Authors: Piers Anthony
I was writing this novel, using the open source Xandros distribution with the OpenOffice word processor, and it was going well, though my time is more limited than it was because my wife’s illness—she had what amounted to heart surgery, and is also being treated for polyneuropathy, which is a deadening of the limbs—caused me to take over many of the household chores, like making meals. Then I was tested for bone density, and to my surprise it indicated that I had lost calcium in my bones and was in danger of a hip fracture. I have lived clean, stayed lean, and exercised vigorously most of my life, but it seems this is a complication of the underactive thyroid gland I do have. So I had the expensive medication Reclast to restore calcium to my bones. I’m on Medicare, and Medicare covers Reclast, but the marvel of bureaucratic obscurities refused to cover it for me unless I first fractured a hip or suffered similarly unpleasant complications. This I was for some reason unwilling to do, so I paid for it myself.
Some medications have side effects. This one might bring flu-like symptoms. You know about understatements, like “Some assembly required”? Well, I would rather have had the flu. At least it would have been over in a week or so. Those side-effect symptoms wiped me out. I got violent shivers, my sweat soaked my pajamas at night, I lost my strength so that just getting to my feet was a chore, and a tortoise could have kept pace with my walking velocity. My skin got sensitive so that just combing my hair made me react. The best I could do was sleep much of the day. My fever lasted eighteen days, gradually fading.
While there is not supposed to be much magic in Mundania—the real world—sometimes there is a suspicion, because my malaise of the time was reflected in the stock market, which had its worst descent since 1929. Some of you may have noticed. When I started to mend, the DOW rose over 900 points in a day. But my illness was not yet done, and neither was the stock market, which remained shaky. Many experts were baffled; those of you who believe in magic now know the cause of the mischief.
My exercise routine faded to a halt; I just didn’t have the energy. My wife had to take back some of the chores I had taken over from her, like washing the dishes and shopping. And this novel halted in place, 77,000 words along. Reluctantly the symptoms eased, and I started doing things again. But it wasn’t easy. For example, I normally ran three times a week at dawn to fetch the newspapers, as our drive on our tree farm is over three quarters of a mile long, with spot chores along the way, like opening our gate. The last day before the treatment I ran it in just under seventeen minutes. When I resumed three weeks later, it took just over twenty-four minutes, alternating slow jogging with walking. Another exercise is archery; I would loose twelve arrows at the target right handed, then twelve more left handed. My aim was never great, but that wasn’t the point. When I resumed, I loosed one arrow each side, but lacked the strength to do a second. Obviously I had a way to go, physically.
And the novel: I managed to resume writing, between naps, starting Chapter 12, and my pace picked up as I recovered, so that in two weeks I was near the end of the first draft. If the novel seems to drag in the latter stages, blame the faux flu. I don’t think my imagination was washed out, but how would I know?
So that was the carefree life of the author of a funny fantasy novel. I hope not to do it again. I mean the side effects; I do want to continue writing. In the past things like computer crashes have hampered my writing. While I don’t like such crashes, they may be less complicated to handle than medicinal side effects. Of course it’s all ultimately a complication of age. If you want to avoid similar complications, don’t get old.
And of course there is half a slew of credits to list. Readers constantly send ideas, and I try to select and use the best ones. Some readers will send one. Others will send hundreds. As a general policy, I try to use the ideas of one-shot contributors before using additional ideas by repeaters. This means some good ideas have to wait for future novels, while some marginal ones get used immediately. Naturally I want to write the best novel I can, with the best ideas, but fair is fair. So it’s a compromise, as is the case with so much of life. Here is the list, roughly in order of use in the novel, with multiple contributions grouped. I don’t always have the full name of a contributor, in which case I use what I have.
Mood Swing—Alexandra Campbell; also the “Bizarro” comic for January 28, 2008. Social Circle—Judah from West Hempstead. Woman who freaks out men by dressing normally—Christopher Borriello. Gene Gnome, who changes living things—Ryan Park. Hare net, R Dent, R Cade, R Tillery, R Senic robots, an-gel for Heavenly hair conditioning, steam roll, club sandwich, Banditree, Robust, firehouse with associated puns, summer salt, ad-Dress—Tim Bruening. A gremlin could fix a robot with a screw loose, hay fever causes a robot to go haywire, flees, Bare Village, robot speaks Morse code, cereal killers, Wenda’s pet wood chuck, rowbot, Slippery Elm, Pussy Willow, Whispering Pine, Naughty Pine, not taking the Knot for granite, fire ants with death matches, single- and double-yoked eggplant eggs, chilly peppers, bell pepper, wry grass, coral snake guards brain coral, lemon and lime stones for flavoring drinks, soapstone, pet peeve given crackers to shut it up—Robert of Beaverton, Oregon.
Girls literally made of sugar and spice, boys of slugs and snails; Beast of Burden makes folk heavy hearted—Zack Smitherman. Mistletoe—Casey Vitorino. Pollyanna Polecat—Ann Dragera Dragonclawz. Talent of ease—John Smith. GenEric, GenErica—Kari Lambert. Rose of Roogna’s rose quartz and pintz necklace—Pat Schuessler. Winged Mermaid (Meryl)—Jennifer Waller. Hero returns to tell the Good Magician the service is too hard—Thomas Richardson. Humidor—Cliff Liles. Sidewalks, straws that break camels’ backs—Kyle Cuthbert. Peppermint—Ame Raine. Mountain Ear—Seth Klinehoffer. Child Hood—Christa Elise. Mist E, Miss T—Misty J. K. Zaebst. Silent Knight—Albert. Barrel of Laughs, cough-fee, to-fee—Cindy Tremblay. Prince Hilarion—borrowed from the operetta
Princess Ida.
