Knees Up Mother Earth (40 page)

For so it is written, that no matter wherever a groundskeeper will be employed, that groundskeeper will
always
be a Scotsman. (Check out
The Simpsons
if you are in doubt.)

The Campbell’s Scottish accent having been established, it can now be taken as read, so to speak.

Such as a sportsman, perhaps!

Which he was saving up to have surgically removed. This player did
not
attend the post-match communal showers.

Not to be confused with the other Trevor Brooking.

The old ones
are
the best.

Up at the top, probably.

The term “reunion concert” is mostly a misnomer. It means that the band that have been playing endlessly and relentlessly for the last three decades have got a new gig in a town they haven’t played before.

Rockney rhyming slang – Nina Simone: telephone.

Rockney rhyming slang – mosh pit: kit.

Marsha Hunt: fool (probably).

Leo Fender: bender.

Ravi Shankar: wanker.

Not to be confused with Marshall amps.

Backstage pass: arse.

Gordon Giltrap: crap (and how true).

Dave is the one with the exceedingly large ears. In case by chance you might have forgotten. As if!

Ho ho ho.

Lest the reader think that the opportunity for another running gag about musically inclined authors was passed up here, let it be said that Stevie Wonder began as an author, but changed his mind and became a musician instead. Something to do with him not being able to see the the typewriter keys. Or something.

No he didn’t. [Ed.]

Surely that’s a telephone box? [Ed. again.]

God bless you, Spike Milligan. Wherever you are.

The old ones are still the best.

Not be confused with the other Trevor Brooking.

Should such a proverb actually exist.

A size-eighteen pink gingham one, with a matching snood.

Or metaphorical. Or neither.

“And the roar of his Triumph could be heard throughout the land.” Exodus (somewhere or other).

He was the one with the nose like an engineer’s elbow.

The one who had strange ways about him.

For the
Klingon Dictionary
is copyright, so you can’t quote from it.

This armature leans at forty-five degrees.

Make that fourteen.

Or hickery dickery duck, in the alternative Klingon tongue.

Bob and Bing were not in that one, either.

As John is a generic name for
Blue Peter
presenters, no conclusions can be drawn as to his actual identity (thankfully).

But it wasn’t
that
one. Because
that
one has a really litigious solicitor.

It
was
that one. Allegedly.

The very last time. I promise you.

Or is that now Chelski? Schmelski!?

Possibly something to do with that movie
The Exorcist
and the now legendary line, “Your mother darns socks in Hell!”

The one with the A Team-patterned cover.

Probably thrown by the chef who had prepared luncheon.

This is
not
one of the many interesting facts about football.

The telephonist had recently worked in Budgens.

A Code 10 is a price check at the checkout.

A Code 14 is a man exposing himself in the customer car park.

Document ID: 17a9c4fa-8d72-43ae-b43f-c5505d8920b1

Document version: 1

Document creation date: 2010-01-22

Created using: doc2fb, FB Editor v2.0 software

• Bakoro
  

ABEB Version: 3.0 Created: 2004/9/26 @ 20:48 An mdf Scan & Proofread.

This book was generated by Lord KiRon's FB2EPUB converter version 1.0.35.0.

Эта книга создана при помощи конвертера FB2EPUB версии 1.0.35.0 написанного Lord KiRon