I couldn’t even think straight as that foul word echoed through my head. “Lana, where are you? Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay, sweetheart.” I was frantic, thinking about the last time someone I’d cared about had been viciously attacked. I hadn’t been there to save her either.
“Just please come. I need you,” she whimpered.
“Where are you?” When the only sound on the other end was muffled sobbing, I asked, “Are you at home?”
“Yes. Please, come quick. I’m scared. I can’t be alone. I’m worried he might come back.”
Fuck!
I gripped my head, trying to force my brain to work. “Does your dad know what happened? Have you called the police?” I sensed Maura watching me, but I didn’t trust myself to look at her. My fear and rage were bubbling too close to the surface.
“No! I can’t call the police,” she shrieked. “He said he’d kill me if I told anyone! You’re the only one I trust to keep me safe. Please, Blaise, please. I need you.”
“Okay, I’m on my way. Stay put. Lock the doors and windows and set the alarm. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Thank you.”
I disconnected the call before staring at the phone in disbelief. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I slammed my open hand into the steering wheel over and over again.
“What happened?” Maura whispered.
When I looked over, she was cowering in the corner, pressed up against the closed window. I hissed, releasing a low, slow breath as I closed my eyes and tried to regain control. “I’m sorry, Maura. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“What happened?” she repeated.
“That was Lana.”
“Lana?” Tension radiated from her as she clenched her hand in her lap. “Malcolm’s daughter? Your ex-girlfriend?”
I thought that was over-stating Lana’s importance in my life, but I didn’t have the will to argue. My only thoughts were of getting to Lana and doing what I could to protect the person who meant more to my partner than anyone else. Malcolm was a widower, and Lana was the only family he had. If anything happened to her, it would destroy him.
“Yes. She’s been…” I curled my hand around the steering wheel as I tried to force the word out of my mouth. “Raped.” I hung my head. “God, this can’t be happening. Not again.”
“I’m sorry,” Maura said, reaching for the door handle. “For you and for her.”
I reached for her, but she already had one foot out the door. “Where are you going?”
“It sounds like you’re in a hurry to go.” She slipped free of my grip and slid out of the car.
“Maura, wait!”
She was already approaching the restaurant entrance by the time I caught up to her.
“I have to go, to make sure she’s okay, but don’t think that means I’m abandoning your case,” I said. “I’m not, not at all. My guy will continue to work on it. As soon as he has something, he’ll—”
She held up her hand to silence me as she slipped her sunglasses over her eyes. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. You have more pressing matters to deal with right now.”
I hated leaving her, especially now that I knew the person who’d attacked her was living just miles away. “I want to get you a bodyguard, at least until the police have him in custody.”
She crossed her arms. “No. It’s been years. If he wanted to finish what he started, he would have by now.” She’d firmly built a wall between us. Any trace of vulnerability was long gone.
“Please, sweetheart—”
“Don’t call me that!”
I was taken aback by the vehemence in her tone. I’d thought we were past the hostility. “I’m sorry.” I sighed. “Look, I just want to know that you’re safe.”
“I’ll be fine. I don’t need you to take care of me. I’ve been doing just fine without you all these years.”
I reached for her arm when she turned away. “Don’t shut me out again.” When she didn’t respond, I swore softly, tightening my grip as I drew her closer to me. “You know I didn’t do this, so why are you still punishing me?”
She looked at me. Her eyes were concealed, but her resentment was palpable. “Just go. Take care of Lana. She needs you more than I do.” Looking down at my hand, she said, “You need to let me go.”
A couple walked by, eyeing us curiously, giving me no choice but to release her. “We’re not finished—”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” she said quietly, stepping back. “I believe we are.”
***
I held Lana, stroking her hair, offering gentle words to soothe her. I’d been there for hours, and she’d barely moved a muscle. I’d learned that the man who raped her was some jerk she met in a bar. She’d invited him back to her place for a drink, and he refused to take no for an answer when she told him she wasn’t into one-night stands. I’d wanted to lecture her about inviting a drunk stranger into her home, but she’d already beaten herself up enough. Nothing I could say would change what had happened to her, so I just tried to be the friend she needed.
