Laura Possessed (22 page)

She paused and Laura said dully, ‘It's nothing to do with me.'

‘Isn't it? I seemed to get the impression that you're becoming rather fond of him yourself.'

Laura flushed painfully. ‘No.'

‘Was it because of Edward, then? I promise you I've no intention of running off and leaving him!' She waited for Laura's answering smile and when it didn't come, thankfully changed the subject. ‘By the way, Paul Denver
phoned
after lunch, but when I looked in, you were asleep. He was very sorry to hear you're ill and will phone again tomorrow.'

‘Thank you.'

‘I—can't help feeling that he's a much more suitable companion for you than Lewis, you know.'

‘I thought you didn't like him.'

‘Well, perhaps I was rather hasty. He doesn't like me, and I dare say that influenced me. But Edward thinks a lot of him and he seems genuinely fond of you. On the other hand, I don't think Lewis is capable of feeling deeply about anyone. He can be bitter and cynical and of course he's much too old for you. Also—'

‘Yes?' Laura looked up at her defiantly.

‘Well, there are other things, aren't there?' Her colour deepened. ‘All that precognition or whatever it was. If you ask me, it's not healthy. It would be much better not to get too involved with him.'

‘What about the book?'

‘Haven't you just about all the information you need now?'

‘I suppose so, more or less.'

‘In the future,' Caroline said firmly, standing up, ‘I think you'd be much better advised to stick to historical novels.' The door closed behind her and Laura smiled faintly. Poor Caroline, she obviously didn't fancy the idea of Lewis as a brother-in-law.

The
sound of the front door reached her, and Edward's voice in the hall. A few minutes later he tapped on the door and came over to the bed, staring down at her with an anxious frown.

‘Whatever brought this on, Laura? Toby and Janet were just saying how much better you seemed.'

‘The doctor says it's an infection of some sort.' She felt a sudden rush of warmth for him, so solid, so dependable and so genuinely concerned about her. She turned her hand palm up on the counterpane and he accepted the silent invitation by sitting down and taking hold of it.

‘How did the dinner go?'

‘The food wasn't too bad, but there were the usual long, boring speeches afterwards. I didn't get back to Toby's till after one—he'd given me a key, of course—and then young Lucy woke screaming about five, so all in all it wasn't a very good night! But what about you? When did this start?'

‘In the night. It wasn't a good one for me, either.'

‘I believe Lewis was here for dinner?'

‘Yes.'

‘Laura—'

‘Caroline's just warned me not to have so much to do with him, but it was all your idea, you know, in the first place.'

‘I didn't know what I was letting us all in
for,'
Edward said grimly. ‘I didn't really know him very well before, but I can't say that I'm very impressed with him on closer acquaintance. Anyway, I suppose it's good of him to help you as he has and it won't be going on much longer, will it, once you've finished the book. Which reminds me, there was another letter from Fenella Gray this morning.' His hand tightened on hers as the uncontrollable shudder ran through her. In Noel's absence, Lewis's confession of Clive Sandilands' murder seemed grotesque, unbelievable. If only she could tell Edward—

‘I know Clive's death upset you,' he was saying gently, ‘but Fenella's adjusting quite well to being on her own. The book is nearly finished. She sent you her best wishes and wants to know how yours is coming along. Will you drop her a line?'

She said in a choked voice, ‘If I hadn't wanted to hear about his work, he wouldn't have invited us for dinner, or—' spoken about Noel's death in front of Lewis, which was what had really sealed his fate.

‘Laura, you must stop blaming yourself. It was just one of those terrible, senseless things which unfortunately happen all too often.' He patted her hand and stood up. ‘Caroline said dinner was nearly ready so I'd better go down. She also asked me to remind you that it's time for your pills. Do you have a drink with them?'

He handed her the glass and the brightly
coloured
capsules and Laura meekly took them. They couldn't possibly do the slightest good, but they were unlikely to harm her and at least they reassured Edward and Caroline.

