L'amour Actually (16 page)

  'What for? Who'd even find the house all the way up here?'

  'Yes well, you'll invalidate your insurance.'

  I sighed. He has no beauty in his soul, I thought. His father had been a Lloyds of London 'name' and Alex had followed him into insurance broking, although he insured ships rather than houses. 'Can I get you anything? You must need a caffeine fix by now.'

  'Yeah, that would be good. But do you have any proper milk? Not that disgusting UHT stuff.'

  'Things have moved on a bit. We even have indoor plumbing now.'

  I wondered what he would make of my own indoor plumbing, which was, it was fair to say, somewhat behind the times. The fact that it was indoors was probably the best thing you could say about it.

  'I'll make the coffee,' I said going into the kitchen, leaving Alex to get settled in the lounge. It gave me a few moments to reflect on how much things had changed between us in a few short months. The comfortable relationship we had once shared had become decidedly stiff.

  'Do you want it with some frothy milk?' I called.

  'Whatever's easiest.'

  As I stirred the two mugs of coffee, Alex came into the kitchen. He stood behind me and slipped his arms around my waist, kissing me gently on the neck. I felt myself stiffen slightly. I felt Alex stiffen too, but his was a different sort. 'Oh baby, I've missed you…'

  For the briefest of moments, I thought, to hell with it, but then Julien's face flashed across in my mind. No, it wasn't going to happen. It wasn't right.

  'Look Alex,' I said, untangling myself from him, 'I can't do this. Things have changed. I've changed. I know your intentions are good but…'

  He stopped and looked at me. Cupping my face in his hands, he lightly kissed the end of my nose.

  'You're right. I'm sorry. I'm being a complete idiot here, aren't I? It's just that, I don't know, I thought we had something and then you just decided to up and leave.'

  'Alex, I asked you to come with me but you didn't want to. Anyway, you'd hate it here. It's too quiet for you. Come on. Let's go and have our coffee.'

  I picked up the mugs and took them into the lounge. Alex followed and flopped down on the sofa, pushing his hair back and stretching out his long legs.

  'I'm shagged out,' he said, yawning. 'Big day yesterday. Board meetings and all that.'

  'Not as big as mine,' I said, smiling.

  'Well, you have a point there.' He picked up his coffee and sipped it thoughtfully.

  We both started to speak together.

  'I'm sorry…'

  'I'm sorry…'

  'OK, you first,' I told him.

  He sighed and rested his head on the back of the sofa. 'I'm sorry I was such an arse in London, so dismissive of your plans, I didn't give you any support. I guess I was a bit jealous that you had the courage to follow your dream. You are probably one of the strongest, most self-sufficient people I know. If anyone could make a life here, you could. But the thing is, I really miss you.'

  I looked at him, finding this outpouring very out of character. He wasn't the sort to normally wear his heart on his sleeve. I put my head on his shoulder and he slipped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head. We sat there in silence, deep in our own personal thoughts.

  'Look, I'm absolutely knackered. Would you mind if I went to lie down for a bit?'

  'Alex Cameron, you're not trying to lure me into bed are you?' I teased.

  'Well if you wanted to come, I wouldn't complain.'

  I smiled. 'Well it's probably one of the better offers I've had, but I'm afraid the answer's no. We had our moment Alex, but it's in the past now.'

  He looked crestfallen.

  'Come on, you. I'll tuck you up at least.'

  With Alex safely in bed and snoring gently, I decided to have a quick dip in the pool. Changing into my swimsuit in the bathroom, I grabbed a towel and went out into the garden. The sun still wasn't quite strong enough to heat up the pool and I gasped as I lowered myself into the chilly water. Turning over onto my back and floating, I felt the sun warm my stomach. Seeing Alex had upset my equilibrium. Whatever I might have tried to suggest to him, life here, although definitely on the up, was still far from perfect. It was honestly as hard as life in London, just in a different way. London was physically tiring, but France was wringing me out emotionally. I missed the easy friendship of people I had known, in some cases, for most of my life. I missed working, even dealing with the likes of Shitty Kitty. The money worries were fairly constant now and I wasn't nearly as confident as he was that I could make it here. But on the other hand, I had all this. My little cottage, the beautiful scenery, sunshine and the start, I hoped, of a new relationship. I just prayed it was enough.