“I just wanted to feel safe,” she whispered against my chest, clutching my shirt. “I knew you could protect me. You wouldn’t let him hurt me again.”
I kissed the top of her head. “I just wish you’d let me take you to the hospital. They can examine you and do a rape kit. That way if you decide to press charges—”
“No!” she screamed. “I already told you, no police. He said he would come back for me if I called the police.”
The prick who’d raped her claimed to be a lawyer, which meant he probably thought he was above the law or too smart to get caught. I’d love nothing more than to prove him wrong, but it had to be Lana’s decision. She was the one who would have to live with the consequences.
“I’ll stay as long as you need me to, but we can’t hide out in this apartment forever. Eventually you’ll have to figure out how to pick up the pieces, Lana. I think a professional, maybe a therapist, could help you figure out how to do that.”
“No!” She rolled onto her back. “I’m sorry I keep yelling at you, Blaise. I know you’re only trying to help me. The fact is that this is all my fault. I was flirting with him in the bar. I let him know I was into him. I invited him back here.”
“Don’t blame yourself. He had no right to take what you weren’t willing to give. No man has the right to do that.” My rage, which had been simmering dangerously close to the surface since Maura walked away, was back with a vengeance. “You said no. That means no. Period.”
She shot me a sidelong glance. “You okay? You seem even more intense than usual.”
I wanted to tell her why I felt the way I did, but I was afraid to reveal anything about my past to someone who only knew me as Blaise. “My ex-girlfriend was raped,” I finally said. “It happened as she was leaving my place.” Of course I couldn’t tell her I’d been the one to take the blame, but it felt good to say the words aloud, to share my experience with someone who wouldn’t judge me.
“Really?” Lana sat up, propping a pillow between her head and the gilded mahogany headboard. “When did that happen?”
“A lifetime ago,” I whispered, tracing an artful tear in the knee of my worn jeans. “I was in my early twenties.”
“You’ve never told me about any of your exes,” Lana said, pulling her knees to her chest. “Was it serious?”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat. “I was in love with her.”
I still am.
“Wow.” Lana nudged me with her elbow. “I thought love was a foreign concept to you. I had no idea a girl out there somewhere had actually captured your heart once upon a time. So what happened? Why’d you break up if you loved her so much?”
“We lost touch after she was attacked.” I was getting in too deep, telling her more than I should. “Enough about that. Let me fix you something to eat.”
She shook her head as she tried to run a hand through her matted hair. “No, thanks.” Looking around the room, she said, “God, I hate being here, but I can’t stand the thought of leaving this apartment either. What could be waiting for me outside scares me even more.”
I walked around to her side of the bed and sat on the edge as I held her hand. “You have people who love you and would gladly help you through this. Friends, your father. You have the resources to get the help you need and put this guy away. Please. Not just for your sake, but for the sake of the women who’ve come before you and will undoubtedly come after.”
Her eyes were brimming with tears. “What are you talking about?” She knew exactly what I was talking about, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it any more than I did.
“I’m sure he’s done this before, sweetheart.” My hand grazed her cheek. “He was able to hurt you because they didn’t have the courage to speak out.” I pulled her into my chest as her tears fell. I didn’t want to hurt her any more than she’d already been hurt, but I couldn’t stand the thought of that bastard victimizing more innocent women.
“I can’t do it,” she said, shaking her head. “I just can’t. I’m not strong enough. I’m not brave enough. If I were called to testify, I know I’d fall apart.”
I thought of Maura’s testimony. She really was one of the strongest women I’d ever known. Not only had she gotten up on the witness stand and stared down the man she believed had attacked her, she had faced me again, years later, holding her ground and refusing to back down until she uncovered the truth.
“You’re a lot stronger than you think, Lana. Just please tell me you’ll think about it.”
“I will.”
“Okay, now let me see about fixing us something to eat.”