By the next day, as they had all so glibly prophesied, Laura had recovered sufficiently to go downstairs, and gradually her strength returned, but from that day forward she was in no doubt of the power which Noel could exercise over her if she chose.

Lewis still came to Four Winds most evenings, but Edward's cordiality was noticeably strained and Caroline usually found things to do elsewhere while he was there. Gradually and against her conscious will, Laura found herself growing closer to Lewis and she no longer had the strength to resist. It was as though she had summoned all her reserves to combat Noel's desire to injure Caroline and having used them up, she had been unable to build up any more.

Noel came and went as she chose, though she usually confined her possession to Lewis's visits. One evening, when Laura had been more successful than usual in fighting her off, she made her presence felt more definitely than ever before, materializing in a thick, cold mist which flowed towards Laura as she cowered on the bed, filling her eyes, her nose and her mouth with suffocating vapour until she was blinded and gasping for breath. Then, abruptly, the mist dispersed and she came to
with
a terrifying sense of strangeness. She flung herself off the bed with some half formed intention of rushing in to Edward, but she was halted in mid-flight by a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror across the room.

In dazed disbelief her hands went up to her face, the fingers moving in shrinking fear over unfamiliar features, and as her stumbling feet drew her nearer to the glass, it was with a despairing sense of inevitability that she saw Noel's serene, triumphant face staring back at her.

It was soon after that incident that Laura suddenly decided to change her hair style, sweeping the fine hair away from her face and up into a smooth French pleat. It changed her appearance considerably, making her seem older, sleeker, altogether more poised. The impact on Lewis was immediate. He stood staring at her as she walked across the grass to join him, his eyes burning in the sudden sallowness of his face, and as she reached him, he took hold of both her hands, crushing them in his as his eyes raked endlessly over her face.

‘Hi, Lew!' she said softly.

Paul, however, disapproved very strongly of Laura's changed appearance. ‘What have you done to yourself?' he demanded angrily. ‘You look ten years older!'

‘I'm sorry if you don't like it,' she replied primly.

‘Too right I don't! What's come over you,
Laura?
You're not yourself at all!'

Indeed she was not. Paul started the car with a jerk and they drove in silence along the country lanes beyond Brocklehurst. After a while he said abruptly, ‘Term ends in another couple of weeks. My family expects me to go up north.'

She looked at him, aware of a pang at the thought of his going away. ‘I'll miss you, Paul.'

‘Will you? I wish I could believe that. Look, it's no good, I've got to ask. Just what is there between you and Lewis Castleton?'

She twisted her hands on her lap. ‘I'm writing his biography. You know that.'

Paul swerved to a halt and swivelled in his seat to face her. ‘Look, love, that answer may sound reasonable to you, but it's not good enough for me. I remember only too well how you reacted the first time you saw him. Shall I tell you what I think? I think he's trying to turn you into a replica of someone he once knew. All right, it sounds insane, I know, but—God, Laura, I lie awake night after night thinking about it.'

She sat without moving, staring straight ahead.

‘Haven't you anything to say to that?'

‘Only that it would be better for you not to waste your time thinking about me,' she answered in a low voice. He reached out and very gently began to pull the pins from her hair until it fell loose about her face again in a soft
cloud.

‘That's better,' he said quietly. ‘I only wish it was as easy to undo everything else. I know you made me promise not to say anything about those conversations we had, the atmosphere you felt in the house, and so on, but I really don't feel justified in keeping quiet any longer. I'm asking you to release me from that promise. Will you, Laura?'

She turned then to look at him. He was staring at her with an expression of helpless, rather angry vulnerability in his eyes and her heart ached for him.

‘No,' she said softly. ‘I'm sorry, but no.'

‘But I can't go off to Huddersfield leaving you in this condition! Heaven knows what might happen while I'm away.'

‘There's nothing you can do, Paul.' She looked down at the pile of hairpins in her lap. ‘I can always pin up my hair again. Anyway that's only an “outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual—”'

‘Not “grace,” ' he interrupted grimly. ‘ “Evil” would be more appropriate!'