Story of the troll and the doll-fin—Kerry. Talent of banishing memories—Alex Asper. Angela Angel—inspired by angels made by Susan Lee of the Ferret & Dove Sanctuary. That is a marvelous organization that specializes in keeping unwanted ferrets and doves, and adopting them out to good homes. Check their Web site at ferretanddovesanctuary.petfinder.org. Susan Lee also explained the angel’s bead sash made of seed pearls. No, I don’t think the sanctuary rescues and places fallen angels.
Angel food cake, A Gile, A Bull, talent of finding a question for any answer—Eric C Daniel. Crone’s Disease—Deneen Jardstam. Epi Nephrine, Prof Philactic—Deb Murray. Pundit Tree, Tree Sonus (treasonous), candid dates (candidates)—Lou Nelson. Nara Crossbreed—Morgan. Big Band—Alex. Chris Cross—searches and catalogs everything—Wing Chiu Li. The Tractors: Pro, Con, Dis, Sub—Michael Lovvo. Elbow grease—Russell Styles. Knowing the question to evoke a specific answer—Timothy Williams. There’s a story here: Timothy made this suggestion years ago, and I lost it in my files. So now it is credited, along with the similar one suggested by Eric Daniel.
Belchin’ Waffles—Jon Conyers. Alexythemia—Brian D. Bray.
Sun flours—Logan Addotta. Lilax and Truthlax, wanna-bee—John Gillis. Holding down the fort—Jim Logterman. Five forms of reverse wood—Levi Cromer. Reverse-wood swords or arrows—Eric Gardner, Skeloric. Man’s ears ringing—Erica Brauer. Talent of summoning and banishing Demoness Metria—Anthony (no known relation to the author). Harberian Barbarian—J. Spyder Isaacson. Twins who sense a person’s deepest fear, and bring it to life—Thomas Pharrer. Steven Wolf, with the talent of attracting women who forget him—Pamela Wolf.
Dye-a-Log, Diet Tribe—Joshua Klingbeil. Ogres using prune juice to prune—Lissa McGrath. Bee lever—Norm. Flu-Z sickening men—Yisroel Charloff. Story of man attacked by hot tomato, who now can heal with his hands—Michael Lindsay. Toilet tree—Daniel Mayoss. Shenita Life Guard, warning of trouble next day—Sharon Ellis. Metro Gnome, time-oriented—John Atterberry. Care, with whom nothing bad happens—Wayne Schick. Renovation of the old Storm King’s Castle—Melissa Huneke. The origin and detailed history of the Maidens Taiwan, Mexico, Japan—Andrew Fine.
Hearing colors—Lucki Melander Wilder. The story of someone who doesn’t make it through the Good Magician’s Challenges—Elizabeth Koerber. Fragments of souls with baby teeth collected by Save-a-Tooth Tiger—Len Golding. Bink and Chameleon’s daughter with the talent of animating the inanimate—Mary Chapin.
As usual, there are more notions I didn’t use, for various reasons. Some relate to characters not in this novel. Some deserve more play than was available here. They should get their turns in a future novel. Apart from that, I used ideas through OctOgre 2008, when I completed the novel.
Those who wish to follow my bimonthly blog-type column, my ongoing survey of electronic publishers and related services, or simply get information on my books and series or character list of Xanth, can check my Web site at www.hipiers.com.
TOR BOOKS by PIERS ANTHONY
THE XANTH SERIES
Vale of the Vole
Heaven Cent
Man from Mundania
Demons Don’t Dream
Harpy Thyme
Geis of the Gargoyle
Roc and a Hard Place
Yon Ill Wind
Faun & Games
Zombie Lover
Xone of Contention
The Dastard
Swell Foop
Up in a Heaval
Cube Route
Currant Events
Pet Peeve
Stork Naked
Air Apparent
Two to the Fifth
Jumper Cable
Knot Gneiss
THE GEODYSSEY SERIES
Isle of Woman
Shame of Man
Hope of Earth
Muse of Art
Climate of Change
ANTHOLOGIES
Alien Plot
Anthonology
NONFICTION
How Precious Was That While
Letters to Jenny
But What of Earth?
Ghost
Hasan
Prostho Plus
Race Against Time
Shade of the Tree
Steppe
Triple Detente
WITH ROBERT R. MARGROFF
The Dragon’s Gold Series
Dragon’s Gold
Serpent’s Silver
Chimaera’s Copper
Orc’s Opal
Mouvar’s Magic
The E.S.P. Worm
The Ring
WITH FRANCES HALL
Pretender
WITH RICHARD GILLIAM
Tales from the Great Turtle
(Anthology)
WITH ALFRED TELLA
The Willing Spirit
WITH CLIFFORD A. PICKOVER
Spider Legs
WITH JAMES RICHEY AND ALAN RIGGS
Quest for the Fallen Star
WITH JULIE BRADY
Dream a Little Dream
WITH JO ANNE TAEUSCH
The Secret of Spring
WITH RON LEMING
The Gutbucket Quest
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
KNOT GNEISS
Copyright © 2010 by Piers Anthony Jacob
All rights reserved.
A Tor
®
eBook
Published by Tom Doherty Associates, LLC
175 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10010
www.tor-forge.com
Tor
®
is a registered trademark of Tom Doherty Associates, LLC.
ISBN 978-0-7653-2352-1
eISBN 978-1-4299-4444-1
First Edition: October 2010
First Tor eBook Edition: August 2010