She reached for my hand as I got up. “Do you think we could go somewhere? I’m going stir-crazy here, but I don’t feel safe walking or even driving around this city, knowing he could be anywhere.” When I hesitated, she said, “I know how busy you are. I wouldn’t ask if—”
“I was tending to some business in New Hampshire when you called me.” As I worked through the logistics in my mind, I realized it may be the perfect solution. I wanted to see Maura again, to be close so I could protect her, and returning with Lana would allow me to do that. “I have a place there with two bedrooms. You’re welcome to stay in one for as long as you want.”
Lana frowned. “I didn’t know you had a place in New Hampshire. Since when?”
“It was a recent acquisition.” I hoped she would sense I didn’t want to talk about it. “So what do you say? Should I make a call and ask them to gas up the jet?”
She smiled for the first since I’d arrived. “That sounds great. Thanks, Blaise, for being such a good friend. I don’t know how I would have gotten through these past few days without you.”
“I’m just glad I was able to be here for you.” I would have given anything to have been able to hold Maura after her attack, kiss her forehead, wrap my arm around her and promise I’d never let anyone hurt her again. I couldn’t change the past, but I was pretty good at dictating my future, and I wanted Maura to be a part of it.
***
My limo pulled up to the curb just as Maura stepped out of the apartment building. She literally took my breath away. She was wearing a tight, low-cut black wrap dress with black stilettos, and her hair fell in soft, full waves around her shoulders.
“Give me a minute, Lana. I see someone I need to talk to.” I was out of the limo before she could respond. Nothing she could have said would have stopped me anyway. Talking to Maura, touching her, was as vital as my next breath.
Maura turned at the sound of my footsteps. “Ma-Blaise, I didn’t know you were back in town.”
“I just got in from the airport.”
She wasn’t smiling, but at least she didn’t seem as hostile as the last time I’d seen her. Given how starved I was for a sign she hadn’t written me off, I’d take it.
“How’s your friend?” she asked, clutching her black handbag.
“She’s still having a hard time.” I inclined my head toward the limo. “I brought her back with me. She wasn’t ready to be alone just yet.”
Her eyes darted to the car, but since the windows were tinted, she couldn’t see inside. “It’s never easy. No matter how much time passes, you never get over it, never stop looking over your shoulder. You just figure out how to take it one day at a time and live a somewhat normal life.” She slipped her purse over her shoulder. “I volunteer as a counselor at a rape crisis center. That’s what I try to tell the women I work with—one hour at a time, especially in the beginning.”
I knew about Maura’s work with the rape crisis center. It had come up in the background check I’d run on her before she accepted our offer to plan the anniversary party. That she’d not only sought justice for herself but was also trying to help women who’d suffered similar trauma only made me respect her more.
“You look beautiful.” I scanned her from head to toe, unabashedly zeroing in on the cleavage accentuated by her low neckline. “Do you have to work tonight?”
“No.” She shook her head slowly. “I have a date.”
“A date?” God help me, I had been going out of my mind, unable to get her out of my head, and I had to survive the next few hours with the knowledge that someone else was touching her? If this was karma, I must have been vicious in a previous life to deserve this kind of punishment. “With who?”
“Josh.”
I looked around the parking lot, expecting to see someone waiting on her. “Where is he? He didn’t pick you up?”
“No, he works downtown. We’re going to a restaurant not far from his office for dinner. I figured it would be easier to meet him there.”
I wanted to tell her she deserved to be treated like a princess, that she shouldn’t settle for less, but I bit my tongue. After our last exchange, I should just be grateful she was still talking to me.
I remained silent for as long as I could, but when she turned away, I said, “I hate that you’re going to be with someone else tonight.” When she didn’t turn around but didn’t continue walking either, I stepped closer and aligned my front to her back. Whispering in her ear, I said, “Can’t you see that you belong with me?”
“No.”
“Yes, you do.” I placed my hands on her upper arms, breathing in her scent and wishing I could lose myself in her again as the night slipped away. “You’ve always been mine.” A shudder ripped through her before I closed my arms around her. “Even when I wasn’t here, a part of you always belonged to me.”