‘Not evil either, really.'

‘So there is something?'

‘Between Lewis and me? Yes, there's certainly something.'

His voice was harsh. ‘Is he trying to make out he's in love with you?'

‘In a way, I suppose.'

‘And what about you?'

She
looked at him helplessly, knowing he couldn't be expected to accept it as she must. ‘I need him, Paul.' And, at the spasm of hurt which crossed his face, she added inadequately, ‘I'm sorry.'

He moved fractionally away from her. ‘I seem to have been making rather a fool of myself,' he said stiffly. ‘I beg your pardon. I'd better take you home.'

Her eyes brimmed suddenly. ‘You will write, won't you, while you're away?'

‘There doesn't seem to be much point.'

‘Please!'

‘God, Laura, what are you trying to do to me? If you want Castleton, at least let me go!'

‘I'm sorry, I'm being very stupid.' A feeling of desolation lapped over her. What would she do if Paul abandoned her? If she lost him—Noel, losing interest, slipped away and in the same moment Paul turned his head.

‘Well, don't
cry
!' he said roughly. ‘All right, I admit even that long-distance contact would be better than nothing. I'll write.' Gently his fingers wiped away the tears on her cheek. ‘Okay?'

She nodded and tried to smile. He drew in his breath sharply and with a sudden movement pulled her into his arms and started to kiss her, deeply but tenderly. Clinging to him, she felt confusedly that she had come home after a long and dangerous journey. But that, of course, was an illusion. This was just a
temporary
respite which Noel had carelessly granted her. She had no right to let Paul think there was any chance for him.

Sensing her hesitant withdrawal, he released her, looking down at her with a shaky laugh. ‘Well, that's put my cards on the table in no uncertain manner! I presume I need hardly say I hadn't intended that to happen.'

She sat up and he watched her anxiously. ‘Laura, you must have known for some time how I felt about you. I know I'm not much of a catch, but I think I could make you happy. Won't you give me the chance?'

She shook her head. ‘I can't, Paul; it's simply not possible. Please don't ask me.'

‘But surely—'

‘No!' In rising panic, her hands flew up to her head. ‘No, no, no!'

When at last she could look at him, his eyes had changed and hardened.

‘Then it seems I owe you another apology. Obviously it's my day for making a nuisance of myself.' A muscle jerked at the corner of his mouth. ‘Are you going to marry Castleton?'

Her heart gave a painful twist. She heard herself reply, ‘I suppose so.'

‘You don't sound exactly delirious with joy at the prospect.' She didn't answer and he added flatly, ‘There's nothing I can do to change your mind?'

‘It isn't my mind, Paul.'

‘What do you mean?' His voice was sharp
and
she pulled herself together hastily. She had answered him without thinking.

‘Nothing.' Slowly her hands went up to her hair and began to twist it back into place. He watched her with a kind of dull misery. When she had finished, she said quietly, ‘Thank you, Paul. For everything.'

‘I don't seem to have done anything except upset you.'

This parting seemed frighteningly final. She said tentatively, ‘Will I see you again before you go up north?'

‘I shouldn't think so. I imagine it would be better for both of us if I kept away. Are you sure you still want me to write?'

‘Yes, please.'

‘Very well.' He started the car, turned it in the narrow lane and they drove slowly back. Already she felt as if he had gone from her, and was filled with an overwhelming sense of bereavement. He seemed suddenly incredibly dear to her and at the same time completely inaccessible. He dropped her at the gate of Four Winds and they exchanged a few embarrassed phrases before he drove off. Laura was painfully aware of the tears which now streamed unchecked down her cheeks. She even started, futilely, to run after him, but it was too late and his car was already out of sight. Those few steps had taken her beyond the gateway and she went on walking, scarcely knowing what she was doing, down the hill into
Brocklehurst
village, silent and deserted on half-day closing. Wednesday afternoons with Paul had been a pleasurable landmark for her. Now they would have no meaning. Her footsteps quickened as subconsciously she went to meet Lewis.