  Turning on my stomach, I ducked my head under the water, then swam a few lengths, a token attempt at taming the croissant top. I pulled myself out of the pool and lay down on a sun lounger to dry off. Looking at my watch, I was surprised to see an hour had passed already. Alex would be awake soon so I picked up my towel, wrapped it round my head and went inside to take a shower.

  Standing under the hot stream of water and feeling it run down my body, I decided Nick might have made a huge mistake with the toilet, but I was pretty sure I had one of the best showers in the area.

  Through the noise of the running water, I became aware of someone knocking on the bathroom door. It must be Alex, awake at last. I turned off the water and wrapped myself in a towel.

  'You OK?' I called through the door.

  'There's someone here to see you, some country bumpkin type.'

  Now that was much more like the old Alex. 'OK, I'll be out in a minute. And Alex...'

  'Yes?'

  '... don't call them bumpkins.'

  It was probably Laure collecting her arnica I thought, as I slipped my clothes back on. I'd better go and rescue them. I could just imagine poor, sweet Laure left alone with Alex eyeing her suspiciously.

  Out in the hallway, a pair of work boots drew me up short. Unless Laure had taken to wearing size twelve boots, it had to be…

  'Julien. What are you doing here?'

  He was standing by the window looking as if someone had stolen his favourite tractor. I noticed that Alex, who was standing in the kitchen doorway, bare-chested in a pair of shorts, had left the bedroom door ajar, with the rumpled bed on show. The two men were eyeing each other up like a pair of rutting stags on a Scottish moor and I realised with horror how this must look to Julien. The bed that had clearly been recently used, Alex in his boxers and me in a dressing gown. Shit, shit, shit, I thought.

  'Hello,' he said turning to me. A flicker of hurt flashed across his face. 'I just came to see how you were. I'm sorry, I didn't know you have a visitor.'

  'Oh, that's OK,' I said faux-breezily. 'This is…'

  'Yes, he has already introduced himself.'

  I wondered exactly what Alex had said.

  God, this is agony I thought, but I smiled at him, hoping to defuse the situation. 'Coffee, Julien? I was just going to put some on.'

  'Oh, I'm sure that Julien doesn't have time for coffee. It must be a busy life being a farmer. He was telling me all about it. He's probably got a field that needs ploughing. I'm sure he's got to get off. Haven't you Julien?' Alex's look was little short of a challenge.

  'No, he's staying for coffee,' I answered quickly. 'I'll just go and put it on.'

  'Really, I have to go. I just came to see if you were OK after what happened yesterday.'

  'Yes, Alex, it was Julien who pulled the mad Tarrant woman off me. I might have had more than a black eye and a split lip if he hadn't been there.'

  'Quite the hero, eh?' Alex looked at Julien as if he was something unpleasant he had stepped in, then came and stood by me, slipping his arm around me in a proprietary manner. I shrugged him off. 'As long as you are fine. That's all I wanted to know.'

  Julien glared at Alex, then at me, before marching out of the room. I caught up with him at the front door, angrily ramming his feet in his work boots.

  'Julien. Look, it's not what you think...'

  He held up his hands. 'No, I have nothing to say to you. Go back to your
plan cul.
'

  'Look, this is no time to blind me with French,' I said, trying to lighten the situation. He leaned in towards me, anger etched in his face.

  'Fuck buddy. Really, I thought you were a better person than this.'

  'But Julien, he isn't… we didn't…'

  He pushed roughly past me and out of the door. I sank against the door post and watched him go. In the bedroom, I could hear Alex banging around. My past and my present, but which one was my future? 'Julien, Julien, wait…'

  Without even bothering to put my shoes on, I sprinted up the drive after him. The sharp gravel wasn't really conducive to chasing after your lover. In my mind I was Cathy chasing Heathcliffe across a windy moor but the reality was a half-crazed English woman in a dressing gown looking like she was walking on hot coals, hobbling along to the accompaniment of a chorus of 'ouch' and 'shit'.

