Klepto (11 page)

Mrs. Zeig came over to us and wanted to know where my rehearsal skirt was. I had left it in my locker, having temporarily lost my mind after I drank Josh’s coffee practically in one swallow on the way to class. It was the last rehearsal before Christmas vacation, so I didn’t think it really mattered.

“Go and get it, Julie! You are a professional actress, and you must always be prepared for every rehearsal! The skirt will affect how you feel!” Mrs. Zeig said. She didn’t sound mad, just, like, teachery. Max sort of laughed under his breath. I went and got the skirt, then pulled it on over my leotard and tights. Mrs. Zeig watched us do some of our scene, and it went pretty well, even though I could barely get the picture of Josh’s smile out of my head.

For homework over Christmas break she loaded us up with six chapters of reading from
An Actor Prepares
.

 

 

When the bell rang for lunch, I ran to the phone booth in the basement to try to beat the line. Luckily, I got there first. I sat down inside and closed the door.

“Ugh, I had the
worst
cramps,” Julie said from home, where she had been lying around all morning. “It was unbelievable. I’m sorry I wasn’t there this morning.”

“It’s okay,” I said, keeping my eye on the kids passing by the phone booth, “but you’ll never believe what happened in French this morning!” I told her about my conversation with Josh and the coffee.

Julie screamed.
“Oh my God!
Josh-fucking-Heller bought you coffee? You’re kidding me!”

“Shhhhh! Oh my God, my ear! He was so sweet, oh my God, Julie. He asked me if I was going to Kahti’s party—we’re still going, right?”

“Of course! We wouldn’t miss it! Rick DiBiassi’ll be there—who cares about a few little cramps? You’re coming over after school, right?”

“Yeah. Well, I have to go home first and get my stuff. And Julie, guess what else?” I said, unable to contain my big fat stupid smile.

“What?”

“He said my earrings were cool.”

“Get outta town!”

After school, I raced home and rushed through folding and putting away the laundry. Mom did the laundry so I never put in more than one or two “new” articles of clothing at a time. Not that Mom noticed, but I was being careful. I took a shower and packed up my gray silk skirt from Macy’s with the mother-of-pearl buttons that I’d saved to wear for Kahti’s party. I had planned to dress and do my makeup at Julie’s, so in my bag I added black fishnets, a red sweater, a pair of low black boots, my LeSportsac makeup bag, and my toothbrush, since I was staying over. Julie always loaned me one of her nightshirts to sleep in, so I didn’t have to bring one.

I found my dad reading the paper in the big green chair in my parents’ bedroom. Dad got home from teaching early, and Mom was still out.

“Okay, bye, Dad!” I said.

“Uh . . .” Dad said, looking over his paper. “Where ya headed?”

“To Julie’s. I’m staying over there tonight. Mom knows.”

“Well, all right,” he said hesitatingly, like he was gonna say something else. I waited, feeling annoyed and antsy.

“What, Dad?” I said finally.

“You girls got big plans tonight?” he said.

“We’re going to a Christmas party. This girl at school is having a party.”

“Oh, okay. Will her parents be there?”

“Of course,” I lied, rolling my eyes, like
duh.

“All right, pussy cat. Well, have a good time! We’ll see you tomorrow, then!”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow!” I said, and I was out the door, down the elevator, across the seven blocks to Julie’s, up to apartment 3A, ringing the bell.

Julie answered the door in a bra, tights, and black suede miniskirt. Her hair was piled up on her head, and one eye was made up with eyeliner and mascara. We kissed on the cheek hello.

“Good evening,” she said in a funny Dracula voice.

“Hi, cutter. How are your cramps?” I said.

“All gone!” she said.

“What a miracle, just in time!” I said.

We got dressed in our party outfits, and Julie said my skirt looked amazing with the black fishnets. I had to admit, my legs looked pretty good in them.

