And so it begins,’ Jamie said, standing up
at last and striding across the kitchen to get to the phone.

Julia watched him,
marvelling at how quickly he had assumed the role of man of the house.

‘Hello? It’s Jamie… No she can’t come to the phone right now. Can you call back, maybe tomorrow?... Yeah, thanks.’

He put the phone down.

‘That was Mrs Leask
, wanting to convey her condolences. So yeah, we can safely assume everybody knows now.’

‘Don’
t be like that Jamie; it was nice of her to call. Why don’t you boys go off to the garage and play snooker or something?’

‘Because we’
re not twelve years old; and we don’t need to be sent out to play.’

Julia recoiled, as if he had slapped her. She turned away from him and stared out of the window
, blinking back tears.

‘You might not be twelve
, but you’re still an idiot,’ Bryden said, getting up from the table and going over to Julia. He put his arm around her shoulders. ‘I’m sorry Mam, he didn’t mean it. We’re just pissed off.’

‘I know. It’s alright; I’m
sure we’re all going to say stupid things over the next few days.’

‘
Come on, we should go and play snooker. That’s a good idea; we can catch up,’ Liam said, standing up and signalling to Jamie to follow him.

‘
No whacky baccy!’ Julia said, with an exaggerated stern voice. ‘I know where you hide it.’

‘What? I’m nearly a doctor, he’s a policeman and the idiot over there is going to be a
respectable maths teacher. We wouldn’t dream of doing stuff like that.’ Jamie grinned at his mother in an effort to smooth things over between them.

Julia snorted. ‘Yeah right! I know you all far too well.’

‘They don’t reall
y smoke do they?’ Marianne asked, after they had gone.

‘Not any more they don’t. Duncan read
them the riot act when he discovered their little stash. Silly little idiots; all three of them could have ruined their careers if they got caught.’

‘Boys will be boys, eh? Well, they’re all men now aren’t they? Hard to believe isn’t it; seems like only yesterday
they were in primary school skinning their knees playing football in the playground. It’s frightening how quick time passes. Right now my first grandchild is about the size of a walnut, but he or she will be an adult in the blink of an eye.’

‘Yes indeed. We need to hold on to the good times.’

‘We have had some good times, haven’t we?’

Julia nodded, but before she could reply the phone rang.