  'Julien, wait…' His long-legged six-foot four frame was no match for my five-foot five one and it was like a seaside donkey going head to head with a racehorse. In a spectacular display of selective deafness, he ignored me and continued up the drive towards his car.

  'Julien, please wait.
Attends.'

  Well, there was an outside chance he'd suddenly forgotten how to speak English. He jumped into his car, slammed it into gear and roared off down the road in a cloud of dust.

  'OK. Fine. Just bloody run off like a typical man,' I shouted down the road after him. 'You're all the bloody same, no matter where you come from…'

  A small cough came from the within the dust cloud that the car had thrown up, like a hamster trying to clear its throat. As it started to clear, I was rewarded with the sight of Madame Brunel, hair looking like a bad advert for dry shampoo, with the all too familiar glare on her face. She looked me up and down distastefully. Instinctively, I drew my dressing gown tighter round me. This woman was like a harbinger of doom. Whenever she was around, I was in trouble and, more often than not, suffering from some sort of wardrobe malfunction. I was in no mood for neighbourliness.

  'What? What do you want?' I shouted. 'Come to have another gloat at the
anglaise
making a fool of herself? Well here you go. Glad that I haven't disappointed.'

  Madame Brunel looked at me as if I was on a day pass from some local institution. A little whimper escaped from her lips and she turned and scurried away leaving me feeling dreadful. It wasn't her fault that my life was so complicated.

  'Not having a good day then?' I turned to see Tracey Tarrant standing by the gates to her house.

  'And you can sod off too,' I shouted.

  'Ooooooh,' Tracey sing-songed, 'a bit touchy today are we?'

  'Touchy? I should be bloody touching my hands around your neck after the trouble you've caused me. If it wasn't for you behaving like Lady Gaga on testosterone I wouldn't be in this mess.'

  'Yeah, well, maybe I over-reacted…'

  'Over-reacted?' I pointed to my black eye. 'Over-reacted? You should be locked up. You're bloody mad, you are!'

  'Yeah, well I'm not the one standing in my dressing gown screaming at old ladies am I?'

  She turned and disappeared back behind the high walls of her house leaving me seething at the injustice of the whole situation.

  Maybe Alex was right. Maybe I couldn't make a life for myself here. It was always one step forward and two back. Well, if you counted the events of the last few days it was probably a good 200 steps back. I turned and went back to the house to face him.

  He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands so I sat down beside him, not quite sure what to say.

  'Look, I'm so sorry about all this, Alex.' I took his hand but he pulled it away. 'I really do appreciate you coming out to see me but I have to see if I can make it work here.'

  He didn't answer.

  'Alex, please, talk to me,' I rested my head on his shoulder. After a few moments he, in turn, rested his head on mine and we both sat there quietly, deep in thought.

  I turned to look up at him.

  'Does it hurt?' he asked, touching my bruised eye with his fingertips. 'Oh, it's OK. I'll live. She's got a pretty good right hook on her though.'

  Alex smiled and kissed my forehead. 'I've called a taxi. It will be here any moment.'

  'What? You managed to get a signal? That's a miracle in itself around here.' I smiled at him and he smiled back. It was the best I could hope for. At least we could leave as friends.

  Outside, a car horn tooted twice.

  'That'll be my taxi. Goodbye.'

  He picked up his bag and left. The front door bang shut and I exhaled. I felt like I'd been holding my breath since Alex arrived. At the window, I watched him put his bag in the boot of the car that looked vaguely familiar, then stand back to let the driver shut it.

  'Oh no! Gérard.'

  I ran for the door but not quickly enough to stop them and the car bumped and jolted up the drive.

  'Watch out for the
fosses
,' I called as the car, still bearing some signs of earlier ditch-damage, sped away.