Finally, after three different combinations of rubber bangles, suede boots, tops, jackets, and scarves, Julie’s outfit was complete. We put on our winter coats and checked our bags and pockets for the essentials. “Wallet, keys, cigarettes, lipstick,” Julie said.

“Let’s go!” we said in unison, and headed for the subway up to Riverdale, where Kahti lived.

 

 

It turned out practically the whole freshman drama department was invited to the party, which was pretty annoying, because Julie and I thought we’d been singled out. But I got about eight compliments on my new skirt, just in, like, the first hour we were there, which made me feel good. When anybody asked how much it cost I said, “Oh, I don’t remember, I think it was on sale!” Kahti’s parents were out of town and she lived in a penthouse apartment. You could just feel everyone’s readiness to party, now that school was out for three weeks.

I noticed Josh Heller right when we got there, and although he waved to me and Julie from the corner of the living room, he didn’t come over to talk to me. I was too scared to go over to his group of juniors—Rick DiBiassi, Tim Haas, and Charlie Myerson.

After we’d been at the party about an hour and mingled a lot, I still hadn’t talked to Josh, and I felt like he didn’t even care that I was there. I had started to bum out, then Julie said that David Wine had pot, so we went into Kahti’s bedroom with him and Reggie Ramirez and got high! I was pretty excited ’cause I hadn’t tried it that much. The couple of times I had smoked pot, it totally made me laugh my head off. I rationalized that if I did have an encounter with Josh, I’d do much better if I was stoned.

Then Julie and I got the munchies so we stood at the food table eating M&M Christmas cookies and Doritos for what seemed like a whole hour. As we stood there munching, I watched Josh talking to this pretty blonde girl in his class, Leah Reemer. I couldn’t tell if they were acting like friends or more than friends. I was feeling jealous and obsessed with staring at them but trying not to. They seemed to be laughing a lot. Julie said it was just the pot making me paranoid. “Don’t let your imagination get carried away,” she said.

Then Julie decided our mission was to find someone for me to make out with, if only just for getting it over with and for the practice. It was true. I mean, I was closing in on fifteen and I wasn’t getting any younger. Julie was so much more experienced than me; I could never catch up.

“When you do get the opportunity to kiss Josh,” Julie reasoned as she licked the orange Dorito crumbs from her fingers, “you don’t want him to think you’ve never kissed anyone before, right?” This was such a good point.

So I totally started flirting with David Wine, which I didn’t expect; it must have been the pot. Suddenly I was laughing at everything he said, and I grabbed his arm a couple of times like I was gonna fall over from laughing. Julie gave me a look like,
Perfect! David could be your make-out guy!

Fortunately, David was totally flirting with me, too, like telling me he liked my skirt and stuff. Suddenly I just blurted out, “I think you’re probably the funniest guy in our class.”

“Really?” David said, looking flattered. “You’re pretty funny, too, you know, and not a lot of girls are funny. I mean, don’t take that the wrong way, I mean, I think a lot of girls don’t think it’s cool to be funny.”

“Totally,” I said. “I know exactly what you mean.”

When he said he’d go get us some punch, I grabbed Julie—I had to talk fast ’cause I was so nervous.

“If it happens, how will I know what to do?” I asked her.

“You’ll know,” she said. “Just do whatever
he
does.”

“What if he leans in to kiss me and his mouth doesn’t open?”

“It’ll open, don’t worry.”

“How will I know what to do with my tongue?”

“Just do whatever he does with his—I promise you, you’ll know. You’ll see how easy it is.” Even though it was fun to flirt with David and I was starting to loosen up, I kept half an eye on the party crowd to see where Josh was.

So David and I were standing there drinking our raspberry-flavored punch that somebody had totally spiked, because I tasted it and felt this strong twinge between my eyes, and he turned to me and said, “Wanna go out on the terrace?”

“Sure,” I said. I saw Julie’s eyebrows go up as we passed her, and I could feel the rapid thumping in my chest. We got out on the terrace, and it was pretty chilly. I wished I had grabbed my coat. David put down his drink and leaned against the brick wall of the apartment building. He looked me up and down. I was a little surprised that I actually liked being checked out like that. He smiled. I smiled back.

