Leah's Choice (17 page)

“Because of who I am?” she asked. “Because we…we come from different faiths?”

“Because we’re not being honest with our families.” He paused and went on, his words tumbling over one another in his haste. “I’ve prayed over it, Leah. I’m certain that God wants us to be together, that He wants us to marry. But we have to do this right. We can’t hurt the people who love us most just because we’re a little scared.”

“You want to tell everyone how you feel about me, but you haven’t asked me how I feel about you,” she said. “You have to ask me.”

“Okay. I’m asking you.”

She shook her head. “That’s the problem, Daniel. I’m not sure of how I feel.”

“But you care for me?”

“Of course, I do. You know I do. But…”
Why was she such a coward?

He nodded. “If you’re still unsure, I can understand that. It’s all happened so fast. But…I have to know…is there a possibility? Do you think I’m a man you
could
love? A man who could make you happy?”

“I think so,” she said softly.

“Do you?” He squeezed her hand. “I’m certain of how I feel. I love you and I want you to be my wife.”

“I’ve prayed, too,” she answered, holding onto his hand with all her might. “But God’s not answering me. I can’t hear Him. It can’t be just you who’s sure. It has to be me, too. I have to be certain this is right…right for both of us.”

Daniel nodded. “I agree. Pushing you into something you don’t want is the last thing I’d ever do. But you must have some idea of how you feel…inside.”

“I do,” she said. “I think I’m in love with you, but…”

“But?”

She smiled at him through her tears. “It’s hard, because I’ve never been in love before. It’s hard to know if it’s real or just…wishing.”

“Do you trust me, Leah?”

She nodded. “Yes.” Of that, she was certain. She trusted Daniel Brown with all her heart, utterly…completely.

“Does being with me make you feel happy or unhappy?”

“Happy. But for us to…to marry, it would mean…”

He stood and gathered her in his arms. She leaned against him, soaking up his strength and warmth.
This is right,
she thought.
This must be love I feel.
And just being near him gave her the courage to say what had to be said.

“If we were to marry, one of us would have to change our faith,” she said.

“I’d become Amish for you,” Daniel said. “I would if I could. If I were free, I’d give up nursing and learn to plow fields and grow wheat, if that would make you happy. But I’m not free, Leah. I’ve already given my promise.”

“To whom?” she asked.

“To God. I know it sounds…sounds prideful, that God spoke to me. But I believe He has. I believe that God’s called me to serve Him. I can’t refuse Him. Can you understand that? As much as I love you, I can’t turn my back on the promise I made to God.”

“Of course, you can’t,” she said. “I wouldn’t want you to. But that’s why I have to be absolutely certain. If I marry you, I’ll be like Ruth, in the Bible. I’ll go with you, wherever you go, and I’ll worship as you worship. Your people will be my people, and my children raised in your church. If I say
yes
, Daniel, it will be with a fully willing heart, not halfway.”

He stepped back and raised her chin so that he could stare into her eyes. “You are the most wonderful woman in the whole world,” he whispered, “the only woman I’d ever ask to be my wife. And no matter what your answer is, I’ll love you for the rest of my life, and only you.”

And as he said those words, Leah felt a loosening in her chest and a sudden rush of joy. There was no voice in her head, no jolt of electricity, just a sense of release and warm happiness that made her certain. “Yes,” she said. “You’re right, Daniel. It’s time my mother knew of our decision. Only…only, I need to speak to her first. I’ve been acting like a child. I haven’t been fair to her, and I’m going to tell Mam.”

“Tell her what?” he urged.

She smiled at him with all her heart. “Tell her that a very good young man has done me the honor of asking me to be his wife.”

A wide, silly grin split his face. “Get in the truck, Leah. We’re going right now to find her.”

“Oh, no,” she said, suddenly giggly with relief. “Not tonight. Tomorrow. I have to have time to break this to her gently. Otherwise, she might take your head off with her wooden spoon.”

“She can’t hit me,” he protested, still grinning. “You’re peace-loving people.”

“Mam may be peace-loving,” Leah said, “but when it comes to protecting her family, she can be pretty scary.”

* * *

Leah slipped into the kitchen just as the rest of the family was sitting down to supper. Aunt Jezzy looked up and smiled. “Here’s our girl, Hannah,” she said.

Susanna waved. “
Grossmama
isn’t here tonight,” she said. “Samuel came to get her.”

Rebecca carried a pitcher of iced tea to the table as Leah washed her hands, dried them on a towel and slid into her place at the table. Irwin caught her attention and rolled his eyes. Leah ignored him and addressed her mother. “The ham smells delicious, Mam.”

“Anna sent cinnamon buns with Samuel when he came for
Grossmama
,” Susanna said. “And strawberry pie.”

Leah remembered that her grandmother was spending the night at Anna’s tonight. They were in the process of moving
Grossmama
’s belongings to Anna and Samuel’s, and Anna had felt that it might make it easier for
Grossmama
if they made the change gradually. They’d been inviting her to supper several times a week, and having the senior bus drop her off there on the days she went to the center.

Irwin cleared his throat, and Leah looked around, realizing that everyone had bowed their heads in preparation for silent grace. Speaking to Mam about Daniel would have to wait. As much as she might want to get it over with, Leah knew that mealtime was family time, and not the place to announce that she wanted to turn Mennonite, marry Daniel Brown and go off to be a missionary.

Leah had no doubt that her mother loved her, and that she’d support her decision in the end, but it was all the fussing in between that had her worried. And just thinking about the explosion to come made her sister Anna’s feather-light cinnamon rolls go down like lead.

Supper was usually earlier, but tonight Mam had outdone herself and they were eating late. There was fresh asparagus, coleslaw, turnips whipped with potatoes, cold fried chicken, chow-chow, pickled beets, deviled eggs, and steamed cabbage with caraway seeds to go with the smoked ham. Irwin ate enough for two grown men, but Leah could only swallow a few bites.

What would she do if her mother refused to speak to Daniel or if she cried? Mam never cried, at least almost never, but when she did, it was a disaster. Even her mother’s temper was better than tears. And it would be worse if she called in Ruth and Miriam to back her up. How could Leah possibly explain her decision to all of them at once? And she could expect no help from Rebecca. Leah wished she’d asked Daniel to give her a week, rather than a day, to explain things to her mother.

Without
Grossmama
at the supper table, Aunt Jezebel was jovial and bursting with stories about Dat’s childhood. She was in the middle of a particularly funny one involving a visiting bishop and Dat’s pet billy goat when Jeremiah flew out from under the table and began to bark furiously.

“I think someone’s here,” Mam said.

“I’ll see who it is,” Leah offered, going to the screen door.

“Mam!”

The voice was Johanna’s, and as Leah rushed out onto the porch, she could see at once that her sister had been crying. “Johanna, what’s wrong?”

Johanna stood there, shaking from head to foot and clutching little Jonah by the hand. Jonah was white-faced and looked scared to death. He was bareheaded, his red hair sweaty and sticking out in tufts, his bare feet dusty.

“Wilmer,” Johanna said, on the verge of breaking down. She shook her head. “I’ve never seen him this bad.”

Their mother swung the kitchen door wide. “Come in, child,” she said, gathering Jonah up in her arms. “Susanna, take this tired little boy. Wash him up and give him some strawberry pie.”

Jonah began to sob and reach out to Johanna, but Mam cradled him against her breast. “Shhh, shhh, it’s all right. Go with Aunt Susanna like a big boy. Your mam’s right here.”

“Where’s Katy?” Leah demanded. Johanna didn’t stir out of her house without the baby…without either of her two children. “Is she—”

Johanna threw a meaningful glance at her small son, and Leah nodded. “Susanna,” she said with false cheerfulness. “See if you can find out who’s under that dirty face.”

“It’s Jonah,” Susanna said.

Mam smiled at her and passed the boy into her arms. Murmuring to him, Susanna carried him out of the kitchen. “Irwin,” Mam said sternly. “Best you go out to the barn and check on that milk cow. I think her calf may be coming before morning.”

“It’s too early for that calf,” Irwin said, clearly bewildered by whatever was going on. “It won’t be for another two weeks or so.”

“You heard Hannah,” Aunt Jezzy said. “Best you go and keep an eye on her.”

“But my supper…”

“Take your pie and milk with you,” Mam said. “You and Jeremiah stay with the cow until I send someone for you.”

As soon as Irwin was out of the house, Leah drew Johanna to a chair and the rest of them gathered around her. Anger flared in Leah’s chest as she saw the puffy eye and the bruises on her sister’s arms, injuries that had obviously been made by a man’s hard hands.

“Now, tell us what’s happened,” she urged her sister.

“Wilmer got mad. It was over nothing, but he got madder and madder. Jonah started crying, and Wilmer…” A single tear rolled down Johanna’s sweat-streaked cheek. “He…he grabbed me and shook me. Then he picked up Jonah and threw him at me. He told us to get out.” She choked back a sob. “He wouldn’t let me take Katy. He said Katy was his and I couldn’t have her!” Another tear rolled down her cheek.

Without a word, Aunt Jezebel brought ice wrapped in a washcloth and pressed it against Johanna’s black eye.

“What about Wilmer’s sister?” Mam asked. “How could she stand by while this happened? Wasn’t she there?”

Johanna nodded. “She’s there. She has Katy. I think she was scared too. He doesn’t usually get like that around his own people. I didn’t want to leave Katy, but I was afraid of what he might do. He was so angry…and I didn’t do anything. It was about nothing at all…a crack in his coffee cup that’s been there for weeks. Jonah had nothing to do with the cup. Wilmer just got so mad, so fast.”

Leah put her arm around Johanna’s shoulders. “It’s him,” she said. “Wilmer. Of course it’s not Jonah’s fault.”

“Wilmer wouldn’t believe me. He said Jonah broke his mug…that I spoiled him…that he had to spend his life working for a willful brat. He was so angry that it scared me.” She looked at their mother with tear-filled eyes. “I want my baby, Mam. I had to get Jonah here, where it’s safe, but I’m going back for my Katy.”

“Ne.”
Mam stiffened. “You will stay here with your sisters and Aunt Jezebel. I’m going to fetch Samuel. He’ll get the baby. Wilmer might not let you have Katy, but he won’t stand against Samuel.”

“I’ll come with you,” Leah offered, trying to hide her own apprehension. “I’ll hitch up the buggy.” She didn’t want to think of small Katy in that house with her angry father. How frightened she must be without Johanna and Jonah. Wilmer’s sister was kind enough, but she was a meek and soft-spoken woman, not strong enough to stand up to him when he was in one of his moods.

Mam shook her head. “I’ll cut across the field,” she said. “It’s faster. We can take Samuel’s horse and buggy. You stay here with Johanna. Your sister needs you.”

“I can’t just sit here and wait,” Johanna protested. She pushed the washcloth away.

“You can and you will,” their mother insisted. “Wilmer is not well. You, of all people, know that. He could be dangerous. We will take no chances with you and your children. Samuel will know how to manage Wilmer.”

“Did I do wrong to leave her?” Johanna asked tearfully. “I didn’t know what to do, but I thought—”

“You did right,” Leah said, trying to remain calm. “Exactly right. We have you and Jonah safe, and now Mam and Samuel will go and get your Katy.”

Chapter Fourteen

I
t was two days before things calmed down enough at home for Leah to approach her mother concerning Daniel. Mam was picking strawberries in the new berry bed at the far corner of the garden. It was a brilliant morning, with a blue, blue sky, sunshine and enough of a breeze to send the blades of the big windmill spinning. As she walked across the lawn toward her mother, Leah could smell the sweet scent of honeysuckle from the hedgerow, where a mockingbird warbled a joyous song.

How can I think of leaving all this behind?
she wondered. Would she ever find the peace and happiness she’d known here in this quiet corner of Kent County? Was she making the biggest mistake of her life?

She thought back to her meeting with Daniel at the schoolhouse the morning after Johanna had come home with the black eye and only one of her children. As Mam had assured them, Samuel had taken care of Wilmer, or at least he’d solved the immediate problem of getting little Katy back. According to Mam, Wilmer had been almost ashamed of himself when the two of them had arrived at Johanna’s home. Wilmer denied roughly grabbing Johanna, but he’d handed over a sleeping Katy without a fuss.

As Leah explained to Daniel, Samuel had taken Johanna’s plight to the bishop and to the church elders, and everyone agreed that she was better off at Mam’s until Wilmer could work through his crisis. As much as Daniel wanted to be open about their
walking out together,
he understood that Johanna’s troubles were much more pressing. But Leah had promised to talk to her mother as soon as possible, and this morning seemed like the best time.

“Leah! Leah!” Susanna waved to her from the clothesline where she was hanging out towels and children’s clothes to dry in the sunshine. “See our scarecrow!” she shouted.