“Are you cold?” David said.

“Um. A little,” I said, cupping my drink. Then he took the drink out of my hand and put it on the ground next to his. He took my hand, and our fingers interlaced and swung a little back and forth. Then he pulled me to him and it was like I fell gently into his chest. I couldn’t believe it, but we started kissing! I was making out with somebody! But all I could think about was Josh Heller and Leah Reemer and if they were still talking and laughing. Were they making out on some other part of the terrace, maybe? David and I kept kissing and I tried to keep my eyes closed, but for one instant I opened them. It was weird to see how he looked up close—I could see he had a few zits. Luckily he didn’t see me looking at him. I hoped my breath wasn’t too bad.

David’s tongue was making rhythmic circles around mine so I moved my tongue in rhythmic circles around his. How did he even know I wanted to make out? Was it written all over me? Did Julie tell him? Our tongues were circling wildly. We were breathing through our noses and I was thinking,
This is what everyone’s raving about?
It wasn’t such a big deal. It was a little boring, even. His tongue against mine felt like what I thought it would feel like—like if you had two tongues in your mouth instead of one. His hands were around my back and stuck in one place.
They must be getting cold back there,
I thought. It felt like we were trapped in those tongue circles for about five minutes when finally, I think ’cause we were both shivering a little, we came up for air. Oh my God. I did it. My head was spinning. We were smiling at each other like a couple of goofballs. I felt so totally corny in that moment, like it was a scene from a soap opera.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the French doors to the terrace open and out came Josh Heller and Rick DiBiassi, holding their cups of punch. Where was Leah Reemer? Josh and Rick had their winter coats on and walked down the terrace away from us. I was kind of bummed that Josh hadn’t arrived one second sooner to see me kissing David. I didn’t think he saw me at all. Oh, who was I kidding? So Josh bought me a coffee; it didn’t really
mean
anything. He probably had no interest in a dumb little freshman like me.

“What?” David said, ’cause I probably looked like I was zoning out.

“Nothing,” I said. “Let’s go back inside. It’s cold.” My hands were freezing, and I could see Julie in the kitchen looking for me. I smiled at her, and she knew something had happened. She was so connected to me, it was unbelievable. Somehow I lost David on the way to the kitchen, which was just as well ’cause Julie grabbed my arm and pulled me into a corner.

“So?! What happened? Tell me everything!”

“We made out,” I said, like it was an obvious and simple fact. Like, I have brown hair and brown eyes. “I did it! I actually did it! Oh my God, Julie! Am I blushing like crazy?”

“Not too bad. You look rosy; it’s good. I knew it! I knew he’d be the guy!” she said.

Then I sighed and took a sip from Julie’s cup of punch. I had left mine out on the terrace.

“What?” she said. “Was he really gross or something?”

“No. I mean, I don’t know, I think he was okay.” Then I lowered my voice, and felt a small lump forming in my throat. I took a deep breath again. “I was just wishing it had been Josh.”

“I know,” Julie said, brushing a piece of hair off my cheek. “But that was your little dress rehearsal. For when you get to kiss Josh.”

“Yeah, right,” I said. “Like that’s really gonna happen.”

10

Everyone Was Off Losing Their Virginity

Christmas totally stressed Mom out. She got cranky about having our relatives come over for a big dinner because she didn’t really like to cook. Dad took me or Ellie to get the Christmas tree, and the three of us decorated it.

Every year my parents had the same fight:

“Helene! You don’t have to do everything. The girls and I will help!”

“I know, Bernie, you always say that, but the fact is I always end up doing everything while you sit around taking pictures and enjoying everybody. I get stuck in the kitchen and don’t get to see anybody open any presents!” It was true. Mom’s presents were always the last ones left under the tree ’cause she was in